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#polyamory – @purpleyin on Tumblr
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Purpleyin's slightly fannish tumblr

@purpleyin / purpleyin.tumblr.com

Hi, I'm Hans (they/them). Spoonie. Demi-bi & polyam. Waves from the UK. I write fanfic, create moodboards, other graphics, fanmixes and on occasion fanvids. I like a good rec, tend to multiship and love decent character/case/team/gen stuffs too. Fannish about so many fandoms.
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whathappenstotheheart
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the-cactus-taco

I am a firm believer that pride flags need more weird creatures on them, like the dragon on the welsh flag.

I’m thinking about putting one on my personal favorite versions of the polygamous flag: 

If you are a polyamorous, in any way, asexual or otherwise

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the-cactus-taco

Well, guess I owe you guys a sea serpent !!

multiple heads is way harder than I thought— but it’s done! I really like this one as well! And thank you for everyone who participated in the pole (I did not make the original version of this pride flag)

#polyamory#flags
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am-i-the-asshole-official
spindercatscher asked:

Okay. Am I the asshole if I call out my roommate's self-centered behavior? I live in a communal space, where everybody except C shares freely. C got a good job through connections and is able to spend freely on themselves, spending little on household items, groceries, etc. They say they're broke every month, but I've seen their takeout containers and amazon boxes, so maybe it's a spending problem. Worst of all, when we are low on food, C just disappears for a few hours and comes back instead of cooking with everyone.

I've told C that they're being selfish and they should start considering other people, but it goes in one ear and out the other. I offered to help budget but they don't listen! They barely spend more than $400 of their $2000 a month on groceries for the house; the rest goes to their lavish lifestyle while the rest of us suffer. I just want them to pay their fair share. AITA for asking them to be fair??

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am-i-the-asshole-official answered:

Including some more specific INFO from version 1 of this post (which wasn't postable due to being about emotions rather than actions):

What are these acronyms?

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am-i-the-asshole-official
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am-i-the-asshole-official
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am-i-the-asshole-official
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am-i-the-asshole-official
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am-i-the-asshole-official
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am-i-the-asshole-official
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am-i-the-asshole-official
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am-i-the-asshole-official
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am-i-the-asshole-official
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am-i-the-asshole-official
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am-i-the-asshole-official

ngl in 90% of situations I'd be like okay yeah this is a justification--but making an assumption like that without a moment's doubt or thinking to ask their roommate "hey what's with the cup" actually does fit 100% with my understanding of them

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stars--and--shadows

Better diagram with more info. I'm still losing my mind over this.

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am-i-the-asshole-official
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frog-chemicals

You called for a polycule diagram? Now Introducing: The Rotational Polycules Monthly Schedule Heptagon!

#polyamory#rotational polyamory is certainly a new term to me#aita
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perfectlittlesoul
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floralpoetrydyke

holy shit????? they’re talking about polyamory on the radio????????? and in a positive and understanding way?????? holy shit????

LMAO I TJOUGHT THIS DUDE AAS GONNA ASK SOME DUMBASS QUESTION ABOUT HOW SEX WORKS BUT INSTEAD HE GOES “okay so like…real important question here….who drives? like when u go places? do you call shotgun and then someone ends up all sad in the backseat?”

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polystromy

The real polyam questions

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prokopetz

I’ve only ever met one poly couple face to face, so I’m sure this is by no means representative, but they avoided the issue by taking turns pretending to be a high-class chauffeur.

Like, one of them would sit up front and drive while the other two sat in the back, and when they arrived at their destination the driver would walk around and get the door for them, all *nods* “madam”.

They did this every time.

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mademoiselleseraph

That’s too fucking cute omg

#driving#triads#polyamory
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thebibliosphere
charley-warlzz asked:

Possibly an odd q, but what does ambiamorous mean? Or like, whats the dofference betweent hat and polyamorous? Because i figured poly people could also be comfortable in a monogamous sometimes while still being poly, but does that make them ambiamorous by definition, or does it mean something else/more specific?

