I saw a post saying that Boromir looked too scruffy in FotR for a Captain of Gondor, and I tried to move on, but I’m hyperfixating. Has anyone ever solo backpacked? I have. By the end, not only did I look like shit, but by day two I was talking to myself. On another occasion I did fourteen days’ backcountry as the lone woman in a group of twelve men, no showers, no deodorant, and brother, by the end of that we were all EXTREMELY feral. You think we looked like heirs to the throne of anywhere? We were thirteen wolverines in ripstop.

My boy Boromir? Spent FOUR MONTHS in the wilderness! Alone! No roads! High floods! His horse died! I’m amazed he showed up to Imladris wearing clothes, let alone with a decent haircut. I’m fully convinced that he left Gondor looking like Richard Sharpe being presented to the Prince Regent in 1813

And then rocked up to Imladris a hundred ten days later like

Some people have been wondering about the raccoon. Listen. Listennn. Don't ask about the raccoon.

But does the racoon survive the Uruk-Hai? Does he curl up on Aragorn's head, or does he go straight to Faramir? Does he bite Denethor?

My friend. My colleague. My brother my captain my king. I too have been pondering this question, and in my mind there can be only one ultimate outcome.

A few months later

All hail the High Warden of Gondor.

Epilogue: It ADORES Faramir.

Every time I see this post I’m obligated to reblog and make it your problem too!

post-quest

Pippin: hey Merry, I have a question

Merry: alright

Pippin: if we were to take one of Sam’s children how long do you think it would take him to notice

Merry: ………..what why would you say that, what’s wrong with you

Pippin: I’ve just been thinking, he has so many, it might take him a while

Merry: it absolutely wouldn’t? they’re his children?

Pippin: but he has so many

Pippin: and he gets them muddled up all the time Merry

Pippin: I think we could get away with it

Merry: are you seriously proposing we kidnap one of our friend’s children??

Pippin: to satisfy our scientific curiosity

Merry: absolutely not??

Pippin: but our scientific curiosity, Merry?

Merry: no.

Pippin: bet you 10 silver pennies it takes him at least two days

Merry: Rosie will notice

Pippin: Rosie’s away all week

Merry: he probably counts them every night

Pippin: bet you he doesn’t.

Merry: …

Pippin: …

Merry: alright which one are we taking

*later, at Bag End*

Pippin: hey Robin

Robin Gamgee: :)?

Pippin: want to help your uncle Pippin win a bet

*still later*

Sam: *sitting down to dinner with his many children*

Sam: *notices empty seat* ???

Sam: *tallying up children* ????

Sam: …………where’s Robin

Elanor: I thought he went away with mum

Sam: no??

Sam: has anyone seen him?

Daisy: Bilbo knows where he is

Bilbo: I don’t!!

Daisy: he knows and he WON’T tell me

Sam: …

Bilbo: …

Sam: …

Bilbo: …

Bilbo: ….they gave me sixpence not to tell

Sam: WHO GAVE YOU SIXPENCE NOT TO TELL

Sam: *banging on door* OPEN UP

Merry: yes? :)

Sam: WHERE IS HE

Merry: where’s who

Sam: I WILL DECK YOU

Merry: he’s in the parlor

Merry: you realise it’s been three days

*meanwhile*

Robin, hearing the commotion: oh! my dad’s here!

Pippin: so he is

Pippin, opening window: this has been fun, bye now

*shortly*

Sam: where’s Pippin??

Robin, pointing at window: he ran REALLY fast

Sam, holding Robin: oh god oh god oh god

Merry: in my defence, I bet that you would notice right away

Merry: I lost.

Sam: I’m going to tell Rosie and she’s going to skin you

Merry: really

Merry: you’re going to tell your wife that while she was away one of your children went missing and you didn’t notice for three entire days

Sam: *laying his head down on the table* oh god

Merry: even Pippin didn’t think it would take you this long to notice

Sam: I’m the worst father in the world

Merry: *patting his shoulder* there, there

Merry: we fed your son a LOT of sweets and now he says he doesn’t want to go home

*still later*

Estella: so I hear you let Pippin talk you into kidnapping a child

Merry: ………………I have some regrets.

Merry: do you think he’ll ever talk to me again

Estella: I wouldn’t count on it.

I read this wrong, I thought Pippin was propsoing that they insert themselves into Sam’s family as his kids and see how long it took him to realise.

See he’d definitely notice that but if they just like… Inserted another child… Hm

pippin would go just,, show up at sam’s dinner table and sam would be like?? pippin what the hell? and pippin would sulk out of the house, little did sam know that pippin left his own child faramir in sam’s house. Diamond was furious. but thats how faramir and golidlocks met

Faramir Took: *chilling out at the breakfast table in Bag End*

Sam:

(alternatively: Sam would notice right away if a new child was inserted. Rosie however unthinkingly accepts the addition. Rosie is very tired.)

On that note, I feel like I am alone in the fandom in headcanoning that Aragorn does actively enjoy like, combing his hair and wearing princely clothes. Not because of the clothes themselves - he doesn't particularly attach any meaning to Fanciness, positive or negative - but because he is only ever lorldly groomed when he's somewhere safe and comfortable and peaceful. For him it's the equivalent of getting home and changing out of your work uniform