Wild Hearted Son

"Ich will!" // 📽️ azametal // Another one for the Hals Club 🤲🏻

For @dandysnob and @meinewellemeinstrand 🤍

Your parents can love you and still be shitty abusive parents. They can mean well and still fuck up. They might fuck up without even knowing it's abuse.

Sometimes I think about how, when I was 5, my dad would make grilled cheese sandwiches and cut them into dinosaur shapes for me. Other times when I was hungry, he would refuse to feed me at all, because he decided that 5 was old enough for me to cook for myself when he didn't feel like doing it.

I think about how he taught me to swim, and fish, and (yes) throw a ball. In the summer, at night, he would wrap me in a huge comforter and carry me around outside to show me the constellations. But I hated being left alone with him because he was often bad tempered, mean to me for no reason, and I couldn't count on him for basic things like food.

Sometimes I think about how my mom raised hell in my high school principal's office in front of multiple faculty members because they weren't complying with my IEP (disability required accommodations). She always saw red if someone else laid a finger on me, even figuratively. When we were at home she screamed at me for things I had no control over and said I was using my illness to get my way.

I think about how she bought me art supplies and paid for lessons for all of my hobbies. She attended every single concert, performance, and game. I don't think I went a day without being told she loved me while growing up, and she constantly told me how proud she was. But I could never trust her mood and she could go from loving mother to terrorizing me before I knew what was happening.

My parents love me but I still flinch if someone in my vicinity washes a dish a little too aggressively. My parents never intentionally traumatized me, but my nervous system never knew the difference. Neither of my parents saw anything they did as abuse; they believed they were good parents. It wasn't until my mom was in her mid 60s that she grasped that her own childhood had been abusive, too.

They're not bad, irredeemable people. They're complex people with a lot of their own trauma who lacked many skills necessary for good parenting. I could hate them for it, but I don't. I'm not obligated to forgive them, and I don't think I have, and I don't know whether I ever really will. My parents damaged me a lot in ways that have affected my whole life, and I still have good memories with them.

Finally, a worthy competitor to this site's hate mail game.

recently saw ppl discuss whether they put their medicines in a kitchen cabinet or a bathroom cabinet and i was shocked by the fact that many ppl said kitchen cabinet. so now i need you to reblog this and say where you keep yours

15?? More like 5.

if you've been in one but not sure if you should count it (stopping in an airport, for instance) count it

Everyone has goth sex hormones it came free with your fucking existence.

BOTH I MEANT

BOTH

Nope, everyone get in the club, time for some Bauhaus.

a little kid came up to the desk (it came up to his like, collarbone) and very seriously asked me about baby name books, because he wanted to help name his new sibling. i guided him to the shelf (there were only two book of names) and pointed out the differences between them, and after some serious contemplation he went, “I think I should take both, just in case.” So I gave him both and he thanked me and went on his way.

And I went back to my desk and screamed into my arm for like 45 years because HE WAS SO FUCKING ADORABLE AAAAA

i love when little kids come to the reference desk alone because they want to be perceived as an adult and so they come up to you and very seriously inquire “Where are your books about dolphins? ò__ó”

and of course you have to very seriously show them your collection of dolphin books while they nod carefully at your explanations and it’s SO CUTE!!! THEY’RE SO CUTE AAAH

a kid came up to me to enquire about books on queen victoria, so I promptly guided him to the children’s history section, and we had a lovely chat flicking through horrible histories books, when I asked him what does he like about history. he grinned, and with a smooth, brilliant smile he said “My favourite thing about old times is torture.”

One time I had a dad come in with his ~10 year old kid and go “Hi, we’re looking for, um…” at which point he trailed off and looked expectantly at the kid the way parents usually do when they can’t remember which Percy Jackson book comes next, but instead the kid looked up at me and very brightly and firmly announced, “The Federalist Papers!”

I had a kid come in all the time by herself after school, and she was hands down my favorite patron of all time. 5 years after I met her, she graduated 8th grade, so she was….8 or 9 when she first came in? Young enough that I was like “where is parent? I guess I am your mom now. you are safe in the library, child.”

The very first book she asked for was a book on Morse code. I was instantaneously enthralled with this child. Over the years, she took out books on first nations religions, the war of 1812, Ulysses by james joyce, books about tracking animals and identifying pawprints, basket weaving, loom weaving, the battle of Agincourt, honestly way too many things to remember. 

100% of the topics she was into were not typically “age-appropriate” (although I am a staunch believer in there being no age-appropriate subjects, just age-appropriate ways of explaining them) and about half of them required interlibrary loan requests because the topic was so esoteric the only books on it existed in some university library on the other side of the country. 

Some evenings she would come in after school and it would be a big snow day so there was hardly anyone there, and we’d just talk until the library closed, looking things up on google when she had a sudden inspiration to know something. Topics ranged from the physics behind a woodpecker’s tongue wrapping around its brain (she taught me about that one) to “Horrible bear bear” and the “bear circle” and the “anti-bear circle” (latin and greek roots of bear names and the Arctic.) She was just like, the coolest person. 

I really hope to meet up with her again someday because I really think these kinds of things have a circular effect- I’m thinking back to when I first moved to that town at 13 and went into that same library, marching up to the front desk and asking for books on astrophysics (probably looking even younger, I’m 26 now and people peg me for 14-16 consistently), and how the librarian- who later became my boss- must have felt about tiny me when she was putting in interlibrary loan requests for specific textbooks from MIT to go along with the OpenCourseWare courses I was taking online (which I gained much greater respect for when I became the interlibrary loan technician- holy Hannah that’s a lot of steps.) 

Anyway that was literally my favorite part about working at the library.

Certified Library Post

Time to remember this marvelous tweet

reblog this post to reblog it from the person you reblogged it from

This post brought to you by a discussion I’ve had with friends several times, because I’ve noticed people fall loosely into one of two groups:

One: a vest is great for adding only a little extra insulation

Two: my arms get cold faster than my torso, I would prefer an jacket I can unzip

“But my arms need freedom of movement” what coat are you wearing that means you can’t move your arms?

but also aren’t your arms cold

rubbing my penis

big if true

not really, it's slightly below average

The average penis, when soft, is much smaller than the overwhelming majority of erect penises. As a large majority of penises are currently at rest, it follows that any penises in attack position must be of larger size than the overall average penis size.

It must also be noted that rubbed penis quickly grow to their peak size.

Ergo, big if true.

ok but how do we know everyone isnt hard currently? your argument is built off of an assumption that we cannot verify and therefore your argument is unsound.

Schrodinger's penis exists in a superposition of both hard and soft until it is observed

i think schrodingers penis has actually decomposed by now he's been dead like 60 years

Schrodinger's penis exists in a superposition of both decomposed and fresh and juicy until it is observed

hey im no longer rubbing my penis btw

Neither is schrodinger