So here's the deal.

I am not ready.

I am not ready for Castiel to return.

Y'wanna know why?

Because I do not want to lose him again.

I have been telling myself since the start of the season that he's okay and that he'll be back, and he is coming back. But with all these spoilers, I'm scared of hoping because I don't want to be let down.

I get it. They need to keep it fresh. They need to switch things up. But I have never been so attached to a character without ever knowing it until now. Just the thought of Castiel makes me want to break down. Sure, maybe he's just 'a character' to some people, but to me, he's the one who helped stop the Apocalypse, the angel who fought for what he thought was right, and then he tried to teach his siblings how to be independent because they couldn't rely on God.

I hate that they've made him out to be the 'bad guy'. He's never been bad. Sam and Dean have done some pretty bad shit before and --

This post isn't about who did what or who's better or anything. 

You can't just take away our angel like that. I don't care if you give him the best most bamf exit, I don't want him gone. So this is me, telling every single Supernatural fan that, as much as I would love to comfort you, I will try to be pulling myself from my own spiraling angel induced depression.

It physically hurts to think that he won't be here for much longer than 3 episodes. How much more can you break Dean and Sam down? They're going to eventually off themselves because it's going to be too much. 

Ugh.

I just.

I have a lot of feelings and I don't know what to do with them. But don't worry, I'll just keep on smiling like it's okay. I might just sit down and cry sometimes, but I'll know that I'm not alone. At least, I'm hoping that I'm not alone.