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thebibliosphere answered:

So this gets into a lot of discourse over whether polyamory is an orientation or simply a relationship structure you can pursue. (I think both are valid and vary from person to person.)

Ignoring that discourse and focusing on what you are asking me, ambiamory is basically a sub-identifier that falls under the polyamory umbrella used for people who are fine with either mono or polyam relationships. They feel no particular need to pursue either, and it causes them no distress to be in either situation.

This is in contrast to some polyamorous people who could not and would never consider monogamy because it would feel like denying a part of themselves and leave them feeling trapped and unfulfilled.

Similarly, some monogamous people cannot tolerate polyamory because it's not how they are wired. They can do all the therapy, follow all the steps, do everything "right," and still feel like something is majorly wrong and distressing.

And that's fine. Polyamory isn't for everyone, just like monogamy isn't for everyone.

These "one or the other" attitudes can be very prevalent in both polyam and mono spaces. For some of us, however, that you have to pick a side is uncomfortable, and feels like we're being shoved into boxes that don't fit.

That's where ambiamory comes in.

So yes, there are some polyamorous people who are fine with just one partner and can feel polysaturated at one partner due to life or other issues, but it's up to them whether they want to use the term ambiamory.

Some people would get quite annoyed if you called them ambiamorous instead of polyamorous because while they might be functionally monogamous at that moment, they do not identify with monogamy on a personal level. And again, that's fine.

The problem we're currently seeing in the community is people who take this view to an extreme and are now calling ambiamorous people interlopers and calling our interest in polyamory a "phase," implying that we're just using polyamorous people to experiment before reverting to monogamy when we find "the one."

It's classic binary "pick a side" discourse, and I'm over it.

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#ambiamory#hadn't heard of the term before so it's useful to read the explanation#polyamory
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polyamproud

Allow us to reintroduce ourselves. 👉 Link in bio! 👉 DM us an intro with your skillset to tell us how you can help our team of volunteers! 👉 What you can expect from this page: • Polyamorous & nonmonogamous content • Pride flag & flag design (‘vexillology’ for those with a word fetish) content • Relationship & self-love content • Information & updates about our initiative Thank you so much for following. You and your participation are so, so valuable to us. 

~image description below~

Keep reading

#polyamory#pride flags
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simplyoriginalcharacters

So you want to write about polyamory...

That’s great! I want to help. I’m diving into this post assuming you know at least the basics – this is more a 201 post than a 101 post. What this post will do is take a broad look at polyamorous tropes and what to avoid when writing your polycule and what to keep in mind!

At this point, I’m assuming you know who’s dating whom and whether or not they’re open to other relationships, you’ve sketched out the general shape of how they all work together.

If you don’t even know where to start, I recommend @simplyoriginalcharacters post on polyamory as a good starting point as to how to begin writing.

Once you have that, now you’re asking yourself “How do I not be a bigoted asshole about this?” and that’s where this post comes in.

Some things about me – I’m polyamorous and queer. I have 3 loving partners. A lot of the examples below are things I’ve read or things I’ve seen in real life. As with all types of representation, having multiple polycules makes it so not everything has to hinge on the one relationship. Spoiler alert: one of my stories I have planned has a super unhealthy polycule in it. It also has six other polycules in it.

What to avoid:

  • Polyamory that starts with cheating (a.k.a. John is dating William but kisses/fucks Benjamin without explicitly having opened the relationship first)
  • Any sort of coerced polyamory – e.g. we open our relationship up or I break up with you
  • A married couple that’s open to occasional sexual relations with others (this is overdone)
  • Tragedy causing a pair to be the only ones left alive of the original polycule and them deciding to become monogamous because of it
  • A cult being your only polycule.
  • Promoting one relationship type as being inherently better or worse than the other
  • Using the term polygamy.
  • Jokes about being greedy or ‘leaving some for the rest of us’ that aren’t called out by the narrative as being bigoted.

