Queerly Autistic

The thing is, yeah, there's more queer media now than ever before. But if OFMD were to stay canceled, it would leave a real hole. I've never seen a show quite like it before, so it does annoy me to see people out here responding to fans upset about the cancelation with "there are other gay shows."

OFMD hits a wonderful blend of having very important things to say about masculinity and the things we're taught about being a man, and it has this very particular style where it loves to showcase people that society often deems lesser, not just queer people but people of color, and it consistently presents these characters as competent and desireable, and it never, ever punches down. I love being able to sit down to watch this show and know 100% that if a character starts being a racist asshole or if they start acting homophobic, the narrative is going to punish them for it. I love knowing that the second someone says something racist, they're a dead man walking.

And, yeah, there are other shows that feature queer characters, but I've still never seen one do it like OFMD. I'm old enough to be fucking sick of my only queer media options being teenage coming-out stories and trauma porn. That stuff is fine if it's what you want, I just wanted something else for a change! And I love how in OFMD queer is the default in a way that is thoughtful and joyful, I love how it gives us queer stories that don't just focus on the same tired coming-out narrative.

It's such a kind show. It gives me a lot of hope, because things are kinda fucking terrible in the world right now, and OFMD takes you by the hand and it tells you that it's never too late to start working towards a life you love and a more authentic version of yourself, and at the end of the day you can at least help your community and the people you love. OFMD is a thoughtfully-written show that treats its audience with a lot of respect. If we do lose it, I think that'll be a terrible loss.

Also, I'm tired of being told not to be sad when queer media gets cancelled because 'hey, here's this (relatively short) list of other queer media!' as if we don't deserve the widest and most diverse range of queer media possible. Yes, there is other queer media that exists, but I love this one - it's an important part of a wide tapestry of different queer stories, a tapestry that we deserve to enjoy. Queer media is miles away from being on a par with cisallohet stories in terms of the diversity of stories we are allowed to have, so every single one we lose - particularly one that is both so diverse and doing something different like OFMD - is a massive loss. Every single one we lose contributes to the thinning of that diversity, and restricting the variety of queer stories that we as queer people are able to access.

'Don't be upset because there are other queer stories available' feels very much like 'stop whining and enjoy the scraps that are available to you'. And I reject that. I reject that we as queer people have to subsist on scraps. I will never be happy with just scraps, ever again, because I've experienced what it's like to have more. OFMD showed me that we deserve that.

Not an opinion on the show's kisses, BUT there are shows out there that show passion and romance, so it. Is. INTERESTING that they never seem to get mentioned in the lineup.

Shows like POSE and P-Valley. Interview With The Vampire...to just name a few.

Yes, very good point (I always forget about Interview, and I admit I've never watched POSE). That's my point, though - the broader the spectrum of queer stories, the better. That means that no single show or even group of shows (or films) will have to bear the burden of doing ALL THE THINGS.

I do find it interesting that I've seen all of Ed and Stede's kisses get singled out for this sort of criticism - yes, the first kiss is a little awkward, but realistically and normally so for where those characters are; it's a perfectly fine kiss - despite the fact that I can't spot much of a functional difference between their kisses and any of the other kisses in the show. This is just the standard level of kissing that happens in the show, and that's absolutely fine - OFMD isn't Queer as Folk, and it's not trying to be, and it shouldn't have to be. The idea that if it's not all open-mouthed tongue-kissing it's somehow desexualised or not passionate does, I worry, bely an oversexualisation with queer media that makes me inherently uncomfortable, and plays into the oversexualisation of queer people more generally. I know plenty of people - of all sexualities and genders - who kiss like Ed and Stede kiss, and so I'm consistently baffled by this idea that these kisses are awkward or unrealistic or somehow devoid of passion because their mouths aren't open enough (also I need to know who got the tape measure out and became judge, jury and executioner on that particular standard). I also think there is an interesting projection that sometimes comes into play when the actors involved in a queer pairing are (presumed) cishet. I've been in the very interesting position of seeing queer kisses in a piece of media get criticised with this exact presumption, with people going on and on about how the actor was straight and was obviously uncomfortable with queer kissing, all whilst personally knowing that the actor in question was actually queer (they just had no interest in sharing anything about their private life publicly, and honestly, good for them). And yet this awkwardness was projected onto what were perfectly good, fine, natural kisses, all because the fandom had assumed this person was straight and projected the idea that therefore it must be awkward onto the kisses. And for some reason this projection and presumption around cishet actors is only overcome if they go full in with tongues and chomping on each other's faces - even though it's perfectly good and fine and normal to kiss in other ways too - almost as if they have to overcompensate as the only way to prove that they're actually fine and not grossed out by this. Whilst I understand the important representation of having queer actors in queer roles (although will never demand it, because we've seen what comes from that, with actors being forced to out themselves), I do wonder if some of this particular projection/presumption is based in the subconscious idea that queerness is this uniquely nebulous unknowable thing that is inherently uniquely disgusting for anybody who isn't queer, and therefore cishet actors (particularly cishet men) must be inherently unable to perform it realistically (despite snogging people you're not personally attracted to being something actors of all sexualities and genders do all the time). And that's something I think we need to sit down and interrogate pretty hard.