"why do fangirls always make them gay?"

euclase2:

Imagine being in a relationship in which you are treated like an equal, consciously and unconsciously, sexually, emotionally, socially, romantically, without being bound by gender expectations, without risk of pregnancy (or having your reproductive rights taken away from you), without feelings of inferiority, without being mistreated or neglected because men don’t understand your body and can’t be bothered to learn how to give you pleasure (or that you even deserve pleasure). Imagine having a reciprocating relationship with someone who knows how to touch you and how to talk to you, who will never abuse you or take away your consent. Imaging feeling powerful, safe, like the default rather than the specific or second-class. Imagine not requiring special handling by awkward, inconsiderate men who were never taught any better. Imagine being allowed to touch and enjoy and indulge without apprehension. Imagine being able to trust your partner. Imagine knowledge and understanding, someone who sees your depths and treats you the way you’d treat yourself if you hadn’t been told from birth that you weren’t worth it.

Girls aren’t “making them gay.”

Girls are fantasizing about being equal.

euclase2:

Imagine being in a relationship in which you are treated like an equal, consciously and unconsciously, sexually, emotionally, socially, romantically, without being bound by gender expectations, without risk of pregnancy (or having your reproductive rights taken away from you), without feelings of inferiority, without being mistreated or neglected because men don’t understand your body and can’t be bothered to learn how to give you pleasure (or that you even deserve pleasure). Imagine having a reciprocating relationship with someone who knows how to touch you and how to talk to you, who will never abuse you or take away your consent. Imaging feeling powerful, safe, like the default rather than the specific or second-class. Imagine not requiring special handling by awkward, inconsiderate men who were never taught any better. Imagine being allowed to touch and enjoy and indulge without apprehension. Imagine being able to trust your partner. Imagine knowledge and understanding, someone who sees your depths and treats you the way you’d treat yourself if you hadn’t been told from birth that you weren’t worth it.

Girls aren’t “making them gay.”

Girls are fantasizing about being equal.

Yeah, oh man. This is. Yeah, this is a lot. I especially feel the taboo surrounding female sexuality to the point that even though I’m Pretty Gay myself, I’m uncomfortable with my own sexuality (not as in orientation) and also dealing with the sexuality of other women. Like in some ways, I am always hesitant to appreciate sexiness in women because we are almost never shown female sexuality in a safe, respectful, and equal way and it still freaks me out. 

I will never forget — and I wish so *badly* I still had a copy — the essay one of my exes wrote before she gafiated, in which she talked about how the act of writing slash and being part of the slash community in general had allowed her to “write herself back into her body”.

To, essentially, take off some of the blinders and filters western culture had put on her, all the things that had convinced her that, as an “overtall, fat, awkward, anxious, and altogether unattractive” person (she did have some anxiety issues, but none of the rest was true by any measure but all the lies we’ve ALL been told), she deserved neither happiness, nor romance, nor anything resembling sexual parity or satisfaction.

We met through fandom — she later told me she’d been quietly lurking on my mailing lists and around my websites for two years before she ever actually spoke to me — and we had four good years together before our relationship started to fall apart.

And, while not all of our happiness — together and separately — can be laid at the feet of the various slash goddesses, quite a lot of it can be.

Slash wrote *me* back into my body, too — several times, in several ways. Slash connected me to genders I never could’ve imagined, or could’ve imagined being *worth* connecting to in the days before I really understood the possibilities inherent to taking the media I had been given and *transforming* it. We are *here*, and our pleasure is worth it — our pleasures, plural, are part and parcel of our identities. And, you know, some of us, after we’ve been writing slash for a good, long while? Find new ways to express those pleasures when women are there, new ways to understand those aspects of our sexualities — our *identities* — which include *hetero*sexuality. It’s a journey. A process. A continuum. A spectrum. A *multiverse*. Of *pleasure*. And it’s all allowed. Because we made it that way. Because we *make* it that way. Every day.

Oh, hey, Te, is that this essay, by any chance? http://jessica-ruth.diaryland.com/020301_62.html

Because I have been hanging on to that link for eleven years and still find cause to share it with people on a pretty regular basis.

