Women protest for more support for male domestic abuse victims

The daughters of a west Belfast man, who was murdered by his girlfriend in 2022, were among those who attended.

bbc.com

Around 30 women gathered in Belfast on Saturday to highlight concerns about a lack of support for male victims of domestic violence.

The march was made up of women wearing fluorescent pink and included relatives of men who have been the victims.

The twin daughters of west Belfast man Tony Browne, who was murdered by his girlfriend in 2022, were among those who attended.

Bobbi-Leigh and Shannon McIlwaine say there “isn’t enough support services for men” who are going through domestic abuse relationships.

Mr Browne, 54, was at his home when he was stabbed to death by Wiktoria Maksymowicz.

Bobbi-Leigh said her dad didn’t tell any of his family members what was happening.

“He told one of his closest friends but made his friend promise not to tell me and my sister because he didn’t want anyone to know,” she added.

The death of her father has had a "huge impact" on her, said Bobbi-Leigh.

"There is not one day I’m not thinking about my dad and what he went through and thinking if it could have been prevented," she said.

“It’s extremely hard for a man to come forward and say that he is being abused. There is a chance he won’t be believed, he will be laughed at.

“Women coming out today to speak for men, that’s sending a powerful message. It shows we believe them and support them. There needs to be more support from Stormont.”

The march was facilitated by the Men’s Alliance NI who are calling for a men’s refuge in Northern Ireland and more support from Stormont.

In a statement, Stormont ministers said they have made it clear that domestic and sexual abuse transcends boundaries of gender, age, sexual orientation, and ethnicity.

They have stressed their commitment to creating a society in Northern Ireland where domestic and sexual abuse are not tolerated, and where victims receive the support they need and where those responsible are held to account.

The Department of Health also said it provides funding for a 24-hour Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline, which is a confidential, freephone service available to any person impacted by domestic and sexual abuse in NI.

Shannon feels a men’s refuge is needed.

“If my dad had have been able to go somewhere it may have given him the courage to leave,” she said.

“It’s important that people come out today and show their support because domestic abuse isn’t a gendered issue and it needs to stop being stigmatised as a gendered issue.”

Carey Baxter from Men’s Alliance says domestic violence is a societal issue.

“Today is a women’s only march and women are doing this on behalf of men.

“We speak to men who are living in their cars or sofa surfing because they have nowhere to go."

Mr Baxter said there is a huge gap in funding and services for men.

“It’s not about taking services away from women, it’s about finding something extra for the men because those services are needed and we hear it every single day of the week in our support groups, but there is nothing there for them.”

Inside the hidden world of male victims of domestic abuse | National …

archive.ph

A residence in north Toronto in one of the rare places in Canada where abused men and fathers with children can find emergency shelter

Matt feared his wife was going to kill him. He had seen violent streaks before. Once, when he accused her of infidelities, Matt said she pulled a knife and “put it (at) my throat.”

Fleeing wasn’t an option because they had young children. He felt stuck without a safe refuge where he could take them. “As long as I had my kids, that’s all I cared about,” Matt said.

He expected the police wouldn’t take him seriously: a six-foot-tall Caribbean man scared of his wife. “If anything happens and she calls the cops, they’re going to come straight at me,” he told the National Post, requesting anonymity to protect his children.

A subsequent fight over cheating led to a similar violent encounter. Again, his partner allegedly threatened him with a knife and “said she’s gonna kill me,” according to Matt. Again, he refrained from calling the police, instead phoning a family member to tell them about the situation. The alarmed family member called the cops.

When the police arrived on the scene, Matt said he was asked to leave the premises. “The conversation went from ‘what happened?’ to ‘what did you do?’ really quick,” he said. It wasn’t until Matt, under police escort, went back into his house to get some belongings that the officers started to take his story seriously. His wife lost it, Matt said, verbally attacking him in their presence.

“I heard the police officer under his breath say, ‘Oh shit, that really happened,’” Matt said. A female police officer escorting Matt away from their house acknowledged his options were limited, but she had a suggestion for him of a safe haven in Toronto where he could stay temporarily with his kids.

“There isn’t a lot of help for men in situations like these but give this place a try. It might help you out,” he recalled her saying.

Down a stretch of York University’s student ghetto in the northern part of Toronto sits a non-descript, three-storey, red-brick townhouse that is a national treasure of sorts. It is one of the rare places in Canada where abused men and fathers with children can find emergency shelter.

“We’re the only game in town as far as family violence for fathers and children,” said Justin Trottier, who oversees the Family Shelter for Abused Men and Children. Opened during the height of the pandemic in March 2021, the shelter is an effort more than seven years in the making by Trottier and the Canadian Centre for Men and Families (CCMF).

The non-profit men’s centre has offered counselling and mental health services for male victims of abuse and violence —“filling critical gaps in men’s services” — since 2014. But the outpouring of demand for an emergency shelter pushed them to open an actual residence.

“We would get calls for years before we opened and that’s what lit the fire under us to open a shelter. The demand’s always been high,” Trottier said.

There are nearly 600 shelters across Canada for victims of domestic abuse and intimate partner violence (IPV), but only four per cent of them serve men. More than two-thirds of the shelters (68 per cent) are mandated to serve women and their children, while an additional 11 per cent serve women only. According to Statistics Canada, of the approximately 24 emergency abuse shelters in 2021-22 that opened their doors to men, virtually all of them also served women. More than 99 per cent of the 46,827 residents of domestic abuse shelters in 2021-22 were women and their children.

For male victims of domestic abuse, that leaves a smattering of dots on a vast map of Canada where they might find safety. Even rarer are places where abused fathers can bring their children.

Most people are aware of the tragic consequences for women of intimate partner violence. In June, Carly Stannard-Walsh and her two children, Madison and Hunter, were shot dead in a murder-suicide in Harrow, Ont. They were killed by Carly’s husband and the children’s father, Steven Walsh.

In the five years between 2014 to 2019, police-reported data showed 80 per cent of the 500 Canadian lives lost to domestic violence were women — 400 mothers, sisters, daughters and girlfriends killed by people in their lives. Overall, in 2019, women were the victims of 79 per cent of police-reported criminal incidents of intimate partner violence.

But what is less well-known is that men are also victims of domestic abuse and intimate partner violence, including physical abuse, sexual and psychological abuse. The numbers don’t show up in police reports because, like Matt, men are less likely to call police.

Matt was one of the dads who turned up at Trottier’s doorstep with nowhere else to go. He thought about going to a motel but couldn’t afford it long-term. He also considered returning to his family in New York, but that would be too difficult with his kids. One shelter offered him a bed, but said no to the children, which meant they would be left with their mother.

About 90 per cent of residents at the Toronto emergency shelter are “male survivors of family violence and their children,” Trottier told the Post. But they also open their doors to male refugees, those suffering mental health issues and boys alienated from their families. “There is no hard rule against men in other situations,” he said.

Residents are offered a range of support, what Trottier likes to call “wraparound services,” from providing clothing and food, to emergency trauma counselling, mental health therapy, peer support and mentoring, fathering classes and legal aid. Stays are capped at 90 days. Trottier said the waitlist frequently balloons between four weeks and two months.

The majority of CCMF’s operating funds come from private contributions and institutional donations. The federal government does not provide any money, nor do most provincial governments. Alberta is one of the rare exceptions; the province gave CCMF just over $9,000 last year to help create a domestic abuse program.

On a recent visit, the shelter is a hive of activity. There are intake workers and mental health counsellors mixed in among the residents. Trottier is there most days, too, as well as graduate students in social work from neighbouring York University.

Many residents have day jobs, so they are coming and going. An observer arriving at the shelter just before lunch on a weekday, finds no kids in sight. Trottier said that children accompanying their fathers usually stick to the routines they had prior to arriving — going to daycare, babysitters and school.

From the outside, the shelter looks like any other townhouse, aside from the abundance of security cameras and signs calling for doors to be locked at all times. A rooftop patio offers panoramic views of the sprawling suburbia. But the overall aesthetic at the shelter is reminiscent of college dorms or cheap first apartments — drab-coloured walls, donated second-hand furniture. A massive kitchen has floor-to-ceiling cupboards stocked with personally labelled food. Residents buy their own groceries and cook their own meals.

The shelter can host up to two dozen people or 10 families “depending on size,” Trottier said. With the help of bunk beds, some rooms on the second floor are big enough for a father and three children. There is a kid’s room full of toys, a library and meeting space that can be converted into a bedroom, laundry facilities, even a small backyard.

A small network across Quebec, Maison Oxygène — Oxygen House — fills a similar gap in providing emergency accommodation for fathers and their children but does not position itself as a domestic abuse shelter. The non-profit is funded exclusively by donations and has faced chronic financial pains.

