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Summary: Steve’s discovery of Google and a late night search highlights the possibility of him having an eidetic memory - mental images having unusual vividness and detail, as if actually visible. Not long after his discovery, the vivid image of Olivia in his mind no longer matches the woman in front of him; her smile no longer reaches her eyes and he wants to help in whatever way he can.
Warnings: talk of depression, feelings of depression, angst, comfort (I hope), language.
W/C: 1.9k
Challenge: @pinknerdpanda ‘s ‘Manda’s Quick & Dirty Birthday Challenge’. #MandaBirthdayChallenge. Prompt: Fake Happy - Paramore - lyrics used are bolded.
Notes: This Post also helped with inspiration for this fic. @firefly-in-darkness made the dividers and helped me with the summary too.
A/N: I’ve fallen into a dark depression; it’s been a long while since I’ve felt like this and I wanted to write something to get my thoughts and feelings out. I tried to write a comfort fic but not sure it worked out that way. The feelings/thoughts expressed are my own and how my depression affects me and those around me.
Characters: Steve Rogers, OFC (Olivia).
Pairing: None. Platonic relationship.
Betas: @slytherkins / @petitgateau911 / @firefly-in-darkness // All mistakes are my own.
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Steve Rogers hadn’t been Captain America for very long before he crashed into the ice. The one person, Dr. Abraham Erskine, who could educate him on his new abilities and limitations had been killed before he could pass on any of his knowledge or theories. Howard Stark had done the best he could, but it was basically trial and error to truly understand the effects of the serum. Steve had, essentially, become a science experiment to monitor and test.
After he’d been defrosted, the world had changed so much that he was thankful they no longer wanted to test his abilities. They left him to his own devices and used him as muscle when they needed it. But the internet meant he had an abundance of knowledge and answers at his fingertips that he’d never had before. After a fourth consecutive night of vivid nightmares that left him weary, guilt-ridden, and exhausted, he self-diagnosed himself as having an eidetic memory.
When he read the explanation on Google, it made perfect sense to him. Eidetic memory: relating to or denoting mental images having unusual vividness and detail, as if actually visible.
Oh my sweet sweet Stacey. This was absolutely beautiful. I hate that you’re going through all the feelings (or lack thereof) you so eloquently described here. But I also feel like you reached inside my brain and perfectly described how I’ve been feeling lately. I know you questioned whether this was a comfort fic or not but that in and of itself is a comfort to me. Feeling seen and knowing I’m not alone. I’m thankful for you and knowing that we have each other to lean on when things go dark. I’ll be your Cap-Sized weighted blanket if you’ll be mine. 😘
Also this line completely blew me away:
He realized she’d been doing a good job of making them think she was alright. But she blinked, and it unhooked the smile from her mouth.
Thank you for writing this for my birthday challenge. Your talent knows no bounds even if you question it from time to time. I love you babe.
Comments Reblog.
Thank you honey. I love you too. 😘 one of the things keeping me going is knowing I’ll be able to give you a big fat hug next year 💜 ✈️
