residentmiddlechild reblogged
Love that one scene in Return Of The King that's like "bad news, sauron knows everything pippin knows. good news, pippin knows absolutely fuck all."
residentmiddlechild reblogged
post-quest
Pippin: hey Merry, I have a question
Merry: alright
Pippin: if we were to take one of Sam’s children how long do you think it would take him to notice
Merry: ………..what why would you say that, what’s wrong with you
Pippin: I’ve just been thinking, he has so many, it might take him a while
Merry: it absolutely wouldn’t? they’re his children?
Pippin: but he has so many
Pippin: and he gets them muddled up all the time Merry
Pippin: I think we could get away with it
Merry: are you seriously proposing we kidnap one of our friend’s children??
Pippin: to satisfy our scientific curiosity
Merry: absolutely not??
Pippin: but our scientific curiosity, Merry?
Merry: no.
Pippin: bet you 10 silver pennies it takes him at least two days
Merry: Rosie will notice
Pippin: Rosie’s away all week
Merry: he probably counts them every night
Pippin: bet you he doesn’t.
Merry: …
Pippin: …
Merry: alright which one are we taking
*later, at Bag End*
Pippin: hey Robin
Robin Gamgee: :)?
Pippin: want to help your uncle Pippin win a bet
*still later*
Sam: *sitting down to dinner with his many children*
Sam: *notices empty seat* ???
Sam: *tallying up children* ????
Sam: …………where’s Robin
Elanor: I thought he went away with mum
Sam: no??
Sam: has anyone seen him?
Daisy: Bilbo knows where he is
Bilbo: I don’t!!
Daisy: he knows and he WON’T tell me
Sam: …
Bilbo: …
Sam: …
Bilbo: …
Bilbo: ….they gave me sixpence not to tell
Sam: WHO GAVE YOU SIXPENCE NOT TO TELL
Sam: *banging on door* OPEN UP
Merry: yes? :)
Sam: WHERE IS HE
Merry: where’s who
Sam: I WILL DECK YOU
Merry: he’s in the parlor
Merry: you realise it’s been three days
*meanwhile*
Robin, hearing the commotion: oh! my dad’s here!
Pippin: so he is
Pippin, opening window: this has been fun, bye now
*shortly*
Sam: where’s Pippin??
Robin, pointing at window: he ran REALLY fast
Sam, holding Robin: oh god oh god oh god
Merry: in my defence, I bet that you would notice right away
Merry: I lost.
Sam: I’m going to tell Rosie and she’s going to skin you
Merry: really
Merry: you’re going to tell your wife that while she was away one of your children went missing and you didn’t notice for three entire days
Sam: *laying his head down on the table* oh god
Merry: even Pippin didn’t think it would take you this long to notice
Sam: I’m the worst father in the world
Merry: *patting his shoulder* there, there
Merry: we fed your son a LOT of sweets and now he says he doesn’t want to go home
*still later*
Estella: so I hear you let Pippin talk you into kidnapping a child
Merry: ………………I have some regrets.
Merry: do you think he’ll ever talk to me again
Estella: I wouldn’t count on it.
I read this wrong, I thought Pippin was propsoing that they insert themselves into Sam’s family as his kids and see how long it took him to realise.
See he’d definitely notice that but if they just like… Inserted another child… Hm
sapphicsamwise
pippin would go just,, show up at sam’s dinner table and sam would be like?? pippin what the hell? and pippin would sulk out of the house, little did sam know that pippin left his own child faramir in sam’s house. Diamond was furious. but thats how faramir and golidlocks met
Faramir Took: *chilling out at the breakfast table in Bag End*
Sam:
(alternatively: Sam would notice right away if a new child was inserted. Rosie however unthinkingly accepts the addition. Rosie is very tired.)
residentmiddlechild reblogged
Just because I know this is gonna bring the rest of you as much joy as it brought me
Presenting, the four hobbits dancing to Cotton Eye Joe:
Tagging some besties to get this out in the field: @legolas-is-a-himbo @erosofthepen @messiambrandybuck @beenovel @elvish-sky @sundustingdryads
@frodo-with-glasses you might like this
You are wrong.
I LOVE this.
👆(also your tags are Very Accurate)👆
residentmiddlechild reblogged
Frodo and Pippin are the friends that roast each other 24/7 and I’m so here for it. The only thing Pippin loves more than friendship is breakfast. Or maybe the other way around lol?