Outside of these options for male victims of intimate partner violence and their children, there aren’t many others, Trottier said.

Intimate partner violence, also known as spousal abuse or domestic violence, has been identified by the World Health Organization as a major global public health concern, impacting millions of people of all genders, ages, socioeconomic, racial, religious and cultural backgrounds. It can range from emotional and financial abuse to physical and sexual assault. It can happen within a marriage or dating relationship, whether or not partners live together or are sexually intimate, and after the relationship has ended. It can occur in public and private spaces, as well as online.

And it can happen regardless of gender. Self-reported data through surveys, questionnaires and the like, show the less publicized, much broader picture of male victims of intimate partner violence.

In Canada in 2018, self-reported statistics on abuse from StatsCan showed that 23 per cent of women experienced some form of abuse compared to 17 per cent of men. Forty-four per cent of women reported sexual abuse compared to 36 per cent of men, with similar comparisons for psychological abuse.

And though women are seven times more likely than men to be killed by their partners, men are not absent from those harsh victim statistics. In 2021, men comprised nearly a quarter (24 per cent) of 90 intimate partner homicides. National media often overlook stories such as Blake Bibby, a 36-year-old Newmarket, Ont. man fatally stabbed by his ex-girlfriend in July.

“Spousal homicide is not a good measure of domestic abuse because it is so rare,” said Don Dutton, a University of British Columbia psychology professor who has been studying the domestic violence issue for decades and has authored several books on the subject, including Rethinking Domestic Violence.

Dutton spent part of his early career in the ‘70s as a court-mandated counsellor working with men accused of abusing their wives. Over the decades, he began to see domestic violence as more of a two-way street with female abusers often overlooked in academic and legal circles.

Dutton said there’s an obvious explanation for the chasm between official police data that shows females as the primary victims of domestic abuse, and the self-reported data that suggest the ratio of abuse between the sexes is closer than most think: Men are often too self-conscious to come forward to police.

He found that men report domestic abuse to police at a tenth of the rate as women and that their reports are not taken as seriously by law enforcement.

Erin Pizzey had a similar wake-up call during her work as a pioneering force behind the emergency shelter movement in the United Kingdom back in the ‘70s. Her work set off a chain reaction as she spearheaded the creation of spaces for women escaping abusive partners to get back on their feet.

Within four years of opening her first shelter in 1971, more than two dozen similar initiatives had sprung up across the U.K. with more in the pipeline. “She single-handedly did as much for the cause of women as any other woman alive,” one British journalist reflected in 1997.

However, Pizzey grew disillusioned with the movement and what she viewed as the mainstreaming of men-bashing among activists. Her work on the frontiers of domestic abuse changed her view of domestic violence: Men were not solely perpetrators of violence, but also victims of abuse. True equality meant helping both sexes in need.

“I was the one who was saying, ‘Hey, hang on, this is not a gender issue. Men are equally in need of refuge; men are equally in need of social services,’” Pizzey, now 85, told the National Post over Zoom from her home in London.

“Apart from those of us who work in the field of domestic violence and dysfunction, we have been brainwashed into believing that all men are potential abusers. So, no, I don’t believe that there is much understanding or interest in male suffering or abuse,” Pizzey said.

Other academics and professionals in the field of social services have arrived at similar conclusions.

Elizabeth Bates, a specialist in the topic at Cumbria University in the United Kingdom, said in an email to the National Post that the perception one draws about domestic abuse is heavily influenced by the dataset one picks. Whereas police reports show a “large majority of perpetrators being male and victims being female,” survey data from government officials in England and Wales show “that for every three victims of domestic abuse, one is male and two are female,” she said.

In the academic literature, which typically relies on “self-reported data,” Bates said the ratio of female to male victims is closer to a 50-50 split. “There are a number of reasons for this difference, but one of the main ones, I think, are around the barriers faced in reporting victimization,” Bates said.

“There are barriers for any victim” Bates continued. “But I think for men, the stigma and stereotypes are still very prominent, and it prevents men from being able to disclose and so be included within those statistics.”

Alexandra Lysova, a criminology professor at Simon Fraser University, told the National Post that Canada’s federally commissioned General Social Survey (GSS) victimization survey in 2019 also found “very, very close” ratios between female and male victims of intimate partner violence, both when it comes to psychological and physical abuse.

Such findings should encourage the public to move beyond stereotypes of domestic abuse that depict men exclusively as abusers, said Lysova, because a vast swath of society is being deprived of much-needed social services. “What we see is that the tip of this iceberg, and the whole large part of intimate partner violence is underwater, not known to the police,” Lysova said.

“I have this conversation so many times: ‘Oh, it’s happening more by men to women.’ But no, that’s not accurate. What is accurate is that more women are reporting than men, and more women are reporting when the perpetrator is a man compared to when the man is abused by a woman,” said Phil Mitchell, a British counsellor specializing in male abuse victims.

When asked about the differences between men and women when it comes to reported incidents of domestic violence, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police directed the National Post’s request for comment to the Toronto Police Service. While the RCMP “absolutely investigates cases of domestic violence,” an RCMP spokesperson explained to the National Post by email, the matter is mostly dealt with “at the divisional (provincial) level.”

“TPS can only speak on intimate partner violence occurrences that are reported to us, recognizing that not every incident of IPV is reported to police. Reported incidents are thoroughly investigated by officers with specialized training,” Stephanie Sayer, a TPS spokesperson wrote in an email to the National Post.

“While women account for the vast majority of people who experience IPV, this issue affects individuals of all genders, ages, races, socioeconomic statuses, ethnicities, religions, educational levels, and cultural backgrounds. We encourage anyone experiencing IPV to report it to the police, regardless of gender, and to seek help from available support services in Toronto,” Sayer continued.

The Toronto shelter serves a crucial role helping male victims of abuse, including fathers and their kids, caught in the social services gap.

Peter, who asked that his name be changed for privacy reasons, was in his thirties when the fallout from a bad marriage “caused me to lose my job, my house and pretty much extinguished my family.” He turned to his extended Jamaican family in Toronto, but the situation grew intolerable. He was living with an alcoholic uncle in an uninsulated garage.

“He wanted to, I guess, take his rage out on me,” Peter said, recalling the incident which finally brought him to the shelter. When he wasn’t paying attention, Peter’s uncle punched him in the mouth.

“I wasn’t gonna do that (anymore). It was a common occurrence,” Peter continued as he spoke outside his basement room at the shelter. “I’ve seen things happen. I’ve heard of people accidentally getting hit the wrong way. I don’t want to be one of those people.

“I was desperate, you know. I was kind of skeptical about even coming… I thought, a big warehouse, cots everywhere,” Peter said. “I called this place, and they told me it was nothing like that.”

His time at the shelter has given him breathing room to contemplate his next steps. “As much as I like the people here, I don’t want to be here with them. Sorry guys! I hope you guys don’t want me here,” he teased as another resident, Malik, stood nearby. “I’m just gonna rebuild my life.”

Malik arrived in Canada from Japan via Sri Lanka with two children and a rocky marriage in tow. Within two months of arriving, his wife left with the kids and falsely accused him of abuse, he claims. Forced to find a new place to live in the middle of the pandemic, Malik found a bedroom in a shared apartment.

Then the roommate began showing signs of “severe mental breakdown,” he said. The roommate tried to attack Malik last Christmas. “I got the hell out,” he said, as he sat on his bed in the shelter.

A friend picked him up and he got connected with a central intake system that directed him to the shelter. There was nearly a three-week waitlist. When he was finally able to check in, “it was a huge relief. Like, finally, I was breathing after two years,” he said, smiling.

Malik recalled the first thing he did when he got settled in the shelter: “I just slept for a couple of days. I was so tired of two years of nonstop stress.” He sees his kids on weekends, taking them to the shelter, a privilege he would not have in a typical homeless or temporary housing facility.

The Toronto shelter wasn’t the first to offer a safe haven for abused Canadian men. In the 1990s, Earl Silverman trudged across Calgary fleeing a violent wife. He desperately searched for a place to get back on his feet, but whenever Silverman tried to check himself into a domestic abuse shelter, he was turned away and encouraged to seek counselling instead.

“When I went into the community looking for some support services, I couldn’t find any. There were a lot for women, and the only programs for men were for anger management. As a victim, I was re-victimized by having these services telling me I wasn’t a victim, but I was a perpetrator,” Silverman told the National Post in 2013.

He became an advocate for male victims of spousal abuse. Silverman created the Men’s Alternative Safe House, the first and only refuge in Canada at that time for male victims of domestic abuse. At its peak, the facility housed just over a dozen men and a handful of children, funded mostly through private donations but also from Silverman’s own pocket. He’d turned to the government for help but was turned away.

