Not gonna lie guys, at this rate we’re never going to become the new PDF

old tumblrcore. if you remember these youre entitled to a veteran’s discount

youre right it was nightblogging…after all these years im losing my mind….

Hiya tumblr take my uquiz

I thought I'd do better but there were just some things that apparently never crossed my dash. However, as a smut writer in good standing, I have to dust my shoulders off a bit at my results.

I don't know shit about this website.

Absolutely bonkers that I'm now one of those weirdos you hear about on Twitter

I committed to the bit so hard that I also committed misdemeanor impersonation of a government official

IT’S HALLOWEEN TIME TO GET SPOOKY

I T S T H E M I D D L E O F J U N E

I T I S H A L L O W E E N T I M E T O G E T S P O O K Y

ok who the fuck got this on my dash it’s still june

get spooky

how does this appear every june

happy halloween :)

J U N E

sometimes i wonder if every part of my personality these days is a glowing beacon that shrieks to the world "this woman has a tumblr account!" and i start to get legitimately concerned about it except then i remember that all the people best equipped to recognize the signs in the wild are also on this website so. devil's sacrament, etc. the fact that the phrase "devil's sacrament" came so readily to my mind just then is probably a point in favor of an affirmative answer to that first question isn't it

the fact that we all understood what you meant by "devil's sacrament" without a second thought is proof of the second statement

I’m

The youth are lost

had a dream last night that the new tumblr discourse was whether or not people deserved their urls and people were getting callouts and anon hate like "I can't believe you have x in your url when I never see you actually post about them it's pretty messed up that you're taking that url away from other people who actually deserve it :/"

This was genuine discourse in 2012 you guys need to remember your history

[tumblr]™ app icons from 2009 ➜ 2023

reblog if your name isn't Amanda.

We’ll find you Amanda.

this has almost 11 million notes what is this

I’ve never seen this post once in 10 years on this site

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

I’ve never even heard of this before tho??? Wtf??????????

oh my god, I didn’t think there were any surviving versions of this post left

For those who weren’t around in the Deep Lore times, this is one of the relics of the editable post era. This post has THE SINGLE HIGHEST NOTES of ANY post on this site, bar none, but with more than a dozen variations. Every single post you’ve ever seen with more than 3 million notes has been a different version of this one.

This is the “Dean’s Gym Shorts” post. This is the Flubber post. This is the original “Reblog if you support gay people” post. it was ALL of them. before half the site got nuked, it had even more notes than it has now - at one point, well over 15 million, and that was years ago.

This, with no exaggeration, is the ONE TRUE heritage post

World Heritage Post

Middle-aged magical girl.

She's been defending the Earth since the early 90s and she's very tired.

My name is Tominaga Haruka. I was chosen by a magical talking animal, and for the last 29 years I've been Earth's one and only... Wonder-Sparkle Princess.

she's been fighting the same villains for three decades and they are also tired of it. Most of them aren't giving it their all. Half of them are in a groupchat they've added her to where they schedule their evil plans to make sure they don't interfere with each other, or more importantly, with *her* Xalkrax the space demon from outer space decided to attack the city when she was taking her vacation time once, and now he's dead, because even the power of friendship and redemption can't save you if you interrupt her rare vacations

Demon Queen Eluria: Gonna fill the city people's hearts with hatred on thursday to cause mayhem and discord.

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: Can't, got a PTA meeting.

Demon Queen Eluria: Friday?

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: A birthday party.

Demon Queen Eluria: Damn. How about I fill just the mayor's heart with hatred then?

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: That'd be redundant, lol. Maybe fill his heart with a desire to fix the fucking potholes?!

Demon Queen Eluria: LMFAO love you, bitch. Stay strong.

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: You too, gurl. How's the husband? Still dead?

Demon Queen Eluria: Yep. Thanks for that, btw.

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: Don't mess with my time off :p

Why are people tagging this '#wonder sparkle princess' like that's a thing and not a name I made up exclusively for this post?

Congratulations on inventing a new tumblr deity!!

She isn't 29 years old. She's been a magical girl for 29 years. If she started at 14 (typical magical girl protagonist age) then she'd be 43.

*places an orange just outside a fairy ring to see what comes out* science is more of an art than a science

*the orange grows legs and skitters away*

Fascinating results *places a banana in the same spot*

*clawed hand reaches out of the ether and drags it into the ring, leaving ragged claw marks in the soil as it disappears, back into the ether from whence it came*

“let’s go to the extreme.” *places a pineapple in the same spot*

Real scientists would keep putting an orange in the same spot to make sure the results are consistent before moving on to other fruits or different spots.

