5 minutess until I have been 5 months clean

LESS THEN 24 HOURS TILL IM 5 MONTHS CLEAN FROM SELF HARM

2 days till Im 5 months clean from self harm!!!!!!

7 days till I’m 5 months clean from self harm

This - I just had a bad mental break down. And I wanted to harm myself. I felt anxious, scared, overwhelmed, panicked, out of control, wishing I was back in the psych unit wanting to cut myself. I knew I had to reach out or my 4 months being self harm free will have been drown the train. Whoever Sai is - I wish I could thank them because they truly saved me from not harming myself tonight. I still feel panic and anxiety, but I feel better now that I was able to talk to someone.

Hello Anxiety my old friend

For all legal reasons this is a joke

5/7/20

I didnt harm myself today. Two days in a row. Im proud of myself. My leg burns like hell. Its hard to sleep sometimes because I keep rolling on the cuts. Some are deep some are shallow. I clean them everyday so they dont get infected. I feel disappointed in myself though. I ordered blades online anx they are supposed to be here tomorrow so I can have clean blades when I harm. I hope I dont have to harm. I hope I can cope and not harm. @themadivlog on tik tok and instagram has helped me through, helping give me a purpose. Im happy that Im getting a new twilight book. My head is fighting back and forth between happy sad and wanting to die. We went “out to eat” tonight. When I mean “out to eat” I mean we went to pick up food from a fancy restraunt and ate in the comfort of our home. But now I feel extremely sick. My stomach hurts And I feel like Im absolutely going to explode. Im gonna go to bed. Goodnight.

Trigger warning

5 years ago today I survived my very first suicide attempt. This followed by many others. I went to the hospital on August 22nd 2014 so I could get help but the hospital said they thought I was fine and didnt need help. I went to a different one on August 23rd 2015 and I was admitted. I was there for 10 days. Since then till this day I have had troubles with cutting, depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder, hallucinations, voices, panic disorders and more. It took years and years with medications. I took medications that made me gain 50 lbs in a month. Ive taken handfull of medications, Ive refused to take medications, hell Ive even hid medications. Finally Im on a set where I feel like Im stable. Im 2 weeks clean from cutting. Looking back at 5 years ago I never thought Id be here today. Id though I’d be dead.

Honestly I don’t give a fuck. Im gonna ligit just eat until I explode