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Random Thought Depository

@random-thought-depository / random-thought-depository.tumblr.com

Science fiction fan and aspiring science fiction author. 39 year old male. I made this because I wanted a place to put my random thoughts.
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I think @adepta-astarte/Purplekitte’s Primarch gender-swap ideas are cool, but I have a different interpretation of what Mara would be like.

I see a lot of autism coding and chronic pain/invisible disability coding in Mortarion. I think this is why I’ve always found him one of the more compelling Primarchs: I think I’m autistic or something and I have persistent low-level physical pain and a self-sacrificing streak, so I find it easy to see him as someone whose outer and inner struggles remind me of my own; he reminds me of the part of myself that once tried to tough out a serious toe infection because I didn’t want my mother to have to pay for my treatment.

I see Mara as very similar to Mortarion, and as very masculine/butch/GNC in ways that are totally tied into her brain-weirdness. She doesn’t object to wearing feminine clothing in principle, but most feminine clothing and associated things (long hair, make-up, jewelry) irritates her sensory sensitivities. She’s very strong and tough and fast, but she’s clumsy with small delicate objects and small finicky movements, so she’s a lot better at the kind of manual labor an agricultural society codes male, and this influenced her early experience of gender a lot. Femininity emphasizes a lot of the human things that are most difficult for her, like being pretty and sociable and good at emotion work. I see Mara experiencing her alienation from femininity as an extension of her alienation from humanity in general.

I see Mara’s early childhood as a lot more gender-neutral than Purplekitte does. I always saw Mortarion’s introversion in terms of ... he was raised by beings that were not human, that did not teach him to be human, he had to learn to be human later, and having learned it so late it never became easy for him. So I see the Barbaran overlords as inhuman beings, who wouldn’t share human things like gender roles, and who’d treat Mara and Mortarion about the same way.

I started writing a fanfic based on these thoughts a while ago, but it probably won’t be ready for posting before next year because I want to finish some other writing projects first. Also, I think I should read more Horus Heresy novels before I finish the fic, I’m mostly going by fandom osmosis at this point. Some other Mara ideas from my unfinished fanfic (a lot of these are just my Mortarion headcanons):

I actually did name her Mara, thanks @adepta-astarte for giving me permission to do that, it was better than any name I could think of.

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In my mind’s eye Mara looks a lot like @newvagabond but really big (she’s one of the bigger Primarchs, so she’d be bigger than this guy), with the body type of Julie Bell, a kinda sea-creature grey-white complexion, a stronger chin and gold eyes, and a lot of scars (I asked New and she said it was OK to mention this). I think there’s a couple of reasons my brain made that connection, and the spoonie thing is one of them.

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Mara was badly abused as a child, especially during the early years when the tyrant saw her as a biological curiosity instead of a potentially valuable future minion. Some of the things that were done to her permanently physically damaged her (her inhumanly white appearance is a manifestation of that).

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Mara has some sensorimotor issues:

- She has unpleasant sensory sensitivities. Everything feels jagged. Sensations scratch, bite, itch, burn, poke, tickle-scratch, are too much. Many things feel bad and few things feel good. Constant low-level pain is the background noise of her life

- She’s fast and graceful by human or even Space Marine standards, but every movement feels like it takes more effort than it should, as if her brain has to shout at her body, as if her limbs are moving through mud, and it’s frustrating. She’s also clumsy with small delicate objects and small finicky movements.

She treats these problems as embarrassing secrets and resists making any concessions to self-care.

She also has the autistic restricted food preference thing, but will eat almost anything anyway; she had to do that as a matter of survival during childhood and she’s exactly the kind of person who’d rather low-key torture herself than ask for accommodation.

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Mara ran away from the tyrant around 8-10 years old or whatever the Primarch years equivalent is, and was adopted by a human community shortly thereafter. I think that scenario evokes the feel of autistic/ND alienation better than her having run away as an adult.

She had an adoptive mother-figure: an old widow. This woman had an adult non-verbal autistic son who lived with her, and raising such a child gave her experience that was useful in dealing with Mara (knowing how to touch her in a way that didn’t irritate her sensory sensitivities, recognizing when she was feeling overloaded, etc.).

