Dreams Again
Waiting in the Freezing Dark Chapter 3: Dreams Again
A Nessian Fan Fiction: Characters all belong to Sarah J Maas and her book series A Court of Thorns and Roses. This Story takes place after ACOFAS and after Chapter 1: What Box sweetheart? , Chapter 2: Goodnight Cassian, the story has Multiple POV’s, taking place in the Illyrian camp Windhaven, Nesta and Cassian are living together at the behest of the high lord and lady of the night court.
This Chapter is Nesta-centric. And a shortish one before a longer one - that i’m still writing... so it will be at least a week away unless i get the writing bug... I’ve loved hearing feedback from the previous chapters too :).
Also i’m sorry for all you sweet people because - yes, its going to get angsty. <3 love you all.
Tagging by request: @fucking-winchester-trash @rhysanoodle @velarxs @lorcanswife @my-fan-side @wolffrising @urbisie, @howtotameyourillyrian, @illyrianbeauty, @lady-katkat,@photofeesh, @study-read-repeat @verifiefangirl, @queen-archeron,@bookofmirth, @aqueentorattlestars, @acoaas @nephelle–warrior-scribe @librarian-of-velaris@anoverstuffedkindle, @miladyaelin, @bookofmirth, @acoaas ,
(Just let me know if you wish to be added/removed from this list - its already growing.)
Nesta
The sun poured in through her bedroom window as Nesta began dressing for the day. Cassian had woken early, eaten his breakfast and then knocked loudly on her door. Having no common decency at all and destroying any hope she had of sleeping until noon. He had left to see Devlon, his old camp lord, at the behest of his high lord. Apparently he was needed urgently but decided not to disclose why. So now Nesta had the whole house to herself.
Cassian had thought she had stopped her drinking but she knew he was a good soldier and followed orders. He would report back to Feyre and Rhysand all her habits and she didn’t want anyone getting in her business - not this time. Strategy was important when playing a long game, and she didn't need the arguments about her drinking. Now that she was alone she could have a few glasses of wine and read her latest acquisition.
Perfect Bliss, no distractions.
Her dreams over the last week had been preventing her from sleeping soundly. Talking with Cassian last week stirred up grief she had kept locked away and it was invading her thoughts while she slept. Cassian had been teasing her about snoring - something Nesta knew she did not do. Her dreams were hard to pin down and describe but she often woke in a cold sweat during the night. Shadowy figures, then red - always red would flood her vision, battle raging on, high fae in meetings, snarling, illyrians falling from the sky, white hot light pouring from the cauldron. Last night’s dream was of her father and his final moments. It was becoming too much. With Cassian gone, Nesta could drink and sleep without fear of her memories.
If only she had a bottle of wine.
Cassian had emptied the house of it after the last evening of libations went south. The only thing left was that vile amber liquid he seemed to enjoy. Emerie frowned upon her drinking but did not stop her doing it. Maybe another reason why Nesta liked her company - she knew when to keep her mouth shut.
Nesta quickly buttoned up her overcoat, closing the house up behind her and she walked out the door. The day was brisk but she was becoming accustomed to the cold. Nothing layers and a quick walk couldn’t fix. Nesta’s muscles were getting stronger walking up and down the street to Emerie’s shop from her place. She still refused to train with the females like Cassian wanted but she was becoming stronger in this setting of thin air and steep hills, without too much effort on her part. Her boots crunched on the gravel path, sliding left and right as she ascended the slope on the uneven ground. Emerie’s shop was one of the larger buildings, a two story wood paneled building, it had beautiful views of the camp since it was higher on the hill.
The door was closed to keep the heat in but the shop was open. Customers still hadn’t warmed up to Emerie and her position, so it was often quiet. Perfect for Nesta, hiding from the rest of the camp in plain sight. She walked up the steps and into the store. Emerie was organising some of her new stock to the right of the counter.
“What brings you here before noon?” her deep honeyed voice called out to Nesta.
“Very funny, I decided to come see you, isn’t that enough?”
“Nes, you never come to just see me.” Emerie replied. “So what’s the real reason? You have been a little MIA this week…” a pause “Is Casian training?”
Nesta hated how Emerie could see right through her, but she knew it was her own fault, Em was just someone who Nesta could open up to without any effort, without any fear. It did not make any logical sense since Cassian introduced the two of them. But Nesta knew that Emerie held no loyalty to him or anyone else over her. Emerie was a fresh start.
“Well Cassian has gone away for a wee while so I thought I would come and spend some time with you. Unless you don’t want me to, I can go.”
