what would you have me do?

WOW. I am so normal about pregnancy and babies and the miracle of life and how someone can be so small and so whole a person and how womens bodies are designed to love so deeply that they share protection with their child and how a person can be so so small and so so whole and how we spend months thinking about someone before finally getting to hold their hand and kiss their head and did I mention a person can be so so small and so so new and still so so whole and their own person?

you’ve gotta stat romanticizing your life. you gotta start believing that your morning commute is cute and fun, that every cup of coffee is the best you’ve ever had, that even the smallest and most mundane things are exciting and new. you have to, because that’s when you start truly living. that’s when you look forward to every day. 

live your life like a ghibli movie where literally everything is charming and beautiful

Good advice

fast food, fast fashion, songs being sped up, tv show seasons being only 8 episodes long, replacing youtube vlogs with fifteen second “day in the life” tiktoks, people in their 20s complaining about being too old...everything is so rushed, we have lost the art of lingering.

I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object (“say bye bus!”) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it.

I’m glad there’s a teacher version of “accidentally called teacher ‘mom’”

when I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call people “my lord”

One time during family prayer, dad began: “our father who art in heaven, American Airlines, how can I help you?”

One time my dad went to the White Castle drive-thru and the lady (who was supposed to say ‘Welcome to White Castle, what’s your crave?’) asked, “Welcome to White Castle, what’s your problem?”

She apologized profusely while my dad proceeded to lose his shit laughing.

Yesterday I went to Wendy’s and the girl said “Welcome to McDonalds” and then just sighed

Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered “please open your books to page eight”, and we just kind of stared at each other, blinking.

i work retail full time and my script gets frequently messy - ill ask the same question twice, or say “$2.60 is your total” while handing back their change, or say “how are you doing today?” instead of “have a good day!” like name it ive bungled it

but anyway, this lady came thru my line buying a book and the review on the front said: “few books are well written, fewer still are important, and this book manages to be both”

as i handed her the bag i was trying to say “thanks, youre all set” and instead my brain mashed up the review and i said “thanks, youre important”

there was this short pause in which i tried to figure out what the fuck id just said. she blinked and then said “oh thank you! youre important too!”

the real kicker was one of my coworkers. when i was relating this story later his response was “at least you said something NICE. last week i accidentally combined ‘youre welcome’ and ‘no problem’ into ‘youre a problem’”

one time, since I used to work as a daycare teacher with preschoolers, i was on my college campus in my gym, and someone was running in the weight room and tripped over a machine and fell, and instead of offering to help, I just stared and said, “This is why we use our walking feet.” we both sat there for a while until the guy nodded and said, “yeah, okay, i should’ve done that.”

I’ve spent a good chunk of time working in kitchens, so I still will reflexively say shit like “behind” and “coming around” as I maneuver through spaces and around people.

Which, actually, not such a bad thing; I’m a big guy and can come across as imposing pretty easily. The position calls can help defuse that, and also help avoid collisions.

Less good is the time my brain was half functional and I let slip a “coming with a knife” while grocery shopping. THAT took some explaining.

I work in an office and send tens of emails to customers every day. Once my mum asked me to send her a train ticket I had bought for her. I emailed her “Hello mum, as agreed, please find attached the ticked you requested. Thanks, Alex”

i worked as a camp counselor, and i would have the kids tap somewhere on my legs if they needed something because im a pretty tall dude. today asked my cat if he needed something.

I have woken up in a cold sweat saying “is that for here or to go?”

Every time a friend thanks me, and I respond with “gladly” or “my pleasure”, I die completely 1000% inside

I work at a plasma donation center. When processing donors, we call them by name, they walk up to the counter, and then we ask for their name and donor number. One time, instead of saying “Robert” I hollered “Name and donor number!?” into a full waiting room. Three people started announcing their names and donor numbers before we all realized that I fucked up.

In college, I was a barista at Borders (remember Borders, you guys?!) I once drove through Taco Bell on my way home after a shift. When the cashier said, “okay, that’ll be $5.46!” I cheerfully responded, “Do you have a Borders rewards card?”

I have dealt with so many difficult customers over the years that I used to angrily call my dog “Sir” when I was mad at him.

