@probablylostrightnow / probablylostrightnow.tumblr.com
What’s hilarious to me is that when Melora saw her cleric die and Jester trying to revive him, she probably also saw this punk ass archfey, hyperventilating and having a panic attack in the corner, just whispering to himself “you got this, you can do this, yOU Can Do ThIS” and she just kinda sighed and looked at the camera like she was in the office before coming in to assist
This is absolutely incredible!
if you find bones in the forest, sit a bit and listen. they are old and have some good stories to tell. maybe they’ll teach you a spell or two, or explain where the water on our planet came from.
if you find bones by the ocean, run. don’t look back. run, faster, faster. the sea may love you but there are nights where she knows neither mercy nor science, and the bones warn you only once.
boi if you find bones call the police i hate this website so much
this is a piece of creative writing, in case you couldn’t tell from the fact that real bones don’t usually go hey lil’ mama lemme whisper bony secrets in your ear or warn you of the incoming tides like a calcified weather frog.
Context: this was my campaigns first session. My players job was to escort a caravan to a city way far off. Their party consists of a Gunslinger (Tiefling), a Bladedancer (Tiefling), a Barbarian (I bet you can’t guess what race this one is, they’re a Tiefling), a Bard (Dragonborn), a Wizard (Elf), and a druid (Catfolk and everyone favorite furry)
Their characters have settled down for a rest halfway through the journey, and are prompty attacked by bandits. And about halfway through the battle The bladedancer is up against a bandit that is basically on ythe edge of death bloodied.
Bladedancer: i’d like to use vicious mockery
DM: Okay, how about- actually first tell me what you say
Bladedancer: I say… I say ’Leather is sooooo last season’
DM: *laughing* okay roll to hit
Bladedancer: that’s a success and it’s- one point of psychic damage.
DM: The bandit looks at you, he looks down at his armor. Then he gives up and turns his crossbow around and shoots himself in the stomach.
DM: And on that note, you have now officially fashion shamed a bandit to death
*flashback to me trying to play with the bear outside the house
All I could think of was this
Priceless.
“individual utilized the racoon to blow into the interlock system successfully…” might be the greatest sentence ive ever read
@pineland-express
this is my favorite reddit thread of the day and i want to share it with you all
Our Wizard, who runs on charisma, approaching a Goblin King and rolling high bluff: “You remind me of the babe.”
Goblin King, played by DM, rolling low perception: “… what babe?”
Wizard, again rolling high bluff: “the babe with the power.”
Goblin King: “… what power?”
Wizard, not rolling so high: “the power of … voodoo?”
Goblin King, finally rolling a high perception: “no such thing. KILL THEM.”
The Raven
There once was a girl named Lenore And a bird and a bust and a door And a guy with depression And a whole lot of questions And the bird always says “Nevermore.”
Footprints in the Sand There was a man who, at low tide Would walk with the Lord by his side Jesus said “Now look back; You’ll see one set of tracks. That’s when you got a piggy-back ride.”
Response to ‘This Is Just To Say’ This note on the fridge is to say That those ripe plums that you put away Well, I ate them last night They tasted all right Plus I slept with your sister. M’kay?
Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening There once was a horse-riding chap Who took a trip in a cold snap He stopped in the snow But he soon had to go: He was miles away from a nap.
Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night There was an old father of Dylan Who was seriously, mortally illin’ “I want,” Dylan said “You to bitch till you’re dead. “I’ll be pissed if you kick it while chillin’.”
I Wandered Lonely As a Cloud There once was a poet named Will Who tramped his way over a hill And was speechless for hours Over some stupid flowers This was years before TV, but still.
THE ONE FOR DO NOT GO GENTLE IM CRYING
A chap from a faraway land Said two big stone legs (topless) stand An inscription fine Reads “this shit’s all mine” But all there’s to see is the sand.
OMFG,
The Second Coming
The falcon flies wider in scorn All things fall apart, or are torn And now, what rough beast Will arise in the East And slouch Bethlehemward to be born?
