PseudDamnTired

not today santa

not today stan

not today stu

oh my god god god god god my dad just tried to complain about me wearing earrings with ghosts on them because they're "not very festive" so i said Well Actually ghosts are very appropriate for christmastime and he said tell you what if you can show me a single christmas themed thing that has ghosts in it i won't say another word about your fashion choices this entire holiday. i Promise. so i got him to lean in realllllll close as i opened up the browser app on my phone and slowly began to type "A CHRISTMAS CAROL" while the blood rapidly drained from his face.

Oh the picture of it

I have tried for years to discover something, anything, about this card with no success.

We seven lobsters of Christmastide are Snapping our pincers we wander afar Frowning grimly, wondering dimly Where did we park the car?

The lobster and the crab, when they are full grown

Of all the bugs in the sea, the lobster bears the crown;

The rising of the sun, the wheeling of the gulls,

The playing of the castanets, sweet singing of the choir.

O come, ye crustaceans Rubicund and shining O come ye, o come ye Across the strand.

Come ye, you seven Upright and bipedal O wave your feelers heav'nward O wave your feelers heav'nward O wave your feelers heav'nward Lobsters all.

god rest ye merry decapods, aquatic though ye be

come celebrate the holiday from underneath the sea

click your claws and raise them high in lobster jubilee

o tidings of sea salt and brine, sea salt and brine, o tidings of sea salt and brine!

This card/post has travelled far and journeyed wide. Quite literally, it has collected songs and legends upon its path...

Christacean

every year around christmas me and my grandma play this fun family game called “maybe you want to put jesus in your room instead, sweetie? :)”. now, it’s important to note that the jesus referred to in our game is not actually the real jesus christ, but instead a wooden figure i made in 2011 that has an uncanny resemblance to the lord and savior himself

so what happens is that i place jesus in our living room, and my grandma smiles and asks me if i don’t want to decorate my room with him instead. i ask her in return if she thinks my jesus figure is ugly (which he is), but she reassures me that this is not the case. however, a couple of days later jesus mysteriously disappears from our living room, and appear in my room instead

now, the real jesus christ might have been able to perform a miracle like this, but please remember that the jesus in our story is only a figure made out of wood. he can not move on his own, so i think we can safely say that my grandma is the prime suspect here

the first year i would often confront my grandma about this, but she would always make up an excuse and never straight up tell me she moved him because he’s so ugly it’s an embarrassment to the family

eventually i grew tired of her lies, so now we only move jesus around in silence. one second he’s in the living room, the next he’s back in my room. in a way i think this adds an extra element of excitement to the holiday season, because you never know for sure when jesus is going to be moved again

and so it begins..

i was not fucking ready for this photograph

I’m NEVER ready for the fucking photograph, holy shit.

Hello I desperately wish to possess this Jesus figurine please send it it 123 myroad boulevard