A Short Way to Fall
Waiting in the Freezing Dark: Chapter 4 - A Short Way to Fall.
Spoiler Alert: Contains references to ACOFAS.
A Nessian Fan Fiction: Characters all belong to Sarah J Maas and her book series A Court of Thorns and Roses. This Story takes place after ACOFAS. The story has Multiple POV’s, taking place in the Illyrian camp, Windhaven, Nesta and Cassian are living together at the behest of the high lord and lady of the night court.
A Short Way to Fall is chapter 4, so continues on the path of Nesta’s coping mechanisms.
Chapter Four - A Short Way to Fall
It had been six days since Cassian left for Devlon’s camp and Nesta knew he would be home in the coming days. She had managed to get some sleep without her intrusive dreams and it was magical. The wine she had to drink to get here there however left her with a pounding headache each morning, well - afternoon by the time she woke up. Two trips back to Emerie this week for more wine and she was out again already, this would be her last trip before Cassian came home she was sure of it.
Having a high tolerance for her drink of choice frustrated Nesta, it seemed like she needed to drink more and more to sleep as the week went on. She looked at herself in the mirror in the bathroom, at least she didn’t look as awful as she felt. She washed her face with the water in the ewer and tried to wipe away the shadows under her eyes. They were larger than they had been before Cassian left. Some of the fullness to her face had vanished again, she wasn’t sure if it was the wine, missing Cassian’s food or the lack of quality sleep. Pulling her hair into a rough braid, she got herself together and went to see Emerie.
It had been a long week. Devlon was making progress with the females and seemed to be listening to Cassian, something he never thought would happen. But the rumours and general ill feeling in the camp were still there. His presence had managed to keep a damper on rising tensions while visiting but he was not sure how much longer it would last. At least he would have a little bit of good news to relay to Rhys when he headed back to Velaris next week.
Cassian soared above the mountains, Windhaven coming into view at last. The sun warming his wings as he glided round the peaks. He loved being this free, flying was his happy place, and to think he might have never been able to fly again if it weren’t for Madja and her skills. Windhaven was also where Nesta was, he was glad to be able to cut his visit short. He missed her - even her prickly side.
Especially her prickly side if he were honest.
Having a heated discussions with her always managed to get his blood pumping.
Cassian flew into the camp, smiling at the nearby illyrians and giving them his devilish grin, eyebrows wiggling as they desperately tried to ignore him. Gliding along lower and lower, he couldn’t help but remind them just who was staying in their camp. Flying had always brought him peace and he couldn’t wait to see his hellcat behind the door. He had missed their easy routine and the calmness of their home. Landing and moving toward the door, he rushed up the steps and turned the door handle.
Nesta had insisted the deadbolts be installed before they moved in. Cassian frowned and knocked on the door,
“Nesta!” he called - no answer.
So after peering in the window and seeing no movement he walked around the back of the house. Cassian’s plans had already been spoiled with Nesta not at home but he could improvise and give her a surprise she wouldn’t forget. Walking around the building to find the hidden keys to the back door he paused. The sun glistened off something half peeking out beneath the steps. A crate of empty wine bottles.
Cassian’s peace drifted away with the breeze and his temper began to build, thinking about all their progress - lost. About how the wine bottles were hidden under the back porch and he never would have even seen it if he walked in the front door. Cassian kicked the box and stormed up the steps to unlock the door.
The house was a pigsty, the smell of week old food assaulted him as he walked through the kitchen. Normally Nesta was relatively clean and made sure everything went back in its place but apparently she hadn't been concerned with it while he was away. The bench had leftover food on it and the dishes on the bench appeared to be days old. The rest of the house wasn’t as bad but the furs were on the couch and the floor. Everything had just been left where it fell. The dining table had books half open and her wine glass on it.
Where was Nesta! His anger was simmering near the surface, she had been drinking. Drinking a lot in the short week he was gone. Furious, he shut the door and left.
Nesta was grateful for the perfect day, sun shining bright, the crisp mountain air pushing a few stray pieces of hair back off her face. The night ahead already playing out in her mind. Clean the house, finish her latest book, a few glasses of wine and then a nice long sleep. She had a few more days to hide the evidence of her week long holiday. Emerie had only had one bottle left of the good stuff so today would be her last bottle. At least until Cassian was away again and Emerie received a new shipment. She missed him, perhaps more so because of the wine. Wine helped keep away the demons but it made her thoughts drift to Cassian too.
Placing her bag on the porch she made deft work of the locks and walked inside.
She could not put her finger on it but something had changed. Nesta placed the wine on the table and checked bedrooms and bathroom, then the perimeter, windows secure, door locked, finally she checked the back door, it was closed but not locked. Fear rushed through Nesta. That sixth sense she had picked up becoming fae bringing her to full alertness. She checked all rooms and cupboards again and even checked Cassian’s room fully.
