...hi

Sorry that I "left" tumblr and no I do not plan on coming back. I got bored of it.

But the things people put in my ask box had me laughing.

Anyway, I learned a thing or two by checking back in here for once and got a little inspired by someone to write poems again.

I have so many unanswered questions and things I just want to say but I don't think closure is worth the risk of falling back to square one - again. Although, I didn't go back to square one the last time. I recovered quickly and smoothly, I let go of all my hatreds and made peace with people I never thought I would because I was immature. I find it amusing, actually. So, okay then closure would be worth it. But I refuse to get it because I searched for it. If it doesn't come to me at some point or another, than I don't deserve or need it. Right?

Do I think you'll actually read this and know it's about you? Probably not.

Well, you would know it's about you but I doubt you would come across it in the first place.

I prefer to think of the last time I spoke to you as a pinpoint in my life of a new start because something absolutely beautiful occurred for me that night that I will never forget and it had nothing to do with you. I've been focusing on myself and opening up to other aspects of my life. Love is behind me and ahead of me, with whom, I don't know. But overall I'm career-oriented before any of that, anyway. Just trying to get through the next bullshit year of my life and having fun while I'm at it. I hope you are too.

I miss you sometimes, but 95% of the time I'm at a place I never ever ever thought I would be. I'm mentally stable, and now I can help others in a more positive way because I can compare two mindsets I've experienced.

So, thank you. Anyone can be obsessed with psychology but not everyone can fully understand certain things unless they've been through it. And of course, it's always better to help others when you can relate to them.

Losing people is never easy but I find comfort in believing that I must've shaped you in some ways too, maybe even helped you for future relationships you'll have and hopefully you end up with someone that you don't turn into a psycho ;) and I should be with someone who doesn't make me turn into one .. so we're not meant to be, so what? I can cry that it's over and smile that it happened. The future is a bigger place for the both of us and I hope we both find what we're looking for. Just please don't stress too much, we're too young for that.

Haha oh and hey, remember when we said we wanted to send each other's families christmas cards one day? Well, I have never heard of anyone receiving christmas cards from their first love. Never realized how weird that would be. So I've accepted there's a chance we may actually never talk again or keep in touch, but that's okay - or it will be. It definitely will be.