second-hand smoke

genuinely think all my problems would be solved if I was just a trophy husband. where is my breadwinning wife, I want legos

me and who

the sheer comedy of icarly having an episode where spencer’s having problems dating women while wearing this shirt

TOP STORY TONIGHT

It’s so irritating when a recipe makes presumptions about what equipment you’re working with

Oh, combine the ingredients in my stand-up mixer? Put them in my breadmaker? Why don’t I just mix them together with a jewel-encrusted stirring spoon from atop my enormous, golden cooking throne??

author’s note on fanfic ch6:

just use my name next time

Whoever started the “watching horror movies lowers your vibration therefor you can’t be a spiritual person and enjoy horror movies” bullshit needs to shut up

This is like watching the very tip of an iceberg float past and being glad you can’t see how big it is under the water.

ICONS

This guy got so high he astral projected into April 2020

i hope arab lesbians have a good day!! 

i hope arab bi gals have a good day!! 

i hope arab pan gals have a good day!! 

i hope all arab women loving women have a good day!!!

‘dad bod’ is just ‘bear’ in Straight

Something that will never get old about BuzzFeed Unsolved are those moments where one of them is doing a solo investigation and the other is outside describing what they believe the other one is doing just to cut to the footage of them doing that exact thing.

when hozier said “no grave can hold my body down/ i’ll crawl home to her” we ALL clawed our way out of that cold dark earth and crawled home, shivering and covered in grave dirt, to Her… metaphorically speaking at least

Well I did not expect to be told to smile when I had 2 boxes of tampons, a large box of Midol, and a bag of chocolate in my basket, but I guess some dudes have a death wish.

… holy SHIT. That is peak contender-for-darwin-awards RIGHT THERE.

I was walking home from the hospital after having miscarried my first pregnancy and some dude told me to smile. I swear to god I have never been closer to homicide, and I think it would have been ruled justifiable.

I was weeping quietly on a train, having returned home from a funeral, and the guy sitting opposite me leaned over and told me I shouldn’t be sad and needed to smile more.

I had just learned my grandfather had died, and was heading down in the elevator to call my mom to find out about the arrangements, when an older man told me to smile and then called me a bitch for not responding.

Had to go to the bank after euthanizing our 18 year old cat. Could barely remember my routing number while filling out the deposit form, and an older man told me to smile.

I was walking home from a test I knew I had aced and I was grinning ear to ear, and some guy in the street yelled at me, “What you smiling at, bitch?”

Listen, just gonna say it: men are ABSOLUTELY the worst

illness cancelled my little sister made me honey n lemon tea and if that doesnt cure me then her sheer endearing belief that it’ll work Will

i think when illness cancels a person its called death,