I tried every tactic my nine-year-old brain could muster, but nothing worked. Gone were all my clothes; pants were no longer allowed. Now, I was to cover every inch of my body but my face and hands. This was the moment that the final nail was hammered into the coffin of my childhood.
I felt so awkward, so uncomfortable, so hot, in those stupid oversized clothes. My whole body was suffocating. My head throbbed, and my skin oozed sweat from every pore. And every day, they told me that dressing like the kuffar was evil and that I would go to hell if I dressed that way. Besides, when the Caliphate rises, if you're not wearing hijab, how will you be distinguished from the nonbelievers? If you look like them, you’ll be killed like them.
Ah, the Caliphate. Always about the Caliphate. Every Friday khutba (sermon) there was the declaration that Muslims will succeed in turning the whole planet Islamic. Every Friday, we chant “Ameen” as the Imam makes a dua, plea to Allah, that the Caliphate rises soon and that we eradicate nonbelievers. Then there will be peace. It is why when ISIS rose in Iraq and Syria so many people from around the world-inexplicable people like university students from affluent families in Western countries-decided to join ISIS then burn their passports. The response from pundits was to assume that these people were all recruited online. That’s some pretty quick recruiting! The reason why all those young and women so quickly joined ISIS was because, just like me, they were raised hearing about how it was their duty to join the ummah against the nonbelievers. They were taught that it was their duty to join the Caliphate when it rises. Probably, like me, they didn't really think they would ever see the day, but then there it was. An Islamic State. As soon as it existed, these people already knew what they had to do. It had been drilled into them since childhood.
My mother used to sit me down and make me promise that I would be willing to kill nonbelievers when the time came.
“Yes, sure,” I would respond in monotone.
There was always some sort of coercion going on. I was forced to pray, to memorize Quran, to promise to kill my friends, and of course to wear this hideous hijab. Every conceivable method of coercion was deployed—fear, a desire to please Allah, emotional blackmail. It was all unending. Only obedient Muslim daughters can go to Heaven. If you dress like the kuffar, you are choosing hell. That is the self-hate that I was filled with from the age of nine.
-- Yasmine Mohammed, "Unveiled"
The problem with Islam is Islam.