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#bill goldilocks cipher – @raining-anonymously on Tumblr
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it's raining

@raining-anonymously / raining-anonymously.tumblr.com

rain. it/they/xe. aroace. neuro is very divergent. // #drawing anonymously/#writing anonymously are my art/writing tags. // reblogs are the backbone of tumblr! // latest fixations: beetlejuice—especially the movies, but all three versions!!
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ckret2

The second dimension has burned (along with half the neighbors) and now there's a bunch of survivors stranded in Dimension Zero; which means the gods have to talk Bill into letting them leave.

Which should be easy, right? They're a bunch of gods and he's just one puny little mortal. Look how small he is.

Puny little mortal. 👍

Here have a fic.

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ckret2
Anonymous asked:

I'm not sure if I should ask because the Axolotl arc isn't over yet, so it could still be explained in story, but, if it won't and you're willing...I want that Vendor backstory.

i can't think of a way or reason to explain it in the story, so sure, we'll explain it here.

So here was my thought process. Giant vending machine that vends planets. That has to come from somewhere, right? THEY could have a magical/divine origin, that's common for gods, but like... since THEY're a machine... wouldn't it make sense if someone built THEM?

Who would build a vending machine the size of a small star?

Why would a culture need a machine that stores and dispenses planets?

VENDOR wasn't designed to be a vending machine; THEY were designed to be a spaceship. A big-ass 18-wheeler to haul around cargo, and that cargo is planets.

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ckret2

The second dimension has just been burned; Bill—who's definitely an innocent victim in this situation and totally didn't have anything to do with the fire—is inside the nightmare realm "dream realm" with a bunch of dying shapes from the neighboring dimensions that also caught fire; like a million gods are at the scene of the fire trying to figure out what happened; and the Axolotl's just been hit with a nonstop barrage of cosmic horror. But he's about to face an even greater horror: watching politicians and contractors try to get a single task done.

Here, have a fic. It's part three of a series about the Axolotl witnessing the aftermath of the Euclidean Massacre before anyone's even figured out what happened or whose fault it is. Here's part one and part two.

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ckret2

So last night, after reading the newest chapter and then writing my fanfic² until too late, I had a lot of dreams about Bill. Most of them were him being disturbingly tormented because my dreams are always on some joker shit at some point.

But I do remember a funny part with Goldie! Most of this part was basically the beach episode, but bill was more integrated into the teen friend group. All the teens were dressed up in Bill paraphernalia.

There were cops there, and it felt a little more 70s in vibe, where like, the Bill-Satanism thing was widespread around all the teens and there was a big satanic panic around it. Which was actually valid because it was more of a real cult.

Most of my dreams are a bunch of sort of separate dreams with a thread connecting them, and the thread in this one was that Bill was being hunted down by... authorities. And for some reason regular human cops were part of it.

So the cops come up to the group of teens, Bill among them, and they've been tipped off that the REAL Bill (currently goldie) is hiding among the bill-decorated teens.

So the cops go through all the teens, doing some (facist-y) body checks. Bill is very nervous by the time they get to him. It's this gruff lady officer, and she's checking him over, getting more and more suspicious.

Then someone makes some comment about "that's not Bill cipher, that's a woman".

And bill snags this chance for a distraction.

"And why shouldn't Bill Cipher be a woman?! I believe she is! Is it because Bill Cipher is powerful? A God? I believe God is a woman!"

He stands on a picnic table at some point. This is still on the beach. (He actually climbs a tree, dream logic whatever) He's raised his voice and he's speaking from the chest like this is gospel.

"Why shouldn't God be a woman?! Why shouldn't she be gay, or transexual? God is power! God is a woman!" People on the beach are clapping.

The female cop is in tears, a sad smile. She helps Bill down from the table and, with a teary but powerful voice, she comes out as a lesbian. She thanks Bill for his bravery. Everyone on the beach is clapping.

The and Bill share an embrace. Bill pets her hair "shh...I got you. You're so brave..."

They shake hands. "You're alright! We're gonna let you of the hook. Take care!"

Bill is the mouthpiece of feminism.

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Yeah this is the exact kind of bullshit Bill would do and get away with.

Also, here 🔴 your dodgeball for predicting in a dream that while hanging out with the teens Bill nearly gets found out by the cops and says something that sounds like he's about to stupidly blow his cover but he swings it around to getting out of trouble completely by exploiting the fact that Gravity Falls has the gayest police force in the nation

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ckret2
Anonymous asked:

so curious to find out what the hell bill's problem is with soos, the guy who is literally just standing there

Theories: *Soos is shaped more like a triangle than he is. *Bill had a situationship with that fairy Soos killed that one time. *Soos is the reason that one axolotl survived in the Mystery Shack for so long. *Bill took personal offense to that joke Soos made about Lazy Susan's mascara. *Soos being a wandering hero during Weirdmaggedon was way more impactful than we gave him credit for. *There were a bunch of futures where the Pines died tragically that were prevented somehow via Soos' existence. *The time wish being used for infinite pizza instead of literally anything else.

my favorite theory is the fairy situationship

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although, re:

*Soos is shaped more like a triangle than he is.