It has occurred to me that my blog’s OG theme is LOTR and that it’s been a while since I posted anything LOTR related. So i’ve got some things from the books in my queue since I’m currently rereading them :)
I would totally read a book dedicated to just Pippin’s funny hobbit antics. I love him.
residentmiddlechild reblogged
Things the Fellowship has argued about
- What name to call Aragorn
- What name to call Gandalf
- What to call their meals. Boromir thinks, if it is eaten at dinnertime, regardless of whether it is the first meal of the day or not, then it is dinner. Sam thinks it isn't proper to call the first meal of the day dinner. Aragorn suggests they combine the two words but now everyone is fighting over whether it should be called breakfast-dinnner or dinner-breakfast. The fight nearly becomes physical
- Whether Legolas or Gimli is winning their daily argument with eachother
- If hobbits are regular sized and everyone else is really big, or if everyone else is regular sized and hobbits are small
- The same as above except with horses and ponies
- If Gimli's beard is real or not. This one started as a joke between Merry and Pippin but then Legolas saw how mad it made Gimli and so continues to bring it up
- Inter-hobbit fighting about whether it is called pot-ae-toes, pot-ah-toes, or taters
- "Can Legolas really talk to trees, or is he just fucking with us?" Aragorn and Gandalf refuse to weigh in on this
- Whether the Ent-draught caused Merry and Pippin to grow or if they just did that on their own. This fight is Pippin vs. Everyone Else
- Whether the non-hobbits of the Fellowship would be Tooks, Brandybucks, or Bagginses. This argument is unintelligible to most of them, although Gandalf has the knowledge to be offended when Pippin suggests he would be a Took.
- "What would happen if someone ate the ring?"
- Fights over whether the elves, the dwarves, or the hobbits tell the story of the reclaiming of Erebor most accurately. Even though Gandalf was there, he just shrugs when anyone asks him
- Which variety of pipeweed is the best kind. Merry threatened Gimli to a duel over this one
- Who gets next watch
residentmiddlechild reblogged
I know people like to say that the reason Pippin was overly familiar with Denethor was just because of a difference in dialect, but personally I like to think that when Pippin heard ‘Steward of Gondor’ he went, “oh, like the Thain of the Shire” and proceeded to talk to him the way he’d talk to the Thain—which is to say, politely, but like an equal
No but like this is really funny tho. The reason hobbits invented the office of the Thain in the first place is because the northern kingdoms (Arthedain in particular, being the one the Shire was a part of) fell. Before that, the hobbit’s leader was the fucking King.
“Afterwards in the peace that followed the Shire-folk ruled themselves and prospered. They chose a Thain to take the place of the King, and were content; though for a long time many still looked for the return of the King. But at last that hope was forgotten, and remained only in the saying When the King comes back, used of some good that could not be achieved, or of some evil that could not be amended.“
By the time Pippin and the War of the Ring roll around, the Thain has become a hereditary title of the Tooks. As in the current one is literally Pippin’s dad. Look at him as just some back-country halfling all you want, but from Pippin’s perspective, he has the exact same social standing as Boromir and Faramir.
thank you so much for this very detailed correction. I really appreciate it. anyways:
Pippin, slamming open the doors to Minas Tirith: what’s up pops!
#prince of the shire indeed#i honestly love when people are like oh look a hobbit#and then they learn more about the hobbits#ans are like.... you're not just some random hobbit you're a prince of hobbits!#and the hobbits in question collectively are like no we are all just some guy™ because it doesnt work like that™ back home (via @tallyquark)
Random People in Gondor: Look! Here comes the Ernil i Pheriannath! He spoke to Denethor as one of his own kin might! Truly, he must be a lord in his own land!
Pippin: A what in my what now
residentmiddlechild reblogged
LOTR characters as things I’ve heard people say
Legolas: I'm sorry, I'm feeling a little sassy today.
Gimli: I need more bacon on this ice cream.
Aragorn: Could you maybe stop saying self deprecating jokes for five minutes? We are in a LIBRARY
Boromir: Marines don’t cry but sometimes our eyes get sweaty.
Merry: Smoke the stuff that you can grow straight from your garden
Pippin: The only thing I have in my car is an umbrella. I can’t eat an umbrella.
Frodo: I have a headache man. Must be a brain tumor
Samwise: A BAKED POTATO IS JUST AN IRISH TACO!
Gandalf: If you don’t feel transported when talking to me then I have failed as a person
Elrond: Every time they speak a part of me dies.
Faramir: I wish I was dumb so that I could always underachieve and people wouldn’t be disappointed in me
Arwen: Having girls who read is a great thing. I mean, there are plenty of other not so great things they could be doing, like being a hooker.
Eowyn: You know, sometimes, girls have mood swings. Some days they want to shoot arrows into the forest, and other days they just want a tea party.
Galadriel: You know why I don't have a boyfriend? because I'm WIFE material, not GIRLFRIEND material
Glorfindel: Can I put in my resume that I can put my hair up in a bun for hours with only one Bobby pin? Because that right there is a SKILL
residentmiddlechild reblogged
I know people like to say that the reason Pippin was overly familiar with Denethor was just because of a difference in dialect, but personally I like to think that when Pippin heard ‘Steward of Gondor’ he went, “oh, like the Thain of the Shire” and proceeded to talk to him the way he’d talk to the Thain—which is to say, politely, but like an equal
actually I’m pretty sure the hobbits do this everywhere they go, because the only authority figure a hobbit is ever overly obsequious with is Smaug, and that’s mostly as a ruse.
which leads me to my next point: Bilbo thinks that Elrond Peredhil, Scion of Lúthien the Fair, Ward of Maedhros and Maglor Fëanorian, Lord of Imladris, and one of the Wise, is equivalent in rank to the Mayor of the Shire