The End.

Thank you for reading Dracula Daily!

Ngl this is kinda hilarious

Makes sense. I mean, a passenger of a cruise line isn't called a sailor, right? Astronaut literally means "star sailor."

OP how could you not include the first paragraph of the article

Huge oversight on my part you're absolutely right

This is what I have gleaned from skimming @residentmiddlechild's blog regarding the people in Dracula Daily

Dracula: Eccentric vampire. Actually fine, he likes train schedules. He walks a little funny sometimes but that's okay he has a lot of servants to remind him it's one foot in front of the other and not gecko form up the wall. I think he's a Jonathan Harker simp and that's why he didn't kill him on sight. Anyways he took a dive recently cause he stopped reading about transportation and now he's committing heinous crimes. He's very stinky too <3

Jonathan Harker: actually stupid and featuring some really nifty psychological issues idk how this is your protagonist I worry for him greatly. He is also a simp

Therapist: I only recently decided he is named Seward because I did. He is a silly man. I don't think he knows jack sh*t about what's happening in Johnny's life and he just stares straight ahead while Mii plaza music plays in his head except now he has taken a drastic career change after validating Johnathan once and now he's a cowboy. I think he eats paper too? Like he's racing his box spiders to the paper and he eats it. What is wrong with him

Lucy Westerna: She's got the coolest name here actually but I think she might be possessed. She has red trauma eyesTM so tjat's a sure sign her character theme will now be played in a minor chord when she enters the room

Arthur Holmwood: Married to the lady who might be possessed but I don't know if they actually got married cause it seems like wifey was more interested in nibbling on infants and becoming 2D to crawl under doors than get hitched but also that's okay cause Arthur has iron deficiency and keeps passing out so I don't think he'd survive the ceremony anyways. Thought Arthur was Jonathan for a second and then thought Jonathan was having an affair with Lucy, betraying his wife Mina who honestly I think was made up last second I feel like I never heard her name until this week. 

Van Helsing: Tbh this one-... I don't think he's all there. I think he needs melatonin and to not watch Buzzfeed Unsolved cause I don't think this man can handle anything else supernatural happening. 

 Mina: no discernable personality but she makes a mean cup of tea. Her tea could be its own HGTV show from how it's flipping people's houses actually. She napped so hard she forgot Jonathan #girlboss

Quincey: has a personal vendetta against animals who use echolocation. This is why he shoots at them, it's to deafen them so they can't fly and live anymore. Do not tell him there is a superhero named Batman I think he'll cry

Renfield: his psychic visions foretold all this but he likes keeping secrets and watching people fret over his cryptic warnings while kicking his feet like a schoolgirl. Also he wants to move but will not disclose why he wants to move or where because he's like that. I don't know why he's in this friend group. I bet he's the guy to say, "Wouldn't you like to know," if you asked what he had for breakfast. If he tells you to, "Guess what?" and you say what, he will keep telling you to guess obnoxiously.

I would like to know how Demeter is in this. Last time I checked, she was a Grecian goddess but I guess she's here too

when she says she doesn’t send nudes

when guys objectify women and expect them to send nudes

when someone asks you about your nuclear plans for russia

When Russia sends you nudes

#what the fuck happened here

This is my favorite post in all of tumblr

reminder that this post is now illegal in Russia

reblog it, because Russia can´t

Thanks Obama 

Wtf

When Russia makes this post illegal

I HAVE ONLY SEEN THIS IN SCREENSHOTS

I will reblog this every goddamn time I find it on my dash

I have found a Legendary Post

ITS HERE

Part 134 of my bakery “enemies” au!

stakeout! (and yes, there was a small timeskip) 

First / Prev / Next / All

Kofi

Magnificent Trees Around the World

On that note, I'm delighting myself translating the word "friend" in Tolkien as bestie. Lots of fun sentences but none beats the alliteration of "Beren became the bestie of birds and beasts"

I'm sure there are more but these were the ones that came to mind

Nathalie: Hey, Adrien, look at me.

Nathalie: [dabs]

Adrien: WHA–

Nathalie: No one will ever believe you if you tell them I did that.

ok but lets be real who takes the avengers seriously

i mean look at them. how can you not laugh.