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Mara is mostly asexual, but she has proto-sexual crushes and proto-sexual sensual attraction. The analogy she thinks of for her own sexuality is a pot that sometimes comes to the verge of boiling but never boils, or a plant that never blooms because the soil it’s in is too stony and sour. She could probably enjoy sex, but she feels no strong desire for it. She’s relieved at being asexual, because she thinks her being celibate makes things simpler for herself and everyone else. She has never had a romantic relationship, and she has never had sex.

The closest thing she’s had to a lover was a girl a few years older than her in her adoptive village, who was her one childhood friend. She and this girl did a proto-sexual “take off our clothes and study each other’s bodies because we’re curious” thing as young teenagers. Later on this girl started training to be a singer/oral storyteller, and Mara had a strong sensual attraction to her voice (in my mind’s ear this girl’s singing sounds like this). This girl picked up that Mara was attracted to her and offered to have sex with her, but Mara wasn’t comfortable with that idea so nothing happened. They might have become lovers eventually but this girl died young from disease.

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Mara started her rebellion against the overlords when she was a young teenager. When they’d been grooming her to be a minion the tyrant taught her a lot of stuff about weapons, and she taught the Barbaran peasants how to make cross-bows, guns, cannons, greek-fire-like-stuff, bombs etc.. She has a techie-nerdy side, but it often isn’t appreciated.

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Relationships with other Primarchs (note, I haven’t figured out which other ones I’d gender-swap in this AU):

- Horus is one of the very few living close friends/intimates she has. He’s likely one of the very few people she’s told about her sensorimotor issues. They have a close older-brother/little-sister type relationship.

- She does not get along well with Fulgrim and Ferrus Manus. Given their schtick they strike me as likely to not get along well with a sibling they see as broken or defective. They don’t know the details of her condition, but they have eyes and they’re bright, they see and judge, and she can see them seeing and judging (and hear the occasional snide comment). She has some sensual attraction to how pretty and graceful and perfect Fulgrim is, which makes her resent him more, as she finds being attracted to him humiliating.

- She doesn’t get along with Magnus for the same reason Mortarion doesn’t: the Barbaran overlords were sorcerers, sorcery has bad associations for her, and she knows enough about it to have some idea how dangerous it is.

- Her default opinion of Leman Russ is “charismatic popular guy who finds all the stuff I struggle with easy,” and envy based on that. Going by some interpretations, may be surprised how relatable some of his experiences are to her if they have the right conversation.

- She probably dislikes Purplekitte’s interpretation of gender-swapped Russ for the same reason she dislikes Magnus: she doesn’t like sorcerers. Though I have an extremely vague notion of an enemies-to-friends fic for those two based on finding the mental image of Ljufa trying to teach Mara her weaving-sorcery thing interesting (Mara did textile work as a child but did not like it, especially sowing - her fingers were clumsy and she kept stabbing herself with the needle).

- I think she might have a very interesting relationship with Lorgar. Lorgar is another Primarch I easily read as possibly autistic, though in a way that’s only apparent if you’ve noticed a particular thinking style that I think may be autism-associated but that doesn’t fit common autistic stereotypes. Mara and Lorgar seem to me like kind of symmetrical opposites in terms of their relationships to brain-weirdness, embodiment, Primarchness, and gender (the symmetry isn’t perfect, but then gender is asymmetrical; gender-nonconformity tends to be a lot less accepted in men). I’m not saying I ship these two, but I’m not not saying it.

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I should do a Primarch autistic headcanons post sometime.

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It’s interesting to try to figure out how the Amentan hair caste thing started, and why it’s so widespread. After all, colors are culturally constructed, and it doesn’t really make sense that multiple independent cultures would come up with it out of thin air. I think that its widespread nature is strong evidence for a common cultural ancestor- or for an actual biological basis for hair color correlation with skill.

The hypothesis that there’s a common cultural ancestor for the hair color thing doesn’t explain why the hair color thing developed at all. There’s no reason for all of the manual-labor-doing people to be grey-haired, after all, unless there’s something that links manual labor with grey hair initially. I would also expect that the different countries would have begun to develop different caste systems if it was all just culture.

So the simplest explanation is that hair color correlates biologically with skill.

