WELCOME TO THE TRASH PIT

on my way home last night I stopped to buy gas and realized that my fuel door was almost completely covered in ice and frozen shut so I did the logical thing and crouched down and lifted my shirt and pressed my naked belly against it until it melted

Naked belly is most logical! Your body will always divert heat to keep it warm, whereas hands are an extremity that may be neglected. And your ass has way more fat and way less circulation and it will just get. SO COLD. and take forever to get warm even when you’re back in your toasty car. So you can take pride in using your brood patch!

yeah but given my height and the position required it did sort of look like I was fucking my car, is the thing

What’s not to get? You never seen a guy with a brood patch before?

y. you’re deactivated. how are you posting from the grave

I have unfinished business here

Fyi this isn't a random comment. A few episodes have established Bobby is naturally a very good shot.

the wording on this Jack russell vid beamed a permanent mark onto my brain

absolutely fucking obsessed with this picture of him as a puppy. that's animal

How to insult everyone in a traffic jam

cruelty is so easy. youre not special for choosing it

"The trouble is that we have a bad habit, encouraged by pedants and sophisticates, of considering happiness as something rather stupid. Only pain is intellectual, only evil interesting. This is the treason of the artist; a refusal to admit the banality of evil and the terrible boredom of pain."

-Ursula K. LeGuin, The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas

"Evil is boring. Right? I kinda believe in the banality and mundaneness of evil. Evil is just selfish impulses, which at the end of the day are really easy to understand. It’s easy to understand why people do bad things. It’s like “yeah, ok, you’re selfish and scared and cruel, I get it”. Being good is complex and beautiful and hard." - Brennan Lee Mulligan

I just heard my mom tell my brother, “when you die, you will go outside and garden until your father says you’re done” and it took me a second to realize that my brother was playing a videogame and this was not a theological discussion.

Purgatory

The Garden of Death

Watercolor and gouache by Hugo Simberg, 1896

“Gone outside to garden” is a strangely affecting euphemism for death.

Protect Nonna at all cost.

OK, but the look in her eyes when she says she has prosciutto.

nonna said "👀 i got prosciutto 👀👀👀"

starting a collection

reblog to be eaten by this thing

people are assuming they can get out of being eaten, lol. lmao.

No I’m not attracted to you. Quit your evil putting your finger under my chin to make me look up at you. I know I’m your nemesis and all but we really need to set some boundaries when you’ve got me tied up like this.

No look I get it. You’ve got your evil plan, you’ve gotta get me out of the way but you also want to see me suffer as I watch the world burn, I know. But like, I’m not into this. Sexually or otherwise. Wait, you thought I was doing this because I liked you? I’m trying to stop you from using a death laser. No I don’t think death lasers are sexy what on earth are you talking about

Wait. That’s why you dress like that? I thought that armor was impractical. No I don’t find our relationship to be homoerotic I find it to be tedious. Look, man. We all keep trying to get you into therapy. No I’m not kink shaming you I’m saying you’ve completely misinterpreted this relationship. I actually do think you should answer for your war crimes. Yes, really. No you’re the one not listening to me in this situation. Yes that is the alarm the others will have cut all your wires and called in the fbi by now.

What do you mean you thought we had something special? I have other enemies. You’re not the only one. No I’m not doing kinky things with them either I blow up their nefarious devices. Speaking of which, you might want to move like… ten feet to your right.

No, enemies to enemies. And then still enemies.

Cannot stress enough how lovers will never be part of this equation even a little bit

The henchmen in the tags who have been assuring the villain since the beginning that “of course he likes you back, why else would he keep coming to destroy your death lasers”

The henchmen have been reading too many romance novels.

Awfully defensive are we? I think the henchmen are onto something.

You know I didn’t intend for this character I made up to be aromantic but this whole post has turned into being arospec at a family reunion simulator

Sometimes someone just isn’t into you.

has anyone else been seeing the tweets about a lotion from sephora that attracts spiders

so sorry i didn’t include the actual product

Item: Body Butter of Spider Attraction

the energy these have is like nothing I have ever seen

witchsona commission for @/konahart; character is an oc

fae trickster / briars / iridescent witch

ppl on fb were being so mean to this baby and i got so sad... it is just a baby with ears...... :(

Love is stored in the wrinkles!!!!!

Genshin Impact Emote Packs: Paimon’s Paintings 28 (1/3)

Added a new Paimon emote from the LINE version to the download folder (for some reason they replaced Clorinde with Paimon there)