we're running out of scenarios I fear

Odysseus watching Achilles absolutely mutilate Hector's corpse

I love that Sally Jackson’s 3 love interests are just

no, spotify, i don't want to use ai to "turn my ideas into playlists". i already fucking do that with my brain and hands and i do it for fun. what, should i get ai to pet my cat for me? to play my silly games for me? to spend time with my beautiful wife for me? how about i rend you asunder

“the habsburgs weren’t even that inbred” uh yes they were, why is this discourse it’s just a scientific fact

I listened to a podcast episode about the Habsburgs, and the guest expert said that Charles II’s DNA reads as being a product of two parents who are closer than brother and sister.

“Eight generations should contain 254 different ancestors. Charles II’s has 82. This is what we might refer to as ‘suboptimal.’”

i love sith!obi-wan as much as the next person but also, consider: obi-wan being the most stubbornly light-side jedi of all time

through a holocron, anakin and obi-wan come face-to-face with the darkest versions of themselves. anakin, of course, sees a monster. darth vader at his most extreme, murderous and even sadistic in his cruelty, not just violent but enjoying the vicious power his violence grants him. he's like a demon brought to life, the dark side in its purest form, malevolent and evil

meanwhile, obi-wan is still obi-wan just slightly worse. obi-wan but with like a bit of a drinking problem and he's let himself go a little. obi-wan but he's gotten addicted to world of space warcraft and is chugging more space mountain dew than might be ideal. The Darkness Within is just obi-wan indulging his self-destructive tendencies and maybe being a bit more of a bitch than he already is, turning up scruffy and less well-groomed than og obi-wan but still absolutely, unmistakably in the light

dude is incorruptible. a beacon of light, stubbornly staying light no matter what life throws at him.

(naturally, obi-wan is still horrified by "evil" obi-wan. dude is listening to his albums on speaker phone. he is so inconsiderate)

I need everyone to know that his entire account is like this.

I’m glad it’s an aluminum based tape.

An aluminum cringe tape wouldn’t be nearly as effective.

This is how the bachelor party scene in FF Rise of the Silver Surfer should have gone. She would have been so proud of him he was making so many new friends!!!!!

a meme i made while trying to figure out what tf was happening in new mutants volume 3 without context

Casually dropping his hyper fixation into the convo so he’s forced to talk to me for another hour

i have been informed this is called "asking someone about their interests" and not a female manipulator tactic like i thought it was

i love pitting classically trained magic users against self-taught magic users in sci-fi/fantasy but it shouldn’t be snobbish disdain for them it should be terror

“WHO TAUGHT YOU LIGHTNING BEFORE BASIC TELEKINESIS. LOSING MY MIND WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU JUST DID IT. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAST WITH YOUR BARE HANDS”

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT YOU’VE ‘HACKED’ MANA DRAIN

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘DRINK SOME JUICE’

WHAT IS ‘LOW BLOOD SUGAR’

WHY IS THIS WORKING

I HATE YOU SO MUCH

Okay but other direction can ALSO be a lot of fun

“What do you mean I don’t have to burn half my blood to create a fireball?”

“Why can you teleport more than once without vomiting? WTF is ‘quantum displacement awareness’???”

“You know HOW many spells? HOW? ... What do you mean ‘my spell book’?”

“Ooooh, you’re just summoning water portions from the Plane of Water... Lol I thought I HAD to combine hydrogen and oxygen molecules to generate water in small amounts. That’s so much easier then what I was doing!”

Tags via @mia7437

You know what is fucking hilarious i realized this morning

Zuko, crown prince of the firenation, sTILL ascending to the throne after the avatar fucking took out his dad is HYSTERICAL when you consider for like half a second what that looks like from the outside perspective

Like imagine you’re some earth kingdom peasant and the town crier comes through like “AVATAR DEFEATED THE FIRELORD. REPEAT AVATAR NERFED OZAI. WAR OVER. WAR OVER”

and you’re like “holy fucking shit 100 years of war over the madlad did it”

and then you’re like “what happens to the Firenation now?? did the avatar take over as ruler while sanctions are being put in place?

crier: “nope” you: “are they under earth kingdom colonial rule now?” crier: “nope” you: “oh okay, so is it like. an earth-kingdom appointed panel of delegates who will oversee the firenation now?” crier: “nooooope” you: “…earth kingdom appointed leader?” crier: “no : )” you: “democratically elected leader?” crier: “no :^ )” you: “communism?????” crier: “lmao still a monarchy!” you: “okay, okay, guess earth kingdom is too, okay, please just tell me they crowned someone from the rebel faction who–” crier: “Fire Lord’s Son : ^). First Son. First born.” you: “??????????? the Crown Prince?” crier: “Heir to the Throne :^^)” you: “His SON?” crier: “First and only :^^)” you: “then what was the fuCKING POINT OF TAKING DOWN THE FIRE LORD?!!” crier: “Avatar won :^^^)” you: “WHAT’S EVEN DIFFERENT NOW" 

crier: “Zuko’s good :^ D” you: “wait isnt he???? wasn’t he part of the coup that laid siege to Ba Sing Se? Claimed the Earth Kingdom capital after 100 years of resistance?? Dethroned the Earth King??? Was welcomed home as a War Hero???? Almost killed the Avatar?!? THAT Zuko??!?” crier: “yeah but he’s grown since then.” you: “that was last month”

Thinking about… wooden wiggly snake

h…h  e…

this thing was a fucking trick. hey kid u like snakes well i hope u like getting the fuck pinched out of you also

My fingertips recoiled at the memory of her

I looked it up and the juice is apparently a concentrated ginger/mango/cayenne/turmeric blend

shit'll clear out your sinuses Right fast

potion of "yeah good fuckin luck"

Wait that sounds incredible though

stuck between "psychological horror statement" and "objectively the funniest thing you could say to your real flesh and blood dad" in the father's day card aisle

yearning for the day when people stop creating annoying low-effort gimmick blogs

BEEP

i won

this is my new favorite gimmick blog