Hence the invention of the Porch

Les sphinx au dictionnaire   -   Francine van Hove

French b.1942-

would love to see more non-sexualized nudity like this in art. this, right here? this is every woman: just at home relaxing with her tits out. she doesn’t have her tits out to please anybody but herself–she’s lounging around, she’s hanging out with her cat, she has her tits out just because. that’s a whole mood. that’s relatable, realistic, and very human. and it’s so superior to the massive amount of art we have of women frolicking around with their backs arched to appeal to the male gaze. lady just doesn’t wanna wear a bra. just wants to lounge around with a book and a cat and her tits just hanging. respect

So I was trying to figure out what the artist was portraying here or what was going on and I couldn’t find a lot of info but I did find More

Naked ladies vibing with books and food seems to be her thing and I’m here for it.

This makes an incredible and resounding amount of sense

“My main theme is, without a doubt, that intimacy and peace which women know when they are alone, when they enjoy such simple pleasures as reading during breakfast, or losing themselves staring into the eyes of a cat, or just sleeping.” -  Francine Van Hove

official boob post

I just wanna know if these paintings are actually nonsexual or if perhaps there’s a different reason this 81 year old woman painter never had a husband

oh.

it’s the sands of time

I’ve been trying to figure out what the fuck went on when Crowley threw his hands up and he and Aziraphale and Adam Went Somewhere. Where was it? why the fuck did they suddenly appear in a desert?

but they didn’t go anywhere, they went anywhen

Aziraphale asked him to do something, and Crowley fucking stopped Time

they were in the literal sands of time

Oh my god. OHHHH That has been ticking over my brain since I first watched it. How the heck did he do it though??

What do you mean how did he do it?

He was about to never be able to talk to Aziraphale again if he didn’t do something

so he fuckin’ moved heaven and earth and stopped time

like you do

The Guardian

Netflix

some never-before-seen sivi content

In the most on brand thing to ever exist in my life, I’m having a nitro cold brew with Guinness in it.

Follow @brattylikestoeat for more.

Lena Headey, photographed by Alan Clarke for Jocks & Nerds, winter 2015.

Yup, we took Stephen Colbert out in New York City dressed as your (and his) favorite The Hobbit characters.  It was amazing. 

Photo Credit: Ruven Alfanador for EW 

This is beautiful.

:-D

Nerd boy living his best life I’m so proud of him

I’m just thinking now about the goat milk and gingerbread latte with “Randolph” on it

Me modding skyrim: I love immersive mods like realistic needs and enhancements, they add a whole new level of depth and complexity to the game.

*Ten mods later*

That’s…that’s too much depth, no, stop reel it back…

Fuck. 

I’m in a vampire den and just got my period. This is fine. Also does anyone have a tampon.

Fucking up in here running around doubled over with cramps and some edgelord goth kid is shooting lightning bolts at me. Fucking dick.

Protip, bandits carry a good supply of tampons. Which is great cause nowhere seems to sell them, or if they do they’re in some back alley where I can’t find them. Also you have to make your own contraception, cause apparently Skyrim is the Bible Belt of Tamriel. 

Found some fucking witches in the wild brewing contraception over a fire and selling “abortus” spells. Fucking bad ass bitches. #Istandwithplannedparenthood

Shame I had to murder them for eating people.

So to summarize I’ve got soul destroying depression, I’m hungry and I have to keep murdering people for tampons, but at least I can fuck my werewolf boyfriend without consequences 👍👍👍

Some of the instructions for this mod are a little unclear but if I am reading this correctly I have a 61% increased chance of random sperm encounter from being at the Docks.

I am uncomfortable.

For  those asking and not being able to find it on my blog, these are the, the Beeing Female by Ausbrecher and Mood Mod by TheTrickster on Nexus Mods, which I talked about a little more here 

Have fun.

GUYS. I did it! I finished my wedding shawl!! 1,600 yards of yarn, 3,000 beads, and several months later, it is done!!!!!!! 😀😄

The pattern is the Evenstar Shawl on Ravelry for those who are curious.

#i’m such a dork i knew it was the evenstar shawl before i got to the descrip, daaaaaaang

LOL SAME

Sea otters often spin without dunking their limbs to keep their flippers and paws toasty.

“What toilets and sewers tell us about ancient Roman sanitation” (via rangi42)

But why didn’t they adopt him?

(via patron-saint-of-smart-asses)

Ancient Greek readers of Tumblr, is anyone up for actually translating the passage?

(via simplyirenic)

I’ll never not be amused by the fact that I can drop the words “crucifix nail nipples” into a conversation and some of you who have been with me since the livejournal days will join me in the flashbacks, screaming and crying all the way.

I require context. Because this is a very interesting start of a story, and now I need the rest of it. Could I get a link, or a summary, or something? Pretty please?