“Family violence has gone from a social issue to only a woman’s issue. So, any support for men is interpreted as being against women,” he told an Alberta media outlet at the time.

The battle for recognition and acceptance took its toll on Silverman. He’d fought his share of demons and trauma over the years, often falling into bouts of alcoholism. The project gave him new meaning and purpose — until the bills began piling up and he struggled to keep the door open. The finances eventually became unsustainable, and he was forced to sell his house.

Silverman was discovered soon after his 2013 National Post interview by the new owner touring the property, hanging in the garage. A four-page suicide note blamed the government for ignoring the plight of men.

Trottier seems on the surface an unlikely successor to pick up Silverman’s torch, a legacy he will make good on with the opening of a second men’s shelter in Calgary this month – more than a decade after Silverman’s closed.j

At 41, his life is dotted with seemingly disconnected initiatives. Throughout his twenties and thirties, he founded a secular organization and argued before the Supreme Court against public prayers in Quebec government meetings. He commissioned atheist bus advertisements and ran as Green Party MPP in the Toronto Parkdale-High Park riding. He lost the race but was on the right side of the Supreme Court ruling.

“I tend to gravitate to those underexplored issues that have the combination of being really critically important and yet, mysteriously, nobody’s doing anything about it. If there’s any kind of common thread that ties together all the otherwise eclectic interests that I have, I think that’s it,” he said.

A decade ago, Trottier stumbled upon men’s issues. “It’s very obvious to me anyway that these are life and death issues. I mean suicide prevention, parental alienation, workplace fatalities, homelessness, drug addiction — these things that disproportionately affect boys and men. And nobody notices that. So that really intrigued me and also frustrated me.”

The media attention Trottier previously got evaporated when he began talking about struggling men. “Mostly the media doesn’t even think this is a legitimate thing. They’re just very used to covering gender issues in a certain way and they deem the conversation to be complete when you tackle it from one, I would say, ideological perspective. There’s not a lot of appetite for more well-rounded conversation, to see things from a more … comprehensive picture.”

Matt, Peter, Malik and others have also touched the lives of the student social workers-volunteers from York University who play a vital role keeping the shelter running on its meagre funding. “It provided me inside information on the gaps that are in the system for men who are experiencing abuse and the lack of services that are not being provided,” said Thelcia Williams, a grad student volunteer.

“It also highlighted the stigmas and the sexist and gender biases that are incorporated within the field as well, where, you know, a lot of people don’t believe that there should be a shelter for men who are experiencing abuse,” she continued.

“A lot of people don’t believe men experience abuse, right? They just believe it’s women and children but, in fact, there is a demographic of men who are experiencing abuse. That needs to be addressed.”

Justin Anger, another social work grad student from York, said he also “didn’t realize how big of an issue domestic violence for men was until I came here.” Working firsthand with male survivors has changed the way Anger now looks at his coursework. “Even in some courses I’ve taken, whenever we speak about domestic violence, it’s (about) women,” he said. “It definitely shifted my perspective.”

Men as victims is an uncomfortable reality to acknowledge, even for men themselves.

“We don’t want to know about abused men,” Janice Fiamengo, a professor at the University of Ottawa and an outspoken supporter of men’s issues, wrote in an email to the National Post. “We turn our eyes away. And we definitely do not want to know about abusive women.”

Worse still, such men are often politically and socially homeless, with few advocates willing to take on their cause. “Male victims of abuse are caught between the progressive left, which doesn’t believe men can be victims because they have power, and the chivalric right, which tells men to man up and protect women,” Fiamengo added.

Matt is painfully familiar with this tension. “When you’re strong, when you look strong, people don’t even stop to ask you if you’re OK.”

Supporting Male Victims of Domestic Abuse Day 2024 #MenYouAreNotAlone

Supporting Male Victims of Domestic Abuse Day 2024 #MenYouAreNotAlone

Mankind

This year, we have set aside Thursday 7 November for the third ever Supporting Male Victims of Domestic Abuse Day (#MenYouAreNotAlone). Please do get involved.

We are asking every organisation providing support services for men experiencing domestic abuse to publicise the help they have available to the men in their local community.

In 2023, over 160 police forces, councils, charities, service providers, employers and the Domestic Abuse Commissioner took part. You can also be listed as a partner and supporter.

Only one in 20 victims accessing specialist support from their local commissioned service (community-based/IDVA service) is male. Our aim is to encourage more men to come forward and for those around them to support them to do so.

If we make a bigger collective and coordinated effort for one day, it will help amplify the message #MenYouAreNotAlone.

The date is  always after the autumn half term school holiday and after the clocks “go back” – which can be a time where men realise they need to do something about the domestic abuse they are suffering from.

We have produced a campaign logo and strapline but it does not matter whether you use them or not. The key issue is to promote what support YOU OFFER. If you already promotional material, please just use this (but do use #MenYouAreNotAlone on social media)

If you wish to support the day, please do let us know via emailing [email protected] and we can add your organisation to the supporters page.

One in every six to seven men will become a victim of domestic abuse at some point in their lifetime1.

This abuse can come in many different forms and includes :

(a) physical or sexual abuse; (b) violent or threatening behaviour; (c) controlling or coercive behaviour; (d) economic abuse; (e) psychological, emotional or other abuse;

Men trying to escape domestic abuse make up one in three victims of domestic abuse1  and make up are one in four victims of domestic-abuse related offences reported to the police (26%)2, yet only make up one in twenty victims accessing support from their local commissioned domestic service (“community/IDVA-based service”)3. We need to encourage more men to seek help from their local service including those specifically for men.

More than one person suffers when abuse is happening. Family members including children, friends, colleagues and neighbours and even the abusers themselves can all be  affected in a very negative and destructive way. We need your support to push the message that there is support available, there is a listening ear and there is hope for all men suffering any form of domestic abuse.

Differences in frequency of violence and reported injury between relationships with reciprocal and nonreciprocal intimate partner violence -

The context of the violence (reciprocal vs nonreciprocal) is a strong predictor of reported injury. Prevention approaches that address the e

PubMed

Objectives: We sought to examine the prevalence of reciprocal (i.e., perpetrated by both partners) and nonreciprocal intimate partner violence and to determine whether reciprocity is related to violence frequency and injury.

Methods: We analyzed data on young US adults aged 18 to 28 years from the 2001 National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, which contained information about partner violence and injury reported by 11,370 respondents on 18761 heterosexual relationships.

Results: Almost 24% of all relationships had some violence, and half (49.7%) of those were reciprocally violent. In nonreciprocally violent relationships, women were the perpetrators in more than 70% of the cases. Reciprocity was associated with more frequent violence among women (adjusted odds ratio [AOR]=2.3; 95% confidence interval [CI]=1.9, 2.8), but not men (AOR=1.26; 95% CI=0.9, 1.7). Regarding injury, men were more likely to inflict injury than were women (AOR=1.3; 95% CI=1.1, 1.5), and reciprocal intimate partner violence was associated with greater injury than was nonreciprocal intimate partner violence regardless of the gender of the perpetrator (AOR=4.4; 95% CI=3.6, 5.5).

Conclusions: The context of the violence (reciprocal vs nonreciprocal) is a strong predictor of reported injury. Prevention approaches that address the escalation of partner violence may be needed to address reciprocal violence.

Among large population samples, 57.9% of IPV reported was bi-directional, 42% unidirectional; 13.8% of the unidirectional violence was male to female (MFPV), 28.3% was female to male (FMPV)

References Examining Assaults by Women on Their Spouses or Male Partners: An Updated Annotated Bibliography - Sexuality & Culture

This annotated bibliography describes 343 scholarly investigations (270 empirical studies and 73 reviews) demonstrating that women are as ph

SpringerLink

This annotated bibliography describes 343 scholarly investigations (270 empirical studies and 73 reviews) demonstrating that women are as physically aggressive as men (or more) in their relationships with their spouses or opposite-sex partners. The aggregate sample size in the reviewed studies exceeds 440,850 people.

The sexual victimization of men in America: new data challenge old assumptions - PubMed

We assessed 12-month prevalence and incidence data on sexual victimization in 5 federal surveys that the Bureau of Justice Statistics, the C

PubMed

We assessed 12-month prevalence and incidence data on sexual victimization in 5 federal surveys that the Bureau of Justice Statistics, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and the Federal Bureau of Investigation conducted independently in 2010 through 2012. We used these data to examine the prevailing assumption that men rarely experience sexual victimization. We concluded that federal surveys detect a high prevalence of sexual victimization among men-in many circumstances similar to the prevalence found among women. We identified factors that perpetuate misperceptions about men's sexual victimization: reliance on traditional gender stereotypes, outdated and inconsistent definitions, and methodological sampling biases that exclude inmates. We recommend changes that move beyond regressive gender assumptions, which can harm both women and men.

