chAAAinnnnn walletz. shirts wiv Jack ssSSkellingtin that. bBoney Boney! BOYYyh :D Hau would you like to see! 👀 a INNNNN 🤤🥵flux of customehrs *big breath* SOLELY due to the ssssUDDEN rrRRrRR(😖🥵🥵🫨🤤🤤🤤👅🫦)RApid SUc-- 💦💦💦💦💥💥🤯😵-------cess 😮‍💨 Of. HAZZBEEN HOE-TELwe're!!!!!BACK !!!!!Baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aaaaallll the freaky little "𝕲𝖔𝖙𝖍𝖘" who smellllllike 𝑭𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒐 Baaaaaaags Cummmm Trudging Thru our DOhwrs once more........... """ehdventure Tiiiiime""" ? eKhHhHN HN HMMM~~~ >:]]] 😈🦹🏻‍♂️ SPENNNNDINNNG TIIIIIME YOU SAUCY MINXXXXAH!

I know this isn’t Bojack related, but recently instead of turning men down by saying “no, thank you”, I experimented with saying “I’m engaged” and flashing a ring instead. Needless to say, I am not engaged. It still worked better than just saying “no”, but then came questions like “so where is your fiancé?” and “he let you go out by yourself looking like that?” or just remaining persistent in asking for my number. So I went into my closet, and pulled out a fiancé. Now when I turn men down and they need further proof, they can know that I would rather lug around a 5 foot tall plastic skeleton to Steak n Shake and fake a proposal than give them my number.

His name is Braunschweiger Last-Name and I think I’m going to take his last name.

Update: the wedding was beautiful

happy 6 year wedding anniversary to me! (i know I’m a day late, leave me be)

i don’t anticipate that anyone will read this now bc this site is dead and my followers are bots (not complaining, i love it), but for my own personal records I’m going to toss my feelings out here because it’s brought up some big ones.

i made the original post during a really fucking terrible time in my life. the pictures themselves were so much fun to take (credits to @spoochy), but outside of my very wonderful friends I was not in a good fucking place and I really felt like I was on the verge of ending it.

and then slowly shit got better, and this stupid skeleton has been here for all of it. I kept hanging on, I got a good job and then I got a better job and then I got an even better job. he’s has been at my desk for every one of them because all my bosses thought he was hilarious. i bought my dream car (a pink 93 mustang convertible - if anyone’s wondering) and he moved there because he’s a great passenger. slowly his arms and legs and ribs have fallen apart and I’ve given them to new friends and now to my stepkids (who say he’s their neglected step-step-dad). he was there in the backseat on my first date with my real husband. he rode with us on the way to our elopement. he was in the uhaul with us when we moved with our kids to Vermont. i had one of his hands in my purse in the hospital when i gave birth to my daughter. his head and spine (which are pretty much all that’s left of him) now sit at my desk, where I work from home. my baby frequently takes him and parades him around and gives him kisses and waves hi to him.

i don’t necessarily think he’s a “good luck” skeleton, but he is a constant reminder of a time that I was able to find some joy and whimsy during a very dark period of my life with people that I loved a lot, and that I was able to share that joy with a lot more people. his constant presence throughout the years has helped me remember that things get better.

if anyone did read this - i hope the takeaway is that shit really can get better. if you’re in a dark spot, find some joy where you can and share it with whoever you’ve got and keep pushing forward. i had no idea that i was a few major life changes away from something so beautiful, and i’m so fucking happy i stuck it out when i had nothing but hope and a few good people to cling to.

update: my eldest is off to prom with his boyfriend and they wanted pictures with (step)stepdad and future (step)stepdad-in-law

they gave permission for me to share here :)

It’s the Basic Ball!

A ball for the rest of the LGBT-cuties.

—A Black Lady Sketch Show 1x02

That “Bitch he’s not eating he’s at work” has me flatlined

this sketch cured my depression i don’t have to go to therapy anymore i’m uplifted and seen and felt and heard and held

JESUS?? 

JESUS????

i had no idea they were so frickin huge

I love them so much because they’re about as sharp as a baseball and their anatomy is ridiculous to the point of them literally being classified as plankton for years because they just sort of get blown around by the ocean and look confused, but because they lay more eggs than ANY OTHER VERTEBRATE IN EXISTENCE, evolution can’t stop them

Why is no big predator coming and gnawing on them?

Their biggest defense is that they’re massive and have super tough skin, but they do get hunted by sharks or sea lions sometimes and they just sort of float there like ‘oh bother’ as it happens

Even funnier, because they eat nothing but jellyfish they’re really low in nutritional value anyway, so they basically survive by being not worth eating because they’re like a big floating rice cracker wrapped in leather.

So basically the only reason natural selection hasn’t taken care if them is because they are the most useless fish

yes, they’ve perfected uselessness to the point of being unstoppable

a true inspiration

Evolution didn’t care about fittest or best, it cares about the CARE MINIMUM.

Which is a being a giant leather rice cake.

AUTO REBLOG OF PACIFIC SUNFISH. MOTHER NATURE AT HER MOST WHIMSICAL. THE FARTHEST YOU GET FROM FISH DESIGN AND STILL CALL IT A FISH. AKA FLOATING CARDBOARD IN FISH FORM.

They aren’t useless, you monsters! The fact that they eat so many jellyfish is their exact ecological purpose. They are a key part of controlling jellyfish blooms. Sunfish keep jellyfish from taking up all the available space

All hail these jellyfish vacuums who make sure the other delicate creatures of the deep are not accidentally murdered by the jellyfish

Sea Roomba, you say?