My first job was at my nearest Panera, and after coming home from a ten-hour Sunday morning shift, I was exhausted; but when my mom called me to come downstairs, instead of replying in the grumpy teenagerish tone I usually would, I said in my cheeriest, fakest voice, “Not a problem at all, let me just check with my manager!” before realizing my mistake.

my coworker went to back up the cash registers one time and she had been at customer service right before. when we finish with a customer we have to sometimes get the attention of the next person and will shout “i can get the next person in line!” but instead of saying that she yelled “HI WHAT CAN I HELP YOU WITH” to everyone in the general area

I have told my dog “no thank you” so many times after working at a preschool

a couple of times i’ve gotten stuck in a hello how are you good how are you good how are you loop with an equally tired Fred Meyer’s cashier after a long shift but the best time was after a 10 to 10 post-holidays after they told me my total, I asked if they would like a bag today and after a confused few seconds they were like, “no… I have the bags”

Worked in a gallery where we asked people to take off their backpacks in order not to accidentally damage paintings. So when I went to the shop later and saw a guy in the line in front of me, I told him he had to remove his backpack. He probably thought I was politely trying to rob him.

The other day they had me working with softserve and fried dough. I was burned out because I kept bouncing back and forth between the fryer and my register and these people had like, 8 things in their order. We get to the ice cream part of the order, and it comes in a bowl or cone. Instead of saying “Would you like the vanilla in a bowl or cone?” I said “Would you like the bowl in a vanilla or cone?” And we all stopped and had to think that through as my cart runner is staring me down like “tf are you doing?”

I work at Hardees and we have to yell “thank you” whenever we’re told to do something because of how loud the kitchen is.

One morning, my mom hollered at me to wake up, and half-asleep me yells at full volume,

“THANK YOU”

i work with dogs, and i have to be a bit strict with them sometimes in order to keep fights from breaking out. recently, while making tea, the kettle started boiling sooner than i wanted, so without thinking i turned around sharply, pointed my finger at it and stared it down, and said, “Bad boy! You need to wait!” needless to say i was very glad i was alone

I know I’ve reblogged this a billion times but I’ve worked retail for 8 years and these things are never not funny.

I work with horses and whenever someone’s driving too fast I’ll say stuff like “whoa” and I’ve tried to click to a car because that’s a cue for a horse to go faster.

It’s also fucking hilarious when lawyers meet judges outside court. Like you’ll just catch us standing up from our tables and bowing awkwardly at a random person who doesn’t look like a judge and then sitting back down and carrying on, like we’re all in some cult.

World Heritage Post

The scariest part of becoming an adult is not making your own doctor’s appointment or having to learn how to do taxes. It’s that children will now see you as an adult and rely on you for help and protection.

A comedian once told a story where his son came into his bedroom at night and said he was scared because he heard a sound outside. The comedian said “Oh shit we better get an adult. Oh no. I’m the adult” and the first time this new role as expected protector of children really became clear for me was when my neighbor’s daughter knocked on my door and asked me to come help her and her friend get a dog back into the house.

Long story short my neighbor was running a small dog recuse for Eastern European street dogs and one got outside while the kids were home alone. They had managed to corner it in the front garden but had been told to never touch it for their own safety. As I followed the girl into the garden I heard her yell to her friend “I got an adult!” and I had the same feeling as the comedian “Oh no. I’m the adult” It turned out to be a midsized dog that could have hurt me but very unlikely to kill me and luckily it wasn’t aggressive at all and the situation was easily solved.

Since then I’ve been in several situations where children have looked to me for help or protection, including strangers. And I know people will want to rant about how parents should be more protective of their children but that’s not the point. When you’re an adult you’re a real shithead if you don’t help young children because they are completely reliant on adults for survival and sometimes that can be scary but you’re an adult now so at the very least you have to get them somewhere safe. One time a young boy approached be at a bus stop because a group of older teenagers had stolen his phone and were now following him. Groups of teenage boys can be fucking monsters and I was probably as scared as him but I took a photo of the group in the messenger app which meant the image was immediately sent to my friend, which made them back off when they realized they had no way of getting out of it. I ended up following the boy home. It was terrifying and I missed my bus but that’s the scariest part of being an adult we never consider as children.

