Terrible idea:

Tarot DnD. It’s DnD but you replace the dice with tarot cards and the DM has to interpret the results by symbolism instead of numbers.

@yaldobaoth

The Dad Tax

girls in movies: ripping people to shreds with their teeth. traveling in swarms, protecting ancient rivers filled with treasure and danger

girls irl: swimming peacefully, might nibble you if you’re a bastard

ah fuck. it seems I’ve gotten girls and piranhas mixed up again.

kids have no concept of anything. i walked into my kindergarten class and one kid asked me what my name was. when i said miss jones, he said “i like that name. did you know i’m in love with you”

i asked my four year old cousin how old he thought i was going to be at my next birthday and he said 8. im 23

once i told a 6 year old that i had finished school and was doing “more school” [university] and she asked “why haven’t you found anyone to marry then”

We were at a museum and I was asking for the student discount and my nine year old cousin looks up at me with his eyes wide and says “wait you’re a STUDENT??”

I used to babysit these three kids and the eldest who was around 11 at the time was talking about how adults are boring and when I told him I was an adult he said, “That’s not true, you’re my age”

our aunt teaches and she has this story about a little girl who really was always pretty quiet in class and then on the final day of kindergarten she just up and stated ‘i’m all teached now. i don’t need to be teached anymore. i’m done of being teached.’

once when i was 19, I told my little cousin that i was 19 and she looked up at me with huge eyes and went, “Does that mean you don’t have to bring an adult with you to the pool?”

My 6 year old cousin saw me driving for the first time, looked up at him mom and said “does that mean she is married now?”

I watched my dad and my niece (3 at the time) arguing over a pair of pants and whether or not they were also a dress. My neice’s argument was that they were, in fact, also a dress because they were blue.

I asked the kids in my daycare class what they thought I should be for Halloween and this little boy goes, “ooh I know! A pickle! You’d be such a good pickle”

On the first day of class with my favorite student of all time, I said, “Are you okay? You look like you have a question.” And she looked me right in the eyes and said, tremulously,

“Can a piranha eat a stapler?”

One time I was working with a kid and he looked up at me and asked “Do you have a boy?” I had no idea what he was talking about, but I told him that I did not have any boys. He looked shocked and then deeply concerned and said “Well, you better hurry up and shave your arms so you can get married; August is next month!”

I was sitting on the floor with my 3yo niece and we were playing with her younger brother’s alphabet blocks and the O had an octopus on it.  So I picked it up and asked her what it was.

“Octopus,” she said, all curls and smiles.

“And what kind of animal is an octopus?” I asked.  I was looking for “fish” or “sea creature” but I would have accepted almost anything–”weird,” “gross,” even “slimy.”  “Underwater” or “it lives in the ocean” would have also been acceptable. 

She looks me right in the eye and says, happy as a clam, “It’s a cephalopod.”

I haven’t been the same since.

I used to be a preschool teacher and I have a hundred adorable memories from that time, but my favorite one by far is of the time that I was leading a little art project that would make a birthday card for my grandma. (’What should grandma get for her birthday? Let’s draw it!’) One of the girls, aged 4, asked me how old my grandma would be at her birthday. I told her, “She’ll be 80 years old.” The girl’s eyes got big, she took a steadying breath and she said to me, “She must be a giant.”

I used to help out at my parents' church's kids group for like 2-4 year olds, and one day the kids were being told the story of Noah's ark. The lady running the group is talking about how it rained and rained for 40 days.

"And the water got higher and higher. It got taller than the houses, then it got taller than the trees, then it got taller than the MOUNTAINS"

One little kid at the back of the class slowly puts his hand up, and the leader lets him speak.

He points at me and goes "was the water even taller than her??"

