It’s no secret Astarion hates himself. Like he deals with a lot of insecurities and self loathing. He just puts on an act of self confidence and narcissism to properly play the role of sexy vampire.

But I think a lot of people miss when he Ascends this gets so much worse. Not only does he still think he’s only good for sex and has nothing to offer beyond that. Now he’s a monster, not by force but by choice. He choose to become a monster. Now he’s expanded his act from sexy vampire to evil sexy vampire. He’s playing the villain because that’s what he thinks he is. And as we know he’s really not that great at acting.

I think it’s interesting everyone always talks about seeing through Astarion’s facade but when it comes to him ascending they’re so quick to fall for his act all over again.

There’s the line “if you stay with him he will always see you as degrading yourself” in his post ascension romance scene. A lot of people interpret it at face value as he hates and looks down on Tav. But I think it’s miss understood because he could never hate Tav as much as he hates himself. Infact I’d say he has Tav put up on the highest pedestal. He sees them as the kindest most caring person in the whole world. He adores them and holds them in the highest regard. That’s why them wanting to be with him so much they would even put themselves beneath him is the ultimate degradation. It’s also why he feels he has to turn them because he doesn’t believe there’s any reason they’d choose to stay with him of their own free will while at the same time he can’t bare to loose them. He can’t wrap his head around the idea that you could actually love a monster like him.

If you say you want freedom in the reunion party he panics. Why would you want freedom? To leave him? You want to leave him? Why? When he’s given you the only things he’s good for; luxury and sex. That’s the only reason you choose him in the first place. He’s desperate to make Tav happy. With out Tav he has nothing. He is nothing.

He hides his hurt and insecurities behind that mask of the villain, behind his facade of power and dominance. Under it all he’s still the frightened spawn cowering in the kennels. And there’s no one he’s more desperate to hide this from than Tav lest they realize their mistake of caring for him and leave.

Ok but that What We Do in the Shadow-Cursed Lands stream was so good!

I’m just gonna incorporate Vincent and Asatrion a default group mom when a more responsible adult isn’t available into my headcanon.

I think although he should have a beautiful singing voice in theory, Astarion is painfully tone deaf. He always manages to be sharp and off key. I also think he can make a good tone in his chest voice but can’t sing in falsetto to save his life. Way too pitchy and breathy. He can sing hushed lullabies best, a skill his partner will never know because he’ll only do it when he’s sure they’re 100% asleep.

I really love that Astarion will just straight up kill you. And he really just does not fucking care if he does.

Been seeing it circulate on Twitter that Cazador looks younger than Astarion and I’m sorry but no he fucking doesn’t 😭 Cazador looks significantly older than Astarion like he’s closer to Halsin’s age.

I knew Astarion’s fuck ass bob from the new animated short reminded me of something…

I spent an embarrassing amount of time on this.

Ft. my main redemption dark urge (they/them). Between life and death after Bhaal drains them of their blood. They see their sister and love taunting them as the fear of dying sets in.

Old Habits Die Hard.

Ascended Astarion x Dark Urge Reader

Set after the events of the game. Lord Astarion falls into old habits and gives his pet Bhaalspawn some much needed enrichment.

Completely gender neutral reader, but they are a bottom.

Warnings: gore like really fucked up gore. Cheating. Smut. Dub-con/non-con. Not at all safe or sane for either parties. Dead Dove, Do Not Eat.

The rite of profane ascension had given him so much. The ability to see his own reflection, the ability to permanently walk in the sun, the power to take whatever he pleased, and the power to keep his beloved at his side for all eternity. However for all these gifts there were many things that remained. Much to Astarion’s disappointment ascension had not magically healed 200 years of torment, it had not fixed the feeling of disgust and loathing.

As much as he wanted to indulge, as mush as he had dreamed of a hedonistic life style awash with blood and sex; he could not over come the deep rooted disgust, the bile in the back of his throat. That night with his dear sweet consort and the two drow prostitutes had been deeply disappointing. Despite his desire to enjoy himself, he hadn’t. All he felt was disgust and anger, it took all of him to hide the hurt it caused him.

He could lie to you, but he could not lie to himself. Yours was the only touch he could tolerate. The only touch that didn’t cause his skin to crawl and his guts to twist. He could hardly stand the idea of any hands, other than the hands of his little love, touching him. He only longed for you and the familiar comfort of you body and blood. Not that he would ever tell you this, gods forbid you ever know the power you command over his newly beating heart. He needed to retain some semblance of dominance and control.

I wish you still got the option to offer your blood even after telling Astarion that you don’t care if he feeds on enemies :/

I love both versions of his story and it kinda rubs me the wrong way how Spawn Astarion purists will harass and judge people who enjoy Ascended Astarion while also picking and choosing traits they like from Ascended Astarion (and Wyll but that’s another discussion) to give to Spawn Astarion.

Batstarion? That’s a power only A!Astarion has. Spawn don’t have powers like that.

Dadstarion? A!Astarion actually mentions wanting children. S!Astarion doesn’t want to settle down.

Married Domestic Astarion? A!Astarion is actually happy to settle down in Baldur’s Gate. S!Astarion wants to travel and adventure, he even says settling down sounds boring.

You don’t want either Astarion, you want this guy:

Sorry for loving Ascended Astarion so much. Hearing David Bowie tell Sarah “Fear me. Love me. Obey me in all things, and I will be your slave.” when I was five changed me as a person.

“But Ascended Astarion is so evil and abusive”

Duh that’s why I love him so much. He’s not even that bad, like I promise it could be soooo much worse. Here’s list of examples to put it into perspective for you.

Honorable mentions: Nnoitra from Bleach, Sasori and Madara from Naruto, and a childhood sweet heart of mine Jeff the Killer <3

It’s a good thing I also like women cause if I pursued my taste in men I’d be dead in a ditch somewhere. (Not that my taste in women is much better)

My taste in men being on the spectrum of trapped in a vicious cycle of abuse, narcissistic misogynists, and straight up serial killers.

I felt like a full text post wouldn’t do this justice so I made a video lol

Like why is it so hard to accept that people have different tastes and preferences? No one’s giving out an award for pretending to have the moral high ground over a fictional characters. I just don’t understand the obsessive need to constantly call out people over a character that they don’t even like. Loving villains isn’t new lol

Thankfully I keep my old finished games so I was able to run through the evil endings with both my Evil Dark Urge and my Resist Dark Urge who both romanced Ascended Astarion.

It’s so satisfying and sad to see Ascended Astarion fall victim to his own delusions of grandeur.

With the Evil Dark Urge all the options are so heart retching. His “we did it the world is ours” followed by the shock and disbelief on his face. He doesn’t even get in any real final words just sputtering out “you can’t… I can’t…” when you kill him. Or the sad pathetic little reach towards you, fear in his eyes as if he thinks you’ll catch him as you will him to fall. Like babygirl really thought the chosen god child of the lord of murder was going to spare him specially and they were going to live happily ever after until the end of the world. It’s so sad.

But the saddest I think is Redeemed Durge and Tav forcing him to kneel after he says “together we can do anything”. The way he whimpers begging them not to force him. All that power and he has to grovel to the one person he thought he could actually trust. 7000 souls and he’s still a slave.

Ascended Astarion lovers aren’t half as delusional as Ascended Astarion himself lmao

Unboxing Astarion by God Pan Studio

Tumblr won’t let me upload the full vid lol You can see the whole thing on my tiktok!

Unboxing the GodPanStudio Astarion Statue!

Tumblr would only let me upload the shirt version you can watch the full video on my tiktok!