The next interesting aspect of this is that, probably, society doesn’t really start out with all of these castes. If we’re assuming a reasonably Earth-like progression, probably the Amentan societies started out doing hunting and gathering. But then they settled down and did agriculture. After this, or maybe before, the people who wanted power/were good at administration/whatever, who had blue-haired genes, started to stratify power and amass large grain storages (or whatever). That was the first split. The blue-haireds ran things and the farming class was composed of people of various hair colors.

So then after that they needed people to keep track of everyday stuff. These people were predominantly yellow-gened. And then after that, maybe a significant while after that, the greens - most of whom were part of the proto-yellows - started to do art in order to contribute to religion and adulation of the blues.

And so on and so forth. I think that it’s likely that the oranges emerged from the yellows, and that the purples emerged rather late from the proto-greys. It’s also possible that different societies had different castes emerge at different times.

I also think that the reds emerged extremely early, since the idea of pollution seems very well-ingrained (though it could be one of those Victorian Era type things that everyone thinks is really super old but which totally isn’t). Moreover, if either the biological basis or the proto-society hypotheses are true, then the reds must have emerged early; waste and human refuse have been around since the beginning, after all.

Running with the “biological basis” thing, it’s possible that the proto-reds have an unusually high tolerance for disgusting things, and that perhaps this was initially correlated with criminality or something, explaining their low status.

Now I want to make a caste-hbd rp, except that I’m fairly sure that that’s within the Amentan Overton Window.

@luminousalicorn Does this check out?

Disclaimer: this is all based on this and some light Tumblr osmosis, I very possibly have gotten a lot of things very wrong.

- I don’t think you need anything extra to explain why reds are low-status, the fact that they have to touch dirt and are therefore associated with dirt in a society that’s neurotic about cleanliness is enough. Just look at the historical precedent. I think reds probably started out as the losers in the increasing inequality of early agricultural society, who ended up doing the most unpleasant and low-status jobs because that’s usually the role low-status people end up in.

- I think there may be significant neurotype differences between Amenta humans and Homo sapiens. The extreme aversion to dirt and elegant rigid social structure characterized by at-a-glance class legibility both read autism-ish to me. Amenta humans have lower sexual dimorphism than Homo sapiens, live twice as long, and have different breeding patterns, all of which suggests different evolutionary pressures. I think the average Amenta neurotype may be autistic-adjacent by Homo sapiens standards.

- The whole thing looks like the result of a selective breeding program by some ruling class who wanted their slaves color-coded for easy branding. It would explain a lot if Amenta humanity was once a slave race. Or maybe they did it to themselves by their sheer desire for easy class legibility. I wonder if originally hair color only very loosely correlated with caste, and the present arrangement started out as that thing reactionary movements do where they invent an idealized past that never actually existed and then seek to recreate it. Just have somebody invent the meme that different castes being visually indistinct is a kind of degeneracy and in the proper ideal social order of the ancestors you could tell caste just by looking at somebody, and a few millennia of social pressure and assortative mating might make it real, hardening caste lines from something like feudal classes to something like racial lines in the process. The process might have originally started as a reaction against increasing class mobility by conservatives during Amenta world’s equivalent of the Axial Age (some ancient Amentan analog of Julius Evola may have a lot to answer for).

- Orange and red are similar colors, and the messiness of real hominid features will probably make them even easier to confuse than an abstract color-wheel comparison would suggest. Having your empath caste look similar to your untouchable caste seems awkward. It seems interesting to consider the possibility they’re actually related though. High empathy and being less fussy about dirt might both be helpful in animal domestication, and animal tending would plausibly have been considered a dirty job in early farming communities.

- I remember reading somewhere that early Chinese states had problems keeping the peasants from running away into the wilderness, beyond the reach of the state. I get the impression this was a common reaction to oppressive state power historically. In the Americas escaped black slaves would run away beyond the frontiers of European control and form their own communities or assimilate into indigenous communities. Even today “get a cabin in the woods” is associated with radical escape from state society. Early states were often basically experienced by their subjects as glorified thieves, you lost little by running away, and the world had big swathes of habitable territory that weren’t under the control of a state until pretty recently in history. In Amenta rigid caste systems likely went hand in hand with state power; bureaucracies like their easy legibility, and a complicated rigid caste system is just the kind of thing that works better in big communities. I expect there would have been a persistent trickle of low caste people deciding to opt out by voting with their feet. That would probably have meant mostly purples (generic peasants were purple) and reds. Especially reds. Early state society would offer reds basically nothing but poverty, humiliation, and violent oppression. Red Island sounds utopian in the context of the modern world, where there basically are no frontiers anymore, but in many historical contexts it would have been quite feasible.