After being in Japan for one of the Jellyfish blooms these giant floating rice cakes might be in my top three favorite fish now since they eat the damn things.

just so you understand how important it is for things to eat jellyfish, this is what jellyfish “blooms” look like

if anything we wish sunfish were twice as big. We used to think almost nothing eats jellyfish, but thank goodness we’re finding several other creatures snack on them, but very few specialize in them as much as sunfish do

Sweet tapdancing baby Jesus in drag it’s an Arms Race To The Bottom, along the r/K-selector axis, leaning hard into r.

It’s the perfect mass-spawn food-chain.

The Mola is leathery to protect from Jellyfish; they can bloom with them as needed; they drift in the same sort of currents; and who needs a brain when your prey runs on an 8b neural net?

Fucking. Genius. Well. Actually the opposite of “Genius”

Fuck I love evolution sometimes

JELLY REAPER GOD

Dimple & Ritsu mess up and try to recover, taken from the second Mob Psycho 100 stage play (context)

Full play now available!

i thought this was a hospital drama why does he have a shotgun?!??!?

It’s a really, really good hospital drama

I’m so glad I turned on the Audio bc it turns out this is set to Boney M’s Rasputin and is basically perfectly synced

I’m glad to see the ancient art of vidding is alive and well.

@magicmarkerz

every moment of every day i am thinking about this tiktok

Lumpfish come in a variety of shapes and colors.

[He scoops up the fish, it spits water and he turns it toward the camera]

This one is stumpy and green. Very beautiful, very powerful.

[He picks up another fish and turns it toward the camera]

This is what a normal lumpfish looks like. It is more elongated, but still a vibrant blue color. Very beautiful, very powerful.

[He picks up another fish and turns it toward the camera]

This is one of the stumpiest ones we have. Its hump is very high. It is very stumpy, but yet very beautiful, and very powerful.

[He pans over a lot of fish, all looking up at the camera]

My fish army is ever growing, and soon I will over throw the world. Very beautiful, very powerful.

because of this tiktok, i frequently murmur "very beautiful, very powerful" at myself, and i cannot recommend it enough.

A circulating video of sisters who bought the same clothes for their husbands 😂❤️

this gag NEVER fails to make me laugh. watching them all file in one by one and collectively laugh harder every time the next guy walks in…i could watch videos of this practical joke all day

Their faces as they collectively realize they’re married to the funniest women on the planet

every moment of every day i am thinking about this tiktok

Lumpfish come in a variety of shapes and colors.

[He scoops up the fish, it spits water and he turns it toward the camera]

This one is stumpy and green. Very beautiful, very powerful.

[He picks up another fish and turns it toward the camera]

This is what a normal lumpfish looks like. It is more elongated, but still a vibrant blue color. Very beautiful, very powerful.

[He picks up another fish and turns it toward the camera]

This is one of the stumpiest ones we have. Its hump is very high. It is very stumpy, but yet very beautiful, and very powerful.

[He pans over a lot of fish, all looking up at the camera]

My fish army is ever growing, and soon I will over throw the world. Very beautiful, very powerful.

because of this tiktok, i frequently murmur "very beautiful, very powerful" at myself, and i cannot recommend it enough.

Freddie as a guardian angel!

He’s playing his music from a magical recorder that reaches whoever needs it ❤️

For mrbadguymercury

This is the best, mostly because it suggests that when I’m having a shit day and spontaneously get a Queen song stuck in my head, it’s no accident. Thanks, Freddie

Let! That! Baby! Eat!!!!!!

Perfect tags

@catboybiologist

This is one of my favorite videos of all time and I will always reblog it when I see it

[ID. Video of a woman recording an opera performance when her cat, fluffy and with bulging eyes, hops into frame. She stops singing and tries to push the cat slightly out of the way, but on her next cue the cat starts meowing before she can sing. The woman starts laughing as the cat continues meowing to the music, as though it was singing as well. End ID.]

More evidence that cats bond with us by mirroring us.

I’ve read accounts here on the Tumblr of a trans man whose cat lowered the pitch of their meow, after he started taking T. So I suspect this woman sings a lot around the house, and her cat is like: “That’s just how we do things in this clowder.”

Opera cat

Warriors: the Musical

I was raised agnostic and tend to remain ambiguous on theological matters.

-but my house has a porch on the second story that affords me a terrific view of my neighborhood and the Colorado Front Range and I was partaking of some peace before the 4th Of July Finger-Loss Festivities begin, and I have had a

I just watched my neighbor try to unload an actual wooden pallet that had to have been forklifted into the back of his insecurity pickup worth of fireworks.

Except that he does not have a forklift in his garage.

He does have so much sports memorabilia and cardboard boxes of unsold MLM Merchandise and patriotically themed camping gear and posters of women in bikinis and flags of suspect political organizations in his garage that there is only BARELY enough space for the fireworks and certainly none for his truck.

So he had to unload the individual boxes of recreational explosives from the back of his truck and stack them in the minimal space he had cleared by hand. This is a tedious and time-consuming process as this neighbor has purchased a wide variety of recreational and locally illegal explosives instead of many of just a few types, so the individual boxes are rather small.

He begins, and this is crucial to what happens next, by cutting apart the industrial-grade saran wrap his explosives dealer had so carefully wrapped his merchandise in, and discarded it unsecured on his lawn.

Where Outdoor Conditions sometimes happen.

It's that time of year again and I think we should all enjoy this, as well as familiarize yourself with your local fireworks laws, the non-emergency line or see if there's a fireworks reporting hotline. I would very much like to not be in the path of a wildfire.

@unpretty

it’s DIRT

unmute for comically aggrieved farmer

crunch munch

Happy tenth anniversary to this comic. I just learned that it’s still being shared constantly on Tumblr. I don’t totally understand why people like it so much, but I like it too.

#comics #dailycomics #comicstrips #skulls #birds