residentmiddlechild reblogged
aeneid characters as onion headlines
aeneas: Man Who Thought He'd Lost All Hope Loses Last Additional Bit Of Hope He Didn't Even Know He Still Had/Man Now Too Exhausted to Repress Both Anger and Sadness/I Am Tired Of These Constant Near-Death Experiences
dido: I'm Single, Grieving My Husband's Death, And Ready To Mingle/When I Die, I'm Going To Haunt The Fuck Out Of You People
juno: Source Of Jealousy Not Even That Successful
venus: Hands-Off Mom Lets Kids Create Own Psychological Issues
anchises: Father's Dying Wish A Real Hassle
ascanius: Kids Grow The Fuck Up So Fast These Days
latinus: Why Can't This Family Ever Have A Funky Good Time?
amata: You Do, Of Course, Realize That This Is Going To End Very, Very Badly
turnus: Badly Injured Man Not Done Partying Yet