sometimes i really wonder if i’m really.. part of the community anymore? like i barely ever interact at this point, i mostly just watch the videos and try (key word: try) to watch the streams but sometimes dont have the energy to and i just.. i dont really know if i still would even be considered part of the community. i feel like i made myself an outsider by just being a silent viewer and like back when i used to interact all the time i was so caught up in trying to get noticed that it sort of.. took over my life? yeah idk, i kind of stepped back from interacting because i felt like i was being too annoying and that people were sick of me, but part of me alos felt that when i got noticed it was as if my existence was actually being ackowledged because in real life im shy as all hell but when i interact with someone who i look up to and they acknowledge my existence it makes me feel like i actually matter, you know? i have no idea if this is making any sense because i’m half-awake and at this point ranting so i dont even know anymore