More than 40% of domestic violence victims are male, report reveals

Campaign group Parity claims assaults by wives and girlfriends are often ignored by police and media

the Guardian

About two in five of all victims of domestic violence are men, contradicting the widespread impression that it is almost always women who are left battered and bruised, a new report claims.

Men assaulted by their partners are often ignored by police, see their attacker go free and have far fewer refuges to flee to than women, says a study by the men's rights campaign group Parity.

The charity's analysis of statistics on domestic violence shows the number of men attacked by wives or girlfriends is much higher than thought. Its report, Domestic Violence: The Male Perspective, states: "Domestic violence is often seen as a female victim/male perpetrator problem, but the evidence demonstrates that this is a false picture."

Data from Home Office statistical bulletins and the British Crime Survey show that men made up about 40% of domestic violence victims each year between 2004-05 and 2008-09, the last year for which figures are available. In 2006-07 men made up 43.4% of all those who had suffered partner abuse in the previous year, which rose to 45.5% in 2007-08 but fell to 37.7% in 2008-09.

Similar or slightly larger numbers of men were subjected to severe force in an incident with their partner, according to the same documents. The figure stood at 48.6% in 2006-07, 48.3% the next year and 37.5% in 2008-09, Home Office statistics show.

The 2008-09 bulletin states: "More than one in four women (28%) and around one in six men (16%) had experienced domestic abuse since the age of 16. These figures are equivalent to an estimated 4.5 million female victims of domestic abuse and 2.6 million male victims."

In addition, "6% of women and 4% of men reported having experienced domestic abuse in the past year, equivalent to an estimated one million female victims of domestic abuse and 600,000 male victims".

Campaigners claim that men are often treated as "second-class victims" and that many police forces and councils do not take them seriously. "Male victims are almost invisible to the authorities such as the police, who rarely can be prevailed upon to take the man's side," said John Mays of Parity. "Their plight is largely overlooked by the media, in official reports and in government policy, for example in the provision of refuge places – 7,500 for females in England and Wales but only 60 for men."

The official figures underestimate the true number of male victims, Mays said. "Culturally it's difficult for men to bring these incidents to the attention of the authorities. Men are reluctant to say that they've been abused by women, because it's seen as unmanly and weak."

The number of women prosecuted for domestic violence rose from 1,575 in 2004-05 to 4,266 in 2008-09. "Both men and women can be victims and we know that men feel under immense pressure to keep up the pretence that everything is OK," said Alex Neil, the housing and communities minister in the Scottish parliament. "Domestic abuse against a man is just as abhorrent as when a woman is the victim."

Mark Brooks of the Mankind Initiative, a helpline for victims, said: "It's a scandal that in 2010 all domestic violence victims are still not being treated equally. We reject the gendered analysis that so many in the domestic violence establishment still pursue, that the primary focus should be female victims. Each victim should be seen as an individual and helped accordingly."

The simple truth is, a woman can do anything a man can.

There’s no doubt that a woman is no less capable of running a Fortune 500 company, of leading a nation, innovating, breaking records, or reshaping the world for the better.

I’ve seen women do it.

I’ve witnessed the wondrous power of womanhood; as visionaries, as pioneers, CEO’s and commanders-in-chief.

The world is forever changed, in incalculable ways, by countless many, and we are all the better for it.

I am not alone in feeling this way.

But why do so many limit women’s capacity when it cuts the other way?

Why do so many deny women the full gamut of human behaviour…

Are women, like men, not capable of abuse?

Are they not capable of violence, coercion, and malevolence?

Why do so many recognise a woman’s autonomy, but only when she does the things we like and admire?

As iconic feminist Margaret Atwood once said –

‘My fundamental position is that women are human beings, with the full range of saintly and demonic behaviours this entails, including criminal ones. They’re not angels, incapable of wrongdoing.’

And she’s right.

So let’s take a look at the other half of women’s autonomy. The ugly side, that nobody wants to acknowledge.

So, to the men who were abused by their female partner, what was the final straw?

• Men do it far more often. Which is false. 50% of IPV is bidirectional, 70% of unidirectional IPV is perpetrated by women.
• Men are stronger, so it doesn't matter, it's less of an issue. That is, "quit complaining, shut up and take it."
• He probably deserved it, good on her. That is, "she he was asking for it" has been rehabilitated.
• She did it in self-defence. False. Studies show the motivations are similar for men and women, and "self-defence" is not even in the top 10.

Female narcissism and domestic abuse: New psychology research reveals dangerous tendencies

New research reveals that while narcissism manifests differently in women, it is equally dangerous. Women with high narcissistic traits tend

PsyPost - Psychology News

The term narcissism may conjure up images of chest-pumping, arrogant, male self-promoters. The personality trait – with its hallmark features of overt grandiosity, assertiveness and superiority – is, in fact, more commonly observed in men.

That is because these central features align closely with traditional masculine traits. In fact, up to 75% of people diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder are men.

But in reality, narcissism is a modern epidemic that afflicts men and women alike. Our new research, published in Sex Roles, shows how narcissism manifests itself differently in women – but reveals that narcissistic women can be as dangerous and violent as their male counterparts.

Our research reveals that women with high traits of narcissism tend to be more vulnerable and insecure than their male peers. That means it can sometimes be missed by clinical professionals, for example, misdiagnosed as borderline personality disorder.

Narcissism is a complex personality trait. While full-blown narcissistic personality disorder isn’t too common, affecting about 1-2% of the population, we all have narcissism to varying degrees.

Narcissistic personality traits can be expressed in two forms: grandiose and vulnerable. People who exhibit more grandiose features are self-assured and socially dominant. People who exhibit more vulnerable features are introverted and have lower self-esteem. Both forms share an antagonistic core, demonstrated by high levels of entitlement and a willingness to exploit others.

In the context of intimate relationships, narcissism has similarly been associated with men’s perpetration of violence. Threats to their self-esteem can evoke feelings of shame, humiliation and wounded pride, leading to aggressive behaviour.

Although women are less likely to display stereotypical manifestations of narcissism, it does not mean that narcissism is not as common in women. For instance, consider the numerous reality TV stars who are notorious for their self-centredness and vanity – traits often associated with narcissism.

Yet narcissism in women extends beyond self-absorption. Vulnerable narcissism involves traits such as emotional vulnerability, low self-esteem and inhibition. These traits overlap with traditional notions of femininity. Such gender differences in narcissism may stem from gender-specific stereotypes of masculinity and femininity ingrained from childhood.

Consequently, the tendency for men to display more grandiose features and women to display more vulnerable traits may partly originate from parenting styles aimed at making boys more assertive and girls more nurturing.

However, there is a danger of interpreting women’s narcissism as less harmful due to their initial presentation as more soft-spoken, nurturing, passive and vulnerable than men. Beneath this persona, they may be devoid of empathy and harbour high levels of entitlement and a willingness to exploit others.

This suggests that men and women may be aggressive or violent in different ways. Narcissistic women may be more likely to manipulate people, spread rumours or be passive aggressive than narcissistic men, for example.

Our recent research tested this for the first time. In a study of 328 adults (176 women and 152 men), we examined the complex dynamics between childhood experiences, narcissism and the perpetration of intimate partner violence in men and women.

Participants completed an online survey and were asked questions about their personality traits. This captured both grandiose and vulnerable features of narcissism using the Pathological Narcissism Inventory. Participants were also asked to indicate any conflicts that may have arisen during their past or present intimate relationships.

Men scored higher on grandiose narcissism while women scored higher on vulnerable narcissism. Despite these marked gender differences, it is important to remember that narcissism exists along a spectrum. Men can exhibit vulnerable features and women can exhibit grandiose features, too.

Grandiose narcissism in men was associated with greater perpetration of psychological partner violence such as being controlling, bullying or manipulative.

Somewhat surprisingly, grandiose narcissism in men was not associated with the perpetration of physical violence. That clashes with some previous research that measured narcissism using different methods. But overall, men are more likely than women to perpetrate violence, so a proportion of narcissistic men are likely to be violent.

More surprisingly, vulnerable narcissism in women was linked with greater perpetration of physical, sexual and psychological partner violence. It is important to note here that not every woman with vulnerable narcissistic traits is violent.

Instead, specific features of vulnerable narcissism such as devaluing others (assigning exaggerated negative qualities about them) and having entitlement rage (lashing out when you don’t get what you think you deserve) are associated with violent behaviour.

Women who exhibit these features to a higher extent are more likely to be shamefully dependent on others to provide admiration. As a result, they are more likely to respond violently in an attempt to regulate their self-esteem and gain positions of power.

For women, recalling having a caring mother during childhood was associated with reduced levels of vulnerable narcissism and subsequent perpetration of violence toward their partner. This suggests there may be buffers that can be acknowledged and integrated into intervention programmes.

