HEADCANON TIME:  Part of the reason Ahsoka took on Sabine as a Jedi Padawan, despite that Sabine isn’t any more Force-sensitive than a baseline “every living thing is part of the Force” is, on some level, because Sabine can never have the Force like a Jedi did.  Because Sabine can never have the Force like Anakin did. Ahsoka refuses to train Grogu, who does have the Force like Anakin did, and she tells Din straight out that she won’t train him because she’s seen what this kind of mindset can do to the best of them. But she agreed to train Sabine because Ahsoka is still dealing with the loss of Anakin, that’s a huge part of what the series is about, that she never put her feelings of guilt to rest, she’s still torn up about what Anakin became, she’s still holding herself at arm’s length from the rest of the galaxy because she’s terrified of all of that happening again. She still pushes Sabine away, but she accepts her back because Sabine can never be a Jedi like the Jedi of the prequels, she can never do more than faintly touch the Force and so she can never be consumed by the dark side the way a level 100 psychic space wizard could.  Jedi had to train all their lives, they had to take that shit absolutely seriously, the Force literally works based on their emotions, if they use it in anger, they’re sliding towards the dark side. Sabine can be angry all she wants and she’s only hurting herself, maybe hurting Ahsoka’s feelings.  Ahsoka cares deeply about her, she knows this can help Sabine, because Jedi methods have always been available to non-Jedi, The Clone Wars showed that from the very beginning when Yoda was teaching the non-Force sensitive Jek, Rhys, and Thire.  The Jedi were never covetous of their teachings, they wanted to share with anyone who wanted to learn. But Sabine can never be a Jedi like Anakin was, she can never have the full brunt of the dark side in her head the way it was in his, she can never be a Jedi like the prequels Jedi.  And that makes it acceptable to Ahsoka, it makes it safe to train her, because Ahsoka is still hedging her bets about truly dedicating herself to a Jedi path.

They're right

Headcanon that Luke and Obi Wan got the money to pay Han Solo by selling the moisture farm at bargain-basement prices in Anchorhead without telling anyone that it was totally torched, and by the time anyone find out they were well off planet. Luke now has a reputation as one of Tattooine’s most famous con men despite the fact that it was Obi Wan who ran the con.

#I don’t know if you meant it this way but I totally interpreted this as them selling the farm multiple times to different people#luke: *wrestling over selling the wreck of the farm to someone he knows is a complete scumbag*#obi-wan: hello are you interested in buying a farm#complete scumbucket: *interested noises*#luke:  wait didn’t we already-? *gets zapped by R2* ow!#luke: oh#luke: ohhhh#luke: >:)

i haven’t cared about star wars ‘canon’ since i was 3 years old- I LOVE the idea that the reason Luke had to dramatically speeder in and out of Jabba’s without hitting up any of his local connections is he is like, wanted by a bunch of scum in Mos Eisley. Can you- can you imagine Vader or whoever doing a recon in town on ‘the last son of the Jedi who blew up the death star.’ His close friends and family have all a) died b) moved off planet or c) both. 

So the only reputation he has is ‘that bastard con artist who banked 19 years of aw-shucks-wormie-ness and used it to outrageously fleece everyone who’s almost anybody.’ Vader reading the report like…damn you Kenobi did you get HONDO to raise my son??

Jabba’s reaction to Luke’s message is INFINITELY funnier if we consider the idea that ‘Skywalker’ amongst the wretched local villainy (who mostly ignore imperial and rebel propaganda) is actually synonymous with TWO things - that brat who totally messed up the podrace bookies 25 years ago, and the infamous Anchorhead Con. Jabba gets this message about ‘Jedi’ and is like LOL i think the other Skywalker tried to pull some hotshit with that too before wimping out.

Everyone openly laughs like sure you’re a Jedi and I’ve got a bargain vaporator farm I want to sell you. 

AND THEN HE WRECKS THE JOINT WITH A DEBT-RIDDEN HALF-BLIND SMUGGLER A RANDOM SLAVE GIRL ONE GUARD AND TWO BEAT UP DROIDS WHAAAT

I’m imagining some random palace guard telling Vader this, afterwards.

