what would you have me do?

Clark never felt pain until after he became Superman.

General Zod: (punches Clark in the face)

Superman: (now understanding the concept of pain) Oh- This sucks ass.

Ma Kent: it’s- well… it’s like feeling sad but in your body.

10YO Clark: That doesn’t make any sense.

(Flashforward)

Superman: (dodging a evil alien) 😲 ohhhhh that’s what she meant.

In all seriousness he should have the worst pain tolerance of the entire JL

Batman, with six broken bones, a cracked collarbone, and internal bleeding: I can still fight.

Superman, with one bruise: Tell Lois… that I love her

I can’t chose my favorite fjdjfjdjd

bruce wayne, incapable of not supporting children: good job out there today shazam. you should be proud

the rest of the justice league who don’t know about billy: what the FUCK is happening right now

I feel like it would be even funnier if Bruce didn’t actively know Shazam was a kid, but its just his dad instinct goes off whenever Shazam is around and even Bruce is kind of weirded out by it.

Batman: You need to be more careful out there Shazam, your look before you leap attitude is going to get someone hurt.

Shazam *Visibly pouting and looking glum* yes sir.

Batman: *Sigh* I can’t stay mad at you. Look, how about you hit the showers,, then we get some pizza for the watchtower. My treat. We can discuss strategy then.

Shazam: Sure thing Batman! Thanks. *flies off*

Green Lantern: Okay Bruce? The fuck is going on with you and that guy?

Batman: I DON’T. KNOW. Its like every time I see him I find myself planning a college fund for the guy.

Green Lantern: He’s like in his thirties right?

Batman: I think so? I mean I don’t really know anything about him outside of work. I think I may need to do some digging here Hal because this is starting to freak me out.

Well now I’m imagining Batman and the Shazams eating pizza.

Hal, casually sliding over: Hey, Cap, how old are you?

Shazam: Oh, y’know, immortality–it kinda blurs after the first few thousands years

Batman, sweating: You’re immortal? When was the last time you drank water?

Shazam: JUICE IS A PERFECTLY GOOD SUBSTITUTE–

__

Nightwing: So Bats said that I couldn’t always eat donuts but it’s like, what’s the worst that could happen?

Shazam, nodding: If you can eat food, it’s better than nothing.

Batman, speaking to what he assumes is an immortal god, not really sure if Shazam even eats: You should eat your vegetables

__

Batman, walking through the Tower at late-o’clock, watching Shazam and Cyborg play video games: Get some sleep, it’s important that your body gets enough rest

Batman: whats wrong

Shazam: Nothing, moneys just going to tight for a while

Batman: heres my credit card

Shazam: what- thanks! I’ll pay you back I swear

Batman: no need

superman: can I borrow a dollar?

Batman: no