The Batfam ages according to me (not based on canon), from youngest to oldest
[Don't know enough about Kate, Helena, Harper and Cullen to place them anywhere.]
[In my heart, Barbara is closer to Bruce's age than she is to Dick's. Think around 28-32 years.]
I have this headcanon in which Tim is like terrible at taking care of his mental health, because he doesn't recognize when a problem is a problem, but good enough with his physical health. Like sure, he will sometimes drink way too many cans of soda, but he tries to get at least 6 hours of sleep every day, exercise, have 2-3 meals a day (actual meals, not just protein bars and fast food), stays away from alcohol and smoking and other kinds of recreational drugs; actually, genuinely, tries to rest when injured. But also, he doesn't understand that almost dying is... bad, like that's just what's expected from being a vigilante.
[Bruce, Dick and Jason are bad at both. Cass is good at taking care of her mental health, but terrible with her body. Duke is fine at both. Damian is generally good at physical health, will vary between taking care or not of his mental health, usually okay at both, though.]
received some super helpful input on my og sketch so here’s an improved duke!
Duke and Tim middle child antics?
I know Jason and Cass are also middle children but Duke and Tim are the Middlest if you know what I mean
Most people forget or ignore Duke Thomas, when they talk about the batfamily. And even the ones who include him say that he is the 'normal' one. Some people argue with that, and say that Duke is like the rest of the batkids with the example of him jumping out of a moving car and into a bridge.
Duke is way more than that. So, I complied a list of facts and feats of Duke Thomas. This will most likely be multiple parts.
This is the end of Part 1. I'll continue in Part 2.
You know what it is
Black n’ yellow (4x)
OKAY SO I FOUND OUT BRUCE DOES THIS SHIT ⬇️ THANKS TO THIS POST
And you cannot convince me he doesn't use it to protect his birds when they're in danger. Something's been tossed at one of his kids? He tackles them and cocoons them up with him for safety without hesitation. You could almost call it a panic response, if you could get him to admit that he panics.
Their reactions:
Dick: "I've been doing this nearly as long as you have, remember? I could have dodged that, but I appreciate it." Or "If you wanted a hug, dad, you just had to ask."
Cass: if she's in a good mood she's okay with it. A bad mood and he gets glared at and pinched because she can handle this dad, come on.
Jason: always starts cursing and wiggling around trying to get free before begrudgingly settling down and just accepting it. Never minds it as much as he says he does. Bruce would hug you more often if you weren't allergic to admitting you want him to you silly boy (he gets cocooned a lot so Bruce can hug him anyway).
"Are you alright, son?"
"god DAMN it old man!! Let me go!!!"
"I can't yet until I know you won't be in immediate danger."
"ARRRGHHH"
"Jaylad, I'm just trying to keep you safe."
"I don't need you to--!"
"I don't know what I'd do if I lost you again."
"..........." Sigh. Cue a little more wiggling and an intentional elbow to B's ribs as Jay gets comfortable. His siblings are gonna tease him mercilessly later, he just knows it.
Steph: spends the time roasting him into oblivion and annoying him in the hopes he'll stop doing it; has yet to learn that he does, in fact, value her safety and well-being over his pride. Shocking, I know.
Tim: grew up pretty touch starved so while he finds it annoying, he also doesn't complain beyond a bit of half hearted grumbling because by god he needs the hugs.
"was this really necessary?"
"yes"
"🙄"
"How did you--"
Duke: What is this??? What is happening??? Why's it dark??? Straight up blinds Bruce in surprise every time which just leads to him being cocooned longer because now Bruce has to recover before he can tell if it's safe.
"Son, your powers are incredible and we're very proud of you but please don't use them on me"
"Sorry B, my bad."
"I'll admit that's a useful startle response though."
"Right?? Some asshole at school tried to sneak up behind me as a joke and had to go to the nurse and I didn't even touch him."
"Hn."
"Uh, I mean, I don't use my powers at school at all. Ever."
