sexual knifeplay is indicative of weak character. I could never get aroused from being stabbed because that would mean that I failed to parry it

Okay Clickhole. You got me. I'll buy it

Official Post of Massachusetts

This is very very close to being something I would buy... but I'm going to be pedantic about it.

First, swap vicinia and nostra. They're in the correct form (ablative), but Latin tends to place the adjective (including possessive pronouns) after the object... except in cases of numeral adjectives. So it should then go "plura Dunkin Donuts sunt" (verb goes at the end, at least in classical.)

Except I'm not sure that should be 'plura'? That's not an adjective, it's a noun, and I can't think of any sign that the grammatical construction is supporting that 'plura,' so I think this is just a mistake and it's meant to be 'multi.'

Which would make the full phrase: "In vicinia nostra multi Dunkin Donuts sunt" or "In our neighborhood are many Dunkin Donuts."

(if we want to get really weird we could either try to translate the name Dunkin Donuts entirely, or just mess with the endings. I'm in favor of either, but personally I think Dunkini Donuti is top-tier.)

i think they were trying for 'plurima', Very Many, neuter plural, which tbf it is more true that there are Very Many than that there are Many

Ahhh that would make sense. I like plurima there, gives it some extra emphasis. Though of course this does all assume that Dunkin Donuts is neuter. Which is something of a pointless debate considering it's not a Latin word, but I do think it gives off neuter vibes...

Wait that means I misgendered Dunkin Donuts. I should have made it Dunkina Donuta.

ignosce mihi, O Dunkinum.

i propose crusta submergenta as a translation of the name. already neuter plural! maybe summergenta to analogize with the lenited end of Dunkin

sick of hearing about "healing crystals" that "cleanse your mind and body of negative energy" i want to know which rocks can hurt you and fuck up your vibe so bad

everyone suggesting uranium isn't wrong but anyone who said "literally any rock if you're willing to resort to violence" are the only people who can get on my level. you're hired.

caincore

okay which fandom that sprung up out of nowhere overnight like mushrooms after rain is this a reference to i can't keep up anymore

oh you meant like. that guy from the bible who invented murder. right.

listen ok so i made some good jokes yesterday about Lestat having an onlyfans but i am back today with a new essay and this one is entitled

Why The Invention Of Social Media Is Going to Permanently Save Loustat's Fucking Marriage

come on this journey with me.

ok so on one hand we have Louis, who does not like to leave the house except when he absolutely fucking has to and even then he resents it. my man wants to be at home with a book 100% of the time and he's so fucking valid for that. When he leaves the house, bad things happen to him. He has learned this and honestly i can't fault his evidence. it sucks out there. it truly incredibly sucks out there.

the problem is that sometimes he is married to lestat, who starts clawing at the walls if people aren't paying attention to him for 12 consecutive seconds, and being Out Of The House is the best place for him to go foraging for People To Pay Attention To Him. my man once had a rock star career the way that some people get addicted to meth brewed in a trashcan in someone's garage. Louis, through no fault of his own, is simply not capable of filling this psychological need no matter how hard he tries, except he should not even HAVE to try like that, because no one can do it, because Lestat is fucked up and like wasn't hugged enough as a child or something

this imbalance in their relationship is the core source of all their marital problems since day 1: THIS man's idea of a good time is chilling on the sofa in silence and maybe staring contemplatively at the wall for a while, and THIS man starts self-destructing at a truly astonishing rate if no one is making eye contact with him. If you make Louis go outside and socialize with people, he's miserable and sulking and whining about "are we done can we go home". If you make Lestat sit in silence in a chair for five minutes he starts crying and claiming that No One Has Ever Loved Him, Ever, Ever, And No One Understands Him, And He Hates Everyone In This House and He Is Being Actively Neglected And Cruelly Mistreated Right Now And No One Even Bothers To Feel Sorry For Him, This Is BASICALLY Domestic Violence Against Him Personally, If Only Anyone Knew About The Quiet Hidden Tragedies Of An Unhappy Marriage, and then he breaks some furniture and a window and isn't seen again for six weeks and comes back like "you will not believe what just happened, i [checks notes] met Merlin and also a dragon who gave me three wishes, brb i'm going to write another book about it :))))"