- Where do nomadic hunter-gatherers and pastoral nomads fit into this? I’d assume ancestral hunter-gatherers would have been caste-less with an even mix of colors or mostly one color with the others rare random variation (the ancestral color was probably purple, or maybe grey - warrior and hunter have a fair amount of overlap - or maybe in ancestral hunter-gatherers it varied with ecological context, people in groups that got most of their calories from plants being mostly purple, people in groups that got most of their calories from big game being mostly grey). The thing I observed in the previous two paragraphs makes things more interesting though; a lot of hunter-gatherers and pastoral nomads might be descended from settled agriculturalists who ran away from the expansion of state power and the caste system. Especially, if you go with my idea of animal tenders having originally been a low-status red-orange caste, pastoral nomads might be descended from them. Imagine how terrifying red-orange haired Mongol/Hun analogs would have been to settled people on this world! I have to admit I really like that idea! The way color-caste works in pastoral nomads is more than a matter of curiosity about some minor corner of the worldbuilding, because pastoral nomads often militarily defeated and subjugated settled farmers, so the way color-caste works in pastoral nomads is going to matter to the way it works in state societies. Then again, maybe Amenta never domesticated the horse or anything equivalent, and pastoral nomads remained peripheral nuisances to states, never making the transition from “small rapscallion of a skeleton” to “FUCKMOUNTAIN DEATHMONSTER.”

- I don’t think statistical aptitude differences alone would explain how universal and stable the color-caste system seems to be, unless maybe they were very big. The issue with that explanation is that technological and social changes tend to change the meaning of being good at something.

Actually, I want to talk about that last point at length. Let’s map the history of Earth societies onto Amenta color-castes, based on my offhand historical knowledge, assuming that color correlates with aptitudes and assuming that we start with a system resembling the “canon” one with demographics and roles adjusted for an early state society (blue = nobles, grey = warriors, yellow = artisans, green = scribes and priests, orange = concubines and priests, purple = farmers, reds = untouchables):

- Egypt starts with a blue sacred king and a powerful green and orange priesthood. It develops conservatively, but I think there’d probably be a shift of power toward the grey caste over time. There are probably a lot of grey/blue late Pharaohs. Later in history, it comes under the domination of foreign societies which may have caste systems that developed much less conservatively.

- I don’t know too much about early Mesopotamia, but the color-caste system plausibly gets a big shake-up with the Gutian invasion, because the Gutians sound like the kind of group that might not share it.

- The Indus Valley civilization might have the same sort of basic arrangement as Egypt. The Aryans were semi-nomads who probably lack or have a different color-caste system. Possibly post-conquest they make their own new caste system, with themselves as the top caste ruling over the mostly purple pre-Aryan peasantry. The historical period maybe maps to at first domination by the grey Kshatriyas, then a soft take-over by the green Brahmins.

- China maybe starts out as a rather violent necrachy ruled by blue medium-kings with a powerful green-dominated priesthood (greens are the artists, I think, which fits with shamanic mediums) and a powerful grey caste of charioteers. The Zhou probably have a basically similar social structure to the Shang, so relative stability so far. The Warring States Period probably sees at first a shift of power to the grey caste. I remember reading a paper once that suggested China’s early bureaucratization was because its ancient feudal warrior nobility basically killed itself off through high-intensity warfare during the Warring States Period, and this is a plausible fate for greys; they are a demographically fragile caste since they’re at high risk of dying young by violence. So, the greys drive themselves below replacement rate reproduction and dwindle, and the state shifts into the hands of green bureaucrats and starts to recruit purples to keep the wars going. Late Warring States probably has grey kings with powerful green bureaucracies and purple mass armies. Qin Shi Huangdi is probably a grey, I guess, I don’t know his background. Liu Bang might be a grey or a purple. The meritocratic Confucian examination system probably creates a mixed mostly green and purple bureaucracy. The various nomad conquest dynasties are whatever color steppe nomads are (grey? purple? red-orange? mix?). The Hongwu Emperor is probably a purple. So basically by the Ming the caste system is radically transformed from what it was in the Shang.

