Life happened and I stopped reading, stopped writing, stopped creating...

Starting the 52 Book Club Reading Challenge has really encouraged me to get on with my TBR pile and read some books that were gifted that I didn't think would interest me. I knew that it was unlikely that I'd read 52 books. I set a challenge of 30 books at the beginning of the year. I've only managed 15 so far. And that is okay.

I have started to read fanfics again. I'm not on here as much as I used to be but I'm trying to get through the bookmarked fics and share them.

I have started to write again. My imagination has been sparked and I've written little pieces, all incomplete but it's a little moment that I've enjoyed. I don't know when or if I'll share my writing on here again, maybe one day but not right now.

I have started to create and share my content over on my graphics blog again @firefly-graphics - it's only been when I've felt inspired, and when I have time. But those moments have been a joy for me too.

Life happens, but you can get back to what you love. Even if it's just not how it used to be.

I’ve missed you 💜

Glad to see you dipping your toe back in 💋

It’s been a tough few months. Work life and life in general. My previous boss passed away. He was my current boss, let’s call her S, life partner.

M was the boss for 7 years before he retired and S took over. We’re a small team, for 2 years it was the 3 of us and then for 3 years it was just S and I. We are more than colleagues, we socialise and S is someone I would call for help if I ever needed it. We’re friends, extended family.

M became ill in May, ecoli pneumonia, then a serious head wound (hospitals fault), then a chest infection and though he’s been fighting since May his body gave up early hours of this morning.

I cried hard when S called me to tell me news. I wept for a long time. I wept more when I went to see her. But now I’m alone at home and I’m at a loss as to what to do with myself. I’ve done my laundry, I’ve showered but now I’m just sat on the couch listening to the rain.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I’m guess I’m just discombobulated 😕 and needed to get it out there.

Update: when I saw S yesterday we were only able to hold each other, no words spoken. It was too much.

Today I’ve been to see her again and have some more news. M knew it was his time, on Friday he called his 94 year old mom (who has dementia but remembered him in the moment ❤️‍🩹) . He called his brothers and sisters who are far away. He made sure his daughters were on their way. He refused pain relief as he didn’t want to be sleepy, when everyone was there he made them all dance, no one was allowed to cry.

He said he was sorry he couldn’t fight any more. 😭

His daughter had to fly in, once she had arrived and he was surrounded by those he loved he made them all sing his favourite song Frank Sinatra - My Way. Shortly after he passed away.

I’m going to take comfort in that he got to say his goodbyes, that he went out on his terms, he didn’t want to be reduced to life support and leaving the decision to S. He was an amazing man, selfless and brilliant, funny and kind, intelligent and silly. I will miss him but he really did life his way and that is something to celebrate. ❤️‍🩹

I saw S again last night and she is not doing well.

She said she doesn't know how to get up in the morning. She forgets for a moment and goes to call out and ask him a question. She said she feels guilty and she doesn't understand how she's supposed to be normal or come back to work. I told her she doesn't need to think about any of that.

Understandably she's lost, she doesn't know what to do with herself. Organizing the funeral is occupying her time at the moment but once that's over, this coming Friday, she'll be even more lost. S is a strong woman, independent, always full of life, living life to the fullest, travelling and it's so hard to see her so broken and hopeless.

It was the funeral on Friday. It was a beautiful service, M’s daughters, S and S’s brother all made wonderfully brave speeches.

My parents came with me for support, they’d only met M a few times but after they both said they feel like they’ve known him their whole lives.

He truly was an amazing man, there were 100+ people, friends and colleagues, people flew in from Hong Kong, Australia and America. M was truly loved and respected by everyone he crossed paths with.

The wake did not feel like a wake, we swapped stories, drank his favourite drinks (Johnny Walker and Long Island Ice Tea’s), ate his favourite foods (chocolate and ice cream), we danced and sang. We celebrated him, all he achieved and the love we all feel for him. ❤️ I only wish we’d done it while he was around to join us in more than just spirit.

I don’t feel like it was goodbye, it was a see you later. But it’s extremely painful to think he’s not around to talk to. 😢

All that being said, please tell the special people in your life that you love them while you can, call your friends, send them a text, parents, siblings whoever you cherish, TELL THEM. 💜

It’s been a tough few months. Work life and life in general. My previous boss passed away. He was my current boss, let’s call her S, life partner.

M was the boss for 7 years before he retired and S took over. We’re a small team, for 2 years it was the 3 of us and then for 3 years it was just S and I. We are more than colleagues, we socialise and S is someone I would call for help if I ever needed it. We’re friends, extended family.

M became ill in May, ecoli pneumonia, then a serious head wound (hospitals fault), then a chest infection and though he’s been fighting since May his body gave up early hours of this morning.

I cried hard when S called me to tell me news. I wept for a long time. I wept more when I went to see her. But now I’m alone at home and I’m at a loss as to what to do with myself. I’ve done my laundry, I’ve showered but now I’m just sat on the couch listening to the rain.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I’m guess I’m just discombobulated 😕 and needed to get it out there.

Update: when I saw S yesterday we were only able to hold each other, no words spoken. It was too much.