Damian: gets cocoon tackled the most because baby. That's his baby, people are throwing things AT HIS BABY--! Fucking HATES it. Will straight up start gnawing on Bruce's arm if cocooned too long.
"FATHER RELEASE ME AT ONCE"
"Not until it's safe"
"I WAS TRAINED BY--"
"I don't care."
A sulking puppy for a little while that will never admit to enjoying the affection, but still, only for so long. There is a quota and once it's reached, It's like Bruce has trapped himself with a rabid raccoon.
Why are his children like this.
Ok, but the idea of Bruce getting at least 1/3 of his mannerisms from Alfred and inadvertantly passing it down to his children, but the entire family thinking of those little quirks like "Bruce's things" until someone --Clark, probably, and very quietly-- points out "I'm pretty sure you guys got it from Alfred" has me GOING.
DISREGARD THE ALFRED KNOWS EVERYTHING THING. Alfred knowing shit about it and being as surprised as everyone else is way funnier.
Cass is out on patrol and sees Polka Dot Man trying to rob a Dollar General. After she shoos him away, she wanders down an aisle and soon finds the most absurd item in the store.
Cass, in full costume, approaching the cashier: How much?
Paul the Cashier, a fifty year old man who has been working night shifts in Gotham for over thirty years: Just take it. Christ.
—
Later that week:
Tim, stepping into the shower, sees this peeking out at him from behind his shampoo:
Tim: …okay
Tim, texting Cass: Did you give me a Rainbow Batman?
Cass: Pass along the Rainbow Batman for good luck
—
Jason, returning to his safe house after a long night, opens the fridge and sees Rainbow Batman standing knee-deep in his potato salad.
Jason: fuck is this
Tim, texting him seconds later: Pass along Rainbow Batman for good luck.
—
Over the next few months, Rainbow Batman circulates its way around most of the Bat-team. It bounces from Jason to Dick to Damian to Steph. Eventually it gets to Duke, who is tasked with presenting it to Bruce. He waits until Bruce is in a decent mood, then puts it on the driver’s seat of the Batmobile one night as they are all wrapping up a case.
Bruce, opening the Batmobile door: —thank you for your help, Dick. I know you’ve been busy. And Duke, I appreciate you altering your schedule for us. Steph, your intel was excellent. I’m very pleased with the outcome of this mission. You all managed to keep the insubordination at a tolerable level.
Jason, whispering to Dick: Damn, two thank-yous, a compliment, and only one passive-aggressive comment? Did he get laid or something?
Bruce, spotting the Rainbow Batman: I…
Bruce:
Bruce: This??
Bruce: Is this…
Duke, about to explain: Cass found it—
Bruce, clearly trying to process something, blurts out: Is this your way of telling me you all know about Clark?
Everyone:
Jason: called it
Bruce is going about his business one day when he realizes Tim has gone missing. Nothing suspicious has happened, so he consults the others to see where he might have gone.
the rest of the family:
Tim doesn't forget that he is allergic to walnuts, every time he eats one, he does it as a threat. He is asserting dominance by demonstrating that he isn't afraid of anaphylactic shock.
Age Reversal AU but it's vigilante Damian Al Ghul explaining to a newly orphan Bruce Wayne that he can't be his sidekick because he is a literal child.
Meanwhile, when Damian does actually cave, the rest of the vigilante community composed by Duke Thomas, Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown, Jason Todd, Cassandra Cain and Dick Grayson are judging him hardcore. None of this people know each other outside the masks, they barely interact as it is, but Bruce takes one look at them and immediately decides he wants them in his family.
So now there's a tiny child Bruce asking Dick to show him flips and learning how to investigate crime scenes with Tim, kicking ass with Steph and sitting through hours of ASL and speech therapy with Cass, going against Damian's rules so he can patrol in the morning with Duke and practicing how to patch people up with Jason.
Suddenly, they are all hanging out outside the masks and being each other's backup. Bruce goes from a family of three to a family of nine and growing.