“So this fucking—SKYWALKER, dude, have you ever heard the name Skywalker? You know what it means? A FUCKING ASSHOLE, that’s what it means. Like. The first one was bad enough, this little shit named Anakin who was fuckin’ NINE YEARS OLD and he just WON THE FUCKING BOONTA EVE PODRACE and set SIXTEEN bookies out of business and if I ever meet him I’m gonna set him on fire for it—

“And then this new one, Luke? Fuckin’ nobody, raised by his aunt and uncle out in the Wastes, little aw-shucks hick farm kid, the kind you could give him a five-credit piece and a ten-credit piece and he keeps taking the fiver because it’s BIGGER, that kind of simple, and then he comes into Mos Eisley one afternoon and sells his aunt and uncle’s moisture farm, right, I’ve been out there a few times, several of us have, and it’s a nice place as far as moisture farms go, mildly profitable, and the kid is fucking happy to get like two-thirds its value, so he sells the farm, right? TO NINETEEN DIFFERENT PEOPLE! Do you have any idea how much Jabba’s finance people had to do to get that sorted out? Nineteen fucking mortgages on ONE fucking property, puts every real estate con Jabba the Hutt’s entire CLAN ever pulled and we were on the WRONG SIDE OF IT! We had every pirate and smuggler from here to Corellia laughing at us! And THEN! And THEN—!

“So he pops up via hologram message acting like a DIPLOMAT from the REPUBLIC, claiming a title and rank from an extinct, defunct, ILLEGAL order and wanting to bargain with Jabba—are you fucking kidding me, BARGAIN WITH JABBA for a smuggler who’s up to his ass in debt when he’s responsible for that farm scheme, acting like he doesn’t even fucking REMEMBER it and expects that Jabba’s forgotten it too. Like. Absolute fucking idiot, and anticipating that Jabba’s just as stupid. And he offers a pair of droids as a gift. Like, built-in-the-Republic-era, random-ass droids that he probably picked up from the Jawas that morning for a few hundred credits and a junked ‘vaporator.

“I mean, Jabba’s seething here, but hey, free droids is free droids. Whatever. He takes the droids, throws things, orders a fight to the death between two gamblers who owed him money, killed one of his dancers at some point … and then Boushh shows up with fucking Chewbacca in chains—he’s Solo’s first mate, so Jabba was all happy about that, but not happy enough to pay the full bounty—and what’s Boushh do? Pull some gonads out from somewhere after all these years, and also pull out a fucking THERMAL DETONATOR! Going to blow us all to fuck if he doesn’t get his measley fifty thousand, and, well, there’s no arguing with crazy like that. 

“So now, if you’re keeping score, Jabba’s lost an absolute SHITLOAD of money and had his bookmaking industry fucked all to hell for like three years after the stunt from Skywalker the First, got screwed out of ANOTHER shitload of money in the farm scam by Skywalker the Sequel, got all but called an idiot to his face and insulted six times over by the same dude who’s apparently scammed so many people he’s forgotten who he has and hasn’t scammed, and got threatened out of fifty thousand credits by a second-tier bounty hunter IN FRONT OF HIS ENTIRE COURT.

“And then the next morning, what the fuck? Jabba’s favorite sculpture is gone, the one with Solo as its main ingredient that Boba Fett brought him. And Boushh is gone. And Jabba’s got a brand-new dancer chained up next to him. Night duty guy tells me Boushh unfroze Solo, and the new dancer girl IS Boushh, which, okay, you’re dealing with people like that and you look like that? You definitely need a helmet, but I feel like pretending she didn’t breathe oxygen was overkill. Anyway, then Skywalker shows up. All alone, no weapons, nothing, like he really believes in this Jedi shit. Arrogant little bastard, and we’re all laying bets on how Jabba’s going to kill him.

“So he talks a little, and fwoop! goes the trapdoor, and okay, everybody who bet on “Rancor” is doing a little happy dance, but then! BUT THEN! He fucking KILLS THE RANCOR! Drops its own cage door on its head and punches right through its skull! And—fucking NOBODY bet on that, which is a damn shame because everybody else would’ve just torn the winner apart out of sheer rage at that point and we coulda used some good bloodshed then, y’know? I mean, I dunno if you’ve ever met Jabba the Hutt, but he’s the kind of boss that’ll just go off and kill you for failing him or just because he’s angry at something. Just complete fucking asshole. I mean, he was pissed enough that everybody was worried for their safety, and so somebody dying messily right then would’ve calmed him down a bit.