- Japan starts with a blue sacred king and a powerful orange and green priesthood. Over time the blues, greens, and oranges lose power to the grey samurai, culminating in the grey-dominated Shogunate, in which the blue sacred king is retained as a symbolic figurehead while the grey Shogun actually runs the country.

You get the idea. Even if you assume aptitude differences, the fortunes of the different castes are going to fluctuate a lot over thousands of years, because technological and social changes are going to change the social value of being good at something. For instance, you may have noticed a general pattern where the locus of state power shifts from religion to military power; that’s a pattern I’ve noticed in real history, and I suspect it had something to do with increasing cosmopolitanism and social complexity, horse domestication, and the invention of the chariot. By the same token, the social value of greys is vulnerable to being undermined by any innovation that makes the things they’re good at less important in war.

I don’t know, maybe the kind of stuff I’m talking about happened and I just haven’t read about it. That’s very possible. I get the impression the color-caste system is supposed to be ... pretty homogenous worldwide in terms of its basic structure though. I think some post I saw mentioned there having been a big (global?) empire that fell at some point, so maybe that explains it. Though I think that’d at least leave a fairly strong awareness that things used to be very different in a lot of places, unless the empire lasted a really long time or was quite totalitarian.

I wonder if neurotype differences might explain a lot though. “Extreme fear of contamination and elegant rigid social structures with social class legible at a glance” has more than a whiff of the right-wing authoritarian personality type to me. Maybe Amenta humans are just a lot more submissive than Homo sapiens.

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Why low intelligence persists

Inspired by finding this, and some recent discussion:

Postulate that social adeptness is very cognitively challenging, and hence high intelligence is strongly linked to social adeptness, and that social adeptness was strongly selected for in human ancestors, and that’s why humans got as smart as we are (I think this is true, but that’s for another post). If this is true, it seems odd that human intelligence variation has as high a hereditary component as it does; I’d naively expect any gene that lowered intelligence to have been strongly selected against. Explanations I can think of (besides the obvious one that my model of human evolution is wrong):

1) Intelligence trades off against other things. Genes that cause low intelligence have benefits in other areas. A gene that reduces intelligence may strengthen the immune system, or grant faster reflexes and better coordination, or something like that. The benefit could be as simple as a less calorie-hungry brain which increases the odds of surviving famines (the brain consumes energy well out of proportion to its weight).

2) Humans probably got as smart as we are by a long sequence of mutations. Say there were a thousand intelligence-increasing mutations between early Homo erectus and modern Homo sapiens. Most of these mutations would have raised intelligence by a small fraction of 1 IQ point. People with a bunch of these intelligence-increasing genes would have had a big advantage and reproduced more, resulting in the genes rising in frequency, but one variant more or less wouldn’t have made much difference, so the ancestral pre-mutation low-intelligence variants might easily have lingered at low frequency indefinitely. And a thousand low-frequency ancestral variants means the average person might have quite a few.

3) Similar to 2), but with minor deleterious mutations instead of ancestral genes. A deleterious mutation that only moderately decreases fitness might well end up in a few percent of the population by simple genetic drift. Have that happen a thousand times and the average person is going to have ten of these deleterious genes. They may not even be directly related to intelligence, they may just compromise the immune system or something, with a general weakening of the organism having an adverse effect on brain function because the human brain is a very complex, resource-intensive, sensitive organ.

4) I’ve assumed more general reasoning means more social intelligence, but maybe general reasoning actually competes with social intelligence to some extent. Social intelligence seems strongly subject to the Polanyi Paradox: it feels easy and natural to socially adept people, we often recognize social rules without consciously articulating them, we often find it hard to articulate what makes us feel a certain way about a person, we may receive social insights in oblique symbolic ways, etc.. This suggests social intelligence is kind of like sensorimotor processing; a lot of it is done by specialized systems that we may not be able to easily redirect to solving other kinds of problems. This is basically a variation of 1), but I thought it deserved special mention.