I don't understand how people can say Duke is the sane one like excuse you he's the only Bat that's crazy enough to patrol during day.
Bats: Okay so we're the bats/emos we gotta patrol at night it's safer and it's easy to hide, sneak in and get criminals-
Duke: Dude fuck that sHIT. I'M GONNA ARREST BLACK MASK WHILE HE'S STILL EATING HIS EGGS. I'M GONNA FUCK HIM UP AT 6AM
i mean it's still dark at 6am so it still counts
Gordon: Son, you could've let me finish my breakfast.
The Batfam forgetting they're adopted/Bruce forgetting he adopted most of his kids and just gaslighting Damian about it.
We will not include that last part because we don't condone gaslighting here
Dick getting to some random island fully prepared to engage in a fight to defend the planet
Dick deciding he can yell at his brothers tomorrow
Bruce accidentally seeing the same alert a bit later because Tim forgot to turn it off
Bruce showing up at the island too
Dick giving him an Alfred patented Look™️ until he sits his little bat butt down
Eight hours later Dick saying he hopes the boys don’t break into Arkham while they’re gone
I like to image that they run into Alfred and Barbara while also on the island and at first they were all relaxed and “wow you’re here too? Nice.”
Then they all suddenly sit up and point at each other and are like “wait, if you’re here, then who’s making sure the kids aren’t unleashing chaos in Gotham?”
Bruce, forcefully calming himself: It’ll be fine. Kate is still there. The kids won’t do anything too outrageous with her still in town.
Kate, walking up behind them with a smoothie: Who’s not doing anything outrageous?
Bruce, shooting to his feet: When’s the next ferry off this island.
Dick: Not for another 7 hours so you might as well sit down and get some vitamin D. This is probably the first time you’ve seen the sun in a while.
Meanwhile back in Gotham:
A short time later:
Alfred would try to swim back home if he knew the kids were alone in his kitchen, so now Dick, Kate and Bruce have to do anything and everything in their power to keep him from knowing all three of them are there.
I've always said it. When left in charge of a situation, Jason evolves into An Adult™
They are doing pottery. They were initially making those beaded bracelets and necklaces but Jason put a stop to that after Steph started pelting Tim with beads (‘What if that had hit his eye?!’ ‘If it did it wouldn’t have been an accident’) and Damian had put ninja stars in the necklace he was making and was swinging it around like a lasso.
Jason also placed a bag of those foam building blocks for toddlers in clear warning of the next activity they will be participating in if these unsafe shenanigans continue.
@drchai I always have to check the tags with you and I love it
I love this fic and want to propose the next in this series where Bruce, Kate, Dick, Alfred, Jim Gordon and Barbara are stuck on an island on an enforced tropical vacation. There’s a whole round of “wait but I thought you were with the kids!” and then there is a slow, slow realization (the camera zooms up to them as their hearts collectively sink) and they realize JASON IS IN CHARGE.
cue all of them trying to get off the island. Except. EXCEPT. All of them are competent adults (tm) and they’re both really mad at each other for leaving the house unattended and also simultaneously want to prove that they’re the most competent adult to ever adult which leads to a balls to walls pissing contest which fucks everything up. Cue a series of crazy misadventures with increasing amounts of international incidents, tangling with assassins, alfred’s reunion with the russian spy who was the talia to his bruce, Jim having to jump out of a plane with no safety equipment, Barbara running over a witch disguised as a cockroach with her wheelchair and getting cursed and Kate and Bruce locked in a fierce argument about some stupid incident from their childhood that no one even remembers the WHOLE 36 HOURS.
so they get home. Their clothes are singed. Bruce is reasonably sure he’s lost a testicle along the way. They don’t care. The kids need them!!!! What shenanigans have the children gotten up to while they were gone!!!! They run home, up the driveway and burst in!!! Only to see… foam blocks?
“you guys hungry? I made some lasagna” Jason asks sweetly from his armchair. on the ground are all the kids, having genuine fun with foam blocks.