The only valid response to this post.

We’re working up the complexity levels of fruit until we feel there is enough evidence to support the judicious placement of a volunteer twink

You sit down, we haven’t seen what’s happened to the pineapple

This is Tumblr; we’ve ALL seen what happened to the pineapple. O_O

I've survived my first day on Tumblr

Achievements:

Oh boy oh boy you're gonna get a Rare achievement for this one

Containment Breach

I've been inundated with over 120 new followers in the last 5 hours. I haven't been able to even check if I have any pornbots. I'm tired and need to go to bed. I'll clean up this mess tomorrow.

This is cool to look at, though. I'm studying some data-science adjacent fields so things like this are fascinating to me.

I've been told I should submit this to world-heritage-posts. Just to make it clear what happened to me, here's a screenshot of my notifications activity in the last 24 hours.

For additional context, I've only been here 4 days.

At his point, I've been here 5 days and this post has 85k+ notes. My notifications have recovered to the point that sometimes they're empty so I'd say the breach has been recontained and now I just need to deal with the cleanup process.

I figure it might be interesting to show just what this experience has been like.

This is my notification history over the last week. I joined Tumblr Saturday June 17th, 2023 around 12pm so the actual data starts half way through the chart. My follower count has grown at a roughly equal pace.

Overall, I enjoyed the whole thing once the shock died down. I was just surprised this was the post that would gain any traction at all. I expected the chicken posts would be the first ones to reach triple digits and only several months later. But I've enjoyed reading peoples' reactions and chatting with folks here.

I'll close out by sharing some other achievements I've gotten since:

And with this, I'm going to call this chapter of the Saga of Containment Breach closed

You are going to have a 100k notes post in your first week here. You are really speedrunning Tumblr.

♩♫♩Guess what happened?

♩♫♩Guess what happened?

♩♫♫♩And you know what that means!

My Tumblr childhood lasted a day and a half.

My god

ok since i don't think i've seen any semi-comprehensive lists of the tumblr holidays for the reddit refugees, here it is.

IT JUST HAPPENS

WEEKLY EVENTS

YEARLY EVENTS

i feel like another thing we need to tell the reddit diaspora about is that tumblr loves nothing so much as it loves dates and anniversaries.

we go apeshit for the ides of march on here. we celebrate a picture of a rat captioned “neil banging out the tunes” on the date the photo was taken, just because. november 5th, aka destiel putin election day, is an ordeal like you can’t even imagine.

you’re going to see people go positively nuts about specific dates. just go with it.

tumblr also loves long-running jokes and our own lore. you might see phrases like “children’s hospital” or “the god of areppo”; if you ask politely, someone will gladly explain the sacred texts to you.

just don’t argue with someone who tells you that sharks are smooth.

reblog if your name isn't Amanda.

We’ll find you Amanda.

this has almost 11 million notes what is this

I’ve never seen this post once in 10 years on this site

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

I’ve never even heard of this before tho??? Wtf??????????

oh my god, I didn’t think there were any surviving versions of this post left

For those who weren’t around in the Deep Lore times, this is one of the relics of the editable post era. This post has THE SINGLE HIGHEST NOTES of ANY post on this site, bar none, but with more than a dozen variations. Every single post you’ve ever seen with more than 3 million notes has been a different version of this one.

This is the “Dean’s Gym Shorts” post. This is the Flubber post. This is the original “Reblog if you support gay people” post. it was ALL of them. before half the site got nuked, it had even more notes than it has now - at one point, well over 15 million, and that was years ago.

This, with no exaggeration, is the ONE TRUE heritage post

ATTENTION ALL OF TUMBLR!

THIS IS AN URGENT MESSAGE.

IN 2014, IN SCHAUMBURG , ILLINOIS, USA

THERE

WILL

BE

A

TUMBLR CONVENTION!!!

THESE ARE THE WONDERFUL PEOPLE THAT ARE MAKING IT HAPPEN

SIGNAL BOOST THIS GUYS

I WANNA SEE EVERYONE THERE!!

this post eminates incredibly demonic energy

This is like finding a stray journal page in a ruined city that talks of some grand festival and the date of the entry is the day before the city was destroyed

Happy 10 year anniversary Dashcon announcement I guess