Cassian and Azriel Babysit Headcanon
“Walk me through the plan one more time” Rhys said firmly, eyes focused on Cassian.
Cassian rolled his eyes in response
“We have this Rhys, every plan, every contingency, nothing can go wrong. We’ve got this”
Rhys shook his head. “That’s not enough, there a hundred ways this could go wrong and-“
“And we’re prepared, we can handle this” Azriel said solidly, shadows swirling around.
“Rhys” Cassian whispered. “Trust us”
“Are you guys ready” came Feyre’s soft voice from the door, laced with concern and worry.
“Honestly, your two’s lack of faith in us is offensive” Cassian rolled his eyes.
The high lord and lady let out a slow laugh.
“The minute things go south, the second it’s gets too much-”
“For the love of god! We have handled worse! We’ve got this! Stop. Worrying” Cassian exclaimed.
Rhys and feyre looked at each other, talking through the bond, and at last nodded their heads.
Wordlessly, Rhys winnowed the three of them, and disappeared once more before they’d even landed.
“I don’t see what all the fuss is about, how hard can this be” Cassian mused.
Azriel snorted in agreement looking at his surroundings.
A cry pierced the air, loud, grating and making the two brothers wince. Fear suddenly sparkling in both their eyes.
“Shit” Azriel whispered, shadows skittering.
“Shit” Cassian agreed, gulping loudly.
Both illyrians looked down at a crying Nyx.
“He won’t stop” Cassian cried. His legs and arm were almost numb, bouncing a wailing nyx in his arms, walking back and forth in a dizzying circle.
“Maybe he’s hungry” the shadowsinger scrambled, clutching at a purée of baby food that made him gag.
“We fed him an hour ago!” Cassian whispered angrily, narrowly avoiding Nyx’s fist to his face.
He growled at the baby, his patience long gone.
“Yes but he threw up on ME 45 minutes ago” Azriel responded, eyes wide as he looked down and winced at the throw up on his leathers. He gagged again.
Nyx wailed even louder, and Cassian jerked his head away from the noise.
“Cauldron” Cassian muttered, handling Nyx to a panicked Az.
“No! What! why? I-what?” Azriels shadows swirled and swirled, some skittering back and disappearing completely. His wings opened up, a fight response.
“Cassian. Get back here!”
Cassian came to stand behind Azriel, rattling multiple toys in the baby’s face!
“Ahhhh peekaboo!! Ahhh peekaboo!!” Bopping his large body up and down, he began rattling the toys wildly above his head.
“Look at this Nyx-y! Look at the toy!” His voice so high pitched that his throat began to hurt, Cassian prayed that Nyx would settle for a moment.
Both illyrians shifted, noting the scent in the air.
“Cass” Azriel whispered, his voice holding a deadly fear.
“We have to change him, all the stuff we need is-”Azriel shook his head, horror shining in his eyes.
“Cassian!” Azriels voice now erratic and panicked
“Cassian, my hand is wet.” Azriel slowly lifted his hand up. “Cassian, this baby just-” Azriel gagged, looking at his hand “ON ME”
“Mother’s tits” Cassian swore, grabbing nyx and lying him down. Opening Nyx’s nappy cloth, he gagged, going to the toilet bowl and retching.
“It’s green” Azriel, who had tortured countless without balking, looked mortified. “Why is it green!? Why is there so much! He’s tiny. It’s still on my hand!”
“Hurry up and change him before he shits on us” Cassian growled, his hands scrambling for the cloth and water.
“He can’t have anything left in him after this. It’s all on my-”
“On your hand yes I heard you the fifth time” Cassian snapped, deft hands changing the cloth.
“This is disgusting, I’m never having kids. I’ll sacrifice sex if I have to” Cassian vowed.
“Ow!” Azriel swore, “he kicked me” he muttered, scowling down at Nyx still wailing, his limbs kicking out at everything.
“Get some rope, I’m tying him up” Azriel said seriously, gritting his teeth as Nyx landed another blow.
“We discussed this. We can’t tie him up, regardless of how many times he kicks us”
“No, we discussed the fact that Feyre would fry our balls off and let her water wolves eat them if she came home to find her son tied up. Considering how many well placed punches Nyx here has gotten in, I officially think we should reconsider the plan again” Azriel nodded towards a pile of rope in the corner
“Where did you get the rope from!” Cassian exclaimed, and then shook his head. Deciding to ignore the Azriel instead. “We’ve tried feeding him, and changing him, why is he still crying”
Nyx let out another wail, so loud the brothers began to fear he’d hurt himself.
“I don’t think Rhys needs me anymore. Give any prisoner in the hewn city Nyx for an hour and the night court will never have another enemy again” Azriel mused, his voice gruff.
Nyx’s wail turned into a screech and Cassian grunted at the foot that landed on him.
“How long till they come back?” He asked through gritted teeth, looking back toward the rope.
“Four” Azriel whispered “four more hours”
Feyre and Rhys slowly opened the front door of the river house.
“It’s awfully quiet in here” Feyre mused, noting the silence. “Maybe we were wrong to think they couldn’t handle this”
“Come on, let’s go kiss him goodnight before we go to bed” Rhys grabbed Feyre’s hand and led the way.
“Tired already?” Feyre quipped.
I want to make sure Nyx is fast asleep. He can’t hear all the depraved things I’m going to do to his mother.
Feyre’s toes curled in her boots, her blood heating at the promise in his words.
Lead the way then High lord. Feyre purred.
In the nursery, the two came to an abrupt stop.
The room was a mess. Toys littered the floor, covering every inch of space in the large room.
Smudges of orange and green baby food was splattered on the walls and floor, alongside puddles of spilt milk.
“What the fu-“ Rhys spluttered
“Rhys” Feyre whispered back, her voice lined with laughter.
On the floor, under piles of cloths and toys, curled up, lay a sleeping Cassian and Azriel. Their hair and faces covered in food and milk too. Azriel muttered “green” in his sleep, his wings twitching slightly.
“Is that?” Feyre questioned, looking towards the white splodges on Azriels leathers
“I think our son threw up on Az” Rhys snickered.
“He’s nothing if not ambitious, he landed some on Cass too” he nodded towards Cassian, his leathers too covered.
A soft gurgle, and the high lord and lady turned their attention the the small space in between where the two brothers slept.
Covered protectively by both the brothers wings, lay a gurgling and smiling Nyx.
“Hello son” Rhys whispered smiling, his eyes alight with warmth.
Both parents continued to coo over the baby, who slightly moved his arms and legs as if reaching up to his parents.
Rhys. Feyre called down the bond, as she picked up Nyx and kissed him.
Rhys laughed, seeing what caught Feyre’s attention.
Why are Cassian and Azriel tangled up in a pile of rope?