“So Jabba’s big mad, and he gathers Skywalker and Solo and Chewbacca all together and says he’s gonna feed them to the Sarlacc, which is a nasty tentacled carnivorous plant out in the desert, so we all board the sail barge and have a nice little pleasure cruise—have you ever been to Tattoine? I’m fuckin’ kidding, it’s brutal. But hey, we get to see Skywalker executed, right? Wrong.

“Jabba offers them the chance to beg for their lives, and Solo calls him a slimy piece of worm-ridden filth, which, I mean, I could do better, y’know? If I’m about to die? Anyway, Skywalker goes up first, gets prodded to the edge, flips a salute off to who-knows-where, and does this little twist in midair, catches the fucking plank, and fucking SPRINGBOARDS himself back onboard, CATCHES HIS LIGHTSABER FROM MIDAIR where the one DROID shot it to him, and starts sending guards over the side, usually in pieces.

“So more guards rush forward to help, and there’s this huge fight, and fuckin’ BOBA FETT falls in, and while that’s going on? The fucking dancing girl has grabbed her chain and is FUCKING STRANGLING JABBA WITH IT! Like, I look over and he’s bucking and struggling and she’s pulling on that chain like anything, and then somebody hits me over the head with a bottle of Corellian brandy, and by the time I look again he’s pitched over dead! And nobody freaking bet on that!

“And then? Off they fucking go, Skywalker and Solo and Chewbacca and the dancing girl and the droids and one of the guards who I played sabacc with the other night and he owes me twenty credits! And that fucking Skywalker just cost me my job, and if I see him again I’m going to burn him to cinders myself!”

The man subsides, eyeing the gigantic ebony figure in front of him who, except for a couple of momentary starts as though he might say something, has been silently listening to him all this time.

Size-wise, Darth Vader has nothing on Jabba the Hutt, but somehow, he is scarier.

Finally, the dark form speaks. “You said you could do better.” A moment’s silence, and he clarifies. “If you were about to die.” He gets the impression that whatever monster lurks behind the helmet is smiling. “You are about to die now. Because you are a criminal, and because of what you have said about my son, Luke Skywalker. You have an opportunity to do better. Use it.”

The so-condemned criminal, late of Jabba’s palace guard, lets his jaw hang open unflatteringly for a moment while his brain catches up with events. HIS SON, which means …  

“YOU’RE Anakin Skywalker’s HUSBAND?”

The steady, hissing rhythm of Darth Vader’s rebreather actually stops dead as the Dark Lord straightens up as if stabbed with an electroprod.

In the instant before the man’s brains, blood, and spinal fluid coat the far wall, he has the momentary satisfaction of having, indeed, done much better than Solo.

“You know, taking the 5 credit piece is smarter than taking the 10 credit piece.”

“… Excuse me?”

*robotic breathing* “If you take the 5 credit piece every time, everyone will think you’re stupid, so they’ll keep doing it. If you ever take the 10 credit piece, the game is over.”

“…. WHAT?”

“I used to pull that one all the time. ‘Oh look, it’s Little Ani, the slave boy who can’t do math, ask him if he wants the 5 credit piece or the 10 credit piece!’ I almost bought out my mother’s slave debt doing that, and then Qui-Gon showed up.”

“Okay you’re definitely a fucking Skywalker.”

Headcanon that Luke and Obi Wan got the money to pay Han Solo by selling the moisture farm at bargain-basement prices in Anchorhead without telling anyone that it was totally torched, and by the time anyone find out they were well off planet. Luke now has a reputation as one of Tattooine’s most famous con men despite the fact that it was Obi Wan who ran the con.

#I don’t know if you meant it this way but I totally interpreted this as them selling the farm multiple times to different people#luke: *wrestling over selling the wreck of the farm to someone he knows is a complete scumbag*#obi-wan: hello are you interested in buying a farm#complete scumbucket: *interested noises*#luke:  wait didn’t we already-? *gets zapped by R2* ow!#luke: oh#luke: ohhhh#luke: >:)

i haven’t cared about star wars ‘canon’ since i was 3 years old- I LOVE the idea that the reason Luke had to dramatically speeder in and out of Jabba’s without hitting up any of his local connections is he is like, wanted by a bunch of scum in Mos Eisley. Can you- can you imagine Vader or whoever doing a recon in town on ‘the last son of the Jedi who blew up the death star.’ His close friends and family have all a) died b) moved off planet or c) both. 

