“So it’s summer, so it’s suicide.” Perhaps that line still holds true. How often do we juxtapose love with death? Collocate them? It’s in all the best tragedies. Romeo and Juliet, Orpheus and Euridice, Tristan and Iseult; each died for their love. Oscar Wilde, imprisoned for an uncensored bleeding heart, said, “There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.” But what do we want? Acceptance? Immortality? Joy? Love? Well, isn’t it always love? Love from our parents, who are distant as stars, though it is human nature to pray to them even as they blink on in indifference. There is romantic love, too, where we crave someone who will dress our bodies in the perfume of sweat, someone who will not only tighten their hold on us when the world fades to black, but who will commit to the much more difficult work of saying, Good morning, and How was your day? and I love you, I love you, I love you , even when all you do is pick out their favourite green apples at the market. “So it’s summer, so it’s suicide.” But does it have to be? Is the bashing of fists the same as the crashing of lips? Does the blood on one’s wrist come from the vena amoris ? Perhaps it is suicide. Perhaps it is folly. Jealousy, Ennui, and Heartbreak – some of the earliest monsters – snake their way already through Eden, waiting for the first blunder to be made. Why worship such a mercurial god, when It might revoke Its favour at a moment’s notice and leave us more impoverished than we had thought possible? Perhaps Man and his disgustingly desperate need for Love – something akin to l’appel du vide – is the stupidest creature invented yet by God. But just like we cannot resist God’s call, whether it be in a temple or a kitchen, one must agree that we cannot resist Love. And so, as certain as the crickets recite their hymns, we must imagine a picture of a boy composing foolish poetry in the shade of a great tree, while illuminated in a window, one woman hums to another. It is ten o’clock at night, and the Sun has not yet set, so hopeful is She for the young and old alike, who believe they are immortal simply because they are loved. It is summer, but it is not Sin. How can it be, when – amidst the fireflies, the gently lifting curtains, the tender moans – there is no Hell, and certainly no Heaven. There is no suicide for those who can live in tandem forever, breathing endlessly into one another.

PART TWO: Prologue. From Heart-Shaped Bruises

My Gilmore Girls fic has just been updated, but if you're new and interested, here is the summary for Part One (please note tags will need modification):

"So it's summer, so it's suicide." At least, that's what Casper Rains thinks when beautiful trouble-maker Jess Mariano first strolls into the Stars Hollow library. Casper's not an idiot; he knows exactly how this crush is going to end, but he can't help himself as he sinks deeper and deeper in love. But when Jess slowly starts to befriend Casper, could it mean that he too is secretly harbouring feelings?

At the risk of spoilers, Part Two begins two months into the relationship. All seems to be going well, until their final year of school begins and there are colleges to think about... not to mention parents and ex-boyfriends. Will Jess and Casper be able to navigate the troubled waters of being 17 – hopefully without losing sight of one another?

#blue screams into the void #Gilmore girls #gilmore girls fic #lorelai gilmore #rory gilmore #luke danes #emily gilmore #logan huntzberger #jess mariano #original character #jess mariano fic #jess mariano fanfic #long fic

rainbluealoekitten reblogged

rainbluealoekitten

Heart-Shaped Bruises - Chapter 1 - a_wild_fern - Gilmore Girls (TV 2000) [Archive of Our Own]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

archiveofourown.org|Organization for Transformative Works

Chapters: 3/? Fandom: Gilmore Girls (TV 2000) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Jess Mariano/Original Character Characters: Jess Mariano, Original Characters, Original Male Character(s) Additional Tags: okay it’s still super vague for now but i’ll update the tags and characters and whatnot later on, Bisexual Jess Mariano, Original Character(s), POV Original Character, coffee shop au except it’s actually a library, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, what’s the tag for when one fell first but the other fell harder, idiots to lovers, ish, Friends to Lovers, Pining, Mutual Pining, listen i love rory and she and jess are amazing but. i want GAY, plus i haven’t actually finished the show yet, i’m only at the beginning of s2, Richard Siken References, No beta reader, is it a modern au if the show is early 2000s but i include recent-er song references, Slice of Life, also. i am not american. there will be historical innacuracies Summary:

“So it’s summer, so it’s suicide.” At least, that’s what Casper Rains thinks when beautiful trouble-maker Jess Mariano first strolls into the Stars Hollow library. Casper’s not an idiot; he knows exactly how this crush is going to end, but he can’t help himself as he sinks deeper and deeper in love. But when Jess slowly starts to befriend Casper, could it mean that he too is secretly harbouring feelings?