Despite longstanding evidence portraying narcissistic men as more violent than women, our research shows that narcissistic women are not only verbally aggressive, as commonly portrayed in studies, but also physically violent towards their partner.

Despite this, the manner in which narcissistic women abuse others may not be recognised as stereotypically narcissistic. Instead, they may use their feminine identity to leverage societal expectations of women as being nurturing and passive.

This might include exploiting their perceived victimhood to gain positions of power and control. Insidious tactics may include making threats of (false) allegations of abuse, withholding intimacy and affection, exploiting their motherhood to turn their children against their partner, and physically assaulting their partner and blaming it on self-defence to gain sympathy from legal authorities.

Our research challenges the stereotype that women are always the victims in abusive relationships. This balanced understanding promotes a more nuanced view of relational dynamics and gender roles in intimate relationships. By investigating features of narcissism in women, we can better recognise and unmask their true nature.

This study sought to explicitly investigate manifestations of female narcissism and their attempts at self-regulation in the context of intimate partner violence (IPV). This novel phenomenon was explored through the lens of ex-partners’ perceptions of female narcissists. A qualitative approach using individual interviews was adopted to gain an in-depth insight of the subtleties and nuances of gender differences in narcissistic personality. Semi-structured interviews were carried out with ten male participants who reported having experienced an abusive relationship with a female narcissist. These interviews were transcribed and analysed using thematic analysis. Three overarching themes emerged from the data analysis: (i) dualistic personas of narcissism; (ii) the mask of femininity; and (iii) the hidden paradox of gender roles. Findings illustrated that perceived expressions of female narcissists depicted presentations of narcissistic vulnerability. Analysis also demonstrated that gender-related norms further shaped motives and self-regulatory strategies for females to obtain positions of power and control. These were established through adopting a ‘victim status’, playing the ‘mother card’ and using legal and societal benefits to their advantage. Female narcissists were perceived to employ strategic attempts at self-construction in sinister and abusive ways, governed by what society allows them to express. It is concluded that narcissism describes a phenomenon in females that moves beyond the overt grandiose stereotype. Limitations and suggestions for future research are discussed.

Like, if you really want to hit the hornet's nest, go try posting content about male victims of abuse, especially abuse by women. And it's just, it's seen as a highly controversial topic. And I do not understand why, it doesn't need to be.

It's unbelievable how wrong we are, and the amount of damage that is done to women and men, as a result of being that wrong. And it's annoying because domestic violence didn't start off this way.

I've met the woman that set up the first refuge in the world for women, called Erin. She's a genius. Her strategy was amazing. Like, because there's no money for domestic violence. There's little now, and there was nothing then. She just basically went and squatted in houses. So, she would just go into a house, squat, bring in the women and girls, to squat in the house. They would take over, and she would just go to the next house. And she went house, to house, to house, took over whole streets, took over a whole hotel, and filled them up with abused women.

And she straight away, the first day, the first day she opened up the first refuge, she realised, most of these women are violent themselves. 60 of the first 100 women that came to her, were at least as violent, if not more violent than the husband they were fleeing from.

I don't know if there's anyone in the world with more experience of working with abused women than Erin Pizzey. And she absolutely does not think it's a 'gendered issue.' And she thinks the 'gendered issue' side of it is called 'The Big Lie.' That's what she thinks, it's 'The Big Lie.' And it's not gendered. And I'm like, how could you argue with her? Who has more experience than the woman that set up the domestic violence industry itself?

So, she was like, 'it's not gendered, it's cyclical, reciprocal and generational. It's very complex.' And further, 'I need to set up a refuge for men.' And Erin went from being a national hero, saving thousands of lives of women and girls all over the UK, to being seen as like this horrible, misogynistic woman, which she's not. And she was exposed to death threats, harassment, picketing.

That's mind blowing. I didn't know that.

Yeah, honestly, Erin's story is very, very special.

You're in good company, I think. The experts are on my side, of this discussion, of non-gendered violence. Not just Erin, but there's so many amazing researchers that have substantiated the fact that men are abused in numbers more or less equal to women, and we've ignored them. We just don't care. Doesn't matter how prestigious, how many papers, or studies they provide, how many refuges they open, we don't want to hear it, because it's not popular.

But that is changing, but not changing fast enough.

“There are as many violent women as men, but there’s a lot of money in hating men, particularly in the United States – millions of dollars. It isn’t a politically good idea to threaten the huge budgets for women’s refuges by saying that some of the women who go into them aren’t total victims.” -- Erin Pizzey, Founder of the world's first women's refuge.

‘It’s a world made by men, for the benefit of men.’

The patriarchy, male privilege, gender oppression… again and again, we are beaten over the head with dogmatic, absolutist, and terrifying catch phrases, each to be accepted without question.

You see, when it comes to political and structural advantage, men have it all, and women have none.

But do such theories make sense in modern society?

Why, if our male privilege is so sweet, do so many thousands of men end their lives in such tragic stories of suicide?

Why, if our society is so patriarchal, does it ignore the countless and increasingly urgent issues that devastate men and boys?

And why, if this society is designed for my advantage, no less as a straight white man, then why in the build-up to a General Election is there not one policy designed for men and boys?

I don’t understand.

And if the world hates and neglects women so much, why do our major political parties line up to offer them a plethora of well-meaning policies, showering them with taxpayer money, and words of support, compassion, and kindness?

The political agendas are out, outlining the next generation of political change, and ambition, and it’s chock full of ‘women and girls’ being a national priority.

Meanwhile any question about the other half of society, to rightfully ask ‘what about men and boys?’, will only draw sneers and squeals, eye rolls, and violence, ‘this isn’t about you’, they snap back.

Yes.

We know that already. That’s the point.

It never is.

It never is about boys falling behind and out of education.

It never is about the homeless men left to die on the street.

It never is about the millions of male victims of abuse with nowhere to go.

Those who say, ‘this isn’t about you’, have yet to realise they have missed the point entirely, whilst simultaneously impaling themselves upon it.

We know.

This isn’t about us, and it never is.

So, who, in another full house of political neglect, betrayal and failure, are you going to vote for?

‘I was laughed out of it initially when I went to gardaí about the abuse I was getting from my ex-wife’

A garda investigation into the alleged coercive control of a man by his wife is at an advanced stage.

independent.ie

A victim of alleged coercive control says there are different standards applied to male and female victims of crime in Ireland

A gardaí invest­ig­a­tion into the alleged coer­cive con­trol of a man by his wife is at an advanced stage.

It is under­stood officers in the south of the coun­try have examined a lit­any of abuse claims by the man with text mes­sages, voice notes and emails all part of the invest­ig­a­tion.

Speaking to the Sunday Independent, the man explained the barriers he faced coming forward and his belief that many others are “suffering in silence” because of societal stigma about men having crimes committed against them by their partners.

David (not his real name) has split from his wife. The couple have three children and were married for more than a decade.

David alleges his wife’s controlling behaviour began soon after they married and gradually got worse over time.

She became “fixated” on a false belief that he was being unfaithful to her and she would routinely check his phone and accuse him on a daily basis of cheating on her.

He was the sole breadwinner in the household and said she would regularly “berate” him for not being a good enough financial provider.

He eventually decided it was in both his and his children’s best interests to separate from his wife.

“I spent a year on the couch and finally decided enough was enough. I physically couldn’t take it any more. It was daily, non-stop abuse,” he said.

“Initially I just felt very relieved after I left. I was able to talk about it for the first time to my family. I’d never told anyone about it before.

“I thought after we separated, things would get better. But unfortunately it got a lot worse.”

This narrative soon gained traction in their local community and some of David’s friends and extended family started to believe her claims.

“She victimised herself. And some people automatically believed her. I felt I shouldn’t have to defend myself but people in my community began to look at me differently and I was even physically attacked by one man about it,” he said.

David added that “by far” the biggest problem he has faced since the couple separated is his belief she has turned his children against him.

David now has a new partner but he said his ex-wife has repeatedly followed him around in her car, sometimes with their children in tow, while abusing him about his new relationship.

“She has said things to the kids like, ‘He has chosen a woman over you’. They’ve said these things back to me. She has completely turned one of the kids against me. And another one of my kids seems to be half-way there,” he said.

David alleges his estranged wife has used their children’s phones to abuse him.

“She’s also taken my kids’ phones and sent me abusive messages pretending to be them, saying things like, ‘you’re a shit dad, a deadbeat dad.’ It’s been very hard to take. Being followed around has been very unnerving. And it’s not fair on my partner either,” he said.

He has made a number of complaints to Tusla, the Child and Family Agency, about issues concerning his children while in the care of their mother. It is understood gardaí have been in contact with the agency in relation to some of these matters.