So the only reputation he has is ‘that bastard con artist who banked 19 years of aw-shucks-wormie-ness and used it to outrageously fleece everyone who’s almost anybody.’ Vader reading the report like…damn you Kenobi did you get HONDO to raise my son??

Jabba’s reaction to Luke’s message is INFINITELY funnier if we consider the idea that ‘Skywalker’ amongst the wretched local villainy (who mostly ignore imperial and rebel propaganda) is actually synonymous with TWO things - that brat who totally messed up the podrace bookies 25 years ago, and the infamous Anchorhead Con. Jabba gets this message about ‘Jedi’ and is like LOL i think the other Skywalker tried to pull some hotshit with that too before wimping out.

Everyone openly laughs like sure you’re a Jedi and I’ve got a bargain vaporator farm I want to sell you. 

AND THEN HE WRECKS THE JOINT WITH A DEBT-RIDDEN HALF-BLIND SMUGGLER A RANDOM SLAVE GIRL ONE GUARD AND TWO BEAT UP DROIDS WHAAAT

I’m imagining some random palace guard telling Vader this, afterwards.

“So this fucking—SKYWALKER, dude, have you ever heard the name Skywalker? You know what it means? A FUCKING ASSHOLE, that’s what it means. Like. The first one was bad enough, this little shit named Anakin who was fuckin’ NINE YEARS OLD and he just WON THE FUCKING BOONTA EVE PODRACE and set SIXTEEN bookies out of business and if I ever meet him I’m gonna set him on fire for it—

“And then this new one, Luke? Fuckin’ nobody, raised by his aunt and uncle out in the Wastes, little aw-shucks hick farm kid, the kind you could give him a five-credit piece and a ten-credit piece and he keeps taking the fiver because it’s BIGGER, that kind of simple, and then he comes into Mos Eisley one afternoon and sells his aunt and uncle’s moisture farm, right, I’ve been out there a few times, several of us have, and it’s a nice place as far as moisture farms go, mildly profitable, and the kid is fucking happy to get like two-thirds its value, so he sells the farm, right? TO NINETEEN DIFFERENT PEOPLE! Do you have any idea how much Jabba’s finance people had to do to get that sorted out? Nineteen fucking mortgages on ONE fucking property, puts every real estate con Jabba the Hutt’s entire CLAN ever pulled and we were on the WRONG SIDE OF IT! We had every pirate and smuggler from here to Corellia laughing at us! And THEN! And THEN—!

“So he pops up via hologram message acting like a DIPLOMAT from the REPUBLIC, claiming a title and rank from an extinct, defunct, ILLEGAL order and wanting to bargain with Jabba—are you fucking kidding me, BARGAIN WITH JABBA for a smuggler who’s up to his ass in debt when he’s responsible for that farm scheme, acting like he doesn’t even fucking REMEMBER it and expects that Jabba’s forgotten it too. Like. Absolute fucking idiot, and anticipating that Jabba’s just as stupid. And he offers a pair of droids as a gift. Like, built-in-the-Republic-era, random-ass droids that he probably picked up from the Jawas that morning for a few hundred credits and a junked ‘vaporator.

“I mean, Jabba’s seething here, but hey, free droids is free droids. Whatever. He takes the droids, throws things, orders a fight to the death between two gamblers who owed him money, killed one of his dancers at some point … and then Boushh shows up with fucking Chewbacca in chains—he’s Solo’s first mate, so Jabba was all happy about that, but not happy enough to pay the full bounty—and what’s Boushh do? Pull some gonads out from somewhere after all these years, and also pull out a fucking THERMAL DETONATOR! Going to blow us all to fuck if he doesn’t get his measley fifty thousand, and, well, there’s no arguing with crazy like that. 

“So now, if you’re keeping score, Jabba’s lost an absolute SHITLOAD of money and had his bookmaking industry fucked all to hell for like three years after the stunt from Skywalker the First, got screwed out of ANOTHER shitload of money in the farm scam by Skywalker the Sequel, got all but called an idiot to his face and insulted six times over by the same dude who’s apparently scammed so many people he’s forgotten who he has and hasn’t scammed, and got threatened out of fifty thousand credits by a second-tier bounty hunter IN FRONT OF HIS ENTIRE COURT.

