“Commander, do you read?”
“Uh… yes, captain. I read you.”
“Did you identify the object blocking the wormhole?”
“Yes, sir. It’s um…”
“Well? What is it?”
“It’s a cargo ship.”
“A star-freighter? What is it doing here?”
“Not a star-freighter, sir. A cargo ship. Like the kind that used to go on the water.”
“What?”
“That’s what I was thinking.”
“I see… well, does it have any identifying markers?”
“There’s a company logo.”
“What does it say?”
Watching mad max fury road and my mom said "I would just kill myself I'm not doing any of this shit"
being on Tumblr is like playing a violin in a concert hall for thousands of people and a few of them clap, then honking a kazoo to amuse your 2 friends AND SUDDENLY YOU HAVE 20K NOTES
don't even think about it
Parts of the country where self-service gas pumping is illegal.
I didn’t know about New Jersey’s law so imagine my shock when a pump jockey sprinted at my car and kicked my door shut when I tried to get out to get gas. I rolled down my window and asked him “Is there a law against pumping your own gas or something?” And he looked at me like I’M nuts and just said “…yes?”
tony soprano ass
my most recent strategy for dealing with executive dysfunction is that when I catch myself lying in bed thinking “I want to be doing the productive thing, but for some reason I’m still just lying here, wtf is wrong with me” I start mentally screaming until I get up.
I don’t mean screaming AT myself, I just mean screaming. Like, a battle cry, or a tantruming baby. The goal is to fill up my brain with “AAAAAAAAAAA” until I am vertical. I can’t articulate WHY it works, but so far it’s working for me!
Oh, Correct
man I can't believe they're making a live action version of Rohan Punches a Middle Schooler
got an email from a local aquatics store with a coupon for one free worm
this is the coupon btw
Dear God I hope you walked in and presented this coupon as straight faced as humanly possible
*bursts into store* I HAVE COME FOR MY WORM
You're laughing. The royal necromancer just lost their job, and you're laughing
the dogs wouldn’t stop getting in my dads gross chair so he carved this weird sculpture of his own frowning face with a chainsaw and puts it on the chair when he’s not sitting in it. the dogs are scared of it
dont give in to peer pressure kids
Jaws Theme (Disco Version)
Finally I can use this gif
I’ve been sitting here for five minutes trying to think of a way to articulate what I’m feeling but I am too lost in the funky shark rhythm
(Immature cackling)
@meansandrice how could you hide this in the tags?
