RedRoseBug

bruce hates his fucking life because robin, kid flash, and speedy are friends so now he is forced to interact with flash (tolerable) and green arrow (the fucking worst) and then its a decade later and he has to finally acknowledge that he has Parent Friends. They have a fucking Group Chat to discuss logistics. Sometimes green fucking lantern will drop off kid flash at bruces fucking house???? hal jordan????? at his HOME?!?! Ridiculous

Bruce, talking to Oliver through gritted teeth: Robin has requested that you and Speedy come to his birthday party this Saturday.

Oliver, through equally gritted teeth: We’ll be there.

Justice League Biannual Budget Meeting

Bruce: …to summarize, we need to be spending less money on food and more on tech. Any questions?

Everyone, looking at one another:

Hal, internally: please no please no don’t ask questions I want to leave please nobody talk everyone shut up don’t—

Clark:…*clicks his tongue thoughtfully*

Hal, internally: NO don’t you DARE he’ll go on for another FORTY MINUTES DON'T YOU DARE YOU JOHN DEERE FARMBOY NO—

Clark: Well...

Hal, internally: No no one else is asking questions please don't please clark i'll do anything i'll go to your stupid farm and personally remove all of the prairie dogs please no no no

Clark: This six-part budgeting plan you laid out? Part four seems a little redundant. Can you explain your reasoning?

Bruce, nodding and pulling up a 24-slide Powerpoint: Absolutely. First, I'd like to review the quarterly expenses on the Watchtower--

Hal, internally: *Combusting*

J'onn, tuned into Hal's brain: 👁👄👁

-

Later that day, once Bruce gets home:

Tim: How was the meeting?

Bruce: Satisfying.

Tim:...

Tim: You baited Clark into asking a question so Hal would get mad, didn't you?

You know I think this is hilarious on its own but we’re forgetting that Barry Allen’s entire body and mind functions WAY faster than everyone else’s in the League, so while Hal is having an internal breakdown, imagine how Barry must be feeling. He’s gotta be going nuts having to sit still and listen to everyone’s voices slowed down by like 100%. Be like:

Diana, suddenly feeling the table vibrating: Barry, are you okay?

Barry, with glazed eyes and a mad bouncing leg: I stopped processing the natural world a half hour ago and am very concerned with the fact that it’s taken this long to discuss a budget plan I learned in 5 seconds and we’re forgetting the fact that I can’t stop eating or I’ll literally waste away so cutting food expense isn’t really a viable option. But yeah, I’m stellar.

Oliver, blinking and nudging J’onn in the side: I don’t think he’s stellar.

Picturing Clark explaining how he’s on good terms with the batfam (and Batman especially) and he just says:

“What really helped me is approaching them like they’re cats. See, watch this! Batman?” Bruce turns to look at him, and Clark slow blinks, and Bruce visibly relaxes a bit and slow blinks back before carrying on.

The league take this advice in very different directions.

batfam head bumps

BATFAM HEADBUMPS

Damian fucking headbutts Tim

The question now is: how aware is the batfam of their cat-likeness?

Are they completely unaware? They think this is (somewhat) normal behaviour?

Did they overhear superman and decide to make an elaborate joke?

Or was superman saying that a wake up call to see how living and being cared for by Bruce turn them into this.

@melony-lemony Don’t hide your gold in the tags

a 5 min doodle to demonstrate!!!

Hal gets the most scratches

(batman's gauntlets have sharp claws don't boo me I'm right)

from @leafman 's tags

Inspired by this post

“It’s okay, you can tell us later. Everyone was just so worried... all of the Robins even came! They’ve been pacing outside your door for hours.”