“And then the next morning, what the fuck? Jabba’s favorite sculpture is gone, the one with Solo as its main ingredient that Boba Fett brought him. And Boushh is gone. And Jabba’s got a brand-new dancer chained up next to him. Night duty guy tells me Boushh unfroze Solo, and the new dancer girl IS Boushh, which, okay, you’re dealing with people like that and you look like that? You definitely need a helmet, but I feel like pretending she didn’t breathe oxygen was overkill. Anyway, then Skywalker shows up. All alone, no weapons, nothing, like he really believes in this Jedi shit. Arrogant little bastard, and we’re all laying bets on how Jabba’s going to kill him.

“So he talks a little, and fwoop! goes the trapdoor, and okay, everybody who bet on “Rancor” is doing a little happy dance, but then! BUT THEN! He fucking KILLS THE RANCOR! Drops its own cage door on its head and punches right through its skull! And—fucking NOBODY bet on that, which is a damn shame because everybody else would’ve just torn the winner apart out of sheer rage at that point and we coulda used some good bloodshed then, y’know? I mean, I dunno if you’ve ever met Jabba the Hutt, but he’s the kind of boss that’ll just go off and kill you for failing him or just because he’s angry at something. Just complete fucking asshole. I mean, he was pissed enough that everybody was worried for their safety, and so somebody dying messily right then would’ve calmed him down a bit.

“So Jabba’s big mad, and he gathers Skywalker and Solo and Chewbacca all together and says he’s gonna feed them to the Sarlacc, which is a nasty tentacled carnivorous plant out in the desert, so we all board the sail barge and have a nice little pleasure cruise—have you ever been to Tattoine? I’m fuckin’ kidding, it’s brutal. But hey, we get to see Skywalker executed, right? Wrong.

“Jabba offers them the chance to beg for their lives, and Solo calls him a slimy piece of worm-ridden filth, which, I mean, I could do better, y’know? If I’m about to die? Anyway, Skywalker goes up first, gets prodded to the edge, flips a salute off to who-knows-where, and does this little twist in midair, catches the fucking plank, and fucking SPRINGBOARDS himself back onboard, CATCHES HIS LIGHTSABER FROM MIDAIR where the one DROID shot it to him, and starts sending guards over the side, usually in pieces.

“So more guards rush forward to help, and there’s this huge fight, and fuckin’ BOBA FETT falls in, and while that’s going on? The fucking dancing girl has grabbed her chain and is FUCKING STRANGLING JABBA WITH IT! Like, I look over and he’s bucking and struggling and she’s pulling on that chain like anything, and then somebody hits me over the head with a bottle of Corellian brandy, and by the time I look again he’s pitched over dead! And nobody freaking bet on that!

“And then? Off they fucking go, Skywalker and Solo and Chewbacca and the dancing girl and the droids and one of the guards who I played sabacc with the other night and he owes me twenty credits! And that fucking Skywalker just cost me my job, and if I see him again I’m going to burn him to cinders myself!”

The man subsides, eyeing the gigantic ebony figure in front of him who, except for a couple of momentary starts as though he might say something, has been silently listening to him all this time.

Size-wise, Darth Vader has nothing on Jabba the Hutt, but somehow, he is scarier.

Finally, the dark form speaks. “You said you could do better.” A moment’s silence, and he clarifies. “If you were about to die.” He gets the impression that whatever monster lurks behind the helmet is smiling. “You are about to die now. Because you are a criminal, and because of what you have said about my son, Luke Skywalker. You have an opportunity to do better. Use it.”

The so-condemned criminal, late of Jabba’s palace guard, lets his jaw hang open unflatteringly for a moment while his brain catches up with events. HIS SON, which means …  

“YOU’RE Anakin Skywalker’s HUSBAND?”

The steady, hissing rhythm of Darth Vader’s rebreather actually stops dead as the Dark Lord straightens up as if stabbed with an electroprod.

In the instant before the man’s brains, blood, and spinal fluid coat the far wall, he has the momentary satisfaction of having, indeed, done much better than Solo.

So THAT’S why this post is blowing up my notifications :D (I’m not mad, this is GREAT.)

I was Wookiepedia-ing Luminara the other day and discovered that she’s only about a year older than Obi-Wan. They totally would’ve grown up in the Temple together, and I now headcanon that they are total sibs and that even circa the Clone Wars Obi-Wan still slips and calls her Nara in front of the Council sometimes.