all you fucking have to do to fix their problems is to hand Lestat a cellphone and say the words "do you know about social media? you can say whatever shit you want and there's always someone awake in some time zone to talk to you." Suddenly Lestat is now very interested in sitting quietly on the couch, Lounging Alluringly and posting thirst traps on instagram and finally getting emotional fulfillment from all the likes and comments of "omg???? omg this is the hottest man alive". he does not have to leave the house anymore to get his attention meth. His yawning abyss of neediness is being fulfilled by having parasocial relationships with millions of strangers online who all think he's sexy and don't have to experience how fucking awful he is up close. he can flirt pointlessly with 200 people at once which is FINALLY ENOUGH FLIRTATIONS FOR HIM TO SATISFACTORILY JUGGLE

Meanwhile Louis is 3 feet away, vaguely reflecting to himself that HE is feeling all emotionally fulfilled because they're spending this great Quality Time together in perfect silence while he reads his book and Lestat plays on his cellular telephone and only OCCASIONALLY giggles to himself or says "louis which of these photos do you think is sexier, the one with four buttons undone or the one with five buttons undone" Louis is feeling like his Opinion is being Valued, Louis feels like he is being Consulted on Matters that are Important To Lestat. He has opinions about the photographs. It is not that much trouble to be interrupted from staring philosophically at the wall to spend five seconds looking at a photograph and then saying "that one". Finally he is experiencing Cozy Domesticity. he is so horny about it. lestat is surprised and bewildered about the sudden sharp increase in the amount of sex he is now getting but before he can make any vaguely mean comments about it (bc he's confused and vaguely defensive and worried that it's going to stop out of nowhere and he doesn't know any other interpersonal skills for expressing a thought) his phone pings about how he's just broken 5 million followers on instagram and he totally forgets to even mention the sex thing, which means that he continues getting the sex instead of inciting an argument about the sex and going through his 800th divorce from Louis

all their friends are extremely confused when a whole month, and then six months, and then a year goes by without another Loud Divorce happening and no one crashing through their front door like "I HAVE TO SLEEP IN YOUR GUEST COFFIN FOR THE NEXT MONTH, HE IS INTOLERABLE". They are worried. they are concerned. what is going on over there. are they both dead. no, they can't both be dead, Lestat just posted another tiktok of him sucking on his own fingers, which he would not be doing if Louis were dead. there is an ecosystem collapse happening in the groupchat and it's because the main Drama Vectors have been neutralized

all goofing aside I genuinely don't understand the urge to reimagine Taylor Allison Swift as a secretly queer icon when the pop music scene(TM) is like. literally overflowing with women who actually like women. Gaga and Kesha and Miley and Halsey are right there. Rina Sawayama and Hayley Kiyoko and Rebecca Black and Kehlani and Victoria Monét and Miya Folick if you're willing to get slightly less top 100. Janelle and Demi for them nonbinary takes on liking girls. like what are we doing here. like I'm not even saying you can't enjoy Taylor but why would you hang all your little gay hopes on her.

Isn’t Lady Gaga bisexual?

yes that is indeed why she's on the list of famous women who like women

why have multiple people reblogged this with some horse-assed "um actually most of these people are bi or pan" did I fucking stutter I said they like girls. what is your point. I'm going to kill you.

#op probably has this post muted but the icon is too real.

the icon is because of this post

POV: you make a good post and then encounter tumblr reading comprehension

btw to just clarify for anyone who sees this reblog of this post

op is basically saying something along the lines of "yea ik taylor swift is bi but like. why is she y'all's only lgbtq+ pop icon when there are all these other lgbtq+ people in the pop scene???"

i might have worded this badly but hopefully i got the main point across

hi op here I certainly did not fucking say Taylor Swift is bi

Op is saying that liking Taylor for being QUEER or Lgbtqia+ is not a bad thing, but to also know she is not the only one.

