Levi, every time there's a new cadet:

Jean: Babe, I don't know how to say this...

Y/n: **grabs him suddenly, brandishing a knife at everyone** Who hurt you?!

Jean: **being squished by your hold** N-no one. We're out of cookies...babe, why do you have a knife?

Y/n: Don't ask questions Jean.

Jean: Okay.

Wild Kingdom

Content: 700 words of silly drabble about what not to watch.

It's a relaxing Saturday afternoon. Chores are done, meal planning might come up, but otherwise there's leisure time.

Levi has just gotten out of the shower, towel still around his neck, keeping his wet hair from dampening his shirt.

He goes into the kitchen to get a drink, pouring himself a glass of water.

While downing it be hears a noise. That dreaded sound.

"And now back to Wild Kingdom." He hears from the tv.

Eyes widening, he quickly places the glass on the counter and hurries into the living room.

"What are you watching?" He demands.

"Nothing!" Your voice cracks at realizing you've been caught.

"Turn it off." He insists. You don't need to be watching this. Not again.

"It's almost over!" You say, eyes glued to the tv.

"I said, turn it off." Levi goes for the remote. He can already see the disaster coming.

Every single time you watch this it's the same thing. You get unnaturally obsessed with whatever animal family they are showing, only to be left in tears.

The herd of elephants will have one less member by the end of the episode.

"Now." He adds when you ignore him.

"I want to see what happens!" You whack him with the couch pillow, grabbing the remote.

"You know damn well what's going to happen. The giraffe isn't going to make it." The circle of life wins every time, usually against the baby animal.

"It's a polar bear." You look at him as if you're offended. He doesn't even know what's going on.

"I don't care if it's a Tasmanian devil." He holds his hand out. All of the animals he knows because of how often you watch nature shows. He's sick of it.

You keep a tight hold on the remote as Levi stands over you. But your eyes are already a little misty, as the baby bear has wandered too close to the water where a pod of orcas patrol the oceans.

"I'm telling you right now, if you don't turn this damn thing off in the next thirty seconds, our plans are cancelled for tomorrow." It's his last ditch effort before he either fights you for the remote, or goes to pull the plug out of the wall.

"Levi!" You whine. He knows you've been looking forward to tomorrow.

"20 seconds." Levi counts down. The orcas are circling now.

"How dare you-" You jump up off the couch, glaring at him.

"It's not going to change. 10 seconds." The iceberg is wobbling from all the waves.

The tv goes black as you press the power button, throwing the remote down.

"Ugh! I can't believe you!" You stomp your feet. Why can't you watch what you want for once?

"You're crying over nature that has already happened. Just, stop, watching." It's not that hard, and would save both of you a headache.

"How can you be so insensitive?" You cry, lip quivering.

"Are you done?" Levi says indifferently.

You cross your arms and huff at him, mumbling something under your breath.

"Excuse me?" Levi lifts an eyebrow.

You turn on your heels and head towards the bedroom.

"I said I'm not going tomorrow!" He's ruined your weekend.

"Yes you are!" You'll be over it by then, and Levi isn't letting you miss your plans. He'll drag you out if he has to.

"I'm calling Sasha!" You pull your phone out and start dialing. She'll rant with you.

In a couple hours you'll be back out for nighttime cuddles. You'll kind of apologize for your tantrum, Levi will softly ask if you're okay and pet your hair and offer to get you both dessert while you look at him with doe eyes. All will be well.

For now, Levi rolls his eyes and sits on the couch himself.

"Sasha would've already shot the bear." He mutters.

And just like that, your head pokes out from the bedroom.

"What?" You almost shriek.

"Nothing! Make your phone call." He always forgets about your selective hearing and how it's always used against him.

You slam the door, and Levi tries to figure out how he can block these shows from appearing on the guide.