Favorite Anidala moment:

I like it when they hug on Tatooine, when Anakin is about to leave to go find Shmi. They both hold onto each other so tightly and they kinda cling to one another a bit and it’s just so adorable. Also, that’s probably the most physical contact Anakin’s had in a long time. Like I know they kissed and rolled around in the meadow, but that’s a full-on long hug and it probably hit differently too for Anakin. Like my boy hasn’t gotten a hug in forever and then there’s Padme with her long Tatooine hug and he’s probably just like “I kinda never want to let go” because who knows if it’s going to be another 10 years before he gets another hug. And Padme is also like “I kinda never want to let go.“ But they do because they agreed that they can’t be together. But then they end up together and they hug like that all the time. It’s just such a beautiful moment.

Favorite headcanon:

I have this headcanon that after Padme and Anakin got married, they were back on Coruscant and Anakin had to go back to the Jedi temple and Padme went to her apartment. After a kind of a bad day with the Jedi chewing him out for stuff he did wrong or he shouldn’t have done, Anakin is kinda tired, but he is like “At least I get to see Padme now.“

So he goes to her apartment that night. And Padme is like “You should see the whole apartment. I know you’ve been here before, but let me show you around.” And he agrees and she starts showing him around and they get to the bedroom and she goes into the closet with him (because Padme would have a walk-in closet, there’s no way her clothes fit in a regular one) and she’s like “I’ve put some of your clothes in the back.“ And Anakin is like “Wait, what? My clothes?“ because he doesn’t really have stuff other than like a few Jedi robes. And Padme is like “Yeah, I got you stuff so you can wear around the house.“ And Anakin is just 🥺 and hugs her really tight.

And they go back to the bedroom and Padme is like “You can have the side of the bed by the window and I’ll have the other side.“ And he’s like “You want me to live here with you?“ Like it finally dawns on him. And Padme is like “Well we are married. Where else would you live? I doubt the Jedi will allow me in your room at the temple.“ So Anakin is 🥺 and hugs her really tight and she kisses him. Then Padme smiles and asks him “So are you moving in with me?” And he says yes but then he’s like “Can you take the side of bed by the window so that I can hold you with my real hand at night?“ And she agrees and they kiss some more and Anakin sleeps in his new home that night.

ppl really cite that one jocasta line (“if it’s not in the archives it doesn’t exist!”) as introconvertible evidence that the Jedi suppress learning/knowledge as if the very next scene isn’t Obi-Wan talking to yoda and a classroom of kids about how to discover knowledge, meaning that jocasta’s snippy response is not the pinnacle of good behavior

and you know what, let jocasta nu be a bitch for thirty seconds! being a bitch is legal! a woman can be bitchy in one conversation without that being sufficient evidence for genocide!

bitch rights!

#maybe Obi-Wan’s the absolute worst library patron man#maybe he puts a ton of shit on order for months and doesn’t pick it up and clogs up the system#maybe they have a long-term feud over proper citation format and seethe at one another every chance they get (original tags)

Remember that time the quartermaster loaned a speeder to Obi-Wan in one of the novels and was like, “Please don’t wreck this one, I’m begging you.” and Obi-Wan’s response was to do a little salute and an ironic, “Well, I’ll try not to.”  (Spoiler alert: He wrecked the shit out of that speeder.) That’s also Obi-Wan Kenobi with a library book. “Please,” Jocasta isn’t crying, but there’s a desperation in the Force around her, “bring this one back in one piece, it took me six months to get a copy from the Aleenians, they are very particularly about who they let license their material.” Obi-Wan gives a wry smile.  “I’ll do my best, Master Nu.” Two weeks later:  Obi-Wan shuffling into the Archives, singed around the edges of his robes and tabards, carrying a half-burnt book with him.  He hands it over without a word, clearly understanding that nothing he can say will make this any better.  He bows silently and tries to smile at her but, yeah, he definitely got the frosty response in return. Jocasta Nu is a Jedi and does not let despair claw its way into her heart, but oh she definitely gave him the stink eye and vowed to give him the least comfortable chair in the Archives the next time he came in.