But the door was unlocked. She hated trying to use her fae sense of smell, but gave it a shot anyway - who had been in her home? No new scents came to her.
Frustrated and on edge Nesta decided to open the windows and doors and clean the house. Her feeling of unease still present but she wasn’t going to be able to relax now with this fear dripping off her.
The tasks all were completed in record time, kitchen done, bathroom done, bedroom done, sitting room done, all that was left was the rubbish to go out back and her books on the table and that beautiful bottle of wine. Maybe she would be able to relax after all.
Grabbing the bag of rubbish she walked down the steps to find her empty wine bottles shattered on the ground. The world went still, Nesta looked around, she couldn’t see anybody but she felt that extra sense tingle. Keeping her expression blank she put the rubbish away and tidied the shards of glass. If someone was watching her she would not give them the satisfaction of seeing her scared. Back straight and regal as ever, Nesta walked back inside and locked the door behind her.
Cassian had been training for hours now, sweat pouring off him. He had to get this rage out, facing her like this would only bring them both pain. Unfortunately he had run out of willing punching bags hours ago. He couldn’t put it off forever, so grabbing his bag he stormed off home to see the fae who caused his pain.
Nesta had been reading for a few hours now, still uneasy and savouring her last glass of wine. The old chair at the dining table wasn’t the most comfortable but this location by the door seemed like the best place to run from, if the intruder came back. The doors were all locked but she wasn’t sure how the back door had become unlocked so she was not going to take any chances. Nesta lifted her glass to her red stained lips as the sound of wings grew closer. Odd, normally the illyrians walk through the camp. The house shook slightly as a large figure landed. Heavy boots pounded up the steps and soon after there was a hard banging on the door.
Fantastic, just what she needed, he seemed to be in a great mood too.
“Nesta, we need to talk now, open the door!”
Nesta’s eyes narrowed and she put her glass down, it was too late to hide it, he would smell it on her breath anyway. Walking to the door as graceful as ever she turned the four locks and walked back to the table picking up her glass. Cassian stormed inside his siphons flaring and his hazel eyes reflecting some hidden fire. His body filling the entire doorway with its bulk.
“So your trip wasn’t as good as planned?” Nesta asked keeping her emotions firmly bottled up, expression as neutral as ever, thank goodness she had only had one bottle today.
“Nesta. What are you doing?”
“I’m having a drink, I’d offer you one but it seems I’m all out.” her tone was short but still slightly playful, she’d be damned if he made her feel bad for enjoying herself.
“I’m not surprised,” he said with deathly calm “with all the empty bottles out back.”
Nesta’s eyes narrowed and that smokey shadow came over them, the glimmer that lets everyone know when they have overstepped, Cassian turned away from her stare.
“You need to remember to lock the door when you leave.” she replied. The venom in her tone seeping into every corner of the room. He brushed past her and went towards his room, some of the fire had left him, he looked defeated. The wine was not helping. She was looking for a fight after being on edge all day and it had looked like he was going to give her one - but now he was walking away!
“Commander, maybe you should stick to what you are good at - leave managing me out of it. I am not some trainee and I refuse to be ordered about.”
Cassian turned back to Nesta, passion rising in his whisper quiet voice,
“Have I ever told you what to do Nesta? Have I ever told you to stop drinking?” his voice rising,
“To talk to me? To be nice to your sisters? To attend Solstice?” Cassian became more passionate, a fire blazing in his eyes,
“I have never! Never! Ordered you to do anything except open the damn door and now you’re telling me to back off? Are you sure it isn’t your own guilt eating away at you? This addiction you hide? That you would actually love to be told to put the damn bottle down and make something of yourself!”
The room seemed to close in, Nesta’s shock clearly evident on her face, her rage simmering in those blue-gray eyes - that he would speak to her like this! Cassian looked around the room then spoke in a quiet but firm voice,
I’ll head out tomorrow - I was… going to stay longer, but I’m leaving for Velaris. I don’t know when I’ll be back, figure out what it is you want. Figure out what you need to do. Forget about everyone else. I can’t watch you destroy yourself. I thought things were getting better. That we were getting better, but you are just hiding the truth from me.” he sighed.
“I won’t live a lie, I’ve done it for too long, kept too many secrets for others and I won’t keep yours as well. Don’t expect me to.”
Nesta swore time had frozen, both now barely breathing, a flame extinguished from a lack of oxygen, all the heat gone.
“Decide what you want, I’ll accept it but I won’t live with someone who is so self destructive. If you can’t see it?” he threw his hands in the air, “then I can’t be around you anymore.” Cassian turned and shut his bedroom door behind him.
Nesta was left alone in silence.
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