A hummingbird thought a man’s orange hat was a flower [x]

I like how the bird actually stopped to contemplate the weird flower for a bit

Purest little bird~

LOOK AT ITS TINY FEET

FLooower! FloOOOOwer? FLOOOOOWER? Floooooweeeer. Hmmmph.

me, an adhd person with adhd, having an attention deficit, with a deficit of attention, an adhd attention deficit: why cant i pay attention

i just found out merriam webster has a time traveler feature that tells you some of the words that were “born” the same year as you. it’s pretty neat yall should do this

I’m the same age as glass ceiling and horndog.

vietnamese pot-bellied pig, crack house, and elephant in the room

I’m the same age as ‘cyberpunk’, ‘nuclear winter’, ‘cell phone’, ‘designer drug’ and a whooole lot of now-common computer terms. i’m old.

I GOT VARROA MITE

ah yes, 1995. the year of “partial-birth abortion,” “date rape drug,” and “complex regional pain syndrome”

‘humblebrag’ ‘selfie’ and ‘dubstep’

post-traumatic stress disorder, yuppie, NIMBY, hip-hop, techno-pop. nice!

shojo, pole dancing, metrosexual, USB

why are vidya journalists like this

hey what the fuck

This ain’t the worst. It’s 26 minutes of a game journalist not making it past the first level of the game.

Hey this has done the rounds on twitter, helped in no small part by known shitheel Ian Miles Cheong. This guy is a business writer who makes articles about video games for other businesspeople. He's not a games journalist. It’s not his job to be good at games.

And even without that backstory, what right does anyone have to make fun of him for this? I’m fed up of people making fun of people who aren’t good at games. Like sure, maybe it’s easy but you know what? in the full video this guy seems like he’s having a great time. Who are you to take that from them?

The amazing digital art of Zhengyi Wang for Guild Wars 2: Path of Fire

every post I see about jojo’s bizzare adventure makes me understand what it’s about less and less

I̹̰͚̯̣̿̿̿͂T̜̳̱͔͎̥̬ͣ̂ͤ̂'̩̘͈̣̼́̔͂̌ͅS͚̗͓̲̠̗̈́ͥ̒ͫ ̸͎̲̠̜͐͗͂̐̂H̜͈͉̫͓͎̥̿ͥ͜A̠͓̤̦͕͎̰͂ͯ͊ͥͤL̺ͯL̗̠̘͕̝͓͋̿ͪ̒͊O͉̳͝W̛̙͇̲͍̲̗͆͗͋̇̽E̸͉ͫ͌͛̓̆̑Ȅ̷̮̹̲́̾̐̑ͤ̾N͂̇̏̎͗̒͏̻̪̥ ͖̯̳̗͎̘̍̎̆ͪ͑ͮ̇Ṱ̡̔͋̀̊͒I̬͓̘̞̣̹ͭ̉M̖̫̥̰̑͆ͮE̛͒̓̊̓ ̖̜̪̤͙͇͔́Y͚̪͇͇̖̺ͨ͛̾͂̿ͪ̎'̏̽ͦ҉͍͍̖͎̳̰Ă̯̠̳̇L͇̭̐̒̆̃̋̉L̤̳̠̱̪̮ͫ̾̀́̄

I’M SO SORRY (not at all) Dragon Age x Dream Daddy!

Hot Thedas Daddies are at your service. >;)

@thefastestclockintheuniverse

Just binged The Good Place and wow, it’s really pretty good. More like, a conceptual, amusing story than a laugh out loud comedy, but if you’re like me and have been missing Dead Like Me for over a decade it gives me very similar vibes and might be your best bet for scratching that “dark, quirky comedy centuring on themes of death, the afterlife, identitity, human relationships and what it means to be a good person” itch. Really reccomend it.

(Oh, and also this is a blanket rec for Dead Like Me too if you’ve never watched it btw, it’s a lot sadder than tgp but also funnier so it balances out)

for almost that entire post I read "binged" not as the past tense of "binge" but as the microsoft equivalent of googling

smorch

Just a little peck on the cheek

this video emits so much positive energy

When the bard rolls a 20

Bringing this back because THIS IS BRITISH CULTURE AT ITS BEST.

my favorite thing about humans is that if you make the right sounds, an entire pack will gather and sing along and be happy about it.