Edgar Allen Poe, “The Raven”: Enthroned on the bust by the door, The raven exclaims “Nevermore!” It’s rather annoying, For I was enjoying My mourning for dear lost Lenore. Edgar Allen Poe, “The Bells”: Bells are quite noisy, it’s true, And each has a quite distinct hue, From silver and gold Different stories are told, Foretelling both glory and rue. W. H. Auden, “Funeral Blues”: Shut off the clocks and the phone, And let no dog bark with his bone: Let the planes overhead Only say “he is dead”… Now I’m sorry, there’s nobody home. T. S. Eliot, “The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock”: A man can walk down on the beach Roll his pants up and munch on a peach; He isn’t deluded And won’t be included By mermaids that sing each to each. T.S. Eliot, “The Wasteland”: You called me the hyacinth girl When you gave sweet Shakespeare a whirl; The city’s unreal, And the dead men don’t feel, So let’s let the storm warnings twirl. Lewis Carroll, “The Jabberwock”: ‘Twas mimsy out there by the wabe And all of the momewraths out grabe. The Jabberwock’s dead (Some kid took off its head, And his father said “You’re my best babe!”). Beowulf: Terribly troubled, the Thane Demanded defense from a Dane For fierce in the fen Mighty monsters maimed men Great Grendal gave plenty of pain. William Butler Yeats, “Stolen Child”: Come on, human kid, and let’s go, There’s so much to see and to show. Run off with the fae, Hurry fast, skip away, And you’ll never a mortal life know! John Keats, ‘La Belle Dame Sans Merci": The sedge is all dry; spring has sped, And the birds that once sang have all fled. The merciless dame Goes on making her claim To young hunks who keep winding up dead. Lord Tennyson, “The Princess”: The echoes keep fading away With the splendor that ebbs with the day, But the castle is grand In this bright fairyland, And there’s not that much else I can say. Christina Rossetti, “Goblin Market”: At goblin men we mustn’t stare, And we shouldn’t go to their Fair. Their fruit may seem tasty, But we can’t be hasty, And don’t let them play with your hair!
Oh my god, the Beowulf one. Oh.
holy shit, the merciless dame is perfect
I love the jabberwock!
Shakespeare, Sonnet 18
Have I called you a summer’s day yet?
Like the sun, and ur makin me sweat
Even Death is dismayed
Cuz you castin’ no shade
An I wrote this so peeps won’t forget
I’m in awe.
I’m TAing an intro to proofs and set theory class, and the instructor just sent this kids’ book about infinity out to the class. It’s pure MS Paint Lovecraftian nighmare fuel: https://www.math.brown.edu/~res/farm.pdf
what the absolute fuck
holy shit
*opens mouth*
*closest mouth*
*frowns*
I feel like this is answers to questions I never wanted to ask.
I don’t want to go to the infinite farm. I’m scared of the infinite farm.
I thought “pure MS Paint Lovecraftian nightmare fuel” was an exaggeration but if anything it’s understatement
whel'p, I am officially insane
Though everyone read ‘The Infinite Farm’ in elementary school.
I mean, my version was a coloring book, but still. It’s a classic.
I’m staring into the abyss and I love it
Pardon me, are you Aaron Burr, sir?
the oompa loompas are a greek chorus
First of all, I hate this so much. Second of all, imagine if the two switched places. (Veruca falls into the trash chute) Chorus: Pray thou no more; for mortals have no escape from destined woe. Wisdom is the supreme part of happiness; and reverence towards the gods must be inviolate. Great words of prideful men are ever punished with great blows… (Oedipus stabs his eyes out) Oompa Loompas: Oompa loompa doopity do I’ve got another riddle for you What do you get when you sleep with your mum? A curse on your kids for decades to come~
Someone edited R.E.M.’s “Losing My Religion” to be in major instead of minor and it is absurd.
That’s me in the corner :D That’s me in the spot :D light :D
Losing my religion XDDD
the funniest thing about this is it just sounds like every other r.e.m song that isn’t losing my religion
Last Week Tonight s02e19
For a network that’s made a legacy of fucking themselves, you’d think they’d be able to recognize dildos and plugs.