@shadowmaat

broke: jedi are cold disconnected space monks

woke: jedi are hippie sluts with no sense of modesty who just like to fuck with the wider galaxy 

reblog from twilekgirlinhumanworld: “but for real tho they sluts literally just watched a jedi make out with high priestess on a balcony and now we all have the day off lmao”

reblog from vintage-speeder-aesthetic: “um yeah this just gave me severe psychic damage because the only jedi i know about is that ancient little green dude who apparently saved my grandparent’s neighbor’s best-friend one time so my parents have to point him out whenever they’re are on the news so thanks i hate this.”

reblog from lothcatskysong: “the robes are for easy access”

reblog from rodirodian: “jedi are literally armed unregulated enforcers of a corrupt government and if you want fetishize them to make yourself feel like you’re not living in a dystopia honestly that’s valid have a good day”

reblog from notadroid77: “ok so i just called a jedi outreach center and asked if jedi could be sluts or if that was illegal and there was a long pause and they sighed and said ‘is this about a shirtless nautolan? or an auburn haired human?’ and then i panicked and closed the commlink because i didn’t think i was talking to a real person so can confirm there are at least two jedi sluts and also unrelated does anyone have any suggestions for changing your identity so jedi can’t track you down”

reblog from mandomilkmaid: “wait there are jedi outreach centers”

reblog from mrsnailracing: “average jedi sleeps with 1000 beings a year" factoid actualy just statistical error. average jedi sleeps with 0 beings per year. Red head human, who lives in pleasure palace & sleeps with over 10,000 beings per day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted”

reblog from fylk-moooons: “you know these are real people right? like these are actual sentient beings from an actual religious order that you’re talking about like they’re bad holofilm characters?”

reblog from princesssenatornerfherder: “@fylk-moooons thank you. ^this”

reblog from i-was-a-spaceship-once: “alrighty no one’s going to believe this but i SWEAR i live on coruscant and sometimes this one kiffar jedi stops in my shop (not telling you what shop because holonet creeps sorry) and he’s got a sense of humor and i finally worked up the courage to casually say ‘oh haha i learned abut jedi outreach centers in the weirdest way’ and he was like ‘oh really how?’ and i don’t know! i decided to risk it all!

and i showed him the thread and he burst out laughing, like there was a jedi laugh crying in my shop, people were staring, i was relieved at first but started getting nervous. eventually he stopped and LEGIT, swear to all the karking gods, this is what he told me: 

‘op is woke and also right, but some are really committed to the modest vibe because it’s unfortunately necessary for them to be treated seriously in the workplace. also if my friends didn’t want people to talk about them like bad holofilm characters then they shouldn’t act like bad holofilm characters so it’s fine. please tell um, ‘notadroid’ and ‘mrsnailracing’ that they just made my whole YEAR. also you can tell everyone that official jedi doctrine teaches that all sluts should be treated with respect and dignity, jedi or not.’ 

and then he left and i’m still shaken and i don’t know if i want to be him or kriff him but i feel more optimistic about my chances of the second then i ever have in my life so thank you everyone great thread.”

everyone headcanons Obi-wan to be such a healthy fussy eater and like. listen. no. the mcdonald workers know this mans order by heart. he loves shitty beer and fries dipped in a milkshake. he will force push spinach away on sight. how he eats like that and still maintains abs is beyond everyone

#don’t get me wrong I LOVE civilized Master Kenobi who can eat with 14 different utensils#knows the difference between 743 different wine glasses and when to use them#but also#that man managed to fool bounty hunters into thinking he was one of them for weeks#one of his best friends owns a greasy burger joint#he got wasted at hondo’s party#AotC Knight Kenobi *obviously* eats junk food (via @smhalltheurlsaretaken​) Yes!  Does Obi-Wan know vegetables are good for you?  Of course.  Will he eat them?  Yes, especially if they’re well-prepared, they’re not bad at all.  This is a Jedi Master who is trained in negotiation, he can absolutely eat some raw spinach if it means getting a better treaty.  He has been trained to know which fork is used with the specific dessert.  But his preference is total junk food.  Nothing is ever more satisfying that Dex’s burger and fries.  Will he drink and enjoy tea?  Absolutely, he loves the stuff.  But he also drinks caf and it is total sludge from all the crap he puts into it.  This is the man who can probably out-drink almost any other Jedi (he has yet to get on Master Yoda’s level, though) and will enjoy space moonshine that would strip the paint off anyone else’s speeder and go back for more, not even bothered by it. Obi-Wan Kenobi is familiar with the finer and more elegant things in life, can find genuine enjoyment in them.  But you leave that man to his own devices and he’ll eat twenty Space Taco Bell meals in a row.

