@residentmiddlechild / residentmiddlechild.tumblr.com
You and your partner need to sit down and figure out what's cheating, what's hurtful, what's disrespectful and also what's needed for a good and healthy relationship for you as a couple because these things are not universal and you can't just assume you share the same definition
Certified Sex Ed Post.
"Soulmates do not exist in real life."
Its a fun idea in fiction, but it needs to be clearly understood that there is no such thing as a soulmate. There is not a person that will help you feel complete once you met them.
Loving is an action. To love someone is something that must be done with intention. Love is work. It doesnt just happen.
The person that you are with does not need to be in sync with everything you do. The person does not need to have the perfect understanding of your mannerisms and habits from the jump.
The idea of soulmates in real life is one of the most dangerous ideas to the concept of Love.
Now does that me you cant find a good loving relationship? No. In fact, removing the idea of a soulmate makes getting one easier. Those impossible expectations will be removed and you will be able to see the person for who they really are.
Do not look for someone that guesses your favorite color and likes your favorite foods. Look for someone that will ask what they are.
You make yourself a soulmate by living a life with someone you love and they love you ❤️
"Soulmates do not exist in real life."
Its a fun idea in fiction, but it needs to be clearly understood that there is no such thing as a soulmate. There is not a person that will help you feel complete once you met them.
Loving is an action. To love someone is something that must be done with intention. Love is work. It doesnt just happen.
The person that you are with does not need to be in sync with everything you do. The person does not need to have the perfect understanding of your mannerisms and habits from the jump.
The idea of soulmates in real life is one of the most dangerous ideas to the concept of Love.
Now does that me you cant find a good loving relationship? No. In fact, removing the idea of a soulmate makes getting one easier. Those impossible expectations will be removed and you will be able to see the person for who they really are.
Do not look for someone that guesses your favorite color and likes your favorite foods. Look for someone that will ask what they are.
Once my boyfriend told me: "You're not a burden. A burden is something you're forced to carry against your will. I freely choose to be a part of your life and that means you aren't a burden to me." I'm passing it on in case some of you need to be reminded of that.
a They Deserve Each Other shipping scale where on one end of the axis you have the “no one else is good enough for them” ships, and on the other end you have the ships that need to be together monogamously forever as a quarantine measure. whatever the fuck is wrong with both of them must be contained for the greater good.
btw one of the key components of actually being in a healthy relationship is just asking for things that you want. i keep seeing posts on this website saying 'i really want to do/receive [X] but my partner has never done it'. just ask. 'nobody exchanges love letters anymore' ask. 'i want to have my partner's hair in a locket like the victorians' just ask. 'i want to be bought flowers regularly :((' literally just ask. your partner doesn't know they're being held to these expectations and that you're unhappy unless you tell them. it's so unfair to expect your partner to read your mind. 'it's less special if you have to ask :((' grow up and stop pretending you're the lead in a romcom. when people say communication is crucial they mean it !! just ask !!
This is one of the hardest but most crucial lessons to learn if you have previously been in an abusive relationship. If a previous partner made you feel like it wasn't safe to ask for the things you want or need, it is very easy to fall into a pattern of never articulating your desires. But that's not fair to your current partner or to yourself; in a healthy relationship, you should feel safe asking for the things you want. It takes reflection, and work, and it is sometimes hard as hell, but trust me, it's worth it.
Thinking about... Grieving the undead.
You aren't dead, but you're moving 12 hours away.
You aren't dead, but you're leaving our friend group.
You aren't dead but you've moved to a different state and now we text twice a year.
You aren't dead but you blocked me.
You aren't dead but we stopped talking, not on purpose but so long ago that I wouldn't even know what to say to you now.
You aren't dead but you're a stranger to me now.
You aren't dead but we lost touch and now I don't even remember your username.
You aren't dead but I ended things with you and now we never speak.
You aren't dead but I still have to grieve you. Whether I'd change it if I could or not, you're still a presence that I'm used to and now you won't be there anymore.
And so I grieve.
I wish age gap discourse hadn't spiraled the way it has because I want there to be a safe space to say "Men in their 40s who date 25 year olds aren't predators, they're just fucking losers"
... honey you just described a predator LOL
No, I said what I said. But thank you for providing an example of how this topic has become insufferable on the internet.
i am honestly burningly curious about how a 40 year old man who fucks around with college grads is not a predator
"College grad" is not a developmental stage, nor is it what I would describe a 25 year old as. I was 4 years out of college at 25. My mother had two children at 25. You can be a fucking congressman at 25.
