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are we ever going to talk about how you have to get actual permission from both your captain and doctor in order to have sex with an alien

like who sits around Starfleet and makes these rules

For everyone wondering about this:

“All Starfleet personnel must obtain authorization from their CO as well as clearance from their medical officer before initiating an intimate relationship with an alien species.” (VOY: “The Disease”)

It’s true. 

this is hilarious

yo captain i wanna bang this alien

sdfsldkfslkj this is the part of Bones’s job he hates the most, going through all the forms on his PADD to give the green-light to all these potential sexual encounters he just WISHES HE DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT IN THE FIRST PLACE but you know he actually DOES SOME RESEARCH to see if people will be COMPATIBLE whereas Jim just ticks the box, all, FREE LOVE, BONES and Bones has to be like GODDAMMIT DID YOU EVEN READ THE FILE, JIM, THEY DON’T EVEN HAvE ORIFICES and Jim is like, wow, Bones, they can still have fun, don’t judge

and bones

hates

everything

This sounds like the sort of rule that got instituted because of something that happened to Kirk, TBH.

It’s referred to in Bones’ log as “The Incident” and Kirk was itchy and purple for weeks

Y’all have got it backwards.

Kirk wanting to bang everything that movies is mostly the parody version of the character. The notion owes more to Zap Brannigan and company than anything out of the original series; yes, Kirk sometimes ends up in compromising positions with female aliens, because he’s a 60s action hero, but he rarely pursues it himself.

In the original series, it’s Bones himself who wants to bang everything with two legs and a pulse.

Like, it’s an actual plot point in multiple episodes.

And let’s be fair. Two legs is probably optional. There’s doubtless an Edosian woman or two that’s been graced with his affections.

Random headcanon: the Starfleet regulation cited above originally required only the clearance of the chief medical officer. The requirement for the CO’s authorisation was added specifically in response to the fallout of Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy’s realisation that, by the strict letter of the rules, he could authorise himself to fuck anything.

I love these comics by Nathan W. Pyle.

You know that whole trope where like, the protagonists get teleported up into the aliens’ spaceship or base or whatever and the alien appears to them only it doesn’t appear as it really looks like but rather, since it doesn’t want to scare the protagonists, it takes the form of something we find familiar and pleasing and is like, “I look like your dad or whatever–is this form okay?” Like I think about that trope a lot and I think like, what if the alien couldn’t pick out a form via telepathy and only had earth media to try and decide what form would scare its human guests least and be accepted almost immediately and honestly the more I think about it the more options for what form that might be are just really fun to me.

“I have chosen the form of your earth playwright and composer Lin-Manuel Miranda–do not be afraid. I come in peace.”

“Greetings. I am Glofnorbo of the cloud you call the ‘Pegasus Nebula.’ I have scanned your earth media from afar and empirically decided that you would find the form of the one known as Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson most pleasing. I have come to confer with your leaders.” 

“Do not be panic. I come in peace. I have assumed the form of your insectoid demigoddess ‘Hatsune Miku’ so that we may communicate peacefully without my true form horrifying you.” 

“It was decided that I would assume the form of your ‘Mister Rogers’ in order to best welcome your world to the galactic neighborhood without frightening your kind.”

“…So did your colleague take on the form of Jack Black for that reason too?”

“No, that is the actual Jack Black. We do not know how to make him leave.”

- Do you have to start every sentence with “Chan”? + Chan, yes, tho. - And end every sentence with… + Chan, tho, tho. 

This is one of my favorite sci-fi linguistic innovations, though. Turn-taking in conversation is a big deal, so it makes total sense to me that a politeness-conscious culture would have developed a language function for clearly demarking the beginning and end of turns. It’s simple and brilliant. Unlike a lot of sci-fi language flourishes, it makes sense. It makes me wonder about other aspects of Chantho’s culture and language. Like, if you’re quoting someone, I bet you would mark the beginning and end of the quote with the author/speaker’s name, embedded within your own. 

Reblogging for beccaland’s fascinating commentary.

Note, also, that Chantho comes from a hive—which, if we’re using the word literally, means a community of many genetically similar females.  Which means that in some situations, identity tags would be extremely useful to sort out all those similar voices.  Besides, if you live in a large group, having quick and easy name reminders is very functional.  It encourages socialization; no awkward “remembering names” nonsense, if you’re having a conversation with someone, they’ll tell you.  It might help reserved individuals, or those with memory disabilities, access the larger social world.  It might increase peoples’ ability to relate to strangers—I mean, you can’t know everyone in the hive, but if you’re talking to them, you can know their name.  In other words, it may be conducive to group harmony, which is highly important to any hive.

my fav trope is like, nonhuman characters not understanding human needs/customs but still being super supportive of their human companion

“look what I found while exploring this planet’s surface!” “kilrak please I’m trying to sleep” “ah yes your human circadian rhythm. *stage whispering* I am supposed to be quiet during this time in your rhythm, yes?”

“the book I purchased on ragnok V says humans require physical touch when upset. therefore, I shall engage in a ‘hug’ with you.” *supremely awkward five-armed hug ensues*

*human sneezes* “OH MY GOD SIL'EEN GET THE MEDIC OUR HUMAN IS DYING”

“this pamphlet I received recently says that humans require companions and packmates in the form of small earth creatures. you should have told me this before we departed earth, but it is no worry. we will have to stop at the next trade planet to get you one of these ‘cats’ or ‘dogs’.”

imagine the aliens really purchasing a kitten for one of their rough and world-weary scifi badass human companions and watching in helpless wonderment what ensues 

“she’s been cuddling that small animal for the past fifteen minutes just going ‘kitty, kitty’. did we - did we break our human?”

a more seasoned alien puts one of their tentacles around the younger one as the rest of the team gathers to watch their human make kissy noises. 

“no, kilrak,” the alien says. “we did good.” 

“Human-Steve! I have heard that today is the anniversary of your hatching! According to my human culture pamphlet, it is customary to set a sugary pastry on fire while chanting your species’ growth incantation and presenting sacrifices wrapped in shiny paper. I am afraid to ask, in case this ritual is sacred and this request therefor insensitive… but may I be allowed to participate? It sounds much more fascinating than molting.”

“Human Steve, I have read about your ritual dance called ‘The Hokey Pokey,’ performed mostly at mate-bonding celebrations after the guests reach an elevated level of intoxication. But Human Steve, how do I know WHICH left foot to put in, put out, and shake all about? I do not… Human Steve, why are you laughing?”

“Human-Steve, you are… you are eating, but it is not one of your ritual fueling times. Are you dying? Is everything alright? Have you not been receiving enough sustenance? Do I need to get you better things to eat? Human-Steve, why are you trying to hide that food?”

“Human-Steve, my research has informed me of a grave oversight in your care that I, as your companion, have made! Thus, I have gathered collections of fictional human literature to read aloud at the time of your bed. Which is more to your liking: “The Care and Keeping of Cacti” or “1001 Crossword Puzzles?” Human-Steve? Human-Steve, I am serious.“

One of the things I love the most about this post is how “Human-Steve” makes me think that there is also an alien called Steve in the squad, and I just imagine the first meeting and introduction where there is the human guy introducing himself as Steve and then there is this huge blue guy with like 5 legs and bug eyes and apparently Steve is like a completely regular name on his planet too in some intergalactical coincidence

that was off topic sorry.

that was the best possible tangent, thank you for this addition