a black hole has opened deep inside me, its pulling at the sides of my chest, claws curling into my ribcage, void sucking in my heart and pulling all my organs into a tight ball somewhere deep inside. I know it won’t last, but the emotions pull at everything, my lungs try to escape with every breath halting as the anger comes in waves. I want to stop it but it feels like the only way to make this horror go away is to scream out all the air in my lungs until there is nothing left for it to devour.
When I was a child, like 8 yrs or so, I made a list of all these different synonyms for “said”, or not just synonyms but like different ways to write that a character had spoken, in different moods, and I think I got to around 50 words, and kept pushing myself to find more? So now I’m like duh, you should have been writing this whole time but I don’t really know what happened.
I once taught an 10yr old girl who did the same thing. She had all these lists for reference.
She also wrote half an exercise book full of her story - a story about a time machine in which the main character went to Egypt and had to solve a murder. It was pretty detailed and incredibly hard to keep track of the characters as she just had so many ideas. But I still remember her story because it was such an exceptional thing for a 10yr Old to do. And choose to do instead of playing on the computer or play board games. Any free time she dedicated to this fic - because she still had to do her assigned tasks. It was so fun working with her and helping her develop her writing because she was so passionate about it. Haha whoops - off on a tangent. 😂