lol i hate today’s era of absolutely zero nuance takes. a friend didn’t behave exactly as you’d wanted them to? cut them off. a guy didn’t text you back instantly bc he has his own life? he’s just giving you breadcrumbs. doing something makes you uncomfortable? don’t do it anymore. someone isn’t instantly available for you? disinterest. just absolutist statements that often don’t apply to the multilayer situations of everyday life. like. stop. literally just stop it

Growing.

when 23 year olds say “im getting old” cause they get excited by mundane things…for the love of. we used to get excited by BOXES as toddlers. maybe we’re just reverting to our childlike joy did u ever think about THAT.

I was having just this thought the other day, and it was kind of beautiful. The idea that coming into adulthood some of early childhood wonder is reclaimed - how often do we hear of that? But this is a true and common instance of it. Loving the ordinary is wonderful, and can coexist with loving the extraordinary.

I do believe in the power of sitting in your car just a little longer before heading inside, lying upside down on the couch, cloud gazing well into adulthood, taking the time to learn something new, humility, recollecting your dreams, pressing something warm against your belly, small talk w strangers, odes to romance, a lit candle on your countertop while you cook, having a sense of humor about life

do you guys remember being like 14 and being like these sheep could never understand me and,the inoffensive indie rock I listen to on my ipod touch ..

Prev tags passing peer review because just today at work a little girl about 2 years old tripped and hit her knee on the tile floor in the lobby. And she was crying these deep grief-filled sobs through which she occasionally managed a long keening wail of “ow” or “owie”, and I almost started crying in sympathy because we’ve all seen that observation of how even though it was a small fall, for a two year old, this is the worst pain she’s ever felt. And her expression of that pain felt so similar to the way I cried when my friend died and it was the worst pain I have ever felt. Like we both felt like it was the end of the world. Me losing a friend and that two year old bruising her knee, and we both felt the same hurt and betrayal and pain. It means something but I can’t speak to exactly what. But we’re all connected in our experiences and all that.

don’t let this world’s obsession with youth rob you of the big and small joys of adulthood. i spent most of my teenage years and early twenties struggling with my mental health. but there’s no timeline for happiness. for many people, getting older and growing up means having more chances to redefine their values, find their path and stability in life. some people go to college in their forties. some people marry in their sixties. some people recover better after their thirties. there’s no timeline for this kind of stuff. your childhood and teenage years won’t be the only chance you have at experiencing freedom and joy.

life is about listening to good music and finding 2-3 people you can be your complete unhinged self with

@gormlesssentrydrone​ you are one of these people

not to be dramatic, but life really is about choosing love despite

The legacies people leave behind in you.

My handwriting is the same style as the teacher’s who I had when I was nine. I’m now twenty one and he’s been dead eight years but my i’s still curve the same way as his.

I watched the last season of a TV show recently but I started it with my friend in high school. We haven’t spoken in four years.

I make lentil soup through the recipe my gran gave me.

I curl my hair the way my best friend showed me.

I learned to love books because my father loved them first.

How terrifying, how excruciatingly painful to acknowledge this. That I am a jigsaw puzzle of everyone I have briefly known and loved. I carry them on with me even if I don’t know it. How beautiful.

absolutely obsessed with these tags

being alive is great because there are so many different vegetables you can sauté. but then there are also the horrors

with faith and perseverance, one day we will sauté the horrors

i am here to tell you that it is okay for there to be good things in your life right now. to celebrate the little, local, personal wins. it is okay for today to be a good day for you, even when there is so much bad in the world. actually, if you’ll permit me to tell you a secret: it is absolutely imperative when the world at large is this bad that you enjoy the moments that are good. sing because you are in love, for the first time or for the first time in a long time. celebrate a good grade, good work feedback, a successful dessert finally achieved. sleep in a bit of sun and enjoy feeling safe and warm and comfortable. it doesn’t mean you don’t care. it doesn’t make you callous or cold. you know bad things are happening but you also need, desperately, to know that not all things are bad. find it when you can, and enjoy it without guilt, and if you need permission then here it is, freely given