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#spiders – @rainstormdragon on Tumblr
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Every summer I forget how much I fucking love spiders I’ve drunk one every day this week

Drinking spiders??!

You put ice cream in a glass and pour soft drink over it. It creates a thick layer of delicious foam on top of a sweet, creamy drink with ice cream in it.

And yes I did attempt to get a picture by googling “Australia spider” like a fucking moron.

I think that’s called a float in the states. Although we usually plop the icecream into the glass after the soda. Similar effect though.

We wouldn’t be able to call it that because the word is way too easy to confuse with a floater, which is a meat pie floating in a bowl of pea soup. It is every bit as delicious as a spider though. I should get some pies and pea soup.

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kitstacean

I would like to announce that this is not a standard Australian food, it’s exclusively a South Australian one and the rest of Australia is just as appalled as the rest of the world.

It’s not our fault that the rest of Australia is incorrect about food.

“average person eats 3 spiders a year" factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in South Australia and BADLY misinterpreted our survey question,,

[tumblr] has two jokes and this one will outlive all of us

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Honestly the mere fact that some people refer to Daddy Long Legs as “harvestmen” is creepier than 90% of all deliberately created horror but like the worst part is that the alternative is calling them Daddy Long Legs

They are harvesting our sorrows

True harvestmen, and not cellar spiders which are the other Daddy Long Legs, are truly omnivorous- known to eat everything from spiders, to fecal matter, to leaves and fungus… But one of the singularly most interesting habits of a particular European species is their almost symbiotic relationship with beehives– particularly man-made beehives. When a bee dies inside the hives, workers will remove the the corpse to just outside the hive just before dark. And the harvestmen? Well, they live up to their name.

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feynites

So what you’re saying is that they are the grim reaper for bees.

sit down, y’all.

where I grew up, come autumn, the fields would be covered with so many harvestmen you couldn’t see the ground (I ain’t posting pictures cause some of y’all wouldn’t sleep again) They always seemed to be rushing somewhere. That somewhere was to meet the Grim Reaper.

see, I was taught that Harvestmen are the souls of the dead. Death comes down to earth in autumn (that’s why we have Halloween, Dia de los Muertos, etc. in October) and all the souls that died that year go running to meet him and be harvested.

and the cellarkin? Well you don’t see them rushing about. They’re the souls of the damned. Paler, thinner, weaker than the harvestmen, cellar spiders are cursed to lurk in the dark forever.

When I was a kid, waking up to find a harvestman in your room was a good thing - it meant a dead friend was watching over you. Sometimes they could show you things by settling into a pattern, dancing on a part of your body or turning up in groups of a certain number.

You don’t have to believe me but I bet you’ll think about it next time you see one.

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I met a couple Australians this weekend and they introduced me to what is possibly the greatest phrase in the English language. Apparently, a common response to a wide variety of questions is “I’m not here to fuck spiders”. It means “I’m already doing that” or “Obviously, yeah”. So like, example usage:

At the bar with a friend. Friend: do you want to get a beer? Me: well, I’m not here to fuck spiders.

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