He did not call anyone in the original post lesbian bi or pan.

He did call two people NB

you have to be fucking with me there's no way

#Op you gonna have to make a graph

on it:

#I think it’s so funny I got that damn Taylor swift ad underneath this#anyways this is reminding me of that makeup post from way back when#where someone was saying no makeup is a valid way to wear your face and everyone kept insisting that you only need like….4 products

yeah that was also my post

A cassandra for the modern age; doomed to be misunderstood on the internet

Scratch: *bounding up to Astarion with a ball in his mouth*

Astarion: *crossing his arms* No!

Wyll: *calling over from his tent* Don’t be so cruel, Astarion! Play fetch with him!

Astarion: You play fetch with him!

Scratch: *drops ball at Wyll’s feet*

Wyll: *throws ball at Astarion* Fetch, Scratch!

Scratch: *charges at Astarion, knocking him over*

Astarion: AGH! You prick! *getting his face licked* Get this thing off of me!

Wyll: *smirking* Good boy, Scratch!

.

I love seeing people call whatever is going on between Astarion and Gale as "toxic old man yaoi."

Because if you told them about it, Gale would look sad and say, "Toxic is a bit of a strong word. Everyone in this group has their own issues and-"

Meanwhile, the 200+ year old vampire shaking with rage behind him would shriek, "OLD?!?!?!"

Everytime you make a nasty decision

It’s bound to happen, and you know it.

people get so confused trying to figure out the Lois/Clark/Superman situation that somehow they come to the conclusion that Clark is cheating on Lois with Superman

I mean Lois clearly has nothing to hide, everyone from here to Krypton’s seen Superman fly her with a chaste hand around her waist. but Clark puts an awful lot of effort into making sure no one ever gets a pic of him and Superman together

what is he worried Lois will see

people shake their heads sadly every time Superman visits the Daily Planet and then Clark emerges from a closet disheveled and tucking his shirt back into his pants. but if Lois won’t see it there’s nothing they can do

When Lois finds out she thinks it’s hilarious, and when someone finally tries to ‘break it to her’, she’s all ready. 

“Oh, I know.”

“You… know?”

“Neither of them would ever lie to me.” 

“So… *gears frantically spinning* this is like some kind of threesome thing?” 

“Oh! No, no, no, absolutely not. *Lois pauses and grins the most lascivious grin she can produce* I just… watch.” 

Clark gets a lot of very weird looks that day that he can’t understand at all. 

@elidyce​ no, no, no. don’t hide a shit-stirring bruce and chaotic lois in the tags. this is an important addition, too. just gives that final touch that’s dearly needed to really complete this, y’know?

or personal injury lawyers...

Hmm

This is getting lots of notes, so guess what

That's it. I'm about to die of laughter and the reason why i have troubles breathing at the moment is called blunthead tree snake. Look at him. Just look at this unbelievable joke of a reptile world!

Look at those eyes. I swear, that noodle has eyes bigger than combined size of brains of it's whole family. Eyes.

Eyes!

EYES!!!

But that's not all. The whole thing looks like one of those 80's cartoons where Tom got squeezed through sewer or pasta maker and became a wiggly shoelace. I mean.. damn

Snek

You o'rite?

Hey mate

I have some live mice pinkies if you are hungry

I'm laughing so much!!! 😂🤣🤣 Honestly, this is what the ultimate winner of Snake game looks like irl. This is some serious pootoo/chicken from Moana energy right here!!!

He LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG

Did someone lose their shoelace?

i drew that like a month ago

how i played dishonored

Ingenious.

“wrong timing” assignment turns into a bunch of fish walking funny

There is no such thing as wrong timing when its time for walking fish.

THIS IS MY FAVORITE THING

this could be a very weird demonstration of other ways fish could have evolved legs and began walking

Sith Army Knife

Arguably, this one is even better than the kylo one