All right buckle the fuck up kids, it’s the year 2012 and I’ve just been handed what should be an easy editing gig by my senior editor. It’s a vampire erotica story because one of the final Twilight movies is about to come out, and everything is vampires. Everything. I haven’t edited a single thing in months which isn’t about vampires. I am ready, I can do this. So I open the file and notice there’s a typo in the title, which really should have been my first inkling that something horrendous was about to go down, but you see I’m not quite dead inside yet so I carry on, bushy tailed and bright eyed with my faith in humanity intact. It’ll be dead by page 24, but I don’t know that yet. I’m just editing one more vampire boner fest.

The MC is a girl who we’ll call Sue. Sue is a Good Girl™, Sue is Not Like Other Girls™, she is pale and awkward and a virgin and has somehow managed to find herself a Bad Boy™ for a boyfriend. We’ll call him Dickhead.

Now Dickhead as previously stated is a bit of dick, he tries to pressure Sue into sex because he knows she is The One™ but he loves her really so it’s okay. Except it’s not okay because Sue is a Good Girl™ and holding out till marriage which he’s fine with except he’s got such a bad case of blue balls that one night walking home an attractive stranger lures him into an alley with the words “hey stud” and he follows, dick out before she’s even finished her sentence. Well turns out that was a mistake for Dickhead because she’s a vampire, but not just any vampire, a Dick Biting Vampire. So what started out as a skeevy blow job behind a club that he’ll feel bad about in the morning, turns into him being bitten on the dick and drained of his life essence and left for dead. Except DBV fucked up and now he’s a vampire. Are you still with me? Good, cause it’s about to get weirder.

Realizing he is now an abomination, Dickhead flees, becoming a creature of the night and feeding on animals rather than humans to repent for being such an asshole in life. Sue meanwhile is heartbroken, but carries on valiantly with her life and goes to bed each night crying for the loss of her One True Love™ who she would do anything to bring back. Well guess what Sue, Dickhead never really left you! He’s been “instinctively protecting her from rapists” by hiding out on her roof and fighting hobos who try to get to her open window via the fire escape for months now. Because that’s not fucking terrifying at all.

Upon learning of his predicament and how it happened, Sue can do nothing but blame herself. Oh if only she’d let him touch her secret places, then perhaps all of this could be avoided! Meanwhile Dickhead is having another dilemma of his own, realizing too late that his vampire powers have given him super senses and now he can smell her blood and he can’t decide whether he wants to get with her or eat her. And I don’t mean in the French sense. But he is strong! And over comes his base manly vampire instincts and neither rapes not kills her. Hurrah! And this is so romantic that Sue gives it up, but not before she launches into a theory about how in all fairy tales, True Love saves the day, so maybe her magical pure vagina that has never been touched by anyone, not even her, can bring him back to life. So Dickhead being a dickhead agrees and rips her clothes off, but not before he takes one last moment to marvel at the beauty of her purity, because he will never again look on her again and know she is Pure.

If you’ve only vomited once by now, I applaud your resolve.

So they hop on the good foot and do the nasty, except she is literally so pure in spirit, her flesh burns his. And I quote you from memory because these words are burned into my soul: “her breasts bit into his hands, like crucifix nail nipples tearing at his flesh, but he did not care because he loved her so and couldn’t stop”

This phrase haunts me. I dread that it will be the last thing I think about on my death bed and my last words will literally be “god fucking dammit” as I die, carrying that mental image with me into the afterlife. My own solace is in knowing that I inflicted it on other people too, like @ahzuri who is somehow still with me after all these years.

When the magical burning sex fails to heal him and leaves her bruised, battered and broken with “a dainty blue bells of bruises around her secret flower” (I am genuinely quoting this, I could never make something as horrendous as this up without being on acid) Dickhead leaves. Yeah. Off he fucks, leaving her to the mercy of the hobos at her window, and into the night to be the true monster he really is. But wait, there’s more. Remember the dick biting vampire? Well turns out she has figured out she made him into a vampire and has also been stalking HIM and is totally jealous of Sue, so tries to kill her. But again Sues Purity saves her, because sex before marriage which was done out of True Love is not a sin, so she is still a spiritual virgin and I’ll be honest, I started drinking heavily at this point and it’s all a bit of a blur.

A fight ensues some pages later after Dickhead returns, realizing the mistake he has made. And he rescues Sue from the Dick Biter, but not before he assaults Dick Biter, and calls her a slut for luring innocent men into alleys cuts her heart out by cutting her breasts off, at which point i screamed “THAT’S NOT HOW YOU REACH THE HEART” and my brain short circuited completely and I have no idea how it ends because I realized there was 30 pages left and my soul couldn’t take it. I emailed the chief editor like ?????!!!!!!????!!!!!! and the book was immediately pulled from the work line and the author dismissed from the publishing house. Turns out she was a friend of a friend and that was how she got the manuscript past our entry levels for requirement.

And that’s the story of how an author sent me death threats for over a month because I stopped her shitty vampire porn from ever seeing the light of day. You’re all fucking WELCOME.

Hail to the editors in the trenches, no matter what Houses we stand for or disciplines we uphold, for bearing the brunt of so much mad authorship

this makes me very happy