Alright, I need to have a chat with the teenagers that follow me, specifically regarding lying about your age and nsfw content. This isn’t directed at anyone, but I think it’s a convo that needs to be had in general.
I was a teenager once. I get it. Everyone lies about their age online. Maybe not to other people, but I’m sure every minor has clicked a ‘yeah, sure, I’m 18+” button at some point in their lives. I’m not here to shame you for that.
What I am here to say is it is vital that teenagers understand the difference between engaging in sexual content independently (ie, entering a fake birthday to access 18+ content), and lying about your age to engage in sexual activities with others online (joining discord servers/using nsfw channels intended for adults only/lying about your age to talk to nsfw content creators/commissioning nsfw art/etc).
Lying about your age to a website so you can look at porn is one thing. It’s an entirely independent experience, where the only consent that really matters is yours. Nobody has any power over you in this situation, and there’s about no chance of legal consequences.
However, lying about your age to other human beings is extremely different. If you’re engaging in nsfw roleplay with a friend about the same age as you, talking about sex with other teenagers, sharing nsfw fics among friends, that’s one thing. But do not lie about your age to engage in sexual activities/discussions. Not only is something that could have actual legal ramifications, and very serious ones depending on what’ going on, but it’s a violation of the other people’s consent. The moment other real people are involved, you need to be respectful of their boundaries & what is and isn’t appropriate for you to be engaging with. If they say no minors, I don’t care if you’re 17.5, you stay out until you are 18 years old.
Examples of situations where it is never okay to lie or mislead anyone about your age online include:
- Joining/accessing nsfw channels or servers on discord.
- Yes, I know it’s very easy to just click that little red button on discord that lets you access the channel you’re so curious about. It looks just like the one you see on adult websites that you click without thinking.
- Don’t do it.
- If channels are 18+ then you stay out of them. There are other real life human beings involved who did not give consent to have a minor in an adult orientated space.
- Engaging with nsfw creators/content directly
- ie, commissioning nsfw artwork, following or talking to nsfw creators who’ve asked for no interactions from minors/flagged their accounts as 18+ only, subscribing to nsfw creators on patron, nsfw roleplay, etc.
- Joining/engaging with adult only communities, like Fetlife or cam sites.
- Engaging in romantic and/or sexual online relationships
- Any time you are talking with one or more other real human beings, particularly any adults, in a sexual context.
I know that adult websites have basically trained teenagers to just say they’re 18 and move on, but it is vital that teenagers understand that it is never okay to lie about your age when directly engaging in any kind of sexual activity. Knowing people’s age is a vital part of consent, and if an adult is found to have been engaging in sexual activity with a minor, they could face life long legal consequences. Not only that, but a basic facet of consent is clear, honest communication. If you are lying to a partner, then you do not have consent. Lying about your age is a huge violation of consent.
That’s not to say you can never mention sex around adults online. There are times and places where you may be asking for advice, or even just making jokes about sex or whatever. That’s all well and good, so long as everyone is on the same page. It’s on adults to make sure that we are behaving appropriately around minors online, and make sure that we’re setting boundaries in those relationships. But it’s on minors to communicate that they are minors, and respect those boundaries that are set.
So, tl;dr,
Lying about your age to access a porn site is fine. Lying about your age to engage in sexual situations/adult-only spaces where other real human beings are involved is not.
I remember being at a con ages ago and witnessing a minor and her friend DEMANDING access to 18+ material in the Artist Gallery, saying that she’d seen much worse on the internet so the artists were being both unfair AND stupid not letting her view it. They said you’re right, we can’t prevent you from looking at smut on the internet, so feel free to go back to your room and do that
I think that anecdote perfectly demonstrates the point of disconnect:
The 2 teens demanded to see the nsfw material on the grounds that they’d seen worse, they could handle it.
Teenagers who do these things think that “don’t lie about your age” is about their protection. And they object bc they feel that they are perfectly safe doing it.
But it’s not about them. It’s about the people they are lying to.