I have mentioned on the blog a few times, and lightly implied at least once so far in the fic, that Bill thinks Soos has the most attractive human body in town.

He's not attracted to Soos, he just thinks that Soos is objectively attractive.

And it infuriates him.

As much as Bill hates being stuck in a human body, at least his human body is gorgeous. Narrow shoulders, wide base—about as close to an equilateral torso as humans can get. All human skin tones are boring, but Bill's is a boring skin tone that looks great with gold. Head-turning hair color. Frog eyes. The only real flaw to Bill's body is that it's got way too narrow a neck, he hates that, he thinks necks look ridiculous, but everything else? Great! Bill's got a 9/10 body.

Soos is a 10/10.

Every day Bill's living the life of the Evil Queen jealously watching Snow White's beauty charm the woodland animals.

That's not What The Hell Bill's Problem With Soos Is—but like, it's one more thing to resent Soos for.

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ckret2
I was planning to do maybe a fic and more doodles of this but now I'm busy with school so I might as well show what I did do!
Based on how the goldilocks fic seems to posit that Bill at his best is a silly professor who loves to teach his own way
Introducing Professor Locke!
Things about this idea:
-post redemption, however that will go. I'm calling it an AU because I imagine it is not your plan for what happens after lol, but currently canon-compliant.
-Bill is at first not very on board with the idea of working in the higher education system. It's a scam and it's dumb that they tell adult people how to think.
-He's eventually convinced to bless Backupsmore with his tutelage, on the grounds that they're less stuck up there, they seem to care about giving their students opportunities despite their backgrounds, and the kids there care about learning rather than going to college just because their parents said they should.
-Ford uses his academic connections to vouch for Bill even though he is very mysterious and has no academic records. This is another reason why they picked Backupsmore: i's a little more lax when presented with a shockingly smart mystery professor. Bill gets an interview and charms the pants off the university president.
-He teaches "astrophysics" in theory (that's the job description) but he ends up teaching a little bit of everything.
-He's one of those professors you either adore or despise. He's very loud, often outright mean, and if you're too shy to speak up in class he does not give a SHIT about you. You gotta want it!
-However, his class is notoriously easy. He thinks homework and tests are facist, but he's required to have a curriculum, so his "quizzes" are like a few true or false questions and then a short answer where he asks something he thinks would be funny or wants to hear about, like "what's the dumbest thing another student has said in class since the last test and why was it dumb" or "fashion advice: what's the coolest thing I wore this last week? Extra credit: draw something cooler I SHOULD wear."
-as a result, students who have completely unrelated majors will take his class. If they end up being interested, he deems them worthy. If they're just there to be lazy, he will bully them into dropping out.
-Mabel buys him stickers to put on people's tests when they pass, or to just hand out when they something he likes. He gets along most with the college kids who know how to appreciate a classic gold star.
-He really wanted a big pretty lecture hall, where his voice would echo and he could point at a big chalkboard. But all Backupsmore could provide was a cinderblock and linoleum basement classroom. The lights buzz very loudly and it smells musty. They have stools and folding tables. Bill finds he enjoys the more intimate environment where he can walk between the tables and also sneak up on people.
-He's broken multiple folding tables by trying to do the cool professor thing where you hop up onto your desk and cross your legs and talk all casual. He is able to do this on his own desk thankfully. It's aluminum.
-Ford gets a bit nervous if he did the right thing when bill tells his school stories at the dinner table, so he finds an excuse to accompany Bill to a campus event where he can meet some of his students.
-His fears are quickly assuaged when he sees how beloved Bill is and how well he gets along with the kids. When he eventually joins in on one of these conversations, one of the students asks if he's Sixer. The students are excited by this. Bill tries to shut them up, to partial success.
OK I guess I just ended up writing the fic more or less so enjoy I guess lol.

Aww, this is adorable! Thank you! (And the fact that you're imagining a future for Bill makes me so happy.) He's absolutely be the weirdest professor in the school and he'd ADORE having a crowd full of trusting impressional minds whose parents are paying him to change the way they think. Talk about playing to his strengths.

Your idea is so wholesome, meanwhile the moment I saw "Professor Bill" I went,

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crumbleworm

Bill "Goldilocks" Cipher back at it again B)

I bet I could make goldie even MORE triangular..........the grind never stops

(Also I forgot last time but DESIGN CREDIT TO @ckret2 !!!!)