In recent months, David decided to make a complaint to gardaí about his ex-wife as he began to feel overwhelmed by what he describes as the “constant” abuse and her following him.

However, he said the garda he spoke to in his local station dismissed his allegations at the front desk, “telling me to sort it out myself”.

He said: “If the shoe was on the other foot, I think a woman telling gardaí about this kind of thing would be taken much more seriously from the beginning. But I was laughed out of it initially.

“I went home and called the charity Men’s Aid. They arranged for a garda sergeant to come to my house and take my statement. I’ve been happy since with how the matter is being handled by gardaí.”

​It is understood that gardaí are preparing to send an extensive file to the DPP in relation to the investigation. Officers have been provided with text messages, voice notes and emails “of a highly abusive nature” as well as alleged evidence of online financial theft perpetrated by David’s estranged wife.

It is understood that a range of criminal charges are under consideration. These include coercive control, harassment in the form of stalking, as well as theft.

“I couldn’t get a protection order because it wasn’t physical abuse and the fact that I’m a man went against me essentially. But if this situation was in reverse, I’d already be locked up,” said David.

“There are two different standards in this country for men and women who are put through this. The issue is that there is not enough help for men.

“This is not about me trying to punish her or wanting to see her sent to prison at all. All I want is to stop looking over my shoulder. And a healthier situation for me and my kids. I just want the abuse to stop.”

So, there are different stats coming out. The reality is it's actually 1 in 2. Lifetime. Same number for men as it is for women. That's the number when you're looking at general population. This is the number that the CDC has come out with. And it's based on a national crime and violence survey.

So, when you see one in eight, that's because the domestic violence community is coming up with that. And that's a closed system that has already declared it really doesn't happen to men. They're testing their own subset of the population and they come up with that kind of number. Some of them would come up with zero because they don't believe that domestic violence can happen against men.

Student nurse drove her lover to brink in bullying campaign

Mother-of-six Sarah Rigby, 41, forced her NHS project manager Gareth Jones to eat salad, wear a hat and swallow toothpaste and mouthwash in

Mail Online

• Student nurse forced partner to use toilet in local library and claimed he stank
• Victim Gareth Jones bravely spoke out about 'stigma' of male domestic abuse

A girlfriend subjected her partner to a regime of terror during which she bullied, belittled and humiliated him over his weight, hair, sex drive and even his breath.

Mother-of-six Sarah Rigby, 41, forced her NHS project manager Gareth Jones to eat salad, wear a hat and swallow toothpaste and mouthwash in the wrongful belief he was fat, bald and had halitosis.

During their abusive six-month relationship, the student nurse even taunted Jones, 40, over his sexual performance and threatened: 'If I'm not pregnant this month, I am going to find someone else to have sex with.'

At Chester Crown Court, Mr Jones bravely told how he was driven to the brink of suicide by the abuse as Rigby, admitted to coercive behaviour.

She was handed a 20 months jail sentence suspended for two years and banned from contacting him or his parents for five years under a restraining order. 

Mr Jones would be 'frisked' by her before leaving the house and was condemned to pound the streets or do his job from their local library, pub or supermarket café until she came home.

On occasions he would have to work late into the night as he was made to do errands and jobs for Rigby during the day.

Under Rigby's regime, he would also have to forfeit his £4,000 a month wage and allowed her to check his mobile phone on demand.

He even resorted to giving his own mother a 'duress code' to indicate when it was safe for them to speak without his lover listening in.

In one row Jones was hit in face by a glass candle holder leaving him with a scar across his nose.

In other instances, Mr Jones, who moved in with Rigby after meeting on Plenty of Fish, was thrown out of her house in Winsford, Cheshire whilst dressed only in his underwear.

During one tirade, Rigby told him: 'I may not control social services, but I can control you and I am loving it.' She also called him 'fat', 'lazy', 'sweaty', 'a whale', 'dopey', 'thick', 'smelly' and a 'dog' during other temper tantrums.

He told the court he was now so haunted by his experiences he kept minimal possessions and would have a 'grab bag' with him containing a tooth brush, and washing products and a towel at all times.

He also accused Rigby of showing 'contempt' for him by turning up to court appearances flaunting a £400 Marc Jacobs shoulder bag he was ordered to buy her during a shopping trip to Harrods.

Mr Jones said: 'After the abuse started, the effect of being constantly belittled and abused made me nervous, feel degraded and worthless. My image of myself became distorted and I had low self esteem - I still feel like this to a degree.

'When she used to say things like I had halitosis and forced me to drink half a bottle of Listerine or eat toothpaste, I started to believe that I had things wrong with me.

'I was forced to wear a hat every time we went out together because she didn't want to be seen with someone who was receding and kept on that she wanted me to have a hair transplant.

'l also felt degraded as Sarah used to try and intimidate me and ridicule my manhood regularly.

'I had regular bruising on my body from when Sarah used to kick, bite, scratch or claw me.

'I was nervous to consult my GP for fear she would find out and beat me further. As Sarah would not allow me to eat - l was called a 'fat, smelly slob' - l became paranoid about food.

'If she kicked me out and I was able to stay with my parents, I would be afraid to eat with them in case she summonsed me back and would be able to smell food on my breath.

'She regularly kicked me out, making sure I had no belongings with me and as a result I started hiding a toothbrush, shower gel and a small towel in my work briefcase.

'Whilst I was with Sarah, my relationship with friends and family became strained. I was isolated from everyone.

'I was extremely nervous about ringing my parents as my phone would constantly be checked so I would delete all evidence of this and had to create a code word with my mum, so that she knew Sarah was not around and could speak more freely.

'I was constantly being watched and was not allowed to have any personal telephone conversation unless in Sarah's presence.

'My phone was also checked on a regular basis by Sarah and I had to provide my pass-code to her and passwords to email accounts so she could check anything at anytime.

'If I had contacted any friends or family I was controlled in what I was and wasn't allowed to say to them.

'I felt trapped as she'd always said that if I attempted to leave her, she would trash my belongings and have me up for assault as she had done with previous partners.

'When I eventually fled the property, I had no possessions with me. My finances had been abused, so I could not afford a place of my own and had to buy all clothes from scratch. This was very demoralising and left me also with a feeling of emptiness.'

He added: 'After leaving, I became extremely stressed. I was petrified that she would take reprisals and arrange for someone to come to my parents' house to damage property or even that she would arrange to have me beaten up or worse.

'I no longer feel open to having a relationship as I'm still afraid that I'll be abused again.

'I do not feel l can trust another woman at present. When I am out in public and I see someone with the same hairstyle and colour of Sarah's, I become scared.

'I also feel nervous about telling people what has happened to me due to the stigma behind males not being seen as victims of domestic abuse.

'I think I will always be emotionally scarred by the effects the abuse that I've suffered.'

The court heard the couple met in summer 2021 through the dating website Plenty of Fish.

He subsequently gave up his flat in Crewe to move in with Rigby but prosecutor Frances Willmott said: 'By the autumn she told Mr Jones he had to lose weight if he was to stay in a relationship with her.

'She would restrict what Mr Jones ate when out and if he ate anything more substantial than a salad would be verbally abusive.

'If Mr Jones ate while away from Ms Rigby she would refuse to come near him and say that he smelt of onion or garlic.

'She would insist Mr Jones swallowed toothpaste and drank mouthwash. Even when Mr Jones lost a significant amount of weight Ms Rigby was still abusive about his appearance.

'On New Year's Eve 2021 during an argument Ms Rigby clawed at Mr Jones face and and he was made to sleep on the floor as "punishment".

'Some days later she accused Mr Jones of breaking her ribs but despite x-rays showing no breaks, she demanded compensation him and threatened to call the police if he did not pay her.

'She wore Mr Jones down with repeated messages until he apologised - at which point she would threaten to use his message apologising to report him to the police.

'She did not give him a key to her property and would not let him be in the house by himself. As a result, Mr Jones would have to leave the house and find public spaces in order to work, often at short notice, when she wanted to leave the house.

'She would frisk Mr Jones as he left the house, to check what he was taking with him. She told Mr Jones he could not be trusted and therefore wanted access to both his phone and bank account.

'She made it clear she was his financial priority and told him that he was legally obliged to pay for everything.

'She accused him of being a nightmare to live with, said he had poor habits and did not let him use the toilet in the house; insisting he went to the toilet at the library or the pub.

'She would only let Mr Jones shower every few days and not change his clothes yet would also tell Mr Jones that he smelt.'

Mr Jones contacted the police in early March 2022 when he went to work out of the house.

Police later urged Rigby to return the victim's possessions including his work computer and sentimental items, but she repeatedly denied she had anything to return.

In interview she falsely claimed Jones had been violent, coercive, controlling and manipulative towards her.