Today I’ve been to see her again and have some more news. M knew it was his time, on Friday he called his 94 year old mom (who has dementia but remembered him in the moment ❤️‍🩹) . He called his brothers and sisters who are far away. He made sure his daughters were on their way. He refused pain relief as he didn’t want to be sleepy, when everyone was there he made them all dance, no one was allowed to cry.

He said he was sorry he couldn’t fight any more. 😭

His daughter had to fly in, once she had arrived and he was surrounded by those he loved he made them all sing his favourite song Frank Sinatra - My Way. Shortly after he passed away.

I’m going to take comfort in that he got to say his goodbyes, that he went out on his terms, he didn’t want to be reduced to life support and leaving the decision to S. He was an amazing man, selfless and brilliant, funny and kind, intelligent and silly. I will miss him but he really did life his way and that is something to celebrate. ❤️‍🩹

I saw S again last night and she is not doing well.

She said she doesn't know how to get up in the morning. She forgets for a moment and goes to call out and ask him a question. She said she feels guilty and she doesn't understand how she's supposed to be normal or come back to work. I told her she doesn't need to think about any of that.

Understandably she's lost, she doesn't know what to do with herself. Organizing the funeral is occupying her time at the moment but once that's over, this coming Friday, she'll be even more lost. S is a strong woman, independent, always full of life, living life to the fullest, travelling and it's so hard to see her so broken and hopeless.

It’s been a tough few months. Work life and life in general. My previous boss passed away. He was my current boss, let’s call her S, life partner.

M was the boss for 7 years before he retired and S took over. We’re a small team, for 2 years it was the 3 of us and then for 3 years it was just S and I. We are more than colleagues, we socialise and S is someone I would call for help if I ever needed it. We’re friends, extended family.

M became ill in May, ecoli pneumonia, then a serious head wound (hospitals fault), then a chest infection and though he’s been fighting since May his body gave up early hours of this morning.

I cried hard when S called me to tell me news. I wept for a long time. I wept more when I went to see her. But now I’m alone at home and I’m at a loss as to what to do with myself. I’ve done my laundry, I’ve showered but now I’m just sat on the couch listening to the rain.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I’m guess I’m just discombobulated 😕 and needed to get it out there.

Update: when I saw S yesterday we were only able to hold each other, no words spoken. It was too much.

Today I’ve been to see her again and have some more news. M knew it was his time, on Friday he called his 94 year old mom (who has dementia but remembered him in the moment ❤️‍🩹) . He called his brothers and sisters who are far away. He made sure his daughters were on their way. He refused pain relief as he didn’t want to be sleepy, when everyone was there he made them all dance, no one was allowed to cry.

He said he was sorry he couldn’t fight any more. 😭

His daughter had to fly in, once she had arrived and he was surrounded by those he loved he made them all sing his favourite song Frank Sinatra - My Way. Shortly after he passed away.

I’m going to take comfort in that he got to say his goodbyes, that he went out on his terms, he didn’t want to be reduced to life support and leaving the decision to S. He was an amazing man, selfless and brilliant, funny and kind, intelligent and silly. I will miss him but he really did life his way and that is something to celebrate. ❤️‍🩹

Life Update...

So November has been absolutely devasting for me. I'll put details under the cut as didn't want to trigger anyone.

I wanted to let my friends know (the ones who don't already) that I've lost focus on life, I can't concentrate, all I want to do is sleep. Time has kinda lost its meaning and I don't know what I've replied to and what I haven't. I apologise but please know I'm not ignoring you. BUUUUUUT please don't stop tagging me in stuff; games, photos of hot men/women, cute fluffy animals, fics etc. Its a nice distraction to receive the notifications and when I have the energy to reblog/reply.

TW: DEATH

An update…

So the coroner is sending my Grandad’s case to an inquest as result of autopsy are inconclusive. It could take months.

However, they have released his body and we are able to have his funeral on Friday (15th December).

I need to pack but it’s to fucking hot to move 😥

I’m sat still and I’m sweating. Moving is not an option. But packing 🧳 needs to be done 😢

I am so over this heat, dude. My ideal summer doesn't go above 21c 🤣

@kittenofdoomage thank you for saying it too 😂 I’d even go as high as 20. That’s comfortable, that’s enough, unless I have a pool I can dive in!! 🏊‍♀️

We're in an old Victorian terrace, designed to keep the heat in, so it's like living in a hotbox rn I'm so ready for autumn!

Hope you can get your packing done though, maybe leave it until dark when it's slightly (not fucking much 🤣) cooler lol

I see your 20c and raise you 18c as an ideal temperature because ANYTHING OVER THAT MAKES ME SWEAT AND CRY. Please send help.

@kittenofdoomage OMG I’m so sorry. That sucks. 😢 it’s cooled a bit here and is raining so hopefully heads your way.

Packing is done - I did it in 10 minute intervals with a 20 minute breaks in between. 😂 

@racoon-eyed-rebel 18 sounds perfect too 😘

I need to pack but it’s to fucking hot to move 😥

I’m sat still and I’m sweating. Moving is not an option. But packing 🧳 needs to be done 😢

I am so over this heat, dude. My ideal summer doesn't go above 21c 🤣

@kittenofdoomage thank you for saying it too 😂 I’d even go as high as 20. That’s comfortable, that’s enough, unless I have a pool I can dive in!! 🏊‍♀️