Religion is a Mental Illness

“Humans are similar in their behavior, reasoning errors, and scandals; thus, it has been inevitable that their gods, prophets, leaders, creeds, religions, and foolishness are all similar as well.”

-- Abdullah Al-Qasemi

“I was 26, 25, and this time in Saudi Arabia, you don’t have anything to do, only sitting in your room and doing internet, Twitter, Facebook and other things.

So, in this time, I was completely outside this world, I don’t know there is people in our world they don’t believe in god. I don’t know there is people in our world they don’t have any religion. And then I was completely shocked. I feel like it’s important information. Why they hide it, why I don’t know it?”

“I feel like, the more I get the information, the more I have to be careful. Because I know now I am different, and I have something different in my mind, and it will be really dangerous from my family, from the country, from the society if someone knows what I am going through.

2014. My mom wasn’t happy with what I am doing in my room all the time. Why I am sitting alone, what’s going on with Rana, I think my mom in this time. And she said, let’s go to Mecca, and you will do an umrah [pilgrimage to Mecca] with us.

And I was like, no, don’t put me in this situation, you know. When you are atheist or ex-Muslim and someone takes you to this place, and around you, 2 million, 3 million Muslims, you feel completely... it’s painful. You want to shout, to say “I am atheist, kill me,” you know.

In this moment, I have this feeling, but at the same time, you have to [outwardly] be happy because you are going in the house of god.”

“I want to cry, I can’t because they hear me. They are around me, my family. I want to shout, I want to do anything to make any reaction, you know, when you are really sad [...] you can’t do any reaction, you can’t cry, you can’t do anything because you will be really killed if someone knows you are atheist.

And I decide in this night I will do this paper, but I was not really sure, you know. I know it will be really dangerous, but i want to do that. I brought the paper and I brought a pen in my bag, and then we go to Mecca, and when we start to move around the Kaaba, I told my mom I am going to the toilet. I have to go and will [be] back quickly. And she told me, yeah, we will meet in this place.

I try to find a place where I can write quickly and take a photo, and notice where is the [security] camera.

I walk from the people and no one notice I am doing something not fine. And I find a place they are building this place, something broken or something like this. And I write it quickly, and I take it from the notebook and I do it like this in my hand. I remember this moment when I took this photo. I was shocked from myself what I did.”

- Rana Amad