10 Reasons To Enjoy Being Alone

Reminders I need sometimes:

It's really, really hard showing up for life when you are chronically ill. Like it's really hitting me that everyday I am in physical pain, so when I do feel it I know I've pushed myself a bit too far. Things that I would love to do get put on the backburner to preserve my health. I'm learning to not feel guilty for relaxing and doing what is best for me. The world keeps spinning and rest is so hard to do in a society that doesn't give you that chance. But to rest is to prepare for a longer journey ahead and I have to remember that through giving myself grace for a better tomorrow.

I've seen this before, but it's been years and it just came across my Twitter in its dying days. The words are from a favorite author of mine, Maggie Stiefvater, and they are the words I most need to hear when it comes to dealing with chronic pain and illness. I didn't need this the first time I saw it, six years ago. I need it now. Maybe you do, too.

I don’t know if I’ve spelled it out on tumblr yet, but I want to talk about The Mammal List. 

The Mammal List is something I came up with when I was in a mental health intensive outpatient program four(!!) years ago. The premise is that we are at our core animals, and if I consider myself the way I’d consider a pet cat, I’m much more likely to practice good self-care:

1. Mammals need food. Eat something! If the Hellbeast doesn’t pass judgment on a piece of cheese, neither should you. (She also eats anything small enough to fit in her mouth, so be judicious in that respect. Food is good. Lint is not.)

2. Mammals need hydration. Drink something! It doesn’t have to be water. It could be delicious tuna juice. You’re a discerning creature. I trust you. 

3. Mammals need sleep. Make a soft nest and let yourself enjoy it. Knead it until it’s comfortable. Let yourself rest as long as you need. Just existing is hard. You’ve earned a break. 

4. Mammals need movement. Take your precious body and do something. Don’t hurt yourself. Be kind.

5. Mammals need stimulation. Treat yourself to a new jingle ball or mousie toy. Get a bird feeder and stare at it. Let yourself really enjoy it. Play is in your nature.

6. Mammals need socialization. I know this one is particularly difficult these days, but if you don’t keep reaching out, you’re going to forget yourself and start biting people. 

7. Mammals need cleanliness. Nobody likes scooping the litterbox, but it has to be done. Don’t forget your own body. Make your fur shine. Treat yourself as the luminous creature you are. 

And most important of all: don’t feel guilty. This isn’t about deserving (although you do deserve it). You’re an animal and you need these things to survive, and I very much want you to survive. 

True positivity is learning that you can't be ecstatically happy all the time, that you can't force yourself to be an optimistic when you are struggling too hard. It is looking for joy in the little things. It is finding ways to cope with your darkest moments, those moments you wish you could run until you faded away. It is learning how to soothe you soul with a positive mindset, one that prioritizes taking care of your body and mind in the ways you can, no matter how simple they may look. Positivity allows you to manage your life when it gets hard, reminding you that you have a life worth living for. But don't self-impose it so harshly when you cannot feel optimistic. When it is forced upon someone who just can't bring themselves to think positively after a tragedy, or a relapse, or an exceptionally hard month we, this becomes toxic positivity. And toxic positivity is just a curtain of smoke that hides problems that aren't being dealt with.

“If you do not schedule system maintenance, your system will schedule it for you.”

March 2021 Illustrations ヽ(• ‿ •)ノ

Here’s your mid-week reminder to forgive yourself if you’ve had a crappy/tired/unproductive day/week/month/year. You are doing the best you can. Look after yourself, do what you need to do. And it doesn’t matter what time of day/week/month/year it is, it’s never too late to make a fresh start. 

Anxiety creates false urgency.

You don’t have to figure out and solve everything right now.

You can’t.

Life is too complex.

Pick one thing. Maybe the most challenging thing and pick away at one part of it. Maybe the least challenging thing to get something out of the way. Maybe no things at all, just make a note on your phone or stick a post-it somewhere to remind you of things another time.

You got this.

I don't know who needs to hear this, but if the phrase "self care" doesn't resonate with you, try calling it "system maintenance" and see if that clicks.