“You’re not going to go Nes, you’re not telling me the full story either.” she turned to look at me with that piercing stare and then continued to tidy her summer blankets.
“I love your company and I came to offer my help” Nesta defended.
“Exactly Em, so maybe you should stop asking me why im here so I won’t find something to do”, Nesta’s tone sharp, that fire burning behind her eyes boring into Emerie, she did not want to discuss her dreams or feelings or anything today - she just wanted a drink. “Any new red’s recently?”
“Ahh... I see. Have a look over by the window... there is a crate there.” Nesta turned to look and Emerie continued “The good ones have the dusty pink labels with golden writing - I managed to get a shipment from the Dawn court two weeks ago. I thought I might be able to keep it for a while this time, since about a month ago I had Cassian telling me who I could and couldn’t sell wine to.”
Nesta glared over her shoulder, Emerie still had her back to her tidying the shelves. Simple words with a pointed delivery.
“It’s none of his business what I drink!” Nesta said as she pulled out one of the bottles Emerie described.
“That’s what I told him, I also told him it was none of his business who I sold my products to.” She turned to Nesta and walked over to a cupboard above their heads, pulling out two wine glasses. “He also can’t tell me who I can drink with or when I can drink.” Both women smiled and sat down in the chairs by the window. Emerie ran the shop by herself so having a place to sit while waiting for those elusive customers was important. Plus if your best wine connoisseur wants some company how can you say no? Nesta opened the bottle and poured two glasses.
“Add it to Cassian’s tab, and I’ll take a few bottles home with me as well - when I leave”
“Sure, what’s going on Nes?”
“I don’t mind drinking with you, but you might want to find a better way to address that.”
Head tilted Nesta calmly replied “I thought you weren’t going to tell me what I can and can’t do?”
Emerie sighed “Nesta I just want you to be safe and not remembering who you are or what you are doing or where you are going is not staying safe. You are a high fae for cauldrons sake! In an Illyrian camp. Staying with a commander who isn’t that well liked! To top it off you are friends with me. It’s not the most sensible way to stay out of trouble. Add the wine and its a recipe for disaster.”
Nesta drank more of her wine and looked at Emerie closely, her friend who had been so supportive - was telling her what to do, Em hadn’t even touched her glass, while Nestas was half gone.
“Nesta its eleven in the morning, are you sure you wouldn’t like a cup of tea?” Emerie pleaded.
“I think wine is fine, you go back to your cleaning and i’ll enjoy the sun from your window, I don’t particularly feel like going home yet.” Nesta’s tone had turned icy she felt the pull on their friendship and wondered how much longer it would last. Amren’s patience had worn thin - how much longer before Emerie gave up on her too.
“Fine Nes. You drink. I’ll clean. When your done with your glass I’ll have those four bottles packaged up for you and you can leave. I’m not having you spill vile poison in here when your drinking.” Emerie had a short temper like Nesta and it was not the best combination when the both women locked horns. Her dark brown shined like glass, hard and seeing too much. She walked away from the seating area back to the main counter to dust.
Nesta was angry but also had not drunk enough to cause damage - yet. She didn’t want to lose Emerie, so she drank the rest of her wine in silence.
No one came into the store. Emerie continued tidying with silence stretching on. She placed four bottles into a bag, including some food too, a hard cheese and bread as well as a stew she had made the previous night. With Cassian gone Emerie knew Nesta would be avoiding cooking and wanted her to have some food with her liquid diet.
Nesta had been home several hours, reading her book and drinking her wine in the sitting room, the sun was tracking lower in the sky and Nesta started to close all the curtains around the house, being alone was peaceful but being alone felt eerily similar to rejection. She had forgotten how lonely life could be with Cassian always around invading her space. She double checked that all the doors were locked and made her way to the kitchen table. She was onto her second bottle and grateful for Emerie and the food she had placed in the bag with her wine. Cold stew wasn’t great but it was better than an empty plate which she had planned on enjoying that evening.
Living with an illyrian warrior did have its advantages.
Especially when they loved food and didn’t mind sharing.
It would be even better when they figured out how to make things hot without using fire. Nesta took her soup to the sofa and had another glass or two reading her book as she went. The wine kept her warm as she read into the wee hours of the morning, a second bottle polished off. Nesta was tempted to go find one of the illyrians on patrol to share her bed, but was sure Cassian would have threatened them when she moved here. Her Velaris coping mechanisms didn’t seem to work in Windhaven, she just hoped to get some sleep tonight.
Head foggy and book in hand her feet padded along the floor to her room. She stripped down and pulled on a night shirt before climbing into bed.