There's a difference between a man who is immature and buys into misogynistic views of beauty and aging and one who is a predator. Also, many actual predators? Not losers and able to move through society pretty freely being seen as cool and the ideal, so conflating the two isn't helpful.
This is going to be my final response to any attempt at discourse. You're welcome to continue amongst yourselves.
also sometimes a 40 year old and a 25 year old just weirdly find each and it's a perfectly normal relationship - like all human relationships are complex and situational, it's so rarely an either/or thing let alone just one thing only
if a 40 year old dude only dates 25 year olds, DiCaprio style or something adjacent to it, then yeah he's a loser
if a 40 year old dude meets a 25 year old through social event or friends or whatever and they happen to hit it off and make a go of it, and this isn't some sort of reoccurring pattern for the guy, that's just a relationship with an age difference
being predatory means something specific, and man I agree w/ OP and really wish people just stopped ascribing it to any and all relationship dynamics they personally might not like
predator and groomer - two words that need to go up on the "can't use till you learn their meaning" shelf
Fuck self-sufficiency. It's time for Interdependence. Always offer help and always accept it. Cook meals for the people you love. Grow fruits and vegetables and give them to your neighbors. The "independent" person is merely the perfect version of a Consumer, eating directly from the palms of Corporation. Fuck self-sufficiency. Need one another.
blending this with the common cruelty of your average person feels a little dangerous lol. people just aren't nice anymore.
Then we must learn how again.
I love seeing men gush about their relationships and the women they love. It’s time for the whole trope of men hating being married/ viewing relationships as things holding them back. Amen for men uplifting their women and their relationship. Amen for men getting choked up and ready eyes thinking about the one they love. Amen for men thinking of the woman they are with as their best friend.
some person on tiktok just trying to vent: im an adult who has never been pursued romantically or even hit on or complimented. this makes me insecure because society places such a strong emphasis on romantic and sexual relationships so i feel like i am missing out on a fundamental aspect of life. it also makes me feel singled out and unattractive because most people i know get complimented on their appearance and i have never experienced that before.
somebody with no ability to read the room who also very much cannot relate: ummm just try loving yourself maybe? relationships aren’t even a big deal you’re not missing out on anything 🙄 i get called hot like seven times a day but it honestly doesn’t even improve my self esteem that much. true confidence comes from within #girlboss
“When you start to know someone, all their physical characteristics start to disappear. You begin to dwell in their energy, recognize the scent of their skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That’s why you can’t fall in love with beauty. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and your body but not your heart. And that’s why, when you really connect with a person’s inner self, any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant.”
— Lisa Unger (via quotemadness)
— tom macrae, doctor who: the girl who waited (2011)
“studio ghibli romances be like “what if we didn’t kiss, but instead both spiritually matured as people because we met each other.”
“I’ve become skeptical of the unwritten rule that just because a boy and a girl appear in the same feature, a romance must insue. Rather, I want to portray a slightly different relationship, one where the two mentally inspire eachother to live-if I am able to, then perhaps I’ll be closer to portraying a true expression of love.” -hayao miyazaki
i just want a boring love. a love that doesn’t need fights or arguments to keep the fire alive. a “let’s sit and read on opposite ends of the sofa” love. an “i thought of you when i was doing the dishes” love. an “i would rather be at home with the love of my life right now” love
can confirm, this form of love is very shelf-stable; husband and I have been chilling amicably for over ten years
Get yourself a partner who taps you repeatedly taps you with a dish and when you make a gentle inquiring noise as to what the fuck they’re doing they tell you that they’re sending you plate mail.
Genuinely convinced that my husband and I just don’t have the object permanence to be jealous.
When I’m out until midnight he’s not like “I bet she’s getting hit on by other guys” he’s like “heehee viddy games, hoohoo painting”
And then when I do come back it’s like “:D oh shit I forgot you existed but im glad you reminded me.”
My husband, arriving home and seeing me: :D oh nice I have a wife
Me when my husband arrives home and I see him: :D oh nice I have a husband
Yeah we are just a couple of golden retrievers that lay on the couch and heave a heavy sigh and then see each other and go absolutely wiggly bonkers