In mitigation, defence counsel Jade Tufail said Rigby had been diagnosed with PTSD due to an undisclosed 'trauma' she suffered in her childhood.

But the judge Recorder Eric Lamb told Rigby: 'Your conduct has led to a substantial detrimental effect upon Mr Jones, who even today when speaking of the impact of the relationship upon him was plainly close to tears and in great distress when speaking on where the relationship had left him.

'There were multiple methods of controlling or coercive behaviour intended to humiliate and degrade him.'

Following last week's sentencing, Cheshire Constabulary's' DC Sophie Ward said: 'Firstly, I would like to praise the victim for having the courage to speak out, as well as the bravery that he has shown throughout the investigation. 

'This is the worst case of controlling and coercive behaviour I have ever seen. 

'Rigby had a stranglehold on the victim. Through her coercive behaviour she was able to control everything he did, cutting him off from everyone he knew and leaving him trapped, feeling like he had nowhere to turn. 

 'Her actions left the victim both physically and emotionally scarred, and even now, two years after their relationship ended, he is still receiving psychological counselling to help him recover. 

'Even after she was charged, Rigby continued to taunt her victim, refusing to return his belongings, and constantly delaying the trial by failing to notify the court of holidays and appointments. 

'Although she eventually pleaded guilty to her offending, she has shown no remorse for her actions. 

'While the victim will never be able to forget what happened to him, I hope that the conclusion of this case will help him to move forward and start to rebuild his life.'

DC Ward added: 'Many people think that only women can be victims of controlling and coercive behaviour, but as this case demonstrates, that is not always the case and there is help available. 

'We treat all reports we receive seriously and will investigate thoroughly to ensure that those responsibility are brought to justice. 

'If you, or someone you know, are a victim of this type of behaviour then please speak out.'

Senior Crown Prosecutor Nicky Inskip of CPS Mersey-Cheshire added: 'Sarah Rigby subjected her former partner to months of cruel and dehumanising behaviour. She seemed intent on humiliating and degrading him in any way she could.

'The abuse has had a substantial impact on this man who finally found the courage to break free from this toxic relationship and report Sarah Rigby’s behaviour to the police.

'Her treatment of him did not represent the normal ups and downs of a relationship. It was coercive, controlling and criminal. She admitted her guilt in the face of overwhelming evidence and has now been sentenced. We hope this is of some comfort to the victim.'

Winsford woman sentenced for controlling and coercive behaviour.

A woman from Winsford who physically and psychologically controlled the life of her former partner has been handed a suspended sentence.

cheshire.police.uk

“Firstly, I would like to praise the victim for having the courage to speak out, as well as the bravery that he has shown throughout the investigation.

“This is the worst case of controlling and coercive behaviour I have ever seen.

“Rigby had a stranglehold on the victim. Through her coercive behaviour she was able to control everything he did, cutting him off from everyone he knew and leaving him trapped, feeling like he had nowhere to turn.

“Her actions left the victim both physically and emotionally scarred, and even now, two years after their relationship ended, he is still receiving psychological counselling to help him recover.

“Even after she was charged, Rigby continued to taunt her victim, refusing to return his belongings, and constantly delaying the trial by failing to notify the court of holidays and appointments.

“Although she eventually pleaded guilty to her offending, she has shown no remorse for her actions.

“While the victim will never be able to forget what happened to him, I hope that the conclusion of this case will help him to move forward and start to rebuild his life.”

“Many people think that only women can be victims of controlling and coercive behaviour, but as this case demonstrates, that is not always the case and there is help available.

“We treat all reports we receive seriously and will investigate thoroughly to ensure that those responsibility are brought to justice.

“If you, or someone you know, are a victim of this type of behaviour then please speak out.”

Woman refused to let partner use the toilet in 'degrading' campaign of control

A WOMAN who “dehumanised and degraded” her partner has avoided jail.

Northwich Guardian

A WOMAN who “dehumanised and degraded” her partner has avoided jail.

Sarah Rigby, of Sunningdale Close in Winsford,  has been sentenced to 20 months imprisonment suspended for two years and handed a five-year restraining order.

The 41-year-old, who was studying to be a nurse, subjected her partner to controlling and coercive behaviour over several months.

Senior crown prosecutor Nicky Inskip of CPS Mersey Cheshire said: “Sarah Rigby subjected her former partner to months of cruel and dehumanising behaviour.

“She seemed intent on humiliating and degrading him in any way she could.

“On one occasion she threw him out of the house in his underwear and refused to allow him back in.

“She accused him of stealing from her and, at the same time, made him pay for things for her.”

Mr Inskip added: “The abuse has had a substantial impact on this man who finally found the courage to break free from this toxic relationship and report Sarah Rigby’s behaviour to the police.

“Her treatment of him did not represent the normal ups and downs of a relationship. It was coercive, controlling and criminal.

"She admitted her guilt in the face of overwhelming evidence and has now been sentenced. We hope this is of some comfort to the victim.”

The couple's relationship began in July 2021 and within months Rigby had forced the victim to move into her home in Winsford.

He was made to store all his belongings in the garage and ordered to pay £700 a month rent, despite the fact Rigby’s father already owned the house.

Rigby soon took full control of all his finances, cut him off from his family and friends, and stopped him from being in the house alone.

As the relationship continued, Rigby stopped the victim from showering or using the toilet, meaning he had to go to a nearby pub, library, gym or supermarket.

She also made him sleep on the floor with all the windows open, controlled what he ate, forced him to pay for private treatments and made him pretend to be unwell to get prescriptions to fuel her codeine habit.

The victim was also subjected to physical assaults, including scratching, as well as verbal abuse, with Rigby calling him “a whale” and “dopey” among other things.

Rigby even told the victim “I need to get pregnant this month. If I don’t I’ll dump you.”

Her actions caused the victim to lose four stone in weight.

The victim reported Rigby to the police in March 2022.

She initially denied the offences and blamed the victim, accusing him of being violent, coercive, controlling and manipulative.

The trial began on February 26 this year, with Rigby pleading guilty two days later.

She was sentenced at Chester Crown Court on Friday (May 24) to 20 months imprisonment suspended for two years.

She must complete 35 days of rehabilitation activity and has also been hit with a five-year restraining order, preventing her from contacting the victim or his parents.

Following the sentencing, Detective Constable Sophie Ward, said: “This is the worst case of controlling and coercive behaviour I have ever seen.

“Rigby had a stranglehold on the victim. Through her coercive behaviour, she was able to control everything he did, cutting him off from everyone he knew and leaving him trapped, feeling like he had nowhere to turn.

“While the victim will never be able to forget what happened to him, I hope that the conclusion of this case will help him to move forward and start to rebuild his life.”

Members of the public intervene when they see man attacking girlfriend

A video filmed with three hidden cameras at a London park shows a male actor attacking his 'girlfriend' in front of onlookers who immediatel

Mail Online

• Video filmed with hidden cameras shows male actor attacking 'girlfriend'
• Onlookers rush to help, with one shouting: 'Oi, what's wrong with you?'
• Experiment then conducted with same actors - but woman is aggressor
• However, nobody attempts to help the man - laughing about it instead
• Videos filmed for charity which supports male domestic abuse victims

A hard-hitting experiment has revealed how strangers react differently when seeing domestic abuse depending on the gender of the aggressor.

A video filmed with hidden cameras at a London park shows a male actor attacking his ‘girlfriend’ in front of onlookers who immediately rush to help, with one shouting: ‘Oi mate, what's wrong with you?’

The man is told ‘someone will call the police if you carry on doing that to someone’, before a passer-by says to the woman: ‘You don't have to put up with that honey, he's not worth it’.

The experiment is then conducted with the same actors - but this time, the woman is the aggressor, attacking him and saying: ‘Don't try to walk away - listen to me when I'm talking to you.’

However, instead of reacting with shock, nobody watching even attempts to help the man. They actually seem rather entertained by the incident, stopping to stare and laughing about it.

The videos were filmed with three hidden cameras on May 16 for the ManKind Initiative, a charity based in Taunton, Somerset, which aims to provide support for male victims of domestic abuse.

The clip was made just days after multi-millionaire rap mogul Jay Z was punched and kicked by his wife Beyoncé’s sister Solange Knowles during a violent confrontation in a lift in New York.

In footage captured on CCTV, Solange lashed out on several occasions with her arms and legs and at one point appeared to kick her brother-in-law. Beyoncé looked on during the assault.

The ManKind Initiative runs a national violence helpline for men, and released the video as part of its #ViolenceIsViolence campaign on Twitter.

The charity claims 38 per cent of domestic abuse victims are male. About 7.1 per cent of women and 4.4 per cent of men were estimated to have experienced domestic abuse in the last year.