(“You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. And you feel like you’ve done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you’re tired. You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you didn’t even have a name for.” —Richard Siken)

rainbluealoekitten

SO IT'S SUMMER, SO IT'S SUICIDE: WITH MORE COMING TO YOU THIS JANUARY WITH AN EXCLUSIVE LOOK INSIDE THE HOMOSEXUAL MIND

Source: archiveofourown.org

#holding myself accountable now bc what is this #blue screams into the void #jess mariano #gilmore girls fic

rainbluealoekitten reblogged

rainbluealoekitten

Pushing another lock from Casper’s forehead, Jess paused at Casper's temple, as if hesitant to touch something so holy. But after a moment, he began to trace light circles into Casper's skin, each one a silent prayer, uttered reverentially amidst the incense of their breaths. His fingers were light as feathers, as if they felt they were blessed to be touching something so fragile, so easily torn. Jess then pressed a second finger to Cas' temple, feeling for the boy's heartbeat, counting each one like the thuds of a ceremonial drum, searching for God in the silence in between each beat. God was also found within each shuddering breath they drew: life at its most essential form, their souls at their purest. Intermingling, it was impossible to tell where one ended and the other started. Made whole again, Jess could move on, but Casper winced as the boy accidentally brushed against the bruises. Jess pulled back as if he had been burnt; he'd been playing too close to the bonfire, but it was not yet time to jump it. Another moment's hesitation. Then, Jess returned to Casper's jawline, tracing them like the most worshipped statue, desperate in contact though afraid to cause any harm. As Jess continued (lightly passing over the bump on Casper's nose in complete acceptance), he finally reached Casper's lips: the end of the pilgrimage. Casper realised suddenly that Jess' fingers were trembling once more, terrified of the final rite despite his longing being a songbird, desperate to soar out of its prison. Casper, in return, was almost too frightened to move, fearing he would ruin the moment simply by breathing wrong. The flames grew closer and closer, until eventually, Casper opened his eyes and carefully brought his own hand over to Jess' before pressing the boy's fingers lightly to his lips, the tiny kiss as the final hymn, the final line of praise and prose.

EXTRACT FROM MY FIC HEART-SHAPED BRUISES WHERE JESS FALLS IN LOVE WITH A CUTESEY LIBRARIAN BOY AND THINKS MAYBE STARS HOLLOW WON'T BE TOO BAD AFTER ALL

rainbluealoekitten

hey guys i've been thinking— *gets shot 14 times*

#blue screams into the void #jess mariano #gilmore girls fic

rainbluealoekitten

Pushing another lock from Casper’s forehead, Jess paused at Casper's temple, as if hesitant to touch something so holy. But after a moment, he began to trace light circles into Casper's skin, each one a silent prayer, uttered reverentially amidst the incense of their breaths. His fingers were light as feathers, as if they felt they were blessed to be touching something so fragile, so easily torn. Jess then pressed a second finger to Cas' temple, feeling for the boy's heartbeat, counting each one like the thuds of a ceremonial drum, searching for God in the silence in between each beat. God was also found within each shuddering breath they drew: life at its most essential form, their souls at their purest. Intermingling, it was impossible to tell where one ended and the other started. Made whole again, Jess could move on, but Casper winced as the boy accidentally brushed against the bruises. Jess pulled back as if he had been burnt; he'd been playing too close to the bonfire, but it was not yet time to jump it. Another moment's hesitation. Then, Jess returned to Casper's jawline, tracing them like the most worshipped statue, desperate in contact though afraid to cause any harm. As Jess continued (lightly passing over the bump on Casper's nose in complete acceptance), he finally reached Casper's lips: the end of the pilgrimage. Casper realised suddenly that Jess' fingers were trembling once more, terrified of the final rite despite his longing being a songbird, desperate to soar out of its prison. Casper, in return, was almost too frightened to move, fearing he would ruin the moment simply by breathing wrong. The flames grew closer and closer, until eventually, Casper opened his eyes and carefully brought his own hand over to Jess' before pressing the boy's fingers lightly to his lips, the tiny kiss as the final hymn, the final line of praise and prose.

