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#incorrect quotes – @redrosebug on Tumblr
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RedRoseBug

@redrosebug

Writing blog: @sunsetsintandem. Please don't send me p*rn.
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Bruce: *has a bad day*
Tim, immediately taking notice: Have you eaten yet? Drank anything? You should go to bed. No, I'll finish that case. Bruce- *Proceeds to force self care on to Bruce at the expense of his own health*
Jason: What the fuck. He treats the old man like a child.
Damian: *wondering if this is standard Robin procedure*
Dick who is used to this behavior: Tim, Bruce is a grown man, you don't need to-
Tim: *glaring at them with all the power of an Alfred glare*
#dc#batfam#batfamily#batdad#batbros#batbrothers#bruce wayne#batman#tim drake#red robin#jason todd#red hood#damian wayne#robin#dick grayson#nightwing#incorrect quotes
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arguablysomaya
Dick: Hey can I borrow a batarang?
Steph: No *gives him a batarang*
Dick: ...?
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Duke: Hey was wondering if you're going to the library, can you give this to Jason?
Steph: no. *taking it from him to later give to Jason*
Duke: ...
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Tim: Can I have your jumper? Pleaseeee
Steph: No *gives him her jumper*
Tim: i-
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Bruce: Stephanie. You need to stop telling people "no" when they ask you to do things and then doing them anyway.
Steph: Why? It's not hurting anyone
Bruce: *flashbacks to how Damian complained for an hour on patrol about "childish, eggplant covered blondes"*
Bruce: Not physically, no,
#no because i love doing this#it's so fun for some reason#batfam#dc#incorrect quotes#batfamily#dick grayson#duke thomas#stephanie brown#bruce wayne#damian wayne#batkids#tim drake#jason todd#batsiblings
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batboysheadcanons
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collectivefandomstuff

At the Manor

[The batkids are having a fight in the living room]
Jason: [accidentally shoots the wall]
Everyone: [freezes]
Jason: [wide-eyed] Ah… oops
Jason: [pulls out a small poster and some tape from his backpack]
Jason: [muttering] I’ll just… put a lil’ painting over that…
Everyone: …
Tim: [gasps suddenly] Oh. My. God. Is THIS why you have so many paintings at your place?! I just thought you were weirdly into art!
Jason: [taping over the bullet-hole with the poster] Well, to be fair you can only buy so many paintings before you actually develop an interest.
Duke: Wait, what about that huge Pollock painting in your living room?
Jason: Rocket-launcher
Dick: In your LIVING ROOM?
Jason: No, I was standing in the kitchen.
Dick: You have an open floor plan.
Jason: I do NOW
Everyone: …
Steph: Are you- Jason, are you actually really bad with guns?
Jason: [offended] What gives you the right-
Duke: [interrupts] So, is family movie night cancelled or…?
Dick: No! We just have to decide on which movie to watch
Tim: [gestures to the wall] and that debate turned out SO well
Steph: Can I suggest a film about gun safety?
Dick: Look, let’s just-
Bruce: [just came home from the office] Good evening everyone I’m- [stops as he enters the living room]
Bruce: Why is there a tiny poster of Monet’s gardens taped to the wall?
Damian: Todd enjoys art now.
Bruce: …I see. Any particular reason why you decided to show this newfound appreciation of art two feet from the door to the kitchens, Jason?
Jason: I thought the place could use a little spruce
Bruce:
Jason:
Bruce: [eyes his kids] anyone want to add to that?
Everyone:
Tim: I think it looks nice
Steph: [nodding] adds a certain… sense of refinement.
Dick: Pathos even
Bruce: [eyes narrowed] uh-huh…
Damian: Frankly, father, the wallpaper has looked drab for ages. Truly, Todd has done you a service.
#batfam#batfamily#batkids#batbros#jason todd#red hood#tim drake#red robin#duke thomas#the signal#dick grayson#nightwing#stephanie brown#spoiler#bruce wayne#batman#damian wayne#robin#incorrect quotes
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hintofelation99
Jason gets hit with cuddle pollen and weighs his options.
Jason looks at Dick: Too smug
Turns to Damian: Too stabby
Sees Cass staring at him over Zoom: Too far
Looks at Steph: Too sparkly
Finds Duke asleep in his room: Too sleepy
Sees Tim in the middle of five clearly incredibly busy: Perfect!
Proceeds to tackle Tim with a hug.
#batfam#batman#incorrect quotes#jason todd#red hood#dick grayson#nightwing#damian wayne#robin#cassandra cain#black bat#stephanie brown#spoiler#duke thomas#the signal#tim drake#red robin
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not-oscar-wilde

there was definitely a buzzfeed unsolved episode about the disappearance of five hargreeves, right?

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thesevenumbrellas

Shane: I can accept superheroes but I draw the line at ghosts.

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redrosebug
Klaus: Ghosts aren't real. It's a sham.
Shane, nodding along: See, Ryan?
Ryan: That's the literal Séance.
Klaus: Oh, didn't you hear? I'm a fraud.
#the umbrella academy#buzzfeed unsolved#klaus hargreeves#shane madej#ryan bergara#incorrect quotes#the watcher#theumbrellaacademy#tua#tua klaus
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Vanya: Why are we having a family meeting?
Five, pointedly staring at Diego and Klaus: Those two have something to tell us.
Diego, crossing his arms: I want to speak with a lawyer first.
Klaus, smiling maniacally and clapping his hands: We have Sparrow Ben tied up in the basement.
Sparrow!Ben: *muffled screaming*
Diego: We have Sparrow Ben tied up in the basement.
#the umbrella academy#theumbrellaacademy#tua#klaus hargreeves#five hargreeves#vanya hargreeves#diego hargreeves#sparrow ben#incorrect quotes
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Klaus: Be careful, I'm sensitive! This hurts more than the time that dude threw me off his back.
Ben: And you cracked your skull on the floor.
Klaus, nodding along, focus solely on Ben: And I died, too. That son of a-! What was that?!
Five, while stitching Klaus' arm: You died?! When?!
Klaus, turning to Ben: Bitch!
Diego, sharpening his knives: Names, Klaus. Who threw you off his back?
Ben: Told you they care.
#theumbrellaacademy#the umbrella academy#tua#klaus and ben#klaus hargreeves#ben hargreeves#five hargreeves#diego hargreeves#incorrect quotes
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TUA as conversations between my classmates (ft. my teachers)

Klaus: It's hood. The word "hoodie" doesn't exist in English.
Ben: It does. It's a jacket with a hood.
Klaus: I checked in the dictionary! There's no "hoodie" in there!
Ben: That thesaurus is from like 1950! And it says right here "H-O-O-D-I-E".
Klaus: Well, I don't trust the internet's definition.
Ben: IT'S THE MERRIAM WEBSTER SITE.

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Diego: He looks like he has a foot fetish.
Klaus: Quick! Who has the prettiest feet?
Luther: Allison.
Allison: Klaus.
Vanya: Are we really sending foot pictures now?
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Ben: Maybe if we tell him we like Yu-Gi-Oh, he'll go easy on us.
-----------------
Diego: The fungi ate through my papaya.
Allison: It's going to take over your house.
Five: It will eat him alive.
Vanya: RIP.
#the umbrella academy#theumbrellaacademy#tua#klaus hargreeves#five hargreeves#allison hargreeves#diego hargreeves#luther hargreeves#ben hargreeves#incorrect quotes#klaus and ben
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