Holy god, rEAD THE LINK

I have wondering about this in fandom for many years and reading this just made me tear up. I figured this was a big reason, but breaking it down to this extent made me so extremely sad. I realized a long time ago that even if I met the nicest guy in the world, I still have to battle all those things mentioned above. Just being friends is hard. I don’t have a happy history in this area like a lot of women and I have major trust issues with men and I wish somehow that wall could be broken down and we could all truly be seen as equal…as people with value. If you have all of the above with someone of the opposite sex then you are really lucky. See women are expected to give all those things listed above and settle for not getting them in return. I believe it’s a rare thing if you have it returned. Like I said, if I was with the nicest guy in the world I will always doubt myself, think he see’s me as different, talk to me different… Why? Because that’s our experience. This world raises us to believe we are worth absolutely nothing. The idea of being equal is one of our greatest fantasies.

It’s sad that it has to be a fantasy.

___

I don’t know why tumblr keeps cutting the first several comments off but I want this on my blog so… whatever.

"why do fangirls always make them gay?"

Imagine being in a relationship in which you are treated like an equal, consciously and unconsciously, sexually, emotionally, socially, romantically, without being bound by gender expectations, without risk of pregnancy (or having your reproductive rights taken away from you), without feelings of inferiority, without being mistreated or neglected because men don’t understand your body and can’t be bothered to learn how to give you pleasure (or that you even deserve pleasure). Imagine having a reciprocating relationship with someone who knows how to touch you and how to talk to you, who will never abuse you or take away your consent. Imaging feeling powerful, safe, like the default rather than the specific or second-class. Imagine not requiring special handling by awkward, inconsiderate men who were never taught any better. Imagine being allowed to touch and enjoy and indulge without apprehension. Imagine being able to trust your partner. Imagine knowledge and understanding, someone who sees your depths and treats you the way you’d treat yourself if you hadn’t been told from birth that you weren’t worth it.

Girls aren’t “making them gay.”

Girls are fantasizing about being equal.

I have wondering about this in fandom for many years and reading this just made me tear up. I figured this was a big reason, but breaking it down to this extent made me so extremely sad. I realized a long time ago that even if I met the nicest guy in the world, I still have to battle all those things mentioned above. Just being friends is hard. I don’t have a happy history in this area like a lot of women and I have major trust issues with men and I wish somehow that wall could be broken down and we could all truly be seen as equal…as people with value. If you have all of the above with someone of the opposite sex then you are really lucky. See women are expected to give all those things listed above and settle for not getting them in return. I believe it’s a rare thing if you have it returned. Like I said, if I was with the nicest guy in the world I will always doubt myself, think he see’s me as different, talk to me different… Why? Because that’s our experience. This world raises us to believe we are worth absolutely nothing. The idea of being equal is one of our greatest fantasies. 

It’s sad that it has to be a fantasy. 

It’s totally sad.

But on the other hand, slash writers are some of the most empathetic people I know. And they’re great educators, too, probably in ways they might not expect. A good slash fanfiction writer can help women understand their desires and overcome some of those feelings of shame and worthlessness.

Think about how many girls have learned how to masturbate thanks to slash fanfiction.

Sometimes just knowing that we’re all reading and enjoying the stories is an immense comfort. People will tell you that slash is trash, that fangirls are desperate and pathetic, but ladies telling ladies that they’re allowed is a powerful thing.

Yeah, oh man. This is. Yeah, this is a lot. I especially feel the taboo surrounding female sexuality to the point that even though I’m Pretty Gay myself, I’m uncomfortable with my own sexuality (not as in orientation) and also dealing with the sexuality of other women. Like in some ways, I am always hesitant to appreciate sexiness in women because we are almost never shown female sexuality in a safe, respectful, and equal way and it still freaks me out. 

I will never forget — and I wish so *badly* I still had a copy — the essay one of my exes wrote before she gafiated, in which she talked about how the act of writing slash and being part of the slash community in general had allowed her to “write herself back into her body”.

To, essentially, take off some of the blinders and filters western culture had put on her, all the things that had convinced her that, as an “overtall, fat, awkward, anxious, and altogether unattractive” person (she did have some anxiety issues, but none of the rest was true by any measure but all the lies we’ve ALL been told), she deserved neither happiness, nor romance, nor anything resembling sexual parity or satisfaction.

We met through fandom — she later told me she’d been quietly lurking on my mailing lists and around my websites for two years before she ever actually spoke to me — and we had four good years together before our relationship started to fall apart.

And, while not all of our happiness — together and separately — can be laid at the feet of the various slash goddesses, quite a lot of it can be.