Reblogging to add amazing tags from @meta-theory

#this both makes things more fun and also is a really good analogy#because there are four types of system maintenance and that makes the term much more exact than the nebulous ''self-care''#and therefore much more helpful to those of us who uhhh struggle with nebulosity#for anyone curious the four types are:#1. corrective (to fix current problems)#2. preventative (to avoid future problems)#3. adaptative (to re-adjust to any changes)#4. perfective (to work towards a better system)#I really like this idea I'm gonna make a checklist

We often think of boundaries as something we have to set to other people, but we often forget that we too can push ourselves beyond our limits.

Set healthy boundaries with yourself too.

Your best is what you can do without harming your mental and physical health, not what you can accomplish when you disregard it.

Can I watch a great film knowing the actresses in it were terrorized and mistreated the entire time? Can I watch a football game knowing that the players are getting brain injuries right before my eyes? Can I listen to my favorite albums anymore knowing that the singers were all beating their wives in between studio sessions? Can I eat at the new fancy taco place knowing when the building that used to be there got bulldozed eight families got kicked out of their homes so they could be replaced with condos and a chain restaurant? Can I wear the affordable clothes I bought downtown that were probably assembled in a sweatshop with child labor? Can I eat quinoa? Can I eat this burger? Can I drink this bottled water? Can I buy a car and drive to work because I’m sick of taking an hour each way on the subway? Whose bones do I stand on? Whose bones am I standing on right now? 

On one hand, it’s a privilege to be able to choose to acknowledge these horrors or not–we’re going to acknowledge that privilege. On the other hand, I once attended a lecture by the explorerer-conservationist Jacques-Yves Cousteau’s daughter and son and they had a lot of opinions about what we could do to help the environment and the ocean and I talked about how in my country, we have to drink bottled water, because it’s a desert and there’s only salt water all around, but we’re contributing to pollution and all of these things…

And she looked at me and told me not to fall into the trap of “activist guilt.” I couldn’t remember the exact words, but, it was the first time I’d heard the term and it took a weight off my shoulders.

We do what we can. It’s so much better than giving up entirely or not doing anything at all because we can’t do it perfectly. It doesn’t benefit anyone in the end if we just sit around feeling guilty about every little thing in life. I’d just joined tumblr back then (haha, so like, eight or nine years ago at this point?), I was being exposed to way more than I’d ever been before (I was previously just into feminism and animal rights/wildlife conservation/environmentalism since I was a kid), and it was weighing on me.

As long as humans are humans and living flawed lives, many consumed by greed, there will not be anything in this world untouched by evil.

I usually avoid stuff that says it was made in China or other cheap looking knockoffs, out of fear of them being made in sweatshops (now, I know even a lot of big brands use those…), it’s exhausting. Then, I read something about how people who actually lived and worked in those would still buy this cheap stuff and how this shocked the foreigner reporting on it, but they just looked confused like, it’s what they can afford and them avoiding consuming it isn’t going to change the whole system from the ground-up.

… it went on about how “money talks” and choosing where to put your money still feeds the whole capitalist system and is nearly a way of comforting yourself, but you not buying doesn’t mean everyone else isn’t. What needs to be tackled is at a much higher level than any of us can reach.

Of course, I’d still, given the choice, give my money to companies I agree with and I’ll boycott what I know to support awful stuff, but I also feel no superiority over this and know now it’s not as black and white or easy as I thought it was.

This is the same reason that moral purity “you can’t enjoy [x] because it’s Problematic ™” is such nonsense, because nothing is pure. There’s something bad about everything if you dig deep enough. As long as we lived in flawed human societies we’ve got to make the best of what they offer us. If you have the choice and means, please, do support those who do good, but also, don’t beat yourself up over not living up to an unattainable ideal.

No one can. You’ll just make yourself so miserable, you either burn up and stop fighting entirely or you’ll make yourself a non-productive, depressed heap just out of a bleeding heart left unchecked. You can’t make a change to this world if you refuse to engage in it.

Have a related article with self-care tips for activists.

Purity is one of the worst, most harmful myths humans ever invented.

Rebloging for this amazing reply telling us how to actually handle this, because yeah, sometimes I’ll simply shut down trying to find something that doesn’t cause harm to anyone

Some froggy affirmations for you🐸💚

(All available as stickers and such in my Redbubble shop✨)