5) IQ tests may be measuring some socially significant variable other than intelligence. If you think about humanity in its hairless ape context, sitting down with a pencil and paper to solve a bunch of abstract formal problems is actually a pretty weird thing to do. I’m reminded of the idea that the Flynn Effect is due to modern schooling and culture indoctrinating people into a historically unusual abstraction-heavy way of thinking. Luria’s peasants thought in concrete, embedded-in-the-world terms; ask them “bears in hot climates are brown, bears in cold climates are white, the north pole is cold, what color are the bears at the north pole?” and they’d say “I’d have to ask somebody who’s been to the north pole.” Luria’s peasants weren’t necessarily stupid, their way of thinking might well have been superior to ours in the context of a nineteenth century Russian village (or a Pleistocene hunter-gatherer band?), but they probably wouldn’t have done well on modern standardized tests and high school essays. Maybe some people just naturally have a harder time switching from the concrete embedded-in-world way of thinking to the abstract formal problem-solving way of thinking.

Testability: if 3) is the dominant factor I’d expect high IQ to correlate with good health, if 1) is the dominant factor I’d expect high IQ to possibly correlate with poorer health, lower sperm count, or other things that would have probably reduced fitness in the ancestral environment. Some quick Googling suggests that there’s a positive correlation between health, lifespan, and IQ, but it’s hard to untangle whether that’s because healthier people tend to have higher IQs or because high IQ people tend to be better taken care of and take care of themselves better. Socioeconomic factors seem to account for 30% of the correlation, and high IQ, health, and better reflexes seem to correlate, which sounds like evidence for 3) being the dominant factor.

On the other hand, there seems to be some evidence that higher intelligence is correlated with mental illness, which suggests 1). And it’s easy to think of the stereotype of the introverted, quirky intellectual in the context of 4).

I also wonder if 2) might mimic 3) somewhat. Chimpanzees don’t live as long as humans, and early hominids likely didn’t either. There’s some evidence that Homo erectus had a shorter childhood than Homo sapiens, which is consistent with Homo erectus having been a shorter-lived and faster-breeding species. Selection for longer lifespan means selection for resilience to the things that might kill you at 40-60 years old, like heart disease.

There’s also the factor that the modern world is pretty different from the ancestral environment. Things that might have been an advantage in the ancestral environment (such as more efficient fat storage) might correlate with poorer health today.

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*whispers* “bullying” is what we call it when kids treat each other the way adults treat kids

I mean, I kinda see what you’re saying but like, if an adult had treated me the way other kids did it would’ve been called abuse not just “the way adults treat kids.”

(I don’t really know how to express how angry the way kids are treated makes me but non-abusive adults don’t treat kids the way bullies do. I’m not saying that that treatment is necessarily better just different.)

I’m not trying to dismiss the experiences of anyone who’s a victim of bullying from fellow young people. but I think it’s worth acknowledging the hypocrisy of the fact that dynamics that are problematized among age peers are normalized across generational lines. adults berate and belittle kids, use fear and strength to control them, hit them, talk over them, gaslight and victim-blame them, mock their interests, target them for their identities, embarrass them for their flaws and failures, use their insecurities as pressure points…and most of it never gets called abusive.

Yeah no I totally get what you’re saying, and I agree with the principle I just disagree with the comparison. I understand you didn’t mean to sound dismissive but as someone who was bullied for most of my life it /feels/ dismissive.

I also think it’s worth mentioning that bullying is absolutely not taken even remotely seriously. so I would disagree that it’s hypocritical, because I think some of the things you described are frankly probably more likely to be taken seriously than bullying.

Bullying is never called abuse, it’s “kids will be kids” it’s “oh okay nice kids” it’s punishing the victim for daring to fight back, it’s putting the victim and their abuser in a room together so they can “talk it out”, it’s “oh they only want a reaction, just ignore them” on repeat three million times it’s every teacher you’ve ever had knowing exactly what goes on in their classroom and not taking it seriously enough to bother to put a stop to it, bullying the but of a million jokes on TV, or the origins story of countless “bad guys.”

ultimately, bullying’s just seen as a normal and expected secondary/high school experience, in exactly the same way that a lot of those behaviours are just seen as normal and expected parenting technique.

that’s…probably a good perspective for me to hear. because as a teacher I hear a lot about anti-bullying strategies and initiatives, and it’s usually from the same people trading tips about how to enforce control over kids in ways that sound remarkably similar to what those things are trying to stop. easy to forget there are so many people who are less hypocritical because they really don’t care about either problem.