In the meantime some Bill and Mabel bonding :) spend enough time around Mabel and you just adopt her, it's kinda inevitable tbh

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ckret2

yooo I love that outfit!! And how you colored his hair

the Bill & Mabel interactions 💕 darn right she's a genius

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ckret2

Mabel's Guide to Secret Sleepovers!

They definitely won't get their lives endangered during the sleepover at all!! And if you believe that's not a lie, I've got a skyscraper in the second dimension to sell you.

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ckret2
Anonymous asked:

How did you come up with your human Bill design?

I described my goal in the first post I made about his design:

After seeing dozens of tall dapper skinny white twinky anime boy Bills, I wanted a design that matches none of those words. My other two goals were to use the show’s art style; and to lightly pay homage to Alex Hirsch’s “canon” human Bill with the triangle body… except not deliberately hideous.

My unspoken final goal was "and I'm gonna make him damn good looking."

All the colors were sampled from Bill & Bipper, except his skin (which I sampled off a background character and tweaked until it looked good with the yellows) and his gold tooth (which I sampled off of Ergman Bratsman's).

On top of the fact that I was tired of specifically white dude Bills, brown skin tone was chosen because of the emphasis on Bill's interactions with ancient Egypt; I wasn't sure at the time how much of an influence I was gonna headcanon he had on the region, and it woulda felt weird depicting Egyptians bowing down to a white dude. (And then I decided to deemphasize his influence on Egypt almost completely lol.) It woulda been more accurate to go darker, but I was worried it would start to tilt his design into Nyarlathotep-esque Creepy Pitch-Skinned Mysterious Demonic Threat From The Orient racist territory, especially when he's already got demon eyes.

The triangular torso is the most important part of his design, I usually draw an equilateral triangle in the sketch layer and then pad it out.

If I were a better artist a year ago, I would have given him a double chin so his head+torso together would be triangular. But when I tried, I couldn't figure out a way to draw it that looked appealing instead of like a mean fat joke. So I took the coward's way out and gave him a skinny neck with a vaguely triangular chin, and now write him complaining about having a neck every few chapters.

I think the skinny neck, thinner face, noodle limbs, and typical baggy hoodie fooled people into assuming he's skinny. I figured out a way to draw a rounder face with less neck that looks more appealing to me than the original face, so I do that now. Can't do anything about the noodle limbs tho, those were chosen to match Bill's canon noodle limbs.

I went for a hoodie instead of the typical suits you see on human Bills for two reasons.

One: several years ago I had an OC I'd conceived of as a dumb kid who'd given Bill permanent standing permission to use her as a puppet, and when letting Bill take over she'd hide her human features by wearing a hooded poncho and tying a blindfold with an eye on it over the hood, and that idea stuck with me.

And two: for the story I came up with this design for, the premise is that Bill's been recently unhappily stuffed in a human body and dumped on his enemies' doorstep. So, he doesn't have the freedom or money to get fancier clothes; he's too depressed over being stuck in a human body to care much about his human appearance; and he's most comfortable in something that obscures his human anatomy and reminds him of his real form. If he was rich, free, and able to ditch the body any time he wanted, he'd be wearing suits.

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(Page 1 of many to come) Goldiegoldiegoldiegoldiegoldie @ckret2 WASTING AWAY in the GOLDILOCKS ZONE!!!

I have a lot more sketches and comic ideas (that will hopefully be relevant to the story by the time i make them) and such like. This is a subfandom 4 me yeah. I didn't get the design when I first saw it but now i cant imagine him as anything else.

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ckret2

HI I LOVE THIS Bill's facial expressions are so face

love the post like a statue of a Greek goddess about to wreak vengeance upon a mortal for their hubris—and then it's ruined by the corny cartoon pony pattern.

"Yeah, I'd fuck me" killed me 😭 that's probably a more honest version of what Bill was thinking tbh

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ckret2

Time for chapter 7 of "Human Bill Attempts To Murder The Pines And Ends Up Their Prisoner/Involuntary House Guest," which will eventually get a title, I'm sure.

Featuring an explanatory flashback on how the hell Bill made it from reincarnation to an attempted murder at the Mystery Shack; his first full day as the shack's prisoner; and angst.

The masterpost for the full fic is available here! Chapter edited 9/23/2024 for TBOB compatibility!

Chapter 7's been updated for TBOB compatibility! It's also on AO3! And this one's got a LOT of edits, so I recommend rereading it.

"Hey," I hear you say, "I already read this chapter once, why should I read it again?"

Because this chapter heavily changes his first few minutes of life; it explains some of his powers that were previously only explained much later in the fic; better explains his motivations for his early actions; and it also includes a brand new—

Because the chapter's so different, I saved the original version of the first half of the chapter in case y'all wanna compare/contrast to see how much is different. Took out a lot of talk about the Axolotl, since Bill's not surprised to be alive in this version like he was in the original; I'll find somewhere else later in the fic to put the axolotl stuff back in.

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