EXTRACT FROM MY FIC HEART-SHAPED BRUISES WHERE JESS FALLS IN LOVE WITH A CUTESEY LIBRARIAN BOY AND THINKS MAYBE STARS HOLLOW WON'T BE TOO BAD AFTER ALL

rainbluealoekitten

It was nerve-wrecking; Jess’ body inches away from his, Jess’ gaze following his fingers’ every movement, Jess’ own hands touching Casper’s as he passed the milk. The steam billowed around them and Casper wished he could get lost in it with Jess, allowing the rest of the world to turn to fog. Did anything else matter?

The teabag bled into the water, the same colour as Jess’ eyes, and all Casper could think was that it was the colour of love. Not red, which was the colour of blood and his parents’ voices, but brown. Brown, who symbolised the home, who was the colour of the Earth that fed them, carried them in life, cradled them in death. Brown, the colour of the wood beneath their feet, supporting them in their little kitchen, far from the rest of the world. Brown, the colour of Jess’ skin, soft and beautiful and oh so kissable.

Casper thought he might lose his mind.

(Exert from "Heart-Shaped Bruises" by a_wild_fern on ao3)

rainbluealoekitten

Putting the coke aside, he lied down on the wooden bridge, safe in its embrace. He imagined what it would be like to kiss Jess under the watchful gaze of the glittering planets and stars. Even though the boys were so small compared to the sheer immensity of the universe, a feeling as big as a galaxy began to well up in Casper’s chest, and he felt like he was about to explode, transforming into a super giant. The feeling was ever-consuming, and he wanted to bathe in its warmth forever. It was more than just joy; it was a sense of belonging, of hope, of… there were no words. All he knew was that he was the sun. “Don’t fall asleep there, Rains,” Jess’ voice abruptly broke through his reverie. “I’m not,” he murmured. He didn’t want to check the time or think about what his parents would do if they realised he was gone. He just wanted to float through the world with Jess at his side, at least for a few more hours. To his surprise, Jess lay down next to him. “Little uncomfy, isn’t it?” “But nice.” Casper wanted to offer for the other boy to use his chest as a pillow, but he didn’t dare. He could barely breath knowing how close their skin was; it felt like he was slowly burning to ashes just from the proximity. Jess turned his head to the side, studying Casper. “Yeah. It is nice.”

———————————————

Extract from chapter four of "Heart-Shaped Bruises" by yours truly

(a_wild_fern on ao3)

rainbluealoekitten

Heart-Shaped Bruises - Chapter 1 - a_wild_fern - Gilmore Girls (TV 2000) [Archive of Our Own]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

archiveofourown.org|Organization for Transformative Works

Chapters: 3/? Fandom: Gilmore Girls (TV 2000) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Jess Mariano/Original Character Characters: Jess Mariano, Original Characters, Original Male Character(s) Additional Tags: okay it's still super vague for now but i'll update the tags and characters and whatnot later on, Bisexual Jess Mariano, Original Character(s), POV Original Character, coffee shop au except it's actually a library, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, what's the tag for when one fell first but the other fell harder, idiots to lovers, ish, Friends to Lovers, Pining, Mutual Pining, listen i love rory and she and jess are amazing but. i want GAY, plus i haven't actually finished the show yet, i'm only at the beginning of s2, Richard Siken References, No beta reader, is it a modern au if the show is early 2000s but i include recent-er song references, Slice of Life, also. i am not american. there will be historical innacuracies Summary:

"So it's summer, so it's suicide." At least, that's what Casper Rains thinks when beautiful trouble-maker Jess Mariano first strolls into the Stars Hollow library. Casper's not an idiot; he knows exactly how this crush is going to end, but he can't help himself as he sinks deeper and deeper in love. But when Jess slowly starts to befriend Casper, could it mean that he too is secretly harbouring feelings?

(“You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. And you feel like you’ve done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you’re tired. You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you didn’t even have a name for.” —Richard Siken)

Source: archiveofourown.org

#blue screams into the void #gilmore girls #jess mariano #gilmore girls fic

rainbluealoekitten

crying in the club because of jess mariano

#kill me now #i can't do this #blue screams into the void #jess mariano #gilmore girls