Things to be super careful about:

  • Power dynamics especially with an older couple seducing a younger partner – while this can be done it should be done with care and with the knowledge that this isn’t usually a good idea. Your best bet is to tread lightly and to make sure you have other polyamorous groups too
  • Religious-based polyamory – do a ton more research and don’t make them your only polyamorous group or your only members of that religion. I can’t emphasize this enough. If you’re going to go this route, make sure you have a) more polyamorous groups and b) monogamous members of that religion.
  • The ranking system (i.e. having primary, secondary and tertiary partners). While this is something some people use, and it’s okay to have characters use it, I’m strongly cautioning you away from using it as a plot point or as added drama if you aren’t part of the community. Whether it’s good or bad isn’t something you get to weigh in on.
  • Having all of your bisexual characters be polyamorous – or none of them (or really, any sexuality, but especially bi characters). You can have all sorts of sexualities represented, e.g. Jenny’s a lesbian and dating Katherine and Taylor. Taylor is bisexual and dating Timothy, who is queer and is also in a purely sexual relationship with Alex, who is aromantic.

Things to remember:

  • If you have multiple polycules, you don’t have to worry about your one relationship carrying the burden of representation!
  • We live in a monogamous culture – people will  assume you’re cheating if they see you kissing someone who isn’t your partner (or assume you two broke up)
  • Everyone is different levels of open about being polyam. This is really important to consider especially in larger polycules. Consider: John is on a date with William, and Benjamin’s parents see them. How out is Benjamin? How out is William? Does the answer change if it’s Benjamin’s sister or boss?
  • Keep in mind this should be discussed before anyone goes out and is seen with other partners!
  • Make your representation explicit! I love Leverage – it’s an amazing canon triad, but a lot of people deny it (knowingly or not) because it wasn’t explicitly stated that the three of them were dating in the show. (Which… I’d argue, given Elliot’s words in The Long Goodbye Job and everything leading up to that, but that’s neither here nor there.)
  • There are a lot of parallels between being polyamorous and being queer with being out and being accepted
  • Metamours can and should be friends.
  • Jealousy is a thing that happens. If it happens in your story, address it and make sure it’s resolved. Don’t let it fester. But tread carefully.
  • Not all relationships are equal and that’s okay. Sometimes you end up moving in with one partner over another because of timing or convenience or whatever and that’s okay.
  • You can still cheat when you’re in a polyamorous relationship
  • It’s not all about sex – it’s sometimes also about the emotions and feelings, but sometimes it is a purely sexual relationship and that’s okay too, just have some variety.
  • Polyamorous relationships can be big and messy or small and contained. But it doesn’t begin and end with the closed triad who is all dating one another, living together and is perfectly open in all contexts.

My representation wishlist:

  • Polyamorous but otherwise mostly vanilla groups
  • While the polyam and kink scenes often go hand-in-hand, this isn’t necessarily the case
  • Young polycules! It’s not all swingers looking for a little excitement once they hit 40.
  • Old polycules! Give me the grandparents causing a ruckus in the nursing home trying to get all five of them into a single unit. Speaking of…
  • Parents – holy shit, coparenting! Give me the new parents trying to learn how to raise a kid when there are like 5 parents. What’s everyone’s title?
  • Two words: PTA Meetings.
  • Polyamory being a healthy way of helping cope with a variety of mental illnesses. I know having 3 partners is great for when my anxiety flares up and I need extra reassurance
  • Though, as with the religion one, tread carefully.
  • Large sprawling polycules that seem to cover half the city and where everyone’s “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon"ing it up – or at the very least, give me something a little different than a closed triad where everyone’s dating and living together

Final thoughts: Don’t use this post to attack anyone’s ship, art or story. These are guidelines to help you write accurate, respectful polyamorous representation based on my experiences in life and media consumption. Additionally, this is just one post outlining my thoughts on the subject. YMMV and I highly encourage you to do more research and talk to other polyam people about their experiences.

But most of all: have fun. That’s what writing’s all about after all.

Like this post? Want to see more like it? You can always support me on Patreon or buy me a cup of coffee to help out.

#writing guides#polyamory#polyam shipping
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polyamorouspunk

Hey there polyamorous punks! Polyamory Week will be on August 15-21 this year! As with last year each day with have a prompt! Share your own story, draw, write, create, whatever!