Slash wrote *me* back into my body, too — several times, in several ways. Slash connected me to genders I never could’ve imagined, or could’ve imagined being *worth* connecting to in the days before I really understood the possibilities inherent to taking the media I had been given and *transforming* it. We are *here*, and our pleasure is worth it — our pleasures, plural, are part and parcel of our identities. And, you know, some of us, after we’ve been writing slash for a good, long while? Find new ways to express those pleasures when women are there, new ways to understand those aspects of our sexualities — our *identities* — which include *hetero*sexuality. It’s a journey. A process. A continuum. A spectrum. A *multiverse*. Of *pleasure*. And it’s all allowed. Because we made it that way. Because we *make* it that way. Every day.

Oh, hey, Te, is that this essay, by any chance? http://jessica-ruth.diaryland.com/020301_62.html

Because I have been hanging on to that link for eleven years and still find cause to share it with people on a pretty regular basis.

Holy god, rEAD THE LINK

“What was great about this is that the luxury of a love story was not where we were, I mean they can’t even talk to each other. We never even talked about it - it was never there, no one said ‘maybe’, we never had to fight against it. It was always going to be two warriors on par, starting off with very little respect for each other and ending up with a massive respect for each other.” - Charlize Theron (x)

A moment of silence (and rage) for all the movies that Theron was part of where she fought against the romance plot, and lost.

I feel kinda bad that the reason I ship these two so hard is because there isn’t actually any romance and films there really needs to be more films where there is a mutual respect between men and women instead of ~*love*~ and/or banging. Like most action films it’s like here is the main guy (he usually is either angsty/byronic or ‘funny’ in a lads-and-one-liners kinda way) he has character and backstory hmmm but he needs a woman as a prop (that may or may not already be dead for angsty purposes). Here is girl. She is just girl. Like she exists for male gaze and romantic purposes. No point in developing her because she is a literal accessory but she’ll probably either be ‘omg i’m such a good girl lol joke i said a bad word omg i’m so bad lets have sex’ or ‘yeah i’m a ‘bitch’ and appear really standoffish but its because some guy probs did something bad to me a long time ago and you helped me get over it omg lets have sex’ or ‘im so fucking horny that everything i say is a sexual innuendo and i love being such a sex object look at my bewbs and how they jiggle when i shoot this bfg’ or just dull as fuck (not that it’s the womens’ fault in any of this, just cismen being unable to write female characters because their penis gets in the way or something idk). But it’s really obvious and it makes me feel uneasy (also because guys literally think like that and I totes blame films a little bit for perpetuating that). It’s just so forced and unnatural! In Mad Max there are two fully realised characters that are so busy with their own stuff that they don’t have time for even the expectation of romance (because love =/= romance/sex/flirty eyes) but they have to work together because of circumstances. Like they literally have no chance to even see if they feel it and then with the mutual respect and HIS BLOOD IN HER VEINS and that look he gives her at the end but like he has to go because he’s not ready and she has to stay because she’s got important shit to do and it’s like YES. Something could happen but it’s not going to BUT IT MIGHT LATER LIKE THERE IS THAT POSSIBILITY TO COMFORT YOU AS YOU AS YOU CRY YOURSELF TO SLEEP AND IT HURTS SO GOOD ANd if you like this kind of love you should defo watch Mulan: ROAW too. Also that bit could just as easily be a respect for all the crap they’ve been through together and how much they helped each other but idk what even is love anyway?

You get me. But I stopped feeling bad about shipping these two a couple days ago.

I remember there being various posts on various shows where the show tries to tell us these two characters are friends (*cough*Smallville*cough*) and yet never shows it. So I never quite believe the friendship is as strong as they protest it is, and the tragedies and triumphs never hit that hard.

So often in action movies, they try to tell us these two characters respect each other, but I can never quite believe them. And when they ‘fall in love’ with each other it always feels rushed and fake. The respect feels fake, and I need that in my pairings because don’t I want to read a story where someone is sleeping with someone they can’t even respect. Not in my ships at least. 

This is part of why I slash male characters together because it’s MUCH easier to find this dynamic between two guys than a guy and a girl (Well that and a wiggly gender identity but that’s neither here nor there), and it’s pretty much impossible to find two girls who feel like real characters in action movies. 

#mad max fury road#by the way where's all the furiosa/valkyrie fic?#THERE'S LIKE TWO IN AO3#._.#I am max's mumbling incoherence and generalized confusion#furiosa x max#thoughts about respect#also there needs to be more neuro-atypical characters plz and thx#I need crazy in my ships#gif warning

And thus we have sashfic.

also: #I am max's mumbling incoherence and generalized confusion made me laugh faaaar too much.