This post made me kind of uncomfortable, and I’ve figured out why. This model implies that bullying is just kids using the social strategies that adult authority figures use on them. I think that biases people away from noticing a very important difference between the way adults inflict unpleasant experiences on other adults and on children and the way kids inflict unpleasant experiences on other kids.

It’s true that adults often subject kids to highly unpleasant experiences, but they usually do so instrumentally. A teacher will punish you for getting bad grades, or for breaking the rules, for instance. There’s a fairly straightforward cause and effect, and fairly obvious things you can do to appease the authority figure (you may not actually be able to do them, but at least there’s a clear instrumental aim). The closest mainstream adult hierarchical relationships come to bullying that I can think of is stereotypical drill instructor and PE teacher techniques, but even there there’s a clear instrumentality to it; the drill instructor doesn’t just yell at and degrade the recruits for the lulz, he’s working to establish dominance and modify their minds and behavior.

Abusive interactions I experienced from peers was something quite different. The descriptive term that comes to my mind for it is casual recreational sadism. Here’s the kind of stuff other kids in middle and high school would do to me:

- Take advantage of periods of forced proximity to trash-talk me at length to my face, and engage in spontaneous mockery.

- Deliberately lure large numbers of pigeons toward me by throwing scraps on the ground at lunch (I have a weird disgust/phobia thing about pigeons).

- Steal my things (pencils, pencil sharpeners etc.).

- Throw things (e.g. a kleenex box) at me, mark me with pencils, spit soda on me etc..

- Suggest other girls were interested in me sexually, or pretend to be sexually interested in me, which was hilarious because the idea that anyone would be attracted to me was clearly absurd.

- Trip me up or engage in low-key physical intimidation. I was relatively lucky here that stereotypical “let’s beat up the nerd lol!” stuff didn’t seem to be really a thing at my schools; there seemed to be a tacit understanding that physical bullying should be kept to a level low enough that it could be dismissed as no big deal, I’m guessing because it was one thing the administration would take seriously.

These things rarely seemed to be direct responses to “bad behavior” or attempts to achieve some instrumental aim. I’m sure there was an important dynamic of these things being considered OK because I was seen as weird and annoying and a bad person and therefore vaguely deserving of it, but there was no direct instrumental goal. Rather, these acts seemed to be a form of entertainment. It was simply amusing to hurt and humiliate me. I remember reading a self-defense site years back that talked about various motivations for violence, one of which was predatory violence, in which the violence itself is the goal (the guy wants to beat your ass in order to experience the pleasure of beating your ass). Teenage horizontal abuse as I experienced it was like that.

The moralistic logic to schoolyard bullying as I know it isn’t “if you do thing I don’t like, I will punish you” it’s “if you do things I don’t like, I will reclassify you as a social/moral untouchable, and then I will have moral and social license to hurt you whenever it amuses me.”

The best adult analogy to how schoolyard bullying works that I can think of isn’t parent/child and teacher/student relationships, it’s the relationship between online trolls and “lolcows.”

An adult who openly related to children this way would be considered weird and awful and creepy and more than a little pathetic and probably mentally ill, and would probably be kept away from children. I’m sure there are abusive adults who relate to children under their authority this way in their hearts (the psychological mechanisms that underlie casual recreational sadism don’t just magically disappear at 18), but I expect they usually disguise it under a veneer of instrumental punishment, because being too open in indulging their sadism would harm them socially.

Which kind of gets to the important thing here: I notice people started treating me radically better when I left high school, and I think a big part of that is casual recreational sadism is much less socially acceptable in the adult world. There’s probably adult subcultures where you can get away with it (such as, I suspect, subcultures that are big on machismo), but generally the adult world seems to have stronger civility norms than the teenage world; civility norms strong enough to preclude a culture of normalized casual recreational sadism. Adults experience more pressure to hide their sadism (behind closed doors, behind moralistic outrage, behind instrumental punishment), and that circumscribes it.

The toxic culture of middle/high school probably does have a lot to do with the way adults treat teenagers (e.g. the way they’re given few sources of status besides popularity games), but I don’t think teenage bullying is an extension of the logic of the way children are treated by adult authority figures. I think it’s feeds on its own, unusually toxic social dynamics.

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