It said statistics have also revealed that more married men and cohabitating men suffered from partner abuse in 2012/13 than married women and cohabitating women.

Vernon Kay: This year, Loose Women launched a groundbreaking campaign about domestic abuse. It's called "Facing it Together." As well as shining the light on the stories of female survivors, male charities told us they'd had an 80% increase in calls to their help lines, with one in seven men experiencing abuse in their lifetime. It's something we here at Loose Men knew we had to support.

Now I recently sat down with two survivors whose lives were made hell by the women they were married to. To find out how they were able to move on.

Vernon: I'm with Rob and Richard, two survivors of domestic abuse. After 20 years of domestic abuse, Richard secretly filmed his wife's actions, leading to her being jailed for 4 years. His story was recently covered in a Channel 5 documentary. Meanwhile, Rob's former wife is now serving time in prison for attempting to hire a hitman following their split.

Vernon: Rob, Richard thank you very much for joining us. We really appreciate it, and it's important that you guys sit with us and tell us your stories. Rob we'll start with you.

Rob Parkes: Way back, I met my ex-wife at University very soon after that, things started to become really intense and I started to pull away from my friends, my family. We moved to the opposite end of the country to be, effectively, completely by ourselves. And all of a sudden you turn around and you realize that actually my ex was my entire life.

Vernon: What kind of things was she saying that would stop you from seeing your friends?

Rob: She never said I couldn't, but she would make it incredibly difficult for me to go.

Vernon: So Rob, things escalated and then you separated from Victoria, is that right?

Rob: Things became really acrimonious and became very, very difficult.

Vernon: How did the police get involved?

Rob: By that point I was relatively used to to police turning up at my house, but this time they were there to tell me that she had been arrested for trying to engage the services of a professional hitman.

Vernon: It's incomprehensible, the fact that someone would do that. [Richard], your story is completely different.

Richard Spencer: It was-- so at the beginning, I felt like everything in the relationship was normal, and in my case, I think that probably lasted like, about, probably about two years, I think. So, in terms of physical abuse, it'd be things like, you know, just pushing and shoving and slapping and things. Obviously in hindsight, looking back and see any of those things are completely wrong. It would nearly always be when she was drunk. The abuse started to escalate and I was I was getting marks on my face, there was punching and kicking, things like that. At that time, I was traveling with work and I'd have to put makeup on and things, when I was going to meetings and things like that. But, that's the most difficult stage for me to look back on and think, why didn't I leave at that time? How could have I put up with something for so long?

Vernon: So, the one thing I know that people are going to be asking: why didn't you say anything?

Rob: And it's the one question that I ask myself, you know, why can't you say anything? You're the guy, you're the man.

Vernon: But saying that, do you think there's a bit of stigma behind "you're the guy, you're the man"? You know what I mean? Oh come on, be what we deem stereotypically masculine and deal with the situation.

Rob: Exactly. That's exactly the point, the reason why I couldn't say anything, is because of those things.

Vernon: Right. It was shocking what was going on. You had all the recordings made and then when a friend saw the footage of what was going on, he realized how serious it was and he went and called the authorities.

Richard: And he was concerned to the point where it was, well, I'm going to come down and see you. So came down to see us, that's when he noticed that I had a bruise, probably a black eye or something like that. I just kind of surrendered to the truth and just thought just relief. I'm just going to say what's happened. I didn't want to make up excuses for it, and subsequently I'd sent him some videos of the abuse because I wanted to check that I wasn't overreacting. And then that's when he sent them to like Adult Safeguarding, and then the police got involved and then she was arrested.

Rob: You know, luckily these days there's lots of different groups that you can talk to and there's so many people out there to help you. But if you don't feel as if you can get in touch with them, or if you don't know how to get in touch with them, or you're scared that is really really problematic.

Vernon: Having heard from Rob and Richard, I wanted to find out what help is available to men. I'm with Mark Brooks from one of the UK's leading male abuse charities, Mankind Initiative, to hear more.

Vernon: Mark, we discovered that domestic abuse comes in many shapes and forms. What are the most common?

Mark Brooks: The most common for men is psychological control, where they're basically being told they're worthless, being belittled, being humiliated, but also economic abuse, not having any control over their own finances. But also being isolated from their friends and family, being told that if you leave you'll never see your kids again.

Vernon: If we're fearing the worst, if we're fearing that there is a case of domestic abuse amongst our friends, what telltale signs should we look out for?

Mark: Firstly, if you haven't seen them for ages when you used to see them regularly. Also, if they've got injuries and bruises which they're continually making excuses for. But also whether they become more depressed, more anxious, more withdrawn.

Vernon: So what are the best ways to get our friends to open up if something is going on at home?

Mark: A lot of is around having open-ended questions. For example, just saying how are you doing, you know, how's things at home. So what then happens is that over a period of time, that person will see that you are interested in their well-being and the door is moved just ajar, and that means that at some stage they will actually walk through that door and tell you exactly what is going on.

Vernon: Well also Mark, as we've seen with Richard and Rob as well, there is a life after domestic abuse.

Mark: There's a great service for men in every large town, city and county across the UK. More and more friends are taking it seriously, and society as a whole and the police. So if you are a male victim, you can become a male survivor.

No equality movement should be based on denying reality and the painful experiences of another.

And yet we’ve seen it time and time again from feminist voices in certain feminist spaces; minimising, or flat out denying the existence of male survivors of domestic and sexual violence.

Katherine Spiller, Editor of Ms magazine, said domestic violence is just a ‘clean-up word for wife-beating, because that's really what it is.’

And Dr Mary Koss, one of the most influential researchers in sexual violence in America, stated it is ‘inappropriate’ to see men as survivors of rape.

Both are untrue, but also, how is this *women’s* rights?

Why is feminism not just about child brides, FGM, reproductive autonomy or educating girls in Africa?

If it were, I’d sign up today.

Why is it so often about denying the trauma of men and boys, muddling the data and manipulating the narrative?

This is not advocacy.

And it’s disappointing to see Spiller and Dr Koss, and the many, many others, not being reminded of such.

Because these are not just words of bigotry, they have been highly effective in influencing our policies and laws to exclude male survivors rape from data collection, to deny them refuge in shelters and exclude them from domestic violence strategies and interventions.

So when will the beady eye of accountability be turned inward, on itself?

When will the ideological dogma be reined in and reinvented, to remind us all of where and why feminism began?

When will we see change?

Interviewer #1: When did you realize things were going so badly wrong? What happened?

Richard Spencer: Um it's a difficult question, because it happened over such a long period of time. So, you know, things were really incremental. So, at the beginning it would just be like maybe pushing and shoving or slapping and those kinds of things were quite normalized, almost, on TV. If you were to watch a soap opera, it quite often if a man's had an affair or something, you'd see like, the wife, like slapping him or pushing or something. It was never, you know, there was no mention of domestic abuse or anything wrong with that was almost perceived to be normal for ladies to hit men. I think. it, because it was it was sporadic and in the beginning and minimal, you know, didn't raise any warning signs at that time. Obviously over time, you know, things got worse.

And there's a domestic abuse cycle where there's like a tension phase when things build up and you know something's going to happen. Then there'll be an incident, then there'll be like a reconciliation where the person will apologize and she would, you know, she would write notes and tell me that she loved me and say it would never happen again and give reasons why those things would happen.

Interviewer #1: And how long, you talk about that tension phase, how long would that go on for, and when you were in that phase, would you then always know that something was looming?

Spencer: Yeah, I mean in the beginning, the tension phase, it was very short. There would be hardly any tension then there'd just be an incident. But in the, towards the end of the 20 years, you know, the tension phase could last for days. I'd know that something was going to happen and then there was no reconciliation towards the end. There'd be no apology and it was go straight to kind of a period of calm. But that calm period, you know, it could last for months and months and nothing would happen. And I'd think, oh everything's going to be okay again and she's changed and, but yeah she never did change.

Interviewer #2: How bad did it get?

Spencer: Um. yeah, it got-- I mean just before she was arrested, you know, she would just get up in the morning and start drinking wine and then she'd be asleep on the sofa for a few hours then get up and you know drink some more wine. And then there'd be incidents of abuse. You know, towards the end I pretty much given up so I felt completely trapped at the end because I knew she wasn't going to change.

But then because she'd done things like, she'd threatened that she would tell the police that I was the abuser, and sometimes when I'd restrained her to stop her from hurting me, she'd have like marks on her wrist, and she'd claim that she' sent pictures to her friends or to neighbors and tell them that I was the abuser. Then during an incident, she'd open a window and she shout out of the window, "stop it Richard, you're hurting me." And then, in my mind I didn't know if people did think that was me that was the abuser.

And financially, you know, [..] we were living beyond our means. She knew that and I was getting deep, deep deeper into debt. The thing is, I could never leave really.