Prompts will be released on August 1st here on PolyamorousPunk!

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polyamorouspunk

Day 1: Where did you first learn about polyamory?

Day 2: Favorite polyamorous characters/relationships (cannon or fannon!)

Day 3: What’s the most polyamorous thing out there besides loving your partners? Is it pie? Is it DND? Is it The Ethical Slut or More Than Two? What’s the most iconic polyam thing out there?

Day 4: How do you introduce yourself as polyamorous to people in an offline setting where they can’t “read your bio”?

Day 5: Does being polyam tie in with any other facets of your life? Is it a lifestyle choice, or is it just as queer as any other part of you?

Day 6: Where has being polyamorous and being in the polyamorous community brought you? What’s different now then before you realized you were polyam or came out? How has being polyam changed you?

Day 7: Free day! Talk, write, draw, film, edit, etc. whatever you want! You can use the colors of the flag as inspiration, or you can focus on another aspect of polyamorous culture! Feeling stuck? Browse @polyamorouscultureis for inspiration!

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polyamships

Hi folks - this isn’t fandom related, but we thought it might be relevant to peoples’ interests here, so we are sharing the post!

#polyamory#polyamory awareness week#nonfandom events
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clotpolesonly
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thorlokibrother

People need to stop perpetuating the myth that polyamory can’t be healthy.

Source

And a response from Anonymous, very important:

“Hey, one thing your infographic on polyamory leaves out is actually the relationship that caused me to have an aversion to it. You have a situation where one of the people wants the person to choose but I knew a girl who basically forced two people to do it because she couldn’t decide which one to date. Each one kept going “I don’t want you dating someone else” and she told them that if they loved her they’d do it. Since they both loved her, they lived through being really unhappy.“

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polyamorouspunk

There’s also relationship anarchy, which is a web of people dating each other and their partner’s partners! Through this you establish a community of a support system, which works well for queer, disabled, nuerodivergent, and other minorities!

#polyamory#relationships
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I don't think I understood the whole thing about people yearning for their exes until I had my most recent ex.

My first ex I went totally off after we broke up, and while he's a nice enough guy who I could be friends with, in theory - if stuff wasn't so awkward as I can see he now is with me - I no longer saw what I used to see in him. Any appeal evaporated so quickly with how sour it all went and then the many faults as a partner were glaring.

My second ex things got left better with, still kinda friends but more occasional ones than as close as we once were. Going from effectively best friends to much less than that has always been the most painful part of a breakup for me. I think even though we broke up, we both came out of the relationship better for it. I can see our growth and it makes me pleased for who we both became after. I know we're both in a better place now, she seems happier (and both polyam now, lol what a surprise after we used to talk crushes together) and that's just really nice to realize.

But my latest ex, it's been well over a year and a half and it still hurts and makes me wish things were different. I know we're incompatible on several levels (me polyam and him not being entirely okay with it, me only wanting to adopt, if that, and him possibly wanting his own kids + not with me if I'm still polyam, different attitudes on sex and sex drives). I know we made each other unhappy probably as much as we made each other happy, kinda cancelling it all out, but sometimes I still just wish we could be together. We remained very good friends but didn't get enough distance probably for it to count as properly separating and so distance now due to the pandemic is extra painful but possibly overdue. I just wanna turn the caring off but I don't know how to. I thought after a year or more it would be easier but it isn't.

I also keep wondering about joining an ace dating site but during a pandemic seems a bad time to try that? Also dating as demiromantic (or maybe greyromantic? Something not quite how people expect re romance) is extra hard unless people are gonna be okay with maybe finding new friends as the alternative if that angle never develops. So I guess I'm a bit scared to try again and not sure if it's worth it when I do have one partner still. No clue what percentage of ace people are okay with polyam either. But I think I would like more love in my life in some way, whether that's romantic or queerplatonic. It would be nice to actually find friends and/or partners to be domestic with because I love sharing that kind of caring with people and I think maybe that's what's been lacking for me.

#personal#relationships#hans rambles#break ups#dating#polyamory#asexuality
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