Aliens and Fireworks

Alien: Despite this being a Level 27-F deathworld, I have had a pleasant time here. Thank you for your persistent invites, Human-Dave. However, I am concerned. There are packs of humans gathering here at this large body of water, but isn’t it time for their circadian rhythms to knock them unconscious?

Dave: *unfolding two chairs* Yeah… But all the alcohol will do the same job soon enough. *reaches into a cooler and takes a beer out as he sits down*

Alien: Um… Are those humans over there supposed to have access to those missiles? They’re not in any uniforms; in fact, they lack the usual amount of clothing humans tend to wear.

Dave: Fireworks, man.

Alien: *as soon as they hear “fire”* Excuse me?

B O O M

*everyone at the lake begins drunkenly bellowing and chanting “USA” in disturbing unison, and someone falls off the back of a truck*

Alien: So, this is how I die.

Remember to leave out milk and cookies for Captain America tonight when he comes to leave presents under your flag.

Also remember that if you own any Confederate or otherwise white nationalist flags, Captain America will give you a stern lecture about real American values and ideals, then punch you in your filthy Nazi face.

not American side of tumblr

An Annual Tradition 🎆

my actual plans tonight

do you ever cry because you’re not british

tears of joy

dammit America 

Happy Independence Day from all of us at Interior! 🎆  We hope you have a happy and safe holiday. Photo of the 4th of July fireworks display over the National Mall in Washington, DC, by Tom Hamilton (www.sharetheexperience.org). 🇺🇸

the true american experience is wondering if you just heard firecrackers or gunshots

PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS A JOKE

Bonus points: one is illegal in your state and it is not the gun

no

Challenge mode: it’s the 4th of July

FREEDOM

i both despise and adore america

#steve rogers

WHY DOES THIS MAN LOOK LIKE STEVE ROGERS

STEVE YOU ARE DRUNK GO HOME

Has this been done yet?

Remember to leave milk and cookies out for when Captain America comes and leaves presents under your tree tonight!

okay the 4th of July is two days away and quick PSA: most everyone on here knows that America is a shitty place in many aspects. like, we get it. we criticize it all the time. so when we’re going overboard and reblogging pictures of bald eagles, please don’t reblog them with comments like “haha yeah but america still _________”. like, we know. WE KNOW. let us have fun

i have no excuses for this other than it’s captain america day ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

GOD BLESS AMERICA, THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT

July 3rd, 11:59 P.M.: This country is a festering cesspool of corruption, ignorance, and violence. Every achievement is built on the backs of millions of dead. The Founding Fathers-

July 4th, 12:00 A.M.:

July 5th, 12:00 A.M.: -would shake their heads in shame if they could see the state of this nation.

4th of July. America vs The rest of The World