Possible trigger warning ~ alcoholism, mentions of suicide
Also sorry if this post is all over the place my mind is racing and Im feeling a lot of emotions right now.
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Struggling with an alcoholic mother. I live at home still and I deal with my mothers alcoholism my whole life. It has gotten worse within the last year. She says things and doesn’t remember when she is sober she will share her trauma with me, SA, and others. Then over analyzing things. Tonight its about “how do I know these are my real friends,” like going into detail on things that I really dont want to know or shouldn’t know. I really just dont know how to deal with it anymore. Im scared Im gonna lose her because when she gets really drunk she tries to kill herself. Some nights like tonight I get scared to go to sleep because I dont want to wake up without a mother. ITs to the point where it is seriously affecting my mental health. Im struggling a lot right now with my downward spiral. Im crashing hard from my mania. I dont really want to do anything. Im irritable and Im honestly ready to check myself into a psychiatric unit because I can feel myself getting to that point. And its scary because the last time my mental health was this bad was in 2020. I just feel lost I guess. Last time I went my mom made me feel bad about it because I had been there once before and I shouldnt have to go again. So IM really just a mental mess and Im trying to figure out how to cope with my moms alcoholism and managing my own trauma and depression.