@boonki​ your mind…. is unparalleled

star wars obi wan kenobi fandom absolutely will obi wan pretend to be a really heathy eater loving the finer things in life definitely he will always pretend because he’s THAT person he has an image to uphold after all but the moment he’s alone the moment no one is looking you bet he’s nearly speeding his way to Dex’s to get some greasy food the clones once managed to get him to drink with them and they placed bets on how much it would take for their general to lose his composure but this man drank them ALL under the table and when everyone woke up the next morning they had the worst hangover ever desperately trying to hide it and then Obi wan walks onto the bridge and he’s all well groomed and not hungover at all he has his tea and the only way the clones KNOW they didn’t imagine the last night is because obi wan asks Cody how much and what everyone owes him now they’re mortified and rumours rise in the GAR that obi wan is secretly a god ( @jmobiwanspadawan’s tags are making me lose it)

Slice of life Jedi Order thoughts

anyway, take a bunch of thoughts about the Jedi Order’s day to day life

Obi-Wan actually knows what all the new space memes mean, even before Anakin or Ahsoka, he is absolutely on top of that shit, he could have an Extremely On-line way of speaking, but he resolutely thinks it’s far, far funnier to pretend to not understand any of these references and to use them wrong, just to watch the light die in Anakin’s eyes, like “Yesterday, I yeeted my lunch because I was so hungry.”, hopeful look pointed at Anakin, like, did I use it right? and watching Anakin cry real tears of frustration because that’s not how you use it is the funniest thing Obi-Wan has ever seen. Ahsoka is 100% on to him, but she also thinks it’s funnier this way, so she pretends to be annoyed with him, “No!  Master Kenobi, WHY.” meanwhile secretly fistbumping him behind Anakin’s back, to which Obi-Wan gentle wraps his hand around her stuck out fist and tries to shake her hand like he doesn’t recognize the gesture, which DELIGHTS her.

#and he does this in front of his men too#which causes anakin to panic that this is going to *spread*#he grabs cody at the next opportunity ‘obi-wan is saying it wrong. it’s very important to me that you know that’s not how it’s used.’#cody - very used to the generals bickering - ‘as you say sir’#also i bet obi-wan gets depa to join in on this with him (via @jedi-order-apologist​)

Intentional Jedi Boomer Parents Masters Obi-Wan and Depa 😂 😂. Caleb hates few things more than having lunch with Master Kenobi, due to the sheer second hand embarrassment. He and Anakin are companions in suffering. 

This kind of things are all really beneath Mace though. Except for that one time once every few months when he gets into an elevator with a young Knight or Padawan (even an unsuspecting Master once or twice) and in a perfectly dry pan tone perfectly uses or references a new meme. 

#there’s this slight *hint* of warmth to Mace’s tone#just enough so you know he is 100% doing this on purpose#(he thinks it’s hilarious) (via @ilummoss) Absolutely.  Mace thinks the funniest route in all of this isn’t to be completely up on all the new memes, just to drop one every couple of months, that one time a young Padawan nearly fainted when he said, “What is love, but the light side persevering?” in a lesson to the younglings was hilarious, because they’re never sure if it’s just a coincidence or if Master Windu used that reference on purpose.  No one (except Yoda) can ever tell when he’s being serious and when he’s gently trolling them all.

ok ok so if Caleb is tormented by this as a child that means he absolutely does it to Ezra and sabine as an adult (via @all-was-not-well) Obi-Wan’s lineage invented this practice, but Mace’s lineage perfected it.  Mace absolutely did this to Depa, Depa absolutely did this to Caleb, and Kanan absolutely did this to Ezra.

garbage jedi concept: tcw-era jedi knight that's genuinely terrible with names, like literally just the fucking worst, but the clones under their command only realize they're not being an asshole on purpose (referring to the clones by rank only, getting names wrong) until they've comm'd the jedi high council and everyone on the bridge realizes they've only referred to the council members as "master." during a pause in the conversation yoda goes "forgotten our names again, haven't you?" and this poor schmuck who's been a knight maybe four years panics and goes "of course not, master yeet"

In honor of April is for Anakin may I